I am "old" fashion or what?

[BKResort]

Yesterday..again.. I had an argument with my wife about her friends "way" of life.

Most of my wife's girl friends are over 40 years old women, single or married with farangs.

About the single ones, most have Thai or farangs lovers that buys a lot of expensive presents, buy cars, or build houses for them...

The married ones, most with farangs, got a big upgrade in living conditions, with new houses, new cars, travels, etc, etc, and with most is very clear that its are with farang husbands for the money...and getting it, even if they are not so young or beautiful like my wife do.

The bad part of that, is that all her girl friends likes very much to talk openly about the material advantages and benefits they got with her lovers and husbands, and to compare with other women, most of the times making fun or critizing the ones that didn't got much...like my wife.

This kind of friends are now creating problems in our marriage. My wife now like to compare our marriage with the others.... considering those benefits, a total normal ambition and expectation.

In response I told her many times, that in my opinion, is not a difference with a street prostitute selling sex for money, and some of her friends, having many "paying" lovers or getting married for the money. That its have nothing to do with love.

She get very upset, telling me that it is not the same. She said that Thai women expect benefits in a marriage, and men needs to give "benefits" in exchange of having women in bed and taking care of its needs. That if ....farang women give sex and care for free, I need to look for farang woman and not getting married with a Thai. Period.

I have an old fashion thinking? I was spoiled by former farang relationships?...or it is just the Thai women thinking about love?

Edited May 26, 2015 by BKResort

[TP1]

OP, your problem is not that you are old fashion thinking but that you got married.

Now that you've done the mistake, just sit and obey to the wife's moaning, commands and instructions.

A mistake that I did once in my life and I will never repeat again

[Berkshire]

To your question: "I have an old fashion thinking? I was spoiled by former farang relationships?...or it is just the Thai women thinking about love?"

The answer is NO, most Thai women do not think of love in this fashion. There are plenty of Thai women who are with relatively poor Thai guys and they genuinely love these guys. HOWEVER, if you're directing that question towards Thai women with farangs....well, the answer is a little more tricky. Many Thai women are with farangs for the financial benefit. In time, they may or may not fall in love with said guy.

You need to get your wife away from these so-called "friends." But if these friends of hers are her true lifelong friends that she'll never part with, then you're in big trouble my friend.

[NeverSure]

l'll be right back. I need to get some coffee and a lounge chair.

[sanuk711]

I think you first mistake BKresort was having an opinion..............

Women don’t want to hear men’s' opinions, they want to hear their own opinions but in a deeper voice.............

[kwak250]

Luckily my wife hates those types .

They can ruin relationships .

I had an ex g/f who constantly said look how much gold another farangs wife is wearing.

I got her a gold necklace for her birthday then she wanted a Honda Jazz

I was off quicker than a Ferrari .

You realise you have a good one when they are not demanding a new house/Car/ Mr T's gold collection

Edited May 26, 2015 by kwak250

[kingstonkid]

Me personally I do not think you are going to win the fight with her and the problem is not her.

you need to have a guys night and sit these rich, stupid farang down and tell them to smarten up.

They are probably being given the well she got stories and think that that is the way it is.

[recycler]

It sounds like your wife is also with you for the money and that she has the same prostitute mindset as her friends.

In any society there are people who have more than others, if she can't let go of the idea that it's a competition fro who has the most, you may be in serious trouble.

Maybe one day you get lucky when she finds her rich guy and leaves you if you want to wait that long ;-)

[DrDave]

While living in the US, my wife met quite a few married Thai women over the years, and nearly all wanted to know 3 things: How much does your husband make?, How much did your house cost?, and How much does your husband give you each month?.

Fortunately, my wife subscribes to the western "none of your business" attitude when it comes to these things, and quickly distanced herself from these women after blowing off their questions. In her mind, it was much better to have just a couple of good, close, decent female Thai friends, than a horde of materialistic hangers-on. She really handled those situations well.

[bridge2bridge]

TYPICAL Thai women.

HOW MUCH can you give me.

RUN MAN RUN.

I DID.

[Minnehaha]

Not all Thai women are this way.

Most women want some things from a relationship, particularly a marriage.

It is traditional that men provide for the family and the woman cares for the home and family.

In 'more traditional' cultures this is true more often, as much because the culture is traditional and less varied, but equally as much because the women are not as educated and do not have/not see options of their own (for whatever reason).

