How to stop/ slow down?

cooked · August 2, 2015

Before I start Googling all over the place and following the links on this site, I was wondering about the experiences of other people here.

When I first came here, I was drinking too much, 12 x 3dl cans of beer a day. This went up to about 18 and then recently, 24.

Main reason for deciding to stop: I drive a lot, wife and granddaughter in the car ( I don't feel that my performance is impaired, but I wouldn't, would I?). I also don't feel like spending a night in a police cell and can't really afford a ฿20 000.- fine. (Of course if I stopped drinking one pack a day I wouldn't have a problem paying fines). My wife had to pawn the wedding ring to get us to the end of the month so yes, you can say I have an alcohol problem.

So, I started on the first day, one beer an hour, starting at an eagerly awaited 11am. I now have it down to one beer every 90 minutes, last beer at 9.30 pm probably. Been doing this for two weeks and although it needs some discipline I am holding out. I really do look at the time. One relapse waiting in the car for the missus at BigC for two hours...

In the past I have gone completely cold turkey but I was in construction and it was difficult to avoid accepting a drink when doing business, even when I did a job at the local vicarage!

So the question is, is this going to hold up or is it too early to tell?

Anybody done anything similar? Or have other advice?

I don't want to go cold turkey, I really enjoy my beer.

Brit_Doggie · August 2, 2015

11 am good grief maybe you should alter the timescale start time to help with this endeavour if I have 2 drinks at between 11 and say 1 I get the sleep syndrome but start at 8 pm earliest can drink to 1 am or later with no problems except for the regular pee pee runs or staggered runs hehe during the night

cooked · August 2, 2015

Ok to save time I can start at 1am?

nidieunimaitre · August 2, 2015

I find it helps me not to have beer ready in the house.

The effort of having to go to the shop slows my drinking down.

Drinking lots of cold water or juice also slows me down.

Good on you that you are apparently not into hard liquor - that would be so much more difficult to control.

impulse · August 2, 2015

My wife had to pawn the wedding ring to get us to the end of the month so yes, you can say I have an alcohol problem.

I don't want to go cold turkey, I really enjoy my beer.

Alcohol problems are like an elevator. They'll both take you all the way into the gutter. But you can get off on any floor you choose.

If you like your beer more than your deplore the idea that your wife had to pawn her wedding ring, you're not ready.

Try slowing down, not drinking before lunch, drinking only one an hour, or any of the other schemes you'll get here from the folks that haven't actually slowed down, never mind stopped. They may work, though millions of people go to prison, destroy their families or die before they dial in just the right formula. Take the elevator down a few more floors.

When you're willing to do whatever it takes, post back. There's a lot of good people posting here who will gladly help the willing.

fang37 · August 2, 2015

There is an opportunity to stop drinking. But, you enjoy your beer (& subsequent suffering by ALL).

Get on with it. Do a quality job! Reducing intake - I know nothing about.

If you are a "full-on" person - "all or nothing", you may well have a problem.

It is all up to you now!

Probable outcome of current behaviour - total destruction of both you & your family!

There is a group of people who HAD a similar problem to you but now do not drink. Moreover, they can smile - all is not being removed.

The best aspect - it is free.

The group - AA.

Good luck if you continue your current mode of behaviour. A guarantee! More members of the fellowship will be posting shortly.

Edited August 2, 2015 by fang37

cooked · August 2, 2015

My wife had to pawn the wedding ring to get us to the end of the month so yes, you can say I have an alcohol problem.

I don't want to go cold turkey, I really enjoy my beer.

Alcohol problems are like an elevator. They'll both take you all the way into the gutter. But you can get off on any floor you choose.

If you like your beer more than your deplore the idea that your wife had to pawn her wedding ring, you're not ready.

Try slowing down, not drinking before lunch, drinking only one an hour, or any of the other schemes you'll get here from the folks that haven't actually slowed down, never mind stopped. They may work, though millions of people go to prison, destroy their families or die before they dial in just the right formula. Take the elevator down a few more floors.

