uptheos Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I gave the sin sod back the next day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ggt Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 You are correct to balk at paying the family money to marry your gf...this is more of a "face saving" thing in many Thai marriages and a family that is not living in poverty will likely give the money back to you after the marriage...you will need to figure out how this might work with this Thai girl's family... One thing I have noted over the nearly 50 years of observing Thai/Farang marriages...many Thai women get homesick after the luster of being in a new country and culture is over...most miss their culture, food, and family...this is a serious consideration when taking a Thai bride abroad... Good Luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKResort Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 If will be the bride's first time wedding, and she is very young, sin sod is a tradition in Thai culture, but do not need to be big money, and sometimes is refunded to pay the wedding or something else. Also it is a tradition during the wedding party all guest to give money to the couple. If the bride is not young, or divorced, or with children, sin sod is not a custom even with Thai people. In my case, I was paid "sin sod". I told my future father in law that I didn't had money even for a honeymoon. In our wedding my wife's family gave us 20000 THB to travel. I am in my 60's and my wife in her 40's, married for 4 years already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazza40 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Rule Number 1 is don't get married, because then she has legal claims. Defacto relationships are not recognized in Thailand. Therefore, no sin sod. My teerak is perfectly happy with current situation. I gave her the money to build a house. I provided for her with a Thai will. She thinks I am a good man. End of story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
how241 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I did and mom-in-law gave it right back after the ceremony, saying "take care of my daughter" Sounds like good people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swissie Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Sin sod is an old tradition and not just for farang as some mentioned above - The original negotiation was accomplished by each party appointing a representative to negotiate, so the 2 families would not have to begin w/a potentially contentious situation. simply put, consider it being respectful to her mom and dad, consider it their due for raising a daughter so lovely that you would want to marry her. I see people here complain of this Thai custom. What I have seen on occasion is the farang bragging "I ain't payin no sin sod - it ain't my custom." and if they met in their home country it might have some validity, not if they met here. And more importantly, these are the same guys who end up complaining that the Thai family cheated them - - I guess they forgot that they cheated the Thai family first…. ps - I wonder how much the complainers would grouse if the custom were the other way around and they were to receive money from the girl's family… ps - I wonder how much the complainers would grouse if the custom were the other way around and they were to receive money from the girl's family Customary in India. Except for the fact that the "Sin Sod" is never being given back. = Giving birth to a girl is a future financial liability for the family. Therefore, a married couple, producing mainly female offspring is financially "doomed" to begin with, because the "sin sod" in India is massively higher than in Thailand. - kenk24, has this broadened your horizon somewhat or are you just a cosmopolitan apprentice with much more to learn ? Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huawei Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I did and mom-in-law gave it right back after the ceremony, saying "take care of my daughter"Sounds like good people.And this is how it should be.Married in 1987 told Sin Sod was an outdated tradition by my Thai Boss educated in the USA. If you respect the parents for bringing up your future wife then express that. If you think they haven't then don't. I wasn't impressed, the father seemed very entitled.. Giving face to a family you do not respect sounds very hypocritical..not the right way to start a marriage..if the future wife insists..red flag.. They sound like respectful parents... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slipperylobster Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I often ask my wife if this lady or that lady received sin sod from their thai husbands (they are now divorced). Usually there is just a shrug. These ladies now expect hefty sin sod from foreign men. It is got to be the most devilish scam I have come across. Funniest one is 55, and quite hefty. She is looking for 2 million.... any takers? None of the women I asked about ever plans on returning money. Quite strange that they have changed the rules about mom and pop getting any of it. They just want it to pay off their debts. The whole practice has turned sour. My wife has 8 sisters, none ever received sin sod....two ran off and married without consent. My wife is a divorcee, and her husband had only 10,000 baht for a wedding party (25 years ago). No, I did not pay any kind of sin sod. Mostly....it is an outdated custom changed to enrich a prospective wife and her family. You see, there are a few that claim money was returned after the wedding.......but yes....only a few. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swissie Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I gave the sin sod back the next day. Not the first time you made me laugh - keep it up. Just hilarious ! Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linzz Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I did the Buddhist wedding (not registered) i was building our house and could see the Issans mothers eyes light up at the prospect of a financial jackpot, there was never any intention of returning any money back to me ''a fool and his money are soon parted'' so this fool stopped overseas money transfer to Thailand, slowly ran out of money (not poor though) then the sin sot dilemma started, solution, borrowed money from a lender for the day, for show, rented a shoebox of fake jewellery for the day, everyone was impressed at the rich falang, promissed mama i would give her money at a later day, all happy, when the house was finished they kicked me out. Lucky i had my secret bank account at a friends place or i would be in Bangkok with a tin cup right now, sin sod my arse. Sorry to hear you were unfortunate enough to pick the wrong girl, but you lessened your risk which I tell everyone is critical. Ok the house that you built is gone but