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Trust.........how Much

grapetable

By grapetable
in General Topics

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grapetable Senior Member

grapetable

Posted
Posted

The Donz 'is good' or bad, depending on who one talks to, suggested this as a new thread......obviously I agree.

This forum seems, and I use the word advisedly, overly pessimistic and or paranoid about trusting Thai partners or relationnships.

So how about some honesty on your average (obviously it varies temporally) percentage trust of your Thai partner and why it is at that level.

Perhaps one of the very reasons we like Thai's and culture, because of their 'differences' to us, and therefore a reduced understanding of their culture and as such maybe is a reason for an apparent lack of trust by farungs....................just a thought.

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jasonc Senior Member

jasonc

Posted
Posted

It depends on what aspect you need to trust, like any relationship.

My Thai GF of 3 years would never be unfaithful. I would trust her love for me for any duration of time apart (althought extreme durations would expect change). She would never place me in a difficult situation and she will always be respectful. I always trust that she will do what is best for us and she will listen to my advice.

She is however manipulative to get what she wants. Not high maintenance over money or shopping rather my time, attention and ideas. Would I trust that she is really needing to go to the Hospital and demanding that I return from the bar with my friend at midnight or is she playing games? She's cried wolf too many times for me to believe. Is this grounds to call her untrustworthy... yes! Immaturity will fade with age, or so I hope, or perhaps I am enabling her behaviors by being tolerant. Time will tell.

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Rinrada Ruby Member

Rinrada

Posted
Posted

Just get a bit worried when she gets the builders in..... Again.....

wots she doing this time?...... :o

Told me last weekend before she headed back to Bangers that she fancied doing a course over here in ...Bricklaying.......M-K..Jai...

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TravelBUG Apprentice Member

TravelBUG

Posted
Posted
It depends on what aspect you need to trust, like any relationship.

My Thai GF of 3 years would never be unfaithful. I would trust her love for me for any duration of time apart (althought extreme durations would expect change). She would never place me in a difficult situation and she will always be respectful. I always trust that she will do what is best for us and she will listen to my advice.

She is however manipulative to get what she wants. Not high maintenance over money or shopping rather my time, attention and ideas. Would I trust that she is really needing to go to the Hospital and demanding that I return from the bar with my friend at midnight or is she playing games? She's cried wolf too many times for me to believe. Is this grounds to call her untrustworthy... yes! Immaturity will fade with age, or so I hope, or perhaps I am enabling her behaviors by being tolerant. Time will tell.

Haha you made me laugh jasonc...

your comments:

Would I trust that she is really needing to go to the Hospital and demanding that I return from the bar with my friend at midnight

Can i ask, what would a married man be doing at a bar in bangkok at midnight anyway??

also:

Immaturity will fade with age, or so I hope, or perhaps I am enabling her behaviors by being tolerant.

I beg to differ here.. but i wonder who is the more immature one in your relationship? tut tut for being in a bar at midnnight when wife is at home needing her man!

So i may add.... I feel sorry for your wife if she has continually "cry wolf" for her husband to come home at night!

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GracelessFawn Silver Member

GracelessFawn

Posted
Posted (edited)

It depends on what aspect you need to trust, like any relationship.

My Thai GF of 3 years would never be unfaithful. I would trust her love for me for any duration of time apart (althought extreme durations would expect change). She would never place me in a difficult situation and she will always be respectful. I always trust that she will do what is best for us and she will listen to my advice.

She is however manipulative to get what she wants. Not high maintenance over money or shopping rather my time, attention and ideas. Would I trust that she is really needing to go to the Hospital and demanding that I return from the bar with my friend at midnight or is she playing games? She's cried wolf too many times for me to believe. Is this grounds to call her untrustworthy... yes! Immaturity will fade with age, or so I hope, or perhaps I am enabling her behaviors by being tolerant. Time will tell.

