Divorcing Thai wife in UK with six year old child

[Djetou]

Yea I know I've messed up. Been with wife 7 years and have been married just over 3 years (I'm 35, she 28). We married in Thailand and at that point moved to the UK. My wife had 27 month settlement and obtained indefiant leave to remain in March 2015. In June she submitted a home rights order and in July file for divorce on "unreasonable behaviour", the reasons are comical.

There is no chance of divorcing in Thailand because she is fully aware she won't get a slice of my property as under Thai law pre marital assets stay with that person. Problem is she has the famous "Thai mates" in the background telling her how much she could get. She has told me she wants 50% of the house (roughly £50,000) a house that I bought nearly 10 years before we married. She also of course wants full custody of our son because that a further meal ticket.

When she first came to the UK she left for 6 months, leaving our child with me so I'm hoping when I prove this it could hold some weight. I've offered her £15,000 go away money but she said no.

I've been running my bank account down to zero each month. I have spoken to a solicitor but have yet agreed to use one as I don't have money at this point to throw around.

Any advice? The wife is determined to drag it to court as she believes she will get the best deal that way. Currently living in the same house with me paying all the bills (of course).

I'm starting to feel £50,000 is what it's going to take to get her out of my life. She has next to no income, courts will know she is reliant on having our son in order to survive here.

[fitzcaraldo]

Get à good lawyer maybe à woman layer. Shop around d for that. In thé mean time keep thé good behaviour

[Djetou]

Yes I will get a good solicitor

Any further advice? Maybe from someone who has been through the process before

[blackcab]

I think you would be lucky to only lose half the house. Plenty of cases where guys lose 70%-100% of the property.

This is going to be an expensive lesson.

[Djetou]

Thanks blackcab

Yea I've heard similar stories. The house is the only asset I have, no pension, savings etc. had the house most of my adult life from 22 years old to now 35 years old. I am not willingly to sign over 50% to her,i would rather her take me through the courts and lose 70-100% than give up like a punk.

[blackcab]

Thing is she will have legal aid. That means her solicitor will fight everything you do and they will enjoy it. You, on the other hand, will have to pay for your representation.

Either she gets awarded costs and you pay her fees too, or the legal aid people put a charge on the property when it is sold.

You lose either way.

Overal the Court will decide who "needs" what. That's normally a minimum of 50% of the property. If you can't maintain her and the child on top, expect them to get more.

[MaeJoMTB]

With the kid,

She will get the house outright, free and clear, if there is any outstanding mortgage payments, you will be required to pay them.

10-15% of your income until the child is age 18 (or 19 if in further education).

50% of any pension rights you earned during the marriage, 50% of your NI entitlement if she didn't pay her own.

You get to pay her legal bill too (how unfair is that).

Note: financial declaration requires details of you bank accounts, for 12 months prior to her filing.

It's hard to hide money.

This is fairly standard with all UK divorces.

The judge will have set instructions on the division, nothing you can do.

They get a lot less without a child.

Bad luck.

Been there done that, lost a 400kGBP house.

[Jackin1960]

Sorry to hear you are at this point in your life. If the house is in your name now then some quick moves could sort that. First is to sell it, you could sell it to a company that you set up headed by family/someone you trust who would then rent it back to you for a high rent. Make sure you sell for a low price and the "money" is then seen to have been used/ spent very important. Keep this secret so if or when the big day comes she can't get a thing. Try to move the family out to another place and rent your place out to another family.Then if things do go south you should be OK if they improve don't change things in a rush.

There must be other ways of doing something like this before you lose it all and end up with nothing. She as you said is just out to skin you alive.

Yes I can hear some saying you can't do this but if there is nothing to split then there is nothing for you to lose. Even less if she can't get you to agree to a divorce and after a couple of years the chances of them unraveling what happened to you house and the funds will be history.