thats not the world ! what 800k ? so it's not all gone to the scamming bi*ch. Ozyjon, not knowing all your facts but did your wife know you borrowed money for show and rented a shoe box of fake jewelry? If she was in on it then fine, no problem, But if not she would see through you like a piece of glass.Later you were kicked out. You can't fake fakers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onthemoon Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I had 2 Thai girlfriends (found in bars... I stayed 16 months with the first one and 3 months with the second current one). I never paid Sin Sod. Although parents seems to have talked about it (but I never heard about it myself). Anyway I don't have money. If the girl "love" you, she will have no reason to break up just because of some "culture" thing? You didn't marry them, so this has nothing to do with this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onthemoon Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I recently attended the wedding of a cousin-in-law. The sin sod consisted of cash, gold and land title deeds, totaling a few million Baht. and that was among highly-educated Thai people. So this tradition is very much alive. During our own wedding, there was no sin sod. Probably because there was no bride but two bridegrooms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterphil Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Are you Thai? NO Are you Buddhist? NO Do you pay Sin Sod? NO Are you a bell end if you pay it? YES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anon4546543 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Sinsod was explained to me as repaying the parents for the cost of a good upbringing and gave face to the wife and family in a traditional village wedding. I made a show of wealth and had it all given back to me plus a bowl full of envelopes containing money. This bowl half paid for the wedding. The villagers made beautiful floral arrangements from bamboo, coconut and banana leaves. 9 monks attended the early morning ceremony, the villagers fed them and paid homage. I have a dicky knee and in the act of trying to pay homage, kicked the head monk in the head. He laughed and had someone bring me a pillow. Moving the pillow and me to all 9 monks was clumsy. The last monk was my wifes oldest brother. I tried to shake hands with him. Everyone laughed and my now brother in law tried hard to look dignified through his smile. Hint everyone, you may not touch a monk but he may touch you. He has shaken my hand many times. My wife is beautiful in every sense of the word, my new family respects me, the villagers are always welcoming. Some elderly ladies seek the comfort of the aircon in my house on hot days. They bring eggs, papaya, bananas, star fruit and dragon fruit. So big hint to anyone that wants to listen. Marry the right girl, marry into the right family and most of all, marry for love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KMartinHandyman Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 We had a full on traditional Thai village wedding at mama and papa's home in Issan. Including pre wedding pictures on display the day of the ceremony. Her parents are old world traditional Thai farmers, rice, fruits and vegetables, chickens, cows, cloth weaving etc. The most wonderful day of my life. 200+ family and friends including 4 men who came from the states to be there with me. My wife and I, her family and friends did much of the decorating with palm, banana, bamboo, reed and balloons. Many people stayed awake all Saturday night to be ready for the 9am Sunday ceremony. We hired out the food, drinks and flowers to known and trusted individuals. Her brothers and their many friends handled the big tent borrowed from the temple and set up the sound system,,complete with speakers 8 feet tall in the back of a dump truck. We had the grooms procession of my friends and villagers with 6 of papas friends playing drums. I gave envelopes with a few hundred baht to her girlfriends to pass by the ropes and claim my bride. Her brothers father in law took off my boots and her niece washed my feet. The village headman performed the ceremony in the living room while 50+ people from babies to 90+ years old looked on. The other 150 listened over the sound system at the reception pavilion. It was wonderful to see the children learn the tradition and the old men and women see it continued,, nodding and smiling,,maybe for the last time at their age. She and I handed out bride and groom refrigerator magnets with our names and date on it to everyone while they ate. I brought some reserve whiskey from the states and went around meeting people and pouring a nip for those who wished to try it. That was a lot of fun! My wife was late 30's and never married. She put together the wedding she wanted and did it well under what I would have gladly paid. When a Thai lady marries a foreigner she is rejecting Thai men and by extension Thai women married to a Thai. She is putting that baggage on her family as well. It was my choice and insistence that we follow custom completely and send everyone the message that I value my wife highly and respect her, her family, the villagers and their culture. And yes I gave her a decent amount of brides gold jewelry which she quietly keeps safely put away and rarely wears. It is fashion and a small bit of financial security you are giving her. And yes I happily gave her parents an adequate cash Sin Sod. They were appropriately thankful and allotted the money for a much needed roof replacement, some fencing and a few new implements. The guests all returned the invitation envelopes with cash inside. I chose to give 50% to my wife and 25% each to mama and papa as it was their friends and family who they had given money to over the years attending and returning the money. (Mama keeps a ledger of how much they have given and how much their friends have given, reciprocation is expected) By marrying this way she has realized her dream wedding, brought her family respect and joy to the village, if only for a day. We have repaid "the mothers milk" and by doing so improved her parents living conditions in their old age. They now worry less as every parent would about their daughter being alone and still being a bit of a liability for them. Most of all for her it fulfilled deeply rooted expectations of the only daughter to marry in Thai tradition and began a new chapter of her life. She is now able to begin the process of being a wife and her own woman, not only mama's rebellious daughter always having to give strong consideration to what mama thinks or wants her to do. Mama continues to assert her opinion but my wife seems better equipped to make up her own mind now and not always give in to keep the peace as in the past. The Thai village wedding takes a little or a lot of money,,up to you but it is not all about the money it is about the tradition and respect of the culture when dealing with the older generation in my experience. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
