In praise of divorced men

[Fabricus]

I talk to westerners young and old alike, but these days I only take seriously men who've been through divorce. I believe firmly that divorced men are the ones who know most about life. Divorced men are invariably more interesting, more knowledgeable and wiser.

I don't get a kick out of hearing pipsqueaks telling me their GF is "different" or their marriage is "rock solid". This is all part and parcel of life. It's important not to be bitter or cynical.

But I genuinely feel that only divorced men really understand life, love and relationships.

[SoiBiker]

In the same way that those who've been in a car accident know the most about driving?

[JHolmesJr]

Divorced men seem to be the ones who haven't a clue of holding a relationship together….well thats how it appears at least.

[benalibina]

As many expats living in LOS are divorced before they came , you live in the correct country then....

[ukrules]

What about those of us who weren't naive enough to get married in the first place ?

[rogeroc]

I agree that most negative experiences in life that you overcome, divorce / addictions / serious accidents will make you wiser whatever your gender.

JHolmesJr said

'Divorced men seem to be the ones who haven't a clue of holding a relationship together….well thats how it appears at least.'

I have been divorced twice and i think that judgement could correctly have been applied for me on both occasions (was a slow learner) In hindsight i should have been less nice, less reasonable and less compromising!

[rogeroc]

What about those of us who weren't naive enough to get married in the first place ?

Oh, yes how i wish i had not been so naive. Then on the other hand i would be less wise and with less stories to tell !

[JLCrab]

In the same way that those who've been in a car accident know the most about driving?

If you were in a car accident because somebody ran a red light, you may be the person whose car was struck as you went through the intersection with the green light, or you were the person who ran the red light.

[MAJIC]

Well it could be said that male farangs of the species most definately pick up the pieces when marriages break down in Thailand! as can be witnessed very requently on TV.

Edited November 2, 2015 by MAJIC

[arunsakda]

Why marry? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

[YeahSiam]

If people wanna get

married, up to them

but I could never see

the point of

committing to go

through life financially

and legally manacled

to another person.

That's a throwback to

when religion thought

that any man who

wasn't up to his neck

in debt with

responsibilities coming

out of his ears would

simply take his

paycheck and blow it

all on prostitutes,

booze and drugs.

[JLCrab]

If people wanna get

married, up to them

but I could never see

the point of

committing to go

through life financially

and legally manacled

to another person.

That's a throwback to

when religion thought

that any man who

wasn't up to his neck

in debt with

responsibilities coming

out of his ears would

simply take his

paycheck and blow it

all on prostitutes,

booze and drugs.

Some do it just to get a marriage visa / extension if under 50.

Others just go the knock-up-a Thai-girl-get-a-visa route

with support of the kid.

Edited November 3, 2015 by JLCrab

[MaeJoMTB]

Divorced men seem to be the ones who haven't a clue of holding a relationship together.well thats how it appears at least.

I was married for 30 years before the divorce.

Next marriage 6 years and still going.

How long have you managed to hold a relationship together?

Edited November 3, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[Fabricus]

Why marry? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

Rod Stewart

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

[rogeroc]

Yep, good point, 14 years for me and monogamous as well !!

[CharlieH]

Off topic removed.

[JAFO]

My contribution from a divorced man.

My take on this is if you married early in life and drank the "Through good and bad, sickness and health etc etc" Kool Aid then you likely never gave it a thought long term. I know I didn't. I mean how could anyone really. People grow up, People change, interests change, life changes, values change, careers change and this is why I feel that marriage vows are not very realistic nor are the expectations. I am a divorcee. Was married 21 years. My ex and I grew apart, simple as that. What drew us together in our early 20's had long been forgotten and we had both matured and what we wanted from life had drastically changed. We split amicably. We built our assets and wealth together and we split it 50/50.

What did I learn...A TON!!! What I can tell others...a lot. My best advice to people is do not be bitter, hold grudges, etc. It serves no purpose and only ends up consuming the person and jades them from ever having a relationship without some sort of chip on their shoulder. I say this, when you met you were strangers and when you divorced you were strangers once again. Realize that the person you meet today will not be the same person in 5, 10, 15 years and beyond and honestly you do not want them to be(that would be really boring IMHO). You just hope their changes and are ones that you can live with.

Early on I used to scoff at people that had been married 2 and 3 times. After divorcing I respected them in a weird way. I felt they made a decision that the person they were with was the wrong person for them and they needed to get out versus staying in an unhealthy relationship. I cant tell you how many acquaintances I know right now that are in a terrible, mean, boring marriages and wont leave due to the perception of a failed marriage. So the best years of their life blow by them being miserable and unfulfilled. What a life. I know many that go to marriage counseling and all that does is make some "shrink" wealthy. Very few ever fix their marriages. Then there are the other ones that have GF's and mistresses outside the marriage again to avoid divorce and the "failed" perception. How is that being "Married"

I am glad I got divorced. Mine would have never made the grade as I simply didn't love her anymore. I reasonably enjoyed being single for 5 years or so as it allowed me to realize I like a monogamous relationship as I hated the dating game and that I want to share a life with someone. I remarried 3+ years ago while we were visiting the States to introduce my then GF to family and friends. We are quite happy and can't wait to get back to our home in Thailand. Who knows what the next 5, 10, or 15 years hold but I only think about today.