[MaeJoMTB]

Sorry to hear you are at this point in your life. If the house is in your name now then some quick moves could sort that. First is to sell it, you could sell it to a company that you set up headed by family/someone you trust who would then rent it back to you for a high rent. Make sure you sell for a low price and the money is then seen to have been used/ spent, then keep it out of reach of everyone. Keep this secret so when the big day comes she can't get a thing. Try to move the family out to another place and rent your place out to another family.Then if things do go south you should be OK if they improve don't change things in a rush.

There must be other ways of doing something like this before you lose it all and end up with nothing. She as you said is just out to skin you alive.

Read the Op,

She already has an occupation order.

[blackcab]

She has a home rights order. The property can not be sold or mortgaged.

[oncearugge]

The best the OP can do is hope for a mutual settlement achieved outside t court followed by a divorce based on two years separation.

Legal advise should be obtained but a contested divorce will be expensive and the OP the likely looser.

[Djetou]

Thanks all for your advice. From what I've heard she will not be entitled to legal aid, this was stopped a couple of years ago. The only way she would qualify for legal aid is if she claims to be a victim of abuse. So we will both have to pay our own legal costs.

I will speak to a solicitor about if I should just agree to her demands of 50%, to be honest I don't see why I should make it so easy for her. I might be wrong but with no pension or savings, only the house as an asset I would be shocked if a judge handed her everything and left me with nothing.

It's a learning curve alright, one thing is for sure that I will never get married again (all women, not just Thai)

[Thongkorn]

I know somebody in a similar position ,all she got was £4000 becasue he had everything before she married him ,

[Djetou]

Thongkorn did they divorce in UK through the courts? How long were they married for?

[MAJIC]

It seems you are getting a lot of Divorce misinformation here,so perhaps you will get more balanced information from this link.

http://www.brownsadvocates.com/services/finances/how-court-decides-who-gets-what

[meatboy]

first i would report this to the HOME OFFICE looks like she has been planning this for awhile[with some evil tw-ts] and yes there are plenty in the uk.

tell them that she has been waitng to get her ILR now 3months later she wants out,what a suprise.when she applied for ILR she was suposed to report that everything is ok.and the marriage stable NOT SO.

so see if they give you any advice.but contact a divorce lawyer KNOW,they will more than likely take the same view as me.

GOOD LUCK.

[blackcab]

She has ILR. That's it. She will be staying in the UK for as long as she wants.

The exceptions are if she lied on the application or if it was a sham marriage.

Given that the OP lived with her for years it was not a sham marriage.

[jacky54]

Makes buying a small house for a wife over in Thailand and just losing that (probably can't sell anyway) seem not such a bad deal after all.

[faraday]

Get a Solicitor now.

Prepare yourself to be shafted by her.

Then, learn from this experience,but don't become a mysoginist.

You're young, life can suck sometimes. You'll get over it.

[The Man Who Sold the World]

Dtejou:

Soliciting legal advice on an expat internet forum - well, you get what you pay for.

Although a couple of "this is what happened" or "this is what I heard happened" stories may be good reads, they are only stories and have little or no bearing on what is going to happen to you and your family.

For your protection you need to get formal legal advice - get a lawyer, or possibly, two or three legal opinions from licensed attorneys on how to proceed to protect your family.

Realize, the law is grey, not black and white. Every situation is different and, what any judge is going to decide is, not what is best for you, or best for your wife (or soon to be ex), but, What is Best for the Child. And, this is what you, as the father, should be concentrating, fighting and arguing for.

In this situation you need to get formal, qualified legal advice and try, to the best of your ability, to remove emotion from your decision making and approach this as trying to make the best of an undesirable situation.

But - remember - It is the Child who comes first.

[MaeJoMTB]

Realize, the law is grey, not black and white. Every situation is different and, what any judge is going to decide is, not what is best for you, or best for your wife (or soon to be ex), but, What is Best for the Child. And, this is what you, as the father, should be concentrating, fighting and arguing for.

Having done this in the UK,

The judge has little or no discretion in the division of assets where a child is concerned.

His ruling will be, child to her, house to her, 10-15% of the mans income until the child is 19.

That'a just how it is. (unless you have proof the woman was a drug addict or prostitute)

What is best for the child ...... they are living in a house with their mum.

Dad can be out on the street.

