My Marriage

[gabe]

Hello,

I have been married to a Thai lady for almost a year. Everytime that i want to go out by myself my wife says "no, i want to go with you." I have absolutely no problem with my wife wanting to go out alone by herself. I would think that being married to a woman for almost one year that she would trust her husband enough to allow him to go out alone by himself every once in awhile.

Our marriage is in crisis state we are regularly getting into fights with each other even in public places and i feel it is extremely embarassing.

I came to Thailand to find love and live a peaceful life here.

The last year of my life in the U.S.A. was not very fun and most of the time i was miserable.

I really do not like spilling my guts on a public internet forum either. Most of the time i prefer to keep my personal life private.

please help!

Edited September 17, 2006 by gabe

[gabe]

Please do not post a response if all you have to say is "troll"

thanks

[terry57]

Hello,

I have been married to a Thai lady for almost a year. Everytime that i want to go out by myself my wife says "no, i want to go with you." I have absolutely no problem with my wife wanting to go out alone by herself. I would think that being married to a woman for almost one year that she would trust her husband enough to allow him to go out alone by himself every once in awhile.

Our marriage is in crisis state we are regularly getting into fights with each other even in public places and i feel it is extremely embarassing.

I came to Thailand to find love and live a peaceful life here.

The last year of my life in the U.S.A. was not very fun and most of the time i was miserable.

I really do not like spilling my guts on a public internet forum either.

please help!

mate,

if your fighting with the trouble and strife after one year of marrage your life will continue to turn into a <deleted> sandwich.

be a man ,

step up to the plate, realise that your going down the gurgler and get the frig out of there.

elementary dear watson.

cheers friend

[listenup]

I'm in the same boat mate, she don't trust me going out. Luckily I have a biz in Bangkok and have a plan. We move to her mums's house in Issan, look for some land to build a house. I will have to travel to BKK every week for work. So, I get the best of both worlds, some time to my self in BKK every week and live in a town where no one speaks english so I can improve my thai language skills. If by the time we have found some land and a builder things have not improved, I will simply disapear!

[gabe]

I certainly am not trying to join the "all women are evil" crowd but i dunno maybe i just have not found the right woman yet.

[bendix]

What exactly are you expecting to learn from a bunch of strangers on the internet? Wouldn't it be a bit better to spill your guts to someone more relevant? Your wife, for instance?

[Donz]

Really.

My Thai finacee never wants to come out when Im drinking with the boys, but I put her straight from the begining, I told her I will always go out with the boys and you cant ever stop that.

I lad the rules down early with her about my friends and she accepts it.

maybe you just look untrustworthy

[endure]

What exactly are you expecting to learn from a bunch of strangers on the internet? Wouldn't it be a bit better to spill your guts to someone more relevant? Your wife, for instance?

Perhaps a little disinterested advice from people who know a little about Thailand and the Thais but who aren't involved in the situation in any way? Something like the advice and sympathy that was offered to Tip when he had problems?

[barryofthailand]

The distrust comes from what Thai women know sbout Thai men.

Lots of Thai men go out drinking with their buddies and also fool around with the ladies.

So your wife knowing this thinks you will be doing the same thing.

You have to talk to her and build a trusting relationship.

When I go out with friends I have no problems with my wife saying no. She just wants to know here i'm going and with who.

Barry

[meadish_sweetball]

Actually, it might not only be distrust. It could be that she cannot handle being alone. Pretty common among Thais in general, this society is much more collective, and most activities involve lots of people.

As soon as night falls, there is the fear of ghosts as well.

How to solve it? You need to make her understand you have to have time to yourself otherwise you will not be happy and it won't work.

Naturally you need to sit down and ask her why she cannot handle you going out on your own-

Listen carefully to what she has to say without interrupting her and getting defensive, and try to reach a good solution.

[Donz]

Actually, it might not only be distrust. It could be that she cannot handle being alone. Pretty common among Thais in general, this society is much more collective, and most activities involve lots of people.

As soon as night falls, there is the fear of ghosts as well.

How to solve it? You need to make her understand you have to have time to yourself otherwise you will not be happy and it won't work.

Naturally you need to sit down and ask her why she cannot handle you going out on your own-

Listen carefully to what she has to say without interrupting her and getting defensive, and try to reach a good solution.

Actually thats funny,

My gf doesnt like me sleeping at a friends place because she said she is scared of ghosts (cute IMO)

When I come home from a night full of drinking piss when I get into the bedroom she usually has the lights on, she is actually scared of the dark hahahahaha

But I love it and i think its cute.

[mankut]

Hi gabe.

