Am I on the way to ruining my life?....... or am I on the way to bliss?

[Kenny202]

Guys how many of us really calculated our move here in careful 10 point steps? We fell in love with some girl and hopefully took careful but in any case risky steps after that. If you are careful and heed all the advice, feel you can support urself here comfortably and are sure of this lady....why should he waste probably the last most active 5 years of his life being careful and wait until he's 60? That was the thing that nagged at me the most that I was wasting my best last years

[coulson]

Spend more time in thailand first and remove the money from the equation to get the real deal. Why start throwing money directly into her dream? If it goes tits up what's in it for you?

If you could go back in time what advice would you have given yourself before your last marriage......I'll bet *take your time* springs to mind.

[devaram]

Yes and no

[williet98248]

First of all, you can't help out in the restaurant legally, Second, there is a small restaurant on every corner and several in between. Since this is a long distance relationship it is highly likely that she has a few other farangs visiting and sending money. Third, because your home life isn't so wonderful the grass really looks green on the other side of the fence. Get your act together before starting another life. The present wife has a claim on your assets. My personal experience is that on my first trip here i met a lovely young girl and decided to send her a few dollars a month as a 'retainer' to guarantee she would be there when I came to visit. My 'old hand' friend advised me that she probably had a few others 'on retainer' as well and , indeed, I discovered the Aussie who was also sending money every month. No problem for me at the time. I have a Thai lady friend who had three farangs sending money and she juggled their visiting times so they didn't conflict. They would visit for a few weeks or a month, give her money and gifts for the kids, leave and the next guy show up. Your girl may be on the square but you should consider any money you give her as gift and not expect anything other than sex and companionship.

[Kenny202]

I'm not sure that it would be "highly likely" a 50 yo woman with a government job would have several sponsors visiting her and sending money regularly particularly if she was living up country? (Where is she living?) Speaking frankly she is well past her used by date in Thailand and many of the over 40s ladies I have met here who are moderately set up with a home and maybe a farm have told me if I know of a farang friend they don't care if he doesn't have money they just want a nice companion. There are many like I said too are focused on the money but not all. Don't forget, at least in the country here there is tremendous status value for them having a farang husband....money or not. I'm quite sure people here think I'm skint because I didn't build a 3 mill baht home and bought a pick up instead of a girly Toyota Corolla....A sedan car apparently a huge status symbol here apart from the fact it wud be completely useless here

[ldnguy]

You're getting a free place to stay, so nothing wrong with investing a little n the business. If it doesn't work out, what have you lost. Follow the advice of others on here and you'll be losing rent every month. It goes without saying that you should be careful, but that's true in any country, not just Thailand. Many small businesses like this don't make much money, but I know quite a few that makes tons of money. The right restaurant in the right place can be a goldmine.

Where is this woman's house? In a busy area? If not, how will you/she attract customers?

Most people (the world over) have some romantic idea of running a restaurant. The reality is that it is usually very hard work. Do you really both want to start what could be a difficult business just as you'r both retiring? There are much easier ways to make money.

[lostoday]

You notice the OP has not come back on line.

[northernjohn]

"Man makes plans....and God laughs".

I make plans but never assume I know their outcome. Just go with the flow and try to be present more than living in the future.... Works for me.

Good advice I general wind up with about the fourth rewrite. As you say in the mean time I am living in the now.

I have no problem with the OP I just hope he is willing to tweak his plans here and there. Some times a lot. It is not like he was walking in with no knowledge. He knows the risks that is why he asked for advice. Unfortunately Thai Visa is not dominated by Thai lovers. There are some but many of them think the worst of Thais.

I personally have only seen one get taken and he was a bit nuts. He lost two homes and no telling what else. all the other foreigners I know here are quite happy with there wife's. I guess I don't hang around the bar's enough.

Edit

I reread the OP in it he says

She is 47 (divorced for many years with a 21year child). She has a stable job in commerce and has her own recently built new home which is not fully paid off.

