Child Support in Thailand

[SpudIslander]

I have a son out of wedlock who is going to be 6 years old in the fall. The mother and I have not been together since he was 6 months old. I live in Canada and would travel to Thailand a couple of times per year to visit him. My son was born during my drinking and running around years (it's almost 5 years since I have picked up a drink). The mother (36 years) and me (63 years) The mother was a bar/girl (now supposedly retired) and now living in Phitsanulok. Over the years, she had a German boyfriend who was paying her about 30 or 40,000 baht each month. I was paying her 10,000 per month in child support (voluntarily no legal paperwork). Last year, while visiting my son, she didn't have a boyfriend taking care of her and living conditions were dire. I moved her into a house (a rental) and increased my support to 18,000 baht per month.

Now, I find out that she has found another boyfriend and not disclosing this to me which has really pissed me off. I pay for my son's EMS at school (all I know it supposed to be taught in English but I am not sure), I paid 25,000 baht. I pay for all his clothes, medical and many miscellaneous items.

Bottom line: I cut her back to 10,000 baht per month. Now it has been a while (5years) since I have visited this thought about what is a reasonable child support for Thailand. I am still working and trying to reestablish my life since my drinking years and will most likely be working until I cannot work. My health is good now but time is not on my side. I would also like for my son to be educated here in Canada but I doubt she will let him go. Question: What is a reasonable amount to pay each month for child support?

[MaeJoMTB]

You are being completely taken for a ride.

The 'dire housing' was probably a little game to extract more money from you, they may not have actually lived there.

18,000bht/month is twice the Thai minimum wage, most Thais with a degree won't be earning that much.

Child support for a child in Thailand, awarded by a court is usually 3,000bht/month (outside BK) but may be as high as 6,000bht/month (in Bangkok).

But in this case you aren't considered the father as you weren't married, and haven't been to court to claim paternity.

Medical care is free, provided by the Thai government, and actually quite good quality.

School is free, but there are a few expenses like uniforms, shoes and books, not usually more than 5,000bht/year.

I would pay nothing ......... but you are clearly a generous person, Why not pay court maximum award, 6,000bht/month.

Never put cash in her hand.

You rent a house, you find it and you pay the landlord direct.

You want a private school, you pay the school direct.

Else she will just spend all the money on herself.

Edited June 1, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[Mario2008]

Child support is how much you can spent on your child so he can live in good conditions. As said, it might be wise to pay certain costs directly, such as the school and you have to take into account what the mother can afford. It is a joined responsibility.

[dotpoom]

Hi SpudIslander,

I'm not writing to contribute to the advice given by others Re: Child Support. I am writing to tell you that when I read stories like yours it fills my heart with pure joy. You have managed to give up the "Booze" (a subject near and dear to my heart indeed) and are now taking responsibility for your "adventures" during the wild times. I have absolutely no doubt that your life will continue to flourish and grow beyond your wildest dreams because you have made the decision to do the right thing , you wish to do the best you can with what you got for your child.

God Bless you and may all your remaining years be sober ones.......(one day at a time, of course).

[sanuk711]

Never put cash in her hand.

You rent a house, you find it and you pay the landlord direct.

You want a private school, you pay the school direct.

Else she will just spend all the money on herself..............MaeJoMTB

Yes its such an easy thing to do when you live in Canada & don't speak any Thai........

I would pay nothing...........MaeJoMTB

Really you would have a child & pay nothing for your sons support in his life......??

Look Apudlslander, she (mother) is 36 years old so she is bound to get a boyfriend (sponsor etc) ---they may come & go---they certainly did with my Ex in Australia.... however it made no difference in my relationship with my daughters whether my ex was getting help from her latest boyfriend or not.

I think you are being very fair at paying 10K a month, but I don't think she has any obligation to tell you if she has a boyfriend or not, especially if telling you means you are going to reduce the amount you send to your son.

Set the sum you feel is correct---& both go your own ways & try to live your own lives .....you have started with the sobriety---good luck with that.

Well done for taking the effort to visit--keep in touch with your son-- some people think children do not remember these things --its amazing what they do retain.

[kerrysum]

How do you know it is yours? Did you do DNA testing? Just a thought..... Please just make sure, I always have......

[cesarm001]

Hey all very good and very generous

Mate u have a good heart for sure and God will reward you....

But let's be serious and leave the heart out for small time ...

Need to ensure is yours ...a DNA is a must

And if yours I will suppprt him for ever ...is your blood and is part of you not matter what she does but pay the school on direct transfer and cash for the rest ....maybe about 6 or 7 k is fare x month

If is not yours I will say goodby and send one last payment and no more.

I am proud of men's like you ...you are a real man ..with a big heart.

Hope all works for you

C

Edited June 2, 2015 by cesarm001

[fitnesspm]

Bar girls look at men as wallets. She is retired cause she has at least 2 other foreign boyfriends paying for her free lifestyle.

This is the a overall goal of a bar girl (prositute). Normal Thai (non bar girls) won't ask for money.

Edited June 2, 2015 by fitnesspm

[xylophone]

I thought long and hard about what to do as regards my ex and her daughter (not my daughter) after we split up, and decided that as we had been together in total for about six years and I still cared for her and her daughter immensely, I would pay them the equivalent of maintenance and/or child-support. So now I have 10,000 baht| a month direct credited into the ex-gf's bank account and then endeavour to meet up with them two or three times a month for lunch or dinner and in the process provide them with spending money to the value of around 5000 baht.

In addition I pay for all of the school fees and anything associated with school, plus more expensive stuff like dental work for straightening teeth which is what all young girls seem to get into these days!.

I am happy with that arrangement because I know they can take care of themselves on that amount and if there are any extraordinary expenses, then they know I will cover them. In addition I get to take them out to lunch two or three times a month and we do speak two or three times a week on the telephone, which is great for me.

If its of any consequence, I too struggled with the thought of her having another boyfriend and whether I should keep up payments, however I decided that I was paying the money for her and her daughter because I care for them and that was that.

I applaud your efforts and hope you have good luck in your endeavours to support your son.

[MaeJoMTB]

I would pay nothing...........MaeJoMTB

Really you would have a child & pay nothing for your sons support in his life......??

As you asked,

I have 4 of mine that I pay nothing, if I can't see them, I won't pay for them.

I have 1 of mine that I pay everything, he lives with me.

I have 1 of someone else's that I pay everything, she lives with me.

[Boo]

Whether she has a bf or not is irrelevant, the money is to provide for the child. You can't expect her future foreign bf's to pay for your child. 10k a month will cover the basics like rent, bills & food but leaves very little else for the child.

[offset]

Whether she has a bf or not is irrelevant, the money is to provide for the child. You can't expect her future foreign bf's to pay for your child. 10k a month will cover the basics like rent, bills & food but leaves very little else for the child.

The mother is also meant to help support the child who is old enough to go to school so 10000 baht should be more than enough

to support the child

[technologybytes]

Lots of good and genuine advice here so far.

I have a 9 year old son here and I am continually shocked at the expense of raising a child here. Obviously I pay for everything that he needs and believe me it comes to a lot more then 10k per month. I don't know about the school your son goes to, but even without the school fees it's still very expensive to raise a child in Thailand.

You need to be sure that the money you pay actually benefits your son directly. Beyond that the decision on how much would depend very much on how much you can afford and the quality of life/education you want for your child.

You don't say if you consider the mother to be a good mother or not. Lets assume for now that she is a good and caring mother who wants the best for her son, she may welcome the opportunity for her son to be educated in Canada but obviously she would need to be able to see him from time to time and not feel that she is losing her son.

[MaeJoMTB]

Lots of good and genuine advice here so far.

I have a 9 year old son here and I am continually shocked at the expense of raising a child here. Obviously I pay for everything that he needs and believe me it comes to a lot more then 10k per month. I don't know about the school your son goes to, but even without the school fees it's still very expensive to raise a child in Thailand.

On the other hand,

I have two children in school here and am surprised how cheap it is.

Teenage girl in a quality government school, 12K for books, uniforms and expenses this year, project money 100bht/week, pocket/lunch money 50bht/school day.

Three year old in private kindergarten, 1,800bht/term including all food/drink/aircon classroom, plus 2,000bht for uniforms.

(two terms a year)

Less than 2k a month for both of them for everything.

Both fully bilingual for their ages.

Edited June 3, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[SpudIslander]

First of all, let me express my gratitude to those who have shared their thoughts on this topic and endeavoured to answer my question. I am still weighing my options. I don't want to make my decisions based on anger or resentment, Sometimes it is better to wait awhile before an action is taken for clarity,

I thought I would address some comments on DNA testing. Because the mother is/was a bar girl, it was the first thing I did. The results came back at 99% I think that dealing directly with educators and landlords was good advice (much appreciated), And lastly,thank you Dotpoom for the kind words on my sobriety - one day at a time.