When you're willing to do whatever it takes, post back. There's a lot of good people posting here who will gladly help the willing.

Mmm I don't quite follow you... my whole post is about the fact that I cut my intake by about 70% overnight..I am drinking one every 90 minutes, not every hour as you suggest. I didn't say I like alcohol more than the fact that my wife pawned her wedding rind, I was saying that I don't like that situation and this is what I am trying to do about it. Please don't lecture me (I have been an alcoholic for 30 years) and please try to read my post again.

nidieunimaitre · August 2, 2015

Fundamentalist anti alcohol people will say "do not slow down, STOP".

Sure, sometimes that works.

But how often does it NOT work?

And what is wrong with drinking SOME alcohol anyway? Alcohol is one of the (many) things that make life enjoyable. Of course exaggerating is never good, "enjoy everything life has to offer, but in moderation". But that applies to other things too, not just to alcohol.

The slur about the pawning of a ring is totally over the top.

Of course that was a horrible thing to happen. But it was not a conscious decision. It was a sign that something must be done, and from the OP I understand that something will be done.

And - lucky Cooked - it proves that your wife supports you. Together you can handle the problem!

Good Luck!

nidieunimaitre · August 2, 2015

There is an opportunity to stop drinking. But, you enjoy your beer (& subsequent suffering by ALL).

Get on with it. Do a quality job! Reducing intake - I know nothing about.

If you are a "full-on" person - "all or nothing", you may well have a problem.

It is all up to you now!

Probable outcome of current behaviour - total destruction of both you & your family!

There is a group of people who HAD a similar problem to you but now do not drink. Moreover, they can smile - all is not being removed.

The best aspect - it is free.

The group - AA.

Good luck if you continue your current mode of behaviour. A guarantee! More members of the fellowship will be posting shortly.

May I ask 1 honest question?

Do the Thai AA bring Jesus into it (as the European AA do)?

Please tell me they do not.

impulse · August 2, 2015

Every one of us in recovery had a personal bottom. I wish that pawning a ring was as low as I sank.

Perhaps if someone had shaken me up when I was passing that level on my way to the gutter, I would have sought help sooner.

But all my good friends patted me on the head and said “that’s okay, you just need to slow down a little”. They meant well. But it didn’t serve me very well.

I had one friend who sat me down and asked me if I couldn’t see how stupid I was being (her words, verbatim). She risked our long term friendship to get up into my face with that. She was the one that saved my life.

The OP asked for advice. Sorry if mine wasn’t what he wanted to hear. But I stand by it.

Edited August 2, 2015 by impulse

nidieunimaitre · August 2, 2015

Every one of us in recovery had a personal bottom. I wish that pawning a ring was as low as I sank.

Perhaps if someone had shaken me up when I was passing that level on my way to the gutter, I would have sought help sooner.

But all my good friends patted me on the head and said “that’s okay, you just need to slow down a little”. They meant well. But it didn’t serve me very well.

I had one friend who sat me down and asked me if I couldn’t see how stupid I was being (her words, verbatim). She risked our long term friendship to get up into my face with that. She was the one that saved my life.

The OP asked for advice. Sorry if mine wasn’t what he wanted to hear. But I stand by it.

I am glad to hear that TOTAL STOP worked for you.

Thanks for posting.

But why do you assume that for the majority of problematic drinkers a total stop is the best solution ?

fang37 · August 2, 2015

The God thing has always been a bone of contention.

Yes, it is mentioned in the literature but it alludes to a "God of YOUR understanding." It can be JC, Buddha, the AA group, the kitchen sink - or all the above.

Many/most members balk at this concept as did I.

I am merely suggesting that you have a look. There is more than one program. Find out what suits you if any.

I could provide many of the cliches. I suggest that you do your own research.