Not to mention, the woman can go back to court for more money at any time in that 19 years, no deal is final.

Then the man has to go through it all over again, new financial declarations, savings, bank accounts, etc.

Until it happened to me I had no idea, mainly because the UK family court is very secretive.

My solicitor cost me around 5000gbp/month.

100gbp to write a letter, 50gbp to read a letter. And they write plenty of letters to each other.

Did no good at all, just added to the expense.

In the end, I saw the writing on the wall, gave up, never to return or see my children again.

Nothing they can do once you are out of the country.

My brother is made of sterner (or sillier) stuff, been back to court every other year for the last 8 years when she wants more.

And she still prevented him seeing his kids ever again.

[Djetou]

Thanks for all your advice

I'm not going to throw in the towel and will make her fight it all the way to court. She has slipped up a number of times like texting me "when I get custody you will only see him when I say so" also she wrote on the divorce petition that I have not supported her or cared for her for over two years (funny how I paid £1200 for ILR only 9 months ago). If that's how she really felt she could have left 2 years ago but obviously didn't so she could gain a perminant visa to the UK and make it easier to claim against me.

[MaeJoMTB]

Thanks for all your advice

I'm not going to throw in the towel and will make her fight it all the way to court. She has slipped up a number of times like texting me "when I get custody you will only see him when I say so" also she wrote on the divorce petition that I have not supported her or cared for her for over two years (funny how I paid £1200 for ILR only 9 months ago). If that's how she really felt she could have left 2 years ago but obviously didn't so she could gain a perminant visa to the UK and make it easier to claim against me.

Funny how you think that will make any difference to anything.

UK is a no fault system.

She could have been having affairs, lying cheating and stealing from you all the time.

Makes absolutely no difference to the outcome, the judge usually doesn't bother reading the rubbish you submit.

You get visiting rights,

she'll claim risk of abduction, and you'll be doing supervised visits in a social security office watched by SS.

she'll arrange dentist visits and birthday parties in your times.

She can stop you seeing them completely for around 5 years, with no punishment.

You get a court order, she breaks it, ad infinitum, no punishments for mum ..........

[Whyamiandwhatamidoinghere]

Keep your head up and get a good attorney. Don't listen to negative people in this forum. Every situation is different. The important thing at the moment is don't let her draw you into a trap with any misbehavior charge. That will greatly screw you. Fight for joint custody. It costly but the alternative will be a nightmare if she has sole custody. There would be seemly endless court summons and lawyer fees in the future for support increases. Joint custody will eliminate that. This is the fight of your life, your happiness and your future financial stability. Don't just roll over like some people do. I will pray for you.

[Djetou]

Whyiamandwhatamidoinghere

Thanks I will keep positive and will instruct my solicitor to go for full custody. My wife left the UK for over six months and left me with our son, I have never been apart from my son whereas his mother has. It was not a sham marriage but obviously my wife has shown signs of deceat by obviously waiting it out until she got ILR. I will need to prove to the court that being with his mother is not in his best interest, my son can hardly speak a word of Thai that shows an example of her laziness.

[blackcab]

How much English does your wife speak? If her English is poor and your son's Thai is very poor, your solicitor needs to argue that her having custody is not in the child's best interests.

[Djetou]

My wife met the minimum requirements on the English test when she applied for her UK visa (she failed it the first time). If she does homework with my son she needs to use google sometimes in order to understand.

I believe her English has not really inproved since she has come to the UK, she only socialises with Thai friends, works in a Thai restaurant and watches Thai TV on her iPad instead of watching English television.

[blackcab]

If the house is sold or she receives cash, there is a good chance she will head back to Thailand. From what you have said, she never really left.

If she takes your son with her then you will be paying more just to see him again.

Have a read of this excellent site - the links on the left download a detailed pdf. You need to think now because she has been light years ahead of you so far.

http://www.reunite.org/pages/prevention.asp

[fitzcaraldo]

As thé wife left thé home you got a good case. But thé judges need certified facts like passport page copy not only Word From famille and friends.

Compile as much documents you can