Relationships in thailand

[riorobc023]

I've been with a girl now well over 3 months, and i'm curious about this situation at hand.

We are extremely attracted to each other and feel as if we have known each other for years and years (true)

Both of us are extremely well off and healthy individuals.

But, when it comes to relationships in thailand what is up with this;

She will not tell her mom that she is in a relationship although she talks to her mom every other day.

We went to travel to another Asian country for her birthday and she just told her mom she went with some friends their.

We have gone on 3 or 4 trips together since being together and yet she has not told her mom

Lastly she will come to my country in a few months and when asked if she will tell her mom, again she chuckled...

But, her two best friends know about me and think highly of me, and she said that is what matters most.

i asked her if she was close to her mom and she said yes, and i said , So why don't you tell her we are in a relationship?

She replied "This is the thai style, and thai way for relationship"

If i'm not mistaken i think she said her mom is "old school"

Anyone want to shed some light about this?

[chickenslegs]

I can only speak for myself.

My MiL knew about my wife's relationship with me even before I did.

If she is keeping secrets from her mother, something is amiss.

[riorobc023]

I can only speak for myself.

My MiL knew about my wife's relationship with me even before I did.

If she is keeping secrets from her mother, something is amiss.

weird. what could possibly be the big secret ?

maybe her past relationship that lasted two years with another falang went wrong somewhere ?

she is embarrassed to tell mom that she is in relationship with falang?

she probably makes 150,000$ a year and i am well well over that, so i don't know what the issue is as it has nothing to do with money

its very puzzling for me, and i let go about the issue, because she isn't going anywhere, and neither am i.

but seriously strange

if any others have opinions please shed light thanks

[CharlieH]

If she(the mother) is "old school", then she (the daughter) may well be already "spoken for" and her parents have arranged for her to be with someone else, it is a possibility. She doesnt want her knowing she is with you and the fruit from the tree has been spoiled, and that her parents would then lose face to the other family, especially if they are "hi-so" or think they are.

Just an option to consider.

[Oceanbat]

How old are you? How old is she? It's likely she doesn't think her mum will approve.

My wife's cousin didn't tell his mum he was visiting us in Singapore with his gf as she didn't approve and they are both Thai.

OB

[TheFishman1]

Her mother would not approve of you no matter how much money you make. I was see a girl who said her mother would not approve of me because I was not Chinesse and Thai go figure

[Fabricus]

I can only speak for myself.

My MiL knew about my wife's relationship with me even before I did.

If she is keeping secrets from her mother, something is amiss.

This is pretty much the truth.

But, her two best friends know about me and think highly of me, and she said that is what matters most.

The above comment speaks volumes. The OP is being lied to.

Edited October 3, 2015 by Fabricus

[Crazy chef 1]

If she(the mother) is "old school", then she (the daughter) may well be already "spoken for" and her parents have arranged for her to be with someone else, it is a possibility. She doesnt want her knowing she is with you and the fruit from the tree has been spoiled, and that her parents would then lose face to the other family, especially if they are "hi-so" or think they are.

Just an option to consider.

Pretty true.

But another option is she wants to test you if you are sincere and if she introduces you to her family/ mother a new dimension begins....hope it works well

[riorobc023]

Her mother would not approve of you no matter how much money you make. I was see a girl who said her mother would not approve of me because I was not Chinesse and Thai go figure

from what i gathered thus far this is the answer.

fellas, she had a boyfriend for two 1/2 years and never told her family. go figure right

not being lied to , but hell, its just a girlfriend right :shrug:

mother doesnt speak a lick of english as well, so communication would be a no - go

[CharlieH]

Her mother would not approve of you no matter how much money you make. I was see a girl who said her mother would not approve of me because I was not Chinesse and Thai go figure

from what i gathered thus far this is the answer.

fellas, she had a boyfriend for two 1/2 years and never told her family. go figure right

not being lied to , but hell, its just a girlfriend right :shrug:

mother doesnt speak a lick of english as well, so communication would be a no - go

Then you also need to learn some basic Thai pretty damn quick. Trust me you;ll need it, if only to know whats being discussed and about you.

[richard_smith237]

This is nothing to worry about - your situation is not unusual for a respectable man dating a respectable young lady.

As you mentioned, your girlfriends friends know about you and like you. She'll get round to telling her parents, but you've only been together for 3 months. There is no need to rush, just enjoy your time together. It seems as though you have a respectable lady who respects her parents and does't want to rush things.