When I walked through the doors of AA, the opening was closing fast & I was laden with guilt.

I have been an achiever through my life. My greatest in order - a sober member of AA & a contented marriage in LOS. W/o the 1st, there would be no 2nd.

In the closing stages of my drinking "career", it was all downhill in the fast lane.

Even ThaiVisa forum has many threads relating to this subject.

BKK, Pattaya & CNX has strong patronage & contact details - telephone, days & times of meetings.

The only negative thing I have observed in AA is that if you decide to return to your "career", you may well be drinking with a conscience. Not good I am told.

impulse · August 2, 2015

Every one of us in recovery had a personal bottom. I wish that pawning a ring was as low as I sank.

Perhaps if someone had shaken me up when I was passing that level on my way to the gutter, I would have sought help sooner.

But all my good friends patted me on the head and said “that’s okay, you just need to slow down a little”. They meant well. But it didn’t serve me very well.

I had one friend who sat me down and asked me if I couldn’t see how stupid I was being (her words, verbatim). She risked our long term friendship to get up into my face with that. She was the one that saved my life.

The OP asked for advice. Sorry if mine wasn’t what he wanted to hear. But I stand by it.

I am glad to hear that TOTAL STOP worked for you.

Thanks for posting.

But why do you assume that for the majority of problematic drinkers a total stop is the best solution ?

Simplicity, the odds and the OP's own words.

Slowing down can work for non-alcoholics who have a drinking problem. I've met lots of them, and they have successfully gotten their lives back on track by slowing down.

Alcoholics' brains react differently to alcohol, and the first drink sets a process in motion that doesn't happen to non-alcoholics. Symptoms and indicators of alcoholism are pretty easy to look up, but cause way too many arguments when defensive people see themselves (I was one of those defensive people). I'll pre-empt the arguments and leave the Googling to anyone that's interested.

Simplicity and the odds: Stopping completely works for alkies and problem drinkers. 100% Sure thing. No first drink- no process set in motion. Slowing down may and may not work.

The OP's own words: "I've been an alcoholic for 30 years". I take him at his word.

Edit: BTW, in dozens, perhaps hundreds of AA meetings in Bangkok, I don't recall the name Jesus being mentioned. God, yes. But not Jesus. Nor in California. But Jesus is often brought up in the Bible belt- and I got sober in Texas. I just had to get past it. The consequences of continuing to drink scared me mpre than Jesus.

Edited August 2, 2015 by impulse

NickJ · August 2, 2015

Try drinking a lot of water between beers. room temp. 1 or 1.5 l...........do it for a couple days. Dont complain about having to pee......just try it.

Anthony5 · August 2, 2015

Every one of us in recovery had a personal bottom. I wish that pawning a ring was as low as I sank.

Perhaps if someone had shaken me up when I was passing that level on my way to the gutter, I would have sought help sooner.

But all my good friends patted me on the head and said “that’s okay, you just need to slow down a little”. They meant well. But it didn’t serve me very well.

I had one friend who sat me down and asked me if I couldn’t see how stupid I was being (her words, verbatim). She risked our long term friendship to get up into my face with that. She was the one that saved my life.

The OP asked for advice. Sorry if mine wasn’t what he wanted to hear. But I stand by it.

I am glad to hear that TOTAL STOP worked for you.

Thanks for posting.

But why do you assume that for the majority of problematic drinkers a total stop is the best solution ?

Because I don't think there is something like only a little bit alcoholic. If you are a alcoholic, which the OP is in my opinion, your slow down will work only for a limited time after which you will start increased drinking again.

konying · August 2, 2015

OP, first you have to ask and answer yourself 1 question.

Why do you need to drink?

Do not answer me, answer yourself.

If you can identify the reason for drinking , you might be able to eliminate the problem.

If the answer is because you enjoy it, then it's much harder .