I just wonder. Is "the going out alone" story the only thing you fight about?

Or are there also other things you have trouble with eachother.

If it is the only difference you have, i think there should be a solution to it.

Markus.

[Gonzo the Face]

Maybe the magic is slipping away.....

You need to put some zip,,,,,, some excitement back into the marriage.

Buy her some flowers...... [ they are cheap here] some soft music,,,, and then whisper in her ear that tonight you would like to try something new and exciting..... take her into the bedroom, before you show her the rope.... tell her not to worry, and relax, it will be different and great......slip your shirt off and show her your manly chest, then gently tie her up, spread eagled and blidnfolded on the bed.....

Then put your shirt on and go out and meet your buddys for a drink.

Don't forget the gag.....

If all this fails do what all the other married posters do .........beg

Edited September 17, 2006 by Gonzo the Face

[mankut]

Actually, it might not only be distrust. It could be that she cannot handle being alone. Pretty common among Thais in general, this society is much more collective, and most activities involve lots of people.

As soon as night falls, there is the fear of ghosts as well.

Actually that's correct. Especially when they have to live abroad.

In Thailand maybe that would not be such a problem, because family and friends are around.

You have to talk to her. Find out her thoughts and reasoning.

Markus.

[Charma]

I can certainly echo Meadish's comments. Most Thai women I know really do not like being alone in the house. However, in your case it does seem to be more of a case of mistrust and fear that you will find someone else. You also mentioned that you are fighting together in public (is this over the same thing?) which is not a good sign.

It is not difficult to see why many Thai women are fearful of their farang partners straying. She probably knows that you are a target for many Thai women who would love to "poach" you from her. This is much more of a threat to her in Thailand as it would be for a wife back home in a western country. Your only chance is to overcome her fears by reassurance, but that will not be easy. The more you argue, the more insecure she will feel. You obviously value your freedom and so it seems at the moment that you are heading for a break up.

The first thing you could do is make it clear that you not accept arguments in public. She should understand this well. After that, only you know your wife and whether she will resond to a heart to heart about your future and your need for time outside of the relationship. These forums are OK for general advice, but after that it's a bit limited without knowing the people concerned. Best of luck.

[Ulysses G.]

You know that she is right!

[katnip]

It could be that she cannot handle being alone. Pretty common among Thais in general, this society is much more collective, and most activities involve lots of people.

As soon as night falls, there is the fear of ghosts as well.

Yes. Ask her if this is the case.

Do you have a maid ? Family/friends nearby ? Then you (or she) can make sure she has some company when you go out.

If that is not the problem, move on to consideration of the other suggestions.

[Mobi]

Distrust by a Thai women of their husbands or boyfriends going out alone is quite typical.

After all, she knows full well there is tempation at every turn, be it a pub, bar or even on the golf course. As previous posters have said, many Thai men invariably stray from the straight and narrow when they are out with their male buddies, and she will assume that you are no different.

So you are by no means alone.

You have to have a frank discussion about this, and build up trust. Maybe sometime, when you are out with your mates, you could call her to join you for a while - just so that she can see that you're not up to anything - things like this to build on.

But if you screw up - like lipstick on the collar, or an unexplainable phone number in your mobile - then God help you

[Mr Jones]

Tell her you need to go out alone, so you can talk too the ghost of a dead relative,

Otherwise you will have to invite the said ghost home.

[Douggie Style]

can you let me know when you find out how to stop her arguing with you in public, I'll pay!

PS: all good stuff above, apparently we also have ghosties in our house, apart from my yfronts.

[chownah]

Sounds like the op doesn't know how to communicate with his significant other......this is a serious problem and unless he develops this ability this relationship will come to no good and the odds are every other relationship he has will be the same.

[rcm]

Hello,

I have been married to a Thai lady for almost a year. Everytime that i want to go out by myself my wife says "no, i want to go with you." I have absolutely no problem with my wife wanting to go out alone by herself. I would think that being married to a woman for almost one year that she would trust her husband enough to allow him to go out alone by himself every once in awhile.

Our marriage is in crisis state we are regularly getting into fights with each other even in public places and i feel it is extremely embarassing.

I came to Thailand to find love and live a peaceful life here.

The last year of my life in the U.S.A. was not very fun and most of the time i was miserable.

I really do not like spilling my guts on a public internet forum either. Most of the time i prefer to keep my personal life private.

please help!

Gabe you'll be better next year....how long did you know your wife before you got married?

Wife and myself also had our issues in the first year , but never in public. However, you need to discuss it , also the "Ghost" may be another reason why she may not want to be alone. How about trying to go out alone while she has Female Friends staying with her?

rcm

[mrkhawkes]

Buy her a little yappie pup, that will do the trick, she will have something to do when you go out.

[qualtrough]

I don't think that behavior is normal, even by Thai standards. She obviously is extremely insecure. If you haven't done anything to cause that (e.g. been caught cheating) then you need to see if you can find out its origin before you can even began to deal with finding a solution. It is tough to find out what makes a woman tick in any country, and even more so here--so good luck!

[mowlem]

Also check that her "friends" aren't bad mouthing you behind your back. Very common here. You know, the "Oh, I saw him in a bar/brothel with a load of girls" type comment. Jealousy on the part of the friend usually.

[gbt71fa]

My gf doesnt like me sleeping at a friends place because she said she is scared of ghosts (cute IMO)

When I come home from a night full of drinking piss when I get into the bedroom she usually has the lights on, she is actually scared of the dark hahahahaha

But I love it and i think its cute.

Holy crap, mine too! I thought she was just kidding. But, if she hear's something in the middle of the night she will wake me up and make me go check it out. She also has trouble sleeping when I am not there. For the first few months she would always keep a light on in one of the rooms (bathroom, kitchen) but I fianally broke her of that. Since I have been away, though, she has started up that practice again. I guess it is not something to joke about because they really believe this stuff but when she almost causes a heart attack when she wacks you at 2am because she "heard" something...

Edited September 17, 2006 by gbt71fa

[bina]

from a woman's point of view:

my thai (soon to be real husband) boyfriend works away from the house; he is at home only weekends: the first thing he always asks when he calls inthe evening is, where are my kids? (they sleep one nite with at the ex's house) why am i alone? why dont i have a girlfriend come over? and its not just that he' worried about male visitors. he's worried that i am at home alone; thais do not generally like to be alone, especially the more countryish thai.... if someone is alone, they will send a child to sleep at the house, or a girlfriend might come over, even our thai workers here, if someone is not going out with all the others, often someone will stay behind as company also; and thai workers dont like to work alone or live alone but will link up with others...

the other thing is indeed the ALL BOYS NITE OUT PARTYING with the thai woman thinking: booze flooze etc..... thais are jealous

suggest switch: one nite a week, she can go and do shopping or whatever she wants w/o u if she wants to , or with u (even if u suffer searching for the correct lipstick colour); and u get one nite free but home by certain hour and not 'mao' (drunk)....when u come home, bring flowers, stuffed bear whatever that reminds her that u are thinking of her.... and wake her up when u come in, to show her that u have arrived, and call her during your evening... (all stuff my bf does so i've learned to do also for him)...

sorry for lenghth

bina

[number6]

Hello,

I have been married to a Thai lady for almost a year. Everytime that i want to go out by myself my wife says "no, i want to go with you." I have absolutely no problem with my wife wanting to go out alone by herself. I would think that being married to a woman for almost one year that she would trust her husband enough to allow him to go out alone by himself every once in awhile.

Our marriage is in crisis state we are regularly getting into fights with each other even in public places and i feel it is extremely embarassing.

I came to Thailand to find love and live a peaceful life here.

The last year of my life in the U.S.A. was not very fun and most of the time i was miserable.

I really do not like spilling my guts on a public internet forum either.

please help!

mate,

if your fighting with the trouble and strife after one year of marrage your life will continue to turn into a <deleted> sandwich.

be a man ,

step up to the plate, realise that your going down the gurgler and get the frig out of there.

elementary dear watson.

cheers friend

I certainly hope your not a troll - look dont panic - it happens here in west everywhere - does not mean you or her are in crisis unless you make it one - calm down

Ive been married now 4+ years - me and my thai wife used to have terible rows - now we just have bad rows

Post mark me - problems could be many - she might feel insecure jelous lots of reasons - if your sure of your lady work at it - but after just 1 year - depens on history

dont expect an easy ride here or anywhere

[britmaveric]

Tell her you go out and give her some dosh to go shopping. Both will be relatively happy though lighter in the pocket.

[ding]

Gabe,

In the west I'd say that she's suspicious because she's up to no good herself. As for Thai women, I have no clue...

I don't know her mind nor her behavior, but here's what I feel I might do if the same happened to me;

I'd leave her. I'm in good company when I'm alone so not needy for another woman. I am open today to meeting a woman that I might like to live with. But for me, life's too short to walk on eggshells. There's always another one out there. Maybe someone without that "magic" will give you a more serene life. That ultra-hot passion usually came to a bad end for me.

That anger in public scene is a prime symptom of a sick relationship. Like an old car, at some point it's just not worth working on any more.

my .02