He does not say she is supporting the son. I can say and it is true my wife has a 31 year old son and a 37 year old daughter. They both have their own families and homes. they do not live with her. The son in Bangkok and the daughter here in Chiang Mai and she often takes her mother places in her truck.

Also she is single and managed to build a new home. That would indicate that she has some thing on the ball.

Edited May 21, 2015 by northernjohn

[Jenny Adara]

Ill be honest with you - the dream is nothing like the reality.
If you are unhappy with your wife, then yes consider leaving her,
As far as hooking up with a Thai goes, you need to learn a whole new book of rules over here my friend.

Number 1, never borrow money or fund any projects a Thai may have, seriously. If they work already and you have retied, why spoil that?
Enjy your free time at home and see your new friend after she finishes work. dont become the gullible sponsor farang.
Thais have money and can survive here, in many cases much better than we can in the West, they certainly dont starve and their idea of work is nothing compared to ours. they have loads of holidays and never break a sweat hardly. So just keep whats mine is mine, and your is yours. And enjoy spending your hard earned cash on what matters. yourself!

[Altalake]

As "Green Job" says, reverse and accelerate.

[realenglish1]

There seems to be a lot of planing but you need to know that you cannot assist your girlfriend or wife with her work at the resaurant unless you also hire at least 2 other thai people on

your payroll This is the rule regarding employment . Whether or not you are just helping your wife or girlfriend and not being paid This is are the rules you need to go by

You cannot just open up a business and have her work with you without said employees regardless

I would get an attorney to help you better plan this whole thing Right now you are a babes in arms and do simply do not know

Don't rely on what she says get professional help

[canarysun]

Hello!

My advice is that after all these years of being in a relationship it is time perhaps to start spending time on your own ( " alone " ) and not go straight into another relationship with " more guns blazing than the outlaw Josey wales " ( a cool movie ) it's time now to enjoy a few years on your own and enjoy life.

Canary Sun ( tweet tweet )

[Docno]

Look, none of us here know anything about you and your Thai woman, so anything that's said is pure speculation. Ultimately, you will of course need to make the decision for yourself (and the people who are judging you should just go back to reading their bibles). But I will mention that a few years ago I had a Thai friend in Singapore ... she owned a Thai restaurant below my condo. The relevance here is that she claimed to have 7 foreign (all German or Austrian) boyfriends. I met three of them. All of them had given her seed money to start her (small) restaurant. One guy gave her equivalent of US$80K and another over US$100K; those are the only figures I heard. But each thought he was the sole (generous) provider. So while your gf may be one of the honest ones--and contrary to what you'll hear here, not all Thai women are conniving, grasping she-devils--do be aware that you may not be the only one to 'set her up' if you choose to do so.

[coulson]

OP - You came to the worst possible place for advice on this I'm afraid!

He didn't come for positive reinforcement, he came for the truth and this is absolutely the best place to get just that

[ldnguy]

Ill be honest with you - the dream is nothing like the reality.

If you are unhappy with your wife, then yes consider leaving her,

As far as hooking up with a Thai goes, you need to learn a whole new book of rules over here my friend.

Number 1, never borrow money or fund any projects a Thai may have, seriously. If they work already and you have retied, why spoil that?

Enjy your free time at home and see your new friend after she finishes work. dont become the gullible sponsor farang.

Thais have money and can survive here, in many cases much better than we can in the West, they certainly dont starve and their idea of work is nothing compared to ours. they have loads of holidays and never break a sweat hardly. So just keep whats mine is mine, and your is yours. And enjoy spending your hard earned cash on what matters. yourself!

I guess you're either a troll or have never been to Thailand. Yes, people do starve here. Many are practically destitute. Ever seen rice farmers work? Obviously not. Never break a sweat? You are a complete joke.

[Benmart]

Relationships, where detailed financial and business discussions take place before wedlock, are reasons for concern, particularly in Thailand.. Adult children in Thailand are known to return to the nest when times are hard or when new "nesting" backers have been acquired.

If I were in the business of providing advice, I would say to keep looking.

But, as they say here, "Up to you". Good luck my friend.

