Thailands unspoken law.

[micmichd]

.....they only look human...they have no conscience...no soul..............

...they go through the motions.....

...and it works....because we want to believe.....and we cannot imagine that such monsters exist in the world.....

...sad......shocking and true...and it is epidemic....

...didn't you read all the studies and surveys......80-90% of teachers and students think it is okay to cheat.....

...that applies to lying...to get away with anything as well.....it is rampant.....

....bad is good........and good is stupid.......

It's sex for fun. What's bad about this?

[jpb1963]

Our village handyman was bragging that he had shagged every mia falang in the village, except one.

When I told my wife about it and she said "That will be Noi from number 22, she thinks she's so hi-so".

What about your wife then?

She's spending the night with her brother. I'll ask her when she gets home.

haha what a crack up

clearly the point was lost on gutenberg,

[jpb1963]

I had 3 girls cheating on me at the same time.

So who was the real cheater then?

3 of them… the harlots! i hope you dealt with them in an appropriate manner by taking your feelings out with the rubbish and banging another 6.

that just goes to prove once and for all that they all are no good, OP should pack his bags and go home cuz there aint no loving to be had in this here neck o the woods

[prakhonchai nick]

When you can't beat them..........join them!

[Gutenberg]

Our village handyman was bragging that he had shagged every mia falang in the village, except one.

When I told my wife about it and she said "That will be Noi from number 22, she thinks she's so hi-so".

What about your wife then?

She's spending the night with her brother. I'll ask her when she gets home.

haha what a crack up

clearly the point was lost on gutenberg,

Nobody knows, his answer could be a cover up to hide the fact he knows his wife is cheating

[Acharn]

And swear

No where

Lives a woman true and fair.

If thou find'st one, let me know,

Such a pilgrimage were sweet;

Yet do not, I would not go,

Though at next door we might meet,

Though she were true, when you met her,

And last, till you write your letter,

Yet she

Will be

False, ere I come, to two, or three.

-- John Donne, "Go and Catch a Falling Star," Stanzas 2 and 3.

I think this seems to be a very widespread, if not universal, phenomenon. My late wife always used to say all men are the same, chase any stray skirt they see.

I came to terms with it with my first wife when I was still in the Army and got reassigned to the US and then Germany. After I realized jealousy and hatred were just making me sick, I came to accept the fact that the thing that makes her rich isn't going to get worn out from regular use, and what I haven't seen doesn't hurt me. Also, I knew I wasn't messing around, so I just forced myself to assume she wasn't. It worked quite well.

Edited November 28, 2015 by Acharn

[arjunadawn]

I think you are on to something peculiar here. Posters are conflating simple cheating with what you are describing- a near cultural practice of simply seeing "