There must be some sort of time frame in her mind after which time she'll accept it's a good time to introduce you to her parents officially - this is likely to be when she is confident of your future together.

My Wife, who before marriage lived with her parents, travelled to the UK with me after a year of dating, she told her parents she was visiting her cousin who lived there. Of course, all her friends knew, her brother knew (and asked me to take good care of her) - We did also visit her cousin.

After about a year I met my Wife's parents, they were cautious of her dating a Westerner, but soon grew to accept it and understand. We used to have dinner together fairly regularly. But after we asked they wouldn't let her go to the UK with me as we weren't married, it just wasn't acceptable in their eyes. I respected their decision.

When it came to the time to ask my Wife's Father for her hand he was happy to accept and understood that his daughter loved me, he was happy to see her happy. This was also the first time I put my foot down. My Wife's parents were aware I was going to ask them for her hand in marriage, they'd decided to invite some friends and a number of relatives. I believed it to be a more intimate occasion to be enjoyed by immediate family only, my future Inlaws respected my wishes. This mutual respect has continued throughout our relationship.

Now we have a child. The inlaws pop around whenever they want (its their right to see their grandchild as often as they want), we all get along well and have a good family relationship. I'm now comfortable enough to feel free to relax and be myself around them.

Be respectful of your girlfriends wishes, she's not hiding you from her parents. In the eyes of Thai parents Westerners in relationships can be remarkably fickle, think of it as she is protecting them from worrying about their daughter until such a time she feels you are 'the one' and is comfortable in the fact that you won't simply be dating her for a few years and move on.

Edited October 3, 2015 by richard_smith237

[stoneyboy]

Completely normal behaviour.

A close friend of mine who is a teacher has been in Bangkok over a year now and has been in a relationship with a Thai man,this is a completely Thai - Thai relationship,her mother and senior Police officer father have no idea she hasn't told them.

When she finds fit she will tell them,why tell them if the relationship could turn sour,she is still deciding if he is the one for her.

[JAFO]

@riorbc023,

Yours seems pretty normal. Keep in mind your dealing with 2 different culture approaches. Mine went a similar path. Met her best friend when the 3 of us went to dinner and this was after about 4 months or so. few more months later was friends and co workers at a hospital celebration party. Few more months later was attending her friends wedding. Months later finally met her sister. From that "Seal of approval" I finally got to meet the family at a big new years get together. I will say after you have gone that path meeting the family you better plan on taking her to the big dance because you might be hunted down and killed if not.... .. Just kidding. So take it slow and be glad you are only meeting friends.

FWIIW, Id keep the spouting about the money you make and what she makes out of it for a host of reasons. Firstly makes you seem a bit snooty and second it could lead to other issues and expectations. Honestly people don't care about how much money you make.

IMHO 3 months is waaaaaaaaaaay to soon to be wondering about relationship questions. At 3 months you are dating. It could be turned off in a minute. Wait for a year or more to call it a relationship.

[bermondburi]

You say you feel like you've known each other for years. That's a bit naive in my opinion. You'll know each other a while lot better after sleepless night with kids and living together for a few years. You're just getting to know each other. She probably doesn't want to tell her mum till she's certain about you. No big deal.

[eldragon]

I'd say she's either afraid of what her mother will think about her dating a foreigner or there hasn't been enough time since her last bf. Either that or she just doesn't want her mother to know about you until she's really sure about the relationship, same as anyone anywhere else in the world. Only been three months.

Edited October 3, 2015 by eldragon

[TuskegeeBen]

If she(the mother) is "old school", then she (the daughter) may well be already "spoken for" and her parents have arranged for her to be with someone else, it is a possibility. She doesnt want her knowing she is with you and the fruit from the tree has been spoiled, and that her parents would then lose face to the other family, especially if they are "hi-so" or think they are.

Just an option to consider.

[TuskegeeBen]

Asian women, are by far, the most sophisticated actors on the planet, and especially the Chinese.

Being a black-man in Asia, keeps one connected to the terra-firma, moment-to-moment realities of Asian life. We, immediately get to see their real faces,….at first sight. No smoke & mirrors facades presented to us,….and I thank God for the small favors..

However, if you’re not a member of The Richard Forbrain society of western expats in Asia, and, you know how to pay attention; then read her body language (and other non-verbals),

etc. Three months is certainly long enough, to determine if there is a relationship worth developing for future growth, with any woman, from any country on the planet.

Just start dating someone else, or suddenly stop being so readily available, whenever she's "in the mood" to see you. She'll take her mask off,....quickly, to claim her territory,

if she really cares about you.