[KuhnPaen]

Being absolutely serious--forget that "food fantasy". You can find another. Dreaming the wrong dream ends up a nightmare. Instead of so dutifully trying to control/plan/anticipate your future with the wrong person/scenario--do everything you are doing now but do it with someone else...or alone.

I, too, was once in your shoes. I got engaged and lived in Sisaket for two years while supporting her and her whole family. In the end her love was as deep as my pockets. Don't make these rookie Thailand mistakes. DO study Thai--I started ten years ago and am pretty fluent now. It will open doors to quality women and relationships with others. DO continue to work and save $ for your future in Thailand .I left and I'm not coming back til I can do it right--so I opened a business in my home town which I hope will afford me a decent future. DO NOT end up broke, homeless, disillusioned, heartbroken, suicidal, and ruined like others before you. Thailand can be shangri la or the ninth circle of Hell--it's all what you make it, and the quicker you dispose of bad ideas the better.

[coulson]

Relationships, where detailed financial and business discussions take place before wedlock, are reasons for concern, particularly in Thailand.. Adult children in Thailand are known to return to the nest when times are hard or when new "nesting" backers have been acquired.

If I were in the business of providing advice, I would say to keep looking.

But, as they say here, "Up to you". Good luck my friend.

Nesting....nicely put.

[SunLover2]

My 2 cents:

Clean up your situation at home. Until that is finalized you do not really know or can accurately project your financial situation. IMO that will likely be more emotionally gut wrenching than you think it will, and take a whole lot longer than you think it will.

Not true,

I moved to Thailand and was divorced in my absence.

No form filling, no correspondence, no trouble.

(no house either)

Sounds like she wanted rid of you more than you wanted rid of her...

SL

[catman20]

I think you are in a rut, fed up with you life in your home country and living this fantasy with this women in Thailand.

sort all your affairs out back home then see what monies you have left then come to Thailand and start a new life, by that time you will of finished with this current lady. take the advise that has been given to you on this forum.

[catman20]

OP - You came to the worst possible place for advice on this I'm afraid!

He didn't come for positive reinforcement, he came for the truth and this is absolutely the best place to get just that

I agree well put !

[quandow]

Dont send or invest more money than you can afford to lose....

I have seen TOO MANY TIMES older guys (I'm one) who liquidated all their assets to invest in their girl's (various business ventures) only to get kicked to the curb a year or two down the road. Add to that, I only know of one successful relationship - to date - but it's rocky at best and it cost him literally MILLIONS of baht.

[Muzarella]

Anyone that is contemplating absentee financial support should tread very cautiously. First off, very few Thai people do any market or location research when developing a business. There are failures all the time due to poor location, competition, offering a product few people want, no ability to advertise, etc. As stated, except in position as perhaps manager, you would not, by Thai law, be allowed to help or cook. If someone complains to immigration, they would be compelled to investigate, and if you seen cleaning an ashtray, you would be in trouble.

Also I would suggest questioning why she is seeking someone via internet. There are many farangs here she could talk to about her desires, and yes, limited Thai for you does not help.

I would agree with the first Ops comment....just run. There are many other women in Thailand, and although I have no experience in it, I have yet to hear of any Thai person leaving a company and getting a termination payout. You are being analytical by asking questions, but you have to separate heart from mind. Look at her proposal from any business perspective, and would you really want to invest? I think not.

Best advice!

I am a low income retired.

Before moving to Thailand, I had a long online connection with a nice and sweet Thai widow that said that she has "independent" children. When finally I met in person, she was living in a small townhouse outside BK with her old mother, and 4 teenagers, 3 of them "independent". Two girls living under protection of married and older lovers, and a son in jail. Another one of he most "desirable" woman I met here, was a mature retired high position Government officer paying her mortgage and her car payments. She was adorable, beautiful and sweet. When we talk about marriage, she said that she already spend her retirement pay out ( that is good when working for the Government ), that she was living with the help of her grown daughter and family, and that an allowance from me of 30000/month will be enough for us to have a good life. Later I met a homeowner, active Government School principal ( most have a good salary an benefits ). Talking about marriage she said that he was looking for a farang to pay her 1.000.000 debt. and her mother health treatments. Later, I met another Government officer, ready to retire with her 18000 retirement income. She was living modestly in a free state small townhouse, close to work, no car. After few months "part time" relationship and talking about getting serious, she shows me a very nice 3 bedrooms house she already bought to pay in 10 years with a 20000/month mortgage payment, that I will have to pay because most of her money goes to her monk son, and his temple. I told her that I will NOT pay for the house...and that I was ready to end our relationship. When I asked how she will pay for the house and living expenses, she said that she was expecting for me to also buy a car, and that she already decided to ask part of her family to move with her.