Being clear about what you want from a partner is a good thing to have in a marriage. Accepting your partner's shortcomings is equally as important.

What do you tell a wife with 2 black eyes?

Nothin' you told her twice already

[MobileContent]

Thanks Buddha my Lassie stays away from those gold diggers. We see them once in a while at a farang meetup inw hich all those farangs bring in their trophies from Pattaya.

[NickJ]

Too bad the Govt cant tax salaries given to these "wives"......solve a lot of money issues.

Its pretty much going to end for the OP. If she is asking questions and comparing the end is near.

[shirtless]

The funny thing is they will all end up exactly where they started , they cant manage money all they can do is spend , you will see them back on ma and pa rice farm in 10 years.

[Shiver]

Everything is a business model. I mean *everything*, even if money isn't the currency in question.

I have an acquaintance whose wife seems okay to me, or did, until we were at another friends house and he'd just finished his swimming pool. Wife response "I want a pool too, but it has to be bigger than theirs". Blink... so to me that says the pool doesn't matter, it's her status in the eyes of the other women, and little to do with their relationship quality. I mean if you have a buddy that has a bigger pool or faster car than you, do you idolise them, secretly hate them, or just crack a couple of beers open and say "she's a beaut mate" and give a nod to their life choices?

I can align with their view in that they aspire to have security, but when that mutates into a very ugly material/ego thing then stop the bus as I want to get off. In that sense I agree with the OP completely (not that it helps, since your or my opinion doesn't matter to them, they just want you to stop being awkward and get 'their' money out of your pocket).

[darkian]

"She get very upset, telling me that it is not the same. She said that Thai women expect benefits in a marriage, and men needs to give "benefits" in exchange of having women in bed and taking care of its needs."

Now see, this is a conversation better to have had before getting married...

[kennypowers]

The fact that the majority of her friends have foreign partners suggests she is part of a friendship circle that deliberately set out to find foreign men. Sadly this is usually because they know that not being in a position to find a well-off Thai guy, this is their one chance at becoming wealthy. This is, from the outset, a bad grounding for a relationship.

One might ask, has your wife always been so impressed by money and material wealth, or has this developed since you married? Surely you would have known beforehand that she is shallow in this regard.

I would simply ask her these questions: is your measure of love determined by material wealth? Is the level of respect and admiration you have for a person determined by material wealth?

Translate these questions into Thai so she fully understands them.

Once you have these answers, the last thing you say is this: I need a wife who will love me and stand by me whether I have a penny left in my pocket or a million pounds in the bank. If you aren't that person, the door is over there.

Sorry to be harsh, but I've had a couple of these material GFs back home, and they never change. They also never become any happier, no matter how much they have.

[n210mp]

Over the years and through meeting new friends we occasionally have to listen to the BS of some Thai females telling everybody that will listen, how big their house is and how much the husband gives them each month.

Of course these ladies dont last long with our group of ladies that have been married to us Foreigners for years, they subsequently find himself not invited to any of the social gatherings ETC. anymore.

Usually I have found it is those ladies who have gained so much from their relationship with a foreigner and are also very immature that like to brag, as though they have some inferiority complex or other about who has what.

It is very sad really that someone who has been brought up in a jungle house/shack with dirt floor and all the trapping of that lifestyle (and there is nothing wrong with those people) could change from being the nicest people on earth into such horrible bigoted snobs

[MaeJoMTB]

I had very similar problems but developed ways to handle it.

1. Move as far away from other foreigners as you can.

2. Avoid situations where you and your partner mix with other Thai ladies and their foreigner partner.

Now,

My wife has her friends, all Thai.

I have my friends, the foreigners she never gets to meet.

All the Thais my wife now knows, have much less income and lifestyle than she does, problem solved.

If the worst comes to the worst, trade her in for a younger Thai wife.

You may be competing with her friends foreigner husbands, let her compete with the younger Thai girls looking for a lifestyle upgrade.

(Doesn't work if you were daft enough to put significant assets in her name)

Edited May 26, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[LINEtoOyvind66]

No you are not old fashion.

Most of the time they lie about the financial situation. Love to make other jealous. If they not happy, other should not be to.

You have to decide if your love is for sale or not.