[rogeroc]

I enjoyed reading you Post, i think it contains many words of wisdom within.

[JLCrab]

I enjoyed reading you Post, i think it contains many words of wisdom within.

The above may very well be a good heads-up for those in a difficult marriage or contemplating marriage. My 2 siblings -- one older one younger -- have 5 marriages between them and that has been enough of a heads-up for me. I'm still stuck at 0.

[arunsakda]

Why marry? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

Rod Stewart

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

Not claiming credit, it is a very old joke. I heard Johnny Carson use it but he stole from somebody else. Probably goes back to Vaudeville.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[MaeJoMTB]

Why marry? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

Rod Stewart

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

Not claiming credit, it is a very old joke. I heard Johnny Carson use it but he stole from somebody else. Probably goes back to Vaudeville.

Probably not, as women didn't get to keep the house until the 1980s.

[arunsakda]

Not in California. Blame Governor Ronald Reagan.

Edited November 4, 2015 by arunsakda

[Fabricus]

My contribution from a divorced man.

What did I learn...A TON!!! What I can tell others...a lot. My best advice to people is do not be bitter, hold grudges, etc. It serves no purpose and only ends up consuming the person and jades them from ever having a relationship without some sort of chip on their shoulder.

Excellent advice.

A long time ago I went to an expat bar in Soi Nana and met some of the most bitter men imaginable. All they did was complain about their losses and berate Thai women.

It's important to understand the causes of divorce. When I was getting separated I read a lot about female infidelity and how certain women get addicted to the thrill of cheating.

[MaeJoMTB]

It's important to understand the causes of divorce. When I was getting separated I read a lot about female infidelity and how certain women get addicted to the thrill of cheating.

I always put it down to avarice, wrath and sloth.

And that's just the women in western divorces.

[Fabricus]

It's important to understand the causes of divorce. When I was getting separated I read a lot about female infidelity and how certain women get addicted to the thrill of cheating.

I always put it down to avarice, wrath and sloth.

And that's just the women in western divorces.

Not sure about that. My ex and I were together for ten years. I always figured she was the only woman in Thailand who'd never cheat. She looked down on hookers and hated Thai women with 2 or more kids from 2 or more different fathers. She was very straight.

Her affair partner was more than 25 years her senior and almost 20 years older than me.

She was obsessed with football, btw.

Back in 2010 the top football team in Thailand was Muang Thong United: they won the Premier League; they got to the finals of the FA Cup; they lost to a Syrian team in the semi-finals of the Asian Cup. The team's manager was later voted Coach of the Year. He was a 63 year-old Belgian guy.

My ex often talked about her affair partner, but she never mentioned cash. Even though he was probably the highest salaried expat in Thailand, she never talked about cash. She loved how he got up everyday at 6am and went jogging; she also loved the fact that he didn't drink or smoke. Weirdest of all was when she said:

"He can even eat street food"

[JLCrab]

Way back when, my unofficial non-English speaking Thai wife told me: "I won't leave you for any other man ... except Michael Schumacher."

[rogeroc]

MaeJoMTB

I always put it down avarice, wrath and sloth.

And that's just the women in western divorces.

How sad but having been through divorce in the Western World myself my experiences echo your viewpoint.

• Like

[JAFO]

MaeJoMTB

I always put it down avarice, wrath and sloth.

And that's just the women in western divorces.

How sad but having been through divorce in the Western World myself my experiences echo your viewpoint.

I will say this, I have known quite a few that have gone through divorces and when they get ugly(and typically most do due to the circumstances) initially they are not about greed at all. The woman is hurt or feels slighted especially if the man has another woman or she caught him with one. That's when the spite and hate and of course the "I will show him" attitude starts. Only then does it become a money thing and of course that's all the men whinge about saying how much she is going to "Take", "Rape", "Screw", "Bilge" him out of. This gives off the perception of all women in divorces being greedy but if you look back at the cause of the divorce it will lend a lot to how it is all going to go down IMHO. Always remember the long standing saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".

So honestly I have no sympathy for the men that get caught and get cleaned out. Bad decision made by the head with no common sense. What they should really be saying is "Look at how much it cost me to shag my new GF....."

Edited November 4, 2015 by JAFO

[Fabricus]

MaeJoMTB

I always put it down avarice, wrath and sloth.

And that's just the women in western divorces.

How sad but having been through divorce in the Western World myself my experiences echo your viewpoint.

I will say this, I have known quite a few that have gone through divorces and when they get ugly(and typically most do due to the circumstances) initially they are not about greed at all. The woman is hurt or feels slighted especially if the man has another woman or she caught him with one. That's when the spite and hate and of course the "I will show him" attitude starts. Only then does it become a money thing and of course that's all the men whinge about saying how much she is going to "Take", "Rape", "Screw", "Bilge" him out of. This gives off the perception of all women in divorces being greedy but if you look back at the cause of the divorce it will lend a lot to how it is all going to go down IMHO. Always remember the long standing saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".

So honestly I have no sympathy for the men that get caught and get cleaned out. Bad decision made by the head with no common sense. What they should really be saying is "Look at how much it cost me to shag my new GF....."

Interesting post, but you've ignored the fact that women cheat just as often as men.

And here in Thailand, female infidelity is rampant.

[SoiBiker]

Interesting post, but you've ignored the fact that women cheat just as often as men.

Are you certain that's a fact?