Haha you made me laugh jasonc...

your comments:

Would I trust that she is really needing to go to the Hospital and demanding that I return from the bar with my friend at midnight

Can i ask, what would a married man be doing at a bar in bangkok at midnight anyway??

also:

Immaturity will fade with age, or so I hope, or perhaps I am enabling her behaviors by being tolerant.

I beg to differ here.. but i wonder who is the more immature one in your relationship? tut tut for being in a bar at midnnight when wife is at home needing her man!

So i may add.... I feel sorry for your wife if she has continually "cry wolf" for her husband to come home at night!

I totally agree with travelbug!

I know that everyone is unique and an individual. And I know that everyone needs space, but there are times when one feels down, tired, lonely and wanting company!

I think, that a good husband should be there when his wife needs him, or badly needing his reassurance!

Edited by GracelessFawn
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ThaiPauly Diamond Member

ThaiPauly

Posted
Posted
I trust my wife with my life :o

I have to say I am the same.......there is NO WAY ON THIS EARTH that I would NOT trust her.

She has already got my cremation ceremony procedure off to a tee in accordance with my wishes, I think she has even paid a deposit on the coffin I want as it will surely rise in price before I pop my cloggs :D

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jasonc Senior Member

jasonc

Posted
Posted

It depends on what aspect you need to trust, like any relationship.

My Thai GF of 3 years would never be unfaithful. I would trust her love for me for any duration of time apart (althought extreme durations would expect change). She would never place me in a difficult situation and she will always be respectful. I always trust that she will do what is best for us and she will listen to my advice.

She is however manipulative to get what she wants. Not high maintenance over money or shopping rather my time, attention and ideas. Would I trust that she is really needing to go to the Hospital and demanding that I return from the bar with my friend at midnight or is she playing games? She's cried wolf too many times for me to believe. Is this grounds to call her untrustworthy... yes! Immaturity will fade with age, or so I hope, or perhaps I am enabling her behaviors by being tolerant. Time will tell.

Haha you made me laugh jasonc...

your comments:

Would I trust that she is really needing to go to the Hospital and demanding that I return from the bar with my friend at midnight

Can i ask, what would a married man be doing at a bar in bangkok at midnight anyway??

also:

Immaturity will fade with age, or so I hope, or perhaps I am enabling her behaviors by being tolerant.

I beg to differ here.. but i wonder who is the more immature one in your relationship? tut tut for being in a bar at midnnight when wife is at home needing her man!

So i may add.... I feel sorry for your wife if she has continually "cry wolf" for her husband to come home at night!

A hilarious response TravelBugger. You show your age or naivety clearly. :D:D

Calling me immature simply based on me being at a bar till midnight? Judging people on limited interaction is perhaps a better example of immaturity, but you wouldn't agree...

Perhaps you have limited experience on how to keep a balanced relationship and chirp your ideological fallacies at whim. Married or not, I won't get into the discussion on ethics and spare time. I'll let real life teach you. :o

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migrant Advanced Member

migrant

Posted
Posted

Been with my Thai GF/fiance now over two years. She was married to a Thai guy who brought her over here to the states, then died a couple years later. She had many guys after her, god knows how I got lucky :D 16 year age difference (I am older :D ). Took me 3 months to get a first date, three more for a kiss goodnight, longer for...... :o

She is always quick to tell me who she talks to during the day, if she gets a cell call while I am there, I usually walk away to give her privacy, but she will always recap it for me. She isn't frantic about it, but will usually say something like "talked to J today, she/he said hi"

She gave me her e-mail password, password for her work (to check her schedule for her) since I have a office, and her access to internet is home only.

She works 2 jobs, and goes to school, but when she isn't working, she usually comes to my office and waits for her time to go to work.

As one poster says, she is very possesive of me, and my time, but that doesn't bother me. Because of her work schedule I usually schedule activities with friends while she is working, and end it when she is done (I'm not a big bar guy, enjoy my drinks with friends, but not out to the bars late)(no criticism to jasonc). A couple times her friends from work get together, she always invites me. Sometimes I go, sometimes not, but I trust her out with her friends.