I would cut out all drinking daytime and only drink in the evening, perhaps start with gym or some other sport to keep your mind off beer.

cooked · August 2, 2015

OP, first you have to ask and answer yourself 1 question.

Why do you need to drink?

Do not answer me, answer yourself.

If you can identify the reason for drinking , you might be able to eliminate the problem.

If the answer is because you enjoy it, then it's much harder .

I would cut out all drinking daytime and only drink in the evening, perhaps start with gym or some other sport to keep your mind off beer.

I enjoy a beer. I find it much more satisfying a drink than any other. I once found a non- alcoholic beer that I really did like... I started gaining weight and they discontinued it after two years. During the times that I have given up altogether I have drunk the same quantities of water and other drinks, so I am a thirsty person.

I'm not a binge drinker, as night time drinking would doubtless become,

I don't have time to start in a gym or something as I work most days around the farm or building an extension.

konying · August 2, 2015

OP, first you have to ask and answer yourself 1 question.

Why do you need to drink?

Do not answer me, answer yourself.

If you can identify the reason for drinking , you might be able to eliminate the problem.

If the answer is because you enjoy it, then it's much harder .

I would cut out all drinking daytime and only drink in the evening, perhaps start with gym or some other sport to keep your mind off beer.

I enjoy a beer. I find it much more satisfying a drink than any other. I once found a non- alcoholic beer that I really did like... I started gaining weight and they discontinued it after two years. During the times that I have given up altogether I have drunk the same quantities of water and other drinks, so I am a thirsty person.

I'm not a binge drinker, as night time drinking would doubtless become,

I don't have time to start in a gym or something as I work most days around the farm or building an extension.

Cooked you are giving excuse after excuse.

This will not solve the problem.

No one will be able to help you, unless you are willing to help yourself.

This is not an attack on you, just an outlook of what you are doing, which is looking for excuses to keep on drinking,

You have come to realize you have a problem, now deal with it, instead of finding excuses how NOT to deal with it.

You do not have time to start gym, but do have time to drink? Well calculate the time it takes to drink, and you may find you will have time to visit gym twice per day.

Good luck, its not going to be easy, but you have to do it, if not for yourself, do it for your wife and kids

fang37 · August 2, 2015

This story has been told many many times.

Poor me, poor me - pour me a drink!

Drink - be unproductive. Who is going to support the family? You?

Mate, get on with it - prove the masses wrong. If you can do it successfully, you will have many devotees.

In summary, you are going to be a famous, wealthy man or DEAD!

chrisinth · August 2, 2015

Hi cooked, in your OP you have asked for similar experiences and advice, OK, here we go.

Your present regime, one beer every 90 minutes is doomed to failure as you are clock-watching, waiting for that first drink and setting your objectives only to the high end of not exceeding what you are expecting to drink. You will eventually stress yourself out with this, trust me.

Your main reason for stopping (not slowing down) as you wrote was because you drive a lot with your family in the car and the financial aspects if caught. Unless you do all your driving before you start your drinking this is only an excuse; you will be over the limit by 13:00 every day anyway.

OK, thats about as blunt as it gets, I wouldn't want to give you false hope on something that isn't going to happen with your current frame of mind.

My story, I spent a lifetime drinking, 23 years of a continuing party, and at times drinking as much if not more than you are now. Unlike you however, it was a controlled party, so when we did have to work (mostly armed in the second decade anyway) we were relatively dry, certainly in control of our actions. But the playtime/downtime would certainly make up for that!

When I left that job at the age of forty, I came to Thailand for a six month kickback holiday before going out to work again. 6 months turned into 2 years living in Pattaya. No work, just partying! And what a party that was. Before I had realized I had adopted a regular routine, getting up at about 16:00 every day, getting something to eat and then out again until 5 or 6 o'clock every morning. It all felt normal.

Until one morning I woke up and said to my then girlfriend, now wife, I am going on the wagon for 2 months to clear the system. That was the 1st May 1999.