Good luck

Edited October 4, 2015 by TuskegeeBen

[bermondburi]

Think you have issues about being black there.

[riorobc023]

Thanks everyone for responding my woes are gone. What a relief

About the money thing she is very materialistic and has a big ego, but again i think this is a thai thing, when people begin to make "new big money" and think they are "something in this world" . I just laugh it off and never mention anything. Different countries different cultures

thanks guys

[MaeJoMTB]

Option 1

Mum knows her real Thai husband and would tell on her.

You are only number two (or three ........)

Option 2

Mum thinks white men are scum, and would disinherit daughter if she found out.

[Suradit69]

f you had to travel to Thailand to have a "relationship," how well did you understand relationships back in FarangLand?

[oneday]

She is probably embarrassed or just doesn't know how to tell her mom you are a falang.

Or she just doesn't want her mom interfering with her traditional advice, morals and/or demands.

Or both or something along that vain.

My girl (good girl, never had a boyfriend before, been with 6 years now) didn't know how to tell her father for a long, long time. It was, for some reason, easier for her to introduce me to her mother first (her parents were divorced). Each Thai girl and her relationship to her parents will give you different results. It's that simple. You will have to squeeze the real reason out of your girl and it may take time.

[F4UCorsair]

My guess is that with an income of way more than $150K she thinks you're a loser and would be embarrassed to introduce you to her family.

85 posts so probably not a troll, but sure sounds lile a troll post to me

Edited October 4, 2015 by F4UCorsair

[dotpoom]

She obviously does not want her Mother to know about you....does it really matter....just get on with enjoying each other's company and stop thinking too much. In a hundred years from now will it matter either way?

Edited October 4, 2015 by dotpoom

[ronthai]

I know of a farang and Thai relationship and have been together for over 15 years, while living in Pattaya.

Her family does not know they are together.

WHY, simple she says if I tell them, they will constantly bother me for money and than I need to bother you (boyfriend) and that will only break or loving and trusting relationship.

Maybe your girl sees it the same way and has had experiences with farang and family before, by which the family was the cause of the breakup.

[oxo1947]

Option 1

Mum knows her real Thai husband and would tell on her.

You are only number two (or three ........)

Option 2

Mum thinks white men are scum, and would disinherit daughter if she found out.

Option 3

You seem so screwed up about anyone's relationship---that you are incapable of giving any decent advice ..........

[kerrysum]

Ah, personally I do not know what part of Thailand that you are living in, hey give us a clue..... So I guess 3 months is a long relationship... Have you met the father? If she says she is old school, then meet the father also. Remember do not let your little head do all the thinking.... And yes there are relationships, but then again there is trust.... Guess it just depends on where they are from... Sometimes mothers are the bargainers from my experience... And also do not know where you met her? More history would be helpful. One can never ask an open question, without a little reality!

Sorry just my thoughts....

[kerrysum]

Option 1

Mum knows her real Thai husband and would tell on her.

You are only number two (or three ........)

Option 2

Mum thinks white men are scum, and would disinherit daughter if she found out.

Option 3

You seem so screwed up about anyone's relationship---that you are incapable of giving any decent advice ..........

Once again a duh response, can you go a little more in depth?

Thailand is different in all parts of the country.... Hey, have fun.....

[eggers]

Sound like it's mostly about not "loosing face".

In other words, whilst she may love you, in the back of her mind maybe there's a doubt, that the relationship may not last for some reason.

Therefore, to tell her family, there could be issues of acceptance of you & as said, if relationship fails she would "loose face" with family & friends.

There's a good book worth reading called "Thailand Fever" which explains Thai culture & customs in relationships. It's written in both Thai & English, so a Thai partner gets understanding from Farang point of view & vice/versa. You'll get it at Kinokuniya or other good book stores.

[kerrysum]

If she(the mother) is "old school", then she (the daughter) may well be already "spoken for" and her parents have arranged for her to be with someone else, it is a possibility. She doesnt want her knowing she is with you and the fruit from the tree has been spoiled, and that her parents would then lose face to the other family, especially if they are "hi-so" or think they are.

Just an option to consider.

Thank you

I consider the whole ideal is absolutely correct... A very true observation, been there and have done that. Is it all about losing face? Or money... This has been going on for years in Thailand... So I guess

old school = bend over. You can buy virginity at any price? Just a thought.... The reality is, how old is ,"Old School?" Wow I could tell some people some real stories! And yes it happens within the Thai community also.... Just a thought... Sorry can't put an emoticon to this one....