[Robert24]

I think some Thai women are like this and it is really important to spend some time with your gf to better understand her background with friends and family, true motives etc. Personally I think it will be hard to change your wife. It looks like she thinks along the same lines as her friends, that the only reason she is with you is the money etc. Either you can live with that or things will become a lot more difficult. But I've seen many relationships work in such a way, especially if the wife is more humble and not overly greedy and materialistic. I've seen relationships where both partners say it is not true love but we get on very well together and the wife is clearly with the husband for the money.

But there are many other women out there who have decent jobs, who are looking to find good husbands where it is not only about money and status. But bear in mind even some middle class Thais who have a lot money care about status. They care that you have a good job (i.e. lawyer or doctor) and often prefer Thai husbands over foreigners. So either way make your due dilligence, check what her family or friends think and don't get married very quickly.

[petertucker48]

Look at it from her point of view if you p*** off with a younger sexier model in 5/10 years time she has to be ready with backup pension plan.

It hasn't changed over the last 3000 years.

Just give her the confidence in herself and remind her you are not ' short time' boy !!!!!

Relax !!

[Robert24]

ah one more thing I forgot to mention. If the age difference is big (i.e. 25, 30 yrs +) than it is obvious that one of the key motives will be money/financial status.

[elgordo38]

The funny thing is they will all end up exactly where they started , they cant manage money all they can do is spend , you will see them back on ma and pa rice farm in 10 years.

Sadly your right. I am teaching mine to manage money and she teaches me some things in that regard to. She is a real jewel young by any standards but has a real head on her shoulders stubborn at times but then I can be an old crock at times to. When I snuff it I am showing her what her options are so that the transition goes well. She must move on and I try to help her in planning the future. I keep telling her she has to move up to a richer level after I am gone. She has the land so get some farang to build the house. Put the money I leave her in the bank.

[ttthailand]

If the relationship started with you giving her money expect nothing less than a constant request for more and more. A few guys get lucky but relationships based on money is nothing more than a business deal and employees want raises and bonuses.

I will not let my girlfriend associate with past or present bargirls. My farang friends who have bargirls for gf or wife I only see them by myself. I learned by once bringing my gf to visit a friend and his recent acquired bar friend. He had come on holiday and we got together for some laughs in Pattaya. After a few hours of having fun my gf and I left and my gf said that all my friend's girl talked about was how much money she got from banging guys and that my gf should go work bar.... My gf didn't know what to think as she is not from that kind of background and all her real friends are educated and working or married to Thai guys and have family.

Edited May 26, 2015 by ttthailand

[luk AJ]

I was thinking very hard how to solve OP's problem and at the same time make the wife happy. My suggestion; start to buy her gold, a nice car, build a beautiful house and put it on her name ( don't forget the swimming pool) and give her a monthly allowance of minimum 100.000thb. Hope this could help and wish you success!

[elgordo38]

ah one more thing I forgot to mention. If the age difference is big (i.e. 25, 30 yrs +) than it is obvious that one of the key motives will be money/financial status.

Mine is 51 years difference and well yes its about the money but a reasonable amount monthly no hassles in between or I want a bigger pool. We have a big one at the condo now.

[weegee]

Not all Thai women are this way.

Most women want some things from a relationship, particularly a marriage.

It is traditional that men provide for the family and the woman cares for the home and family.

In 'more traditional' cultures this is true more often, as much because the culture is traditional and less varied, but equally as much because the women are not as educated and do not have/not see options of their own (for whatever reason).

Being clear about what you want from a partner is a good thing to have in a marriage. Accepting your partner's shortcomings is equally as important.

What do you tell a wife with 2 black eyes?

Nothin' you told her twice already

What do you tell a wife with 2 black eyes?

Nothin' you told her twice already ...................... Thats my laugh for the day....Thanks

[ttthailand]

ah one more thing I forgot to mention. If the age difference is big (i.e. 25, 30 yrs +) than it is obvious that one of the key motives will be money/financial status.

Mine is 51 years difference and well yes its about the money but a reasonable amount monthly no hassles in between or I want a bigger pool. We have a big one at the condo now.

Nothing wrong with a business agreement as long as you both know and accept the terms. Live long and enjoy !

[asdecas]

l'll be right back. I need to get some coffee and a lounge chair.

Beat you to it, I brought the camping seat, the primus stove and the portaloo last night.