It didn't stop my routine, I was still out every night, the only difference was that I wasn't drinking beer. I would substitute that foe soda and lemon, coke, lemon and soda, anything except beer. About 10 weeks after I started this one of the mates asked when I was starting to drink again, and when we had worked out that it was longer than originally planned I just said, lets see. I have been dry since, 16 years and counting. My wife and I even ran a bar for 12 years after that and I never once faltered.

But, the important part of the above was that I didn't do it alone. I honestly don't think I could have.

You need someone to confide in, preferably your wife and family if you decide to go down that road. I know you are only asking to slow down, but you also have to be honest with yourself as well; at least you have recognized you have had a problem for the last 30 years.

Thats just my input cooked, if you were looking for sympathy, that is not what you need my friend. Look inside yourself before its too late.

Oh, do yourself a favour and reread the posts from impulse in this thread, there are some seriously helpful points in them.

If you can find them. Seriously cooked, whatever way you go, good luck mate...............

In addition, I was going to send this to you by PM but I thought maybe my experience could help someone else out there, all the better. It is not often that I show so much of my personal life to forums. Read that as I do care and wish you well.

Edited August 2, 2015 by chrisinth

cooked · August 2, 2015

OP, first you have to ask and answer yourself 1 question.

Why do you need to drink?

Do not answer me, answer yourself.

If you can identify the reason for drinking , you might be able to eliminate the problem.

If the answer is because you enjoy it, then it's much harder .

I would cut out all drinking daytime and only drink in the evening, perhaps start with gym or some other sport to keep your mind off beer.

I enjoy a beer. I find it much more satisfying a drink than any other. I once found a non- alcoholic beer that I really did like... I started gaining weight and they discontinued it after two years. During the times that I have given up altogether I have drunk the same quantities of water and other drinks, so I am a thirsty person.

I'm not a binge drinker, as night time drinking would doubtless become,

I don't have time to start in a gym or something as I work most days around the farm or building an extension.

Cooked you are giving excuse after excuse.

This will not solve the problem.

No one will be able to help you, unless you are willing to help yourself.

This is not an attack on you, just an outlook of what you are doing, which is looking for excuses to keep on drinking,

You have come to realize you have a problem, now deal with it, instead of finding excuses how NOT to deal with it.

You do not have time to start gym, but do have time to drink? Well calculate the time it takes to drink, and you may find you will have time to visit gym twice per day.

Good luck, its not going to be easy, but you have to do it, if not for yourself, do it for your wife and kids

What is this obsession with gyms with Westerners? I worked hard all my life and although I no longer work 12 hour days at the age of 67 I still work. I sniggered at customers that hired me to do work they could do themselves and then paid even more money to go to the gym. What's the problem with that? I did 6 hours masonry work today, so stuff your suggestion of driving 25 Km into town twice a day, coordinating that with the twice daily trips taking the kid to school. If I wanted to I could slip out into the changing room and have a quick beer there. I am not looking for excuses for continuing drinking I am looking for advice from other people that have tried what I am trying. As I said earlier: no preaching please, I don't need excuses for continuing drinking. I am dealing with it as well I can.

thrilled · August 2, 2015

Please hear me out.I believe you have A drug problem.As you know alcohol is A drug.For 1 you need to want to stop before you

Can actually do so.

My way of thinking something major will have to happen in your life before you actually want to quit.Pawning wedding ring would

Have done it for me.Your addicted.You'll agree with me on that.I don't believe being it is A drug and that your addicted to it you

Will ever be able to consume it in moderation.When you reach the point you need to stop you will probably need to go

Into A 28 day in house program.If you don't want to get intoA disaster you need to talk yourself into the mode you want to stop.

Good luck to ya.

konying · August 2, 2015

OP, first you have to ask and answer yourself 1 question.

Why do you need to drink?

Do not answer me, answer yourself.

If you can identify the reason for drinking , you might be able to eliminate the problem.