Over a year ago my young son started working at a bank, she opened a account, put my name and hers on it. I tied in the internet banking, but she doesn't have a clue how to use it. She has more cash than me, me more assets. I have not put her name on my accounts, but I haven't opened any new ones either. She pays for all her own bills, including her BMW (which she got with her own credit) and pays for every 3rd-4th dinner/movies/activities.

We plan on moving to Thailand in 4 years full time (my early, semi-retirement) and she already owns about 5 rai of good land near Hua Hin/ Cha Am. She has a substantial bank account there and has asked me when I want to build there, we just use her money in the account there. I explained the usufruct, and she said, whatever I want.

On our trips to Thailand, her family is very helpful, she is protective even though they have never asked for money (and they pay for their share of items, as does she).

As I reread this prior to post, it seems that a lot of my trust I am placing on the financial side, but that is not all of it.

I've been burned in relationships before (not just with Thai women) , so I do a little behind the scenes checking (not good of me, but I know I am being faithful). There has never been a second where I thought she was not 110% with me, and no one else.

Anything can change in this world (as my experience with my ex wife shows :D ) but

guess I am saying I trust her with my life/assets/kids etc etc.

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a2396 Gold Member

a2396

Posted
Posted

My reference is from my two years living in Thailand. I thiink trust is a serious issue here. I think much of the amount of trust depends on how long you have been in a relationship with someone. Hopefully, the amount of trust will increase as you spend more time together. If the trust does not increase with time, the relationship will end, at least for me.

My trust in them is limited from the beginning, until I am able to see that 2+2=4 with them. Unfortunately, to often it does not. Lying is an art form here and most of them rarely, if ever, tell the truth at the outset. The motives for extracting money (by the women) far outweigh the need for truth-telling in most situations I have encountered.

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TravelBUG Apprentice Member

TravelBUG

Posted
Posted
I don't know if jasonc also has a wife, but in his post he was talking about his
Thai GF
.

Whether its a grilfriend or wife... doesnt really matter. The point was trusting your partner, so i stand my ground with my above remarks.

BUT i'd like to also add... Thai or non-thai... It doesnt makes a difference as to what race a person is as to whether they can be trusted!!

Each to their own.

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TravelBUG Apprentice Member

TravelBUG

Posted
Posted

It depends on what aspect you need to trust, like any relationship.

My Thai GF of 3 years would never be unfaithful. I would trust her love for me for any duration of time apart (althought extreme durations would expect change). She would never place me in a difficult situation and she will always be respectful. I always trust that she will do what is best for us and she will listen to my advice.

She is however manipulative to get what she wants. Not high maintenance over money or shopping rather my time, attention and ideas. Would I trust that she is really needing to go to the Hospital and demanding that I return from the bar with my friend at midnight or is she playing games? She's cried wolf too many times for me to believe. Is this grounds to call her untrustworthy... yes! Immaturity will fade with age, or so I hope, or perhaps I am enabling her behaviors by being tolerant. Time will tell.

Haha you made me laugh jasonc...

your comments:

Would I trust that she is really needing to go to the Hospital and demanding that I return from the bar with my friend at midnight

Can i ask, what would a married man be doing at a bar in bangkok at midnight anyway??

also:

Immaturity will fade with age, or so I hope, or perhaps I am enabling her behaviors by being tolerant.

I beg to differ here.. but i wonder who is the more immature one in your relationship? tut tut for being in a bar at midnnight when wife is at home needing her man!

So i may add.... I feel sorry for your wife if she has continually "cry wolf" for her husband to come home at night!

A hilarious response TravelBugger. You show your age or naivety clearly. :D:D

Calling me immature simply based on me being at a bar till midnight? Judging people on limited interaction is perhaps a better example of immaturity, but you wouldn't agree...

Perhaps you have limited experience on how to keep a balanced relationship and chirp your ideological fallacies at whim. Married or not, I won't get into the discussion on ethics and spare time. I'll let real life teach you. :o

Ahh, now i see why you are with possibly with a Thai lady!!... No caucasian would put up with what looks to me (in your less than 50 words) like typical ignorance!

Maybe that is the downfall of thai women.. they are too lovely, polite and tolerant.

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TravelBUG Apprentice Member

TravelBUG

Posted
Posted
Been with my Thai GF/fiance now over two years. She was married to a Thai guy who brought her over here to the states, then died a couple years later. She had many guys after her, god knows how I got lucky :D 16 year age difference (I am older :D ). Took me 3 months to get a first date, three more for a kiss goodnight, longer for...... :o

She is always quick to tell me who she talks to during the day, if she gets a cell call while I am there, I usually walk away to give her privacy, but she will always recap it for me. She isn't frantic about it, but will usually say something like "talked to J today, she/he said hi"

She gave me her e-mail password, password for her work (to check her schedule for her) since I have a office, and her access to internet is home only.

She works 2 jobs, and goes to school, but when she isn't working, she usually comes to my office and waits for her time to go to work.

As one poster says, she is very possesive of me, and my time, but that doesn't bother me. Because of her work schedule I usually schedule activities with friends while she is working, and end it when she is done (I'm not a big bar guy, enjoy my drinks with friends, but not out to the bars late)(no criticism to jasonc). A couple times her friends from work get together, she always invites me. Sometimes I go, sometimes not, but I trust her out with her friends.

Over a year ago my young son started working at a bank, she opened a account, put my name and hers on it. I tied in the internet banking, but she doesn't have a clue how to use it. She has more cash than me, me more assets. I have not put her name on my accounts, but I haven't opened any new ones either. She pays for all her own bills, including her BMW (which she got with her own credit) and pays for every 3rd-4th dinner/movies/activities.

We plan on moving to Thailand in 4 years full time (my early, semi-retirement) and she already owns about 5 rai of good land near Hua Hin/ Cha Am. She has a substantial bank account there and has asked me when I want to build there, we just use her money in the account there. I explained the usufruct, and she said, whatever I want.

On our trips to Thailand, her family is very helpful, she is protective even though they have never asked for money (and they pay for their share of items, as does she).

As I reread this prior to post, it seems that a lot of my trust I am placing on the financial side, but that is not all of it.

I've been burned in relationships before (not just with Thai women) , so I do a little behind the scenes checking (not good of me, but I know I am being faithful). There has never been a second where I thought she was not 110% with me, and no one else.

Anything can change in this world (as my experience with my ex wife shows :D ) but

guess I am saying I trust her with my life/assets/kids etc etc.

Migrant,

You sound like a smart man.. and your girlfriend sounds addorable!

So what if you had to do a little background checking.. sounds like a smart thing to do to me!

Best of luck to you both, and im very jealous that you will be moving to thailand!!

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Jeff1 Gold Member

Jeff1

Posted
Posted

The old Trust-Test.

Your wife stands behind you and you fall over backwards to see if she catches you.

LOL if i did that with my wife i would probably squash her :o

Two LOL's :D:D

Trust, that is a BIG issue and not to be taken lightly. As a rule, I do not trust people . At first and for a few years, I had very little trust but as time went by I started trusting her more and more. Now I feel that I can almost trust completely , So thats pretty good ... for me .

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BKK90210 Silver Member

BKK90210

Posted
Posted (edited)

My trust level – so far with 20 yrs of marriage

100% - LOVE

100% - on money/ bank account

100% - on cooking

100% - for telling dumb jokes everytime

100% - in any arguments w/ me – she will always win

50% - on decorating

50% - with kids – she always forget things easily. This is freaking me out if we decided to have a baby

25% - as becoming a sole family provider in the future

25% - with my car and tools

25% - with anything technical

10% - on map and direction

10% - as a family's protector/savior…………

I might add more to the list later… :o

Edited by BKK90210
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