Those are just 3 examples of very many others I encounter during my 3 years looking for the "right" woman...some very funny.

I was giving up when I found it. I am married now.

Thai women is always about surprises, and most of the times, not very good ones...talking seriously. Having just fun, it is OK.

Business with Thai? .......only if you created, and only if need it in paper to get the work permit. To work?..never!

But...no panic, still some exeptions. Just keep looking...." savai...savai" ...with common sense and good sense of humor.

Edited May 22, 2015 by Muzarella

[MaeJoMTB]

Look, none of us here know anything about you and your Thai woman, so anything that's said is pure speculation. Ultimately, you will of course need to make the decision for yourself (and the people who are judging you should just go back to reading their bibles). But I will mention that a few years ago I had a Thai friend in Singapore ... she owned a Thai restaurant below my condo. The relevance here is that she claimed to have 7 foreign (all German or Austrian) boyfriends. I met three of them. All of them had given her seed money to start her (small) restaurant. One guy gave her equivalent of US$80K and another over US$100K; those are the only figures I heard. But each thought he was the sole (generous) provider. So while your gf may be one of the honest ones--and contrary to what you'll hear here, not all Thai women are conniving, grasping she-devils--do be aware that you may not be the only one to 'set her up' if you choose to do so.

British men in Thailand tend to be motivated by lack of sex in their home country.

Thai women with foreigners tend to be motivated by greed.

I don't think there is much else to know, a lot of blah blah about all being different, but in reality we're nearly all the same.

[kerrysum]

My advice to OP would be to first clean up his life (get the divorce) and then to decide what to do.

If OP wants to move to Thailand, the best thing to do would be to do so independently from any Woman.

Get into a situation where you are free instead of jumping from one captive situation into the next one.

I agree and that would be called freedom.......

[steven100]

OP ... first thing is to sort out your western setup / relationship. Then I would come to Thailand and stay here for some time myself and see first hand what things are really like and what the new lady is really like, not find out of a TV forum as they don't 100% know here. She may be geniune, she may be not.

So what if she was on a pen-pal site ... you were on there also, as are 100's of others. People have met good partners in all situations, a bar, a disco, internet chat, supermarket checkout, cinema, or wherever .. what's it matter where you met her, life goes on and we just move forward and try things, but we tread with caution.

Also, how much money are you talking about putting in ? is it big money ? because if it's only say 300k-500k even 600k or thereabouts it's not like millions. But try to budget or manage that if it goes bad then you can absorb that loss and it's not going to ruin you.

You have two choices here :

you can stay where you are continue as you have for the past 10 years & wonder what you missed out on by not trying.

or you can give it a go and enjoy life more ... but tread with ease and caution ...

Who knows ... you may end up happy for the rest of your life.

[SoiBiker]

British men in Thailand tend to be motivated by lack of sex in their home country.

Speak for yourself.

[greenchair]

Idiot. You have already answered your own question.

You should listen to yourself. ??

[Guest]

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck ... it is a DUCK.

Ignore your mid life crisis

You know the answer.

The answer is "None of this makes any sense and you are desperately trying to rationalize an irrational idea."

[maidee]

another disaster waiting to happen

so you are still married, your paid house in the west could be half at most, specially if a divorce lawyer proves you cheating, house to the ex wife + alimony

thai old girl, with no restaurant experience wanting to start a business... well, if you would try it in your home country, it would be a failure too....

the grass is always greener ...