If the answer is because you enjoy it, then it's much harder .

I would cut out all drinking daytime and only drink in the evening, perhaps start with gym or some other sport to keep your mind off beer.

I enjoy a beer. I find it much more satisfying a drink than any other. I once found a non- alcoholic beer that I really did like... I started gaining weight and they discontinued it after two years. During the times that I have given up altogether I have drunk the same quantities of water and other drinks, so I am a thirsty person.

I'm not a binge drinker, as night time drinking would doubtless become,

I don't have time to start in a gym or something as I work most days around the farm or building an extension.

Cooked you are giving excuse after excuse.

This will not solve the problem.

No one will be able to help you, unless you are willing to help yourself.

This is not an attack on you, just an outlook of what you are doing, which is looking for excuses to keep on drinking,

You have come to realize you have a problem, now deal with it, instead of finding excuses how NOT to deal with it.

You do not have time to start gym, but do have time to drink? Well calculate the time it takes to drink, and you may find you will have time to visit gym twice per day.

Good luck, its not going to be easy, but you have to do it, if not for yourself, do it for your wife and kids

What is this obsession with gyms with Westerners? I worked hard all my life and although I no longer work 12 hour days at the age of 67 I still work. I sniggered at customers that hired me to do work they could do themselves and then paid even more money to go to the gym. What's the problem with that? I did 6 hours masonry work today, so stuff your suggestion of driving 25 Km into town twice a day, coordinating that with the twice daily trips taking the kid to school. If I wanted to I could slip out into the changing room and have a quick beer there. I am not looking for excuses for continuing drinking I am looking for advice from other people that have tried what I am trying. As I said earlier: no preaching please, I don't need excuses for continuing drinking. I am dealing with it as well I can.

Because exercise gets you sweating and gets alcohol out of your body, as well as keeping your mind busy.

Clearly you not looking for advice, but rather for someone to pat you on the back and approve your drinking habits.

Ok, good on you, drink by the hour, because if you drink by the hour instead of one after another it fixes the ALL problems including financial

fang37 · August 2, 2015

Suggestion

Do some intensive research - get serious! Say 1 month - keep an HONEST diary.

Log in. Give us the gory details.

"Winners are grinners".

nidieunimaitre · August 2, 2015

Ultimately it comes down to:

IF you are an alcoholic, I think it is probably better to stop drinking altogether.

IF you just drink too much, I think that slowing down is probably better.

But how to tell? The fact that the OP called himself an alcoholic means as little as the OP denying to be an alcoholic.

And on what grounds can WE tell him what he is?

Does anyone have suggestions on how to tell the difference?

I would suggest it is not about amounts of alcohol consumed. But rather: does the drinking seriously harm the person's social life? Becoming violent, drunk driving, loosing social contacts, neglecting work,...

My advise would be: definitely ask and accept the help of your wife - and look for a good friend or specialist to give you even more support.

nidieunimaitre · August 2, 2015

Suggestion

Do some intensive research - get serious! Say 1 month - keep an HONEST diary.

Log in. Give us the gory details.

"Winners are grinners".

Not a bad idea.

After all this is the age of social media, why not use them like we use family.

Keep an honest diary and post it - hey that could maybe replace AA gatherings?

cooked · August 2, 2015

Did you actually read my post? Have you ever laid bricks/made cement mortar, hauled material around a building site, ever? Masonry isn't hard exercise? It's better than driving to town 4 times a day as you suggest. I am not looking for your approval, not for suggestions about how I sweat. I knew that I would get some holier than thou guys answering but when they just ignore what I have written then it gets annoying. I don't have time to go to the stupid gym because I AM WORKING HARD AND GETTING A SWEAT UP HERE AT HOME! Get it? I don't want to drive 200Km a day losing time on my building project. Your repeated attempts to get me to the gym are ridiculous, you seem to think this is the solution to everything. Furthermore I am not in denial about anything