connda Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Me? No. I just paid off an old loan that had her and her mom's land and house as collateral. My stepson. Yeah, we paid some sin sod which was given to the kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinot Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Lot of input from bitter, keenio farangs. Just to put things into perspective, the average wedding in the West is $20,000. Most sin sot can be settled for 200k baht ($5500). Of course all situations are different but I won't be building any houses. I'm never asked for anything. I love my Thai family. If somehow you get screwed in the deal, you're a poor judge of character or too naive to have seen the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onthemoon Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Are you Thai? NO Are you Buddhist? NO Do you pay Sin Sod? NO Are you a bell end if you pay it? YES Do you understand and respect the culture of the country you are marrying into? NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anon4546543 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 misterphil, I feel so sorry for you. When in the army, I was taught that the worst possible attribute you can feel, is to feel sorry for someone. Never the less you are bitter and twisted and have been damaged, if not personally, at least in your mind. I suggest you contain your rage, find a lady you can love and respect, not treat as a possession, a partner for your future life. And let go. My Thai wife, her family are beautiful and support us, her village accepts me. You have not found a good lady, or tried to. But your experience is not of many foreigners here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostnigel Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 3years ago, i refused to pay Sinsod....been divorced ever since, luvverly jubbly!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tajtom Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 If she really loves you you would not need talk to any family They dont give her money or a life you do right. Support her and that stuff No need ask anyone anything LOL I married and I not talk one word Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverSure Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 ...when the house was finished they kicked me out. -snip- I know two guys personally that this happened to. In both cases they thought all was good until some Thai guys showed up at the door and told them that a "health emergency" required that they leave the area immediately and never come back. True. I wonder how many farang built houses there are in Thailand where the farang can't ever come back. As for sin sod I have no comment because I'll never marry again. I don't understand why anyone would when there is freedom and a candy store out there. This appears to be an age of disposable marriages and I'm just fine single. Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houlicha Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I wouldn't. But then I don't pay bar fines either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anon4546543 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 neversure, I did not expect you to comment on this topic. As an American who lives his whole life in America, and ridicules Thai culture, sometimes you are the pits. Like I had a friend and one time I heard, and other rumour mongering. Sometimes you make sense on international topics, this time you are way out of your depth. Now you and your "intelligent" friends, bring it on, you guys have lost the plot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anon4546543 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 tajtom said. I married and I not say anything. Except you just broadcast it all over the internet. Very clever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hhgz Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 "I am still young, in my 20's, so I don't know what to do." At what age are you going to know what to do? Seriously. "Did everyone pay sin sod?" No, of course not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nidieunimaitre Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Are you Thai? NO Are you Buddhist? NO Do you pay Sin Sod? NO Are you a bell end if you pay it? YES Do you understand and respect the culture of the country you are marrying into? NO Do you understand that Thailand is in the process of losing it's own culture? Do you understand that Thailand is now embracing farang culture? Do you understand that Thailand has not (yet) come to grips with it's new farang culture? Do you understand that Thailand now is a very confused nation? Maybe you should not tell farangs how to behave based on a disappearing culture? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hgma Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I really enjoyed the Sin Sod part of my ceremony........all money was in dollars, not because I had dollars but family members contributed to the stash just before the Photo sessions. Needless to say that after the session I don't even know where all that money went, yet all seemed very happy and we have piles of Photographs for the kids to be 'proud'of. We are living in SEA and family is always considered first choice, well untill the kids arrived that is (in our case) Oh my wife is Lao, family originally from Isan. I truly loved the ceremony 15 years ago! Sin Sod.......with the right spouse a culture to remain. With the wrong family,don't continue your relationship other then leaving with her to your homecountry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hgma Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I really enjoyed the Sin Sod part of my ceremony........all money was in dollars, not because I had dollars but family members contributed to the stash just before the Photo sessions. Needless to say that after the session I don't even know where all that money went, yet all seemed very happy and we have piles of Photographs for the kids to be 'proud'of. We are living in SEA and family is always considered first choice, well untill the kids arrived that is (in our case) Oh my wife is Lao, family originally from Isan. I truly loved the ceremony 15 years ago! Sin Sod.......with the right spouse a culture to remain. With the wrong family,don't continue your relationship other then leaving with her to your homecountry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stoneyboy Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I always tell my GF in my culture the brides father pays for the wedding,if it's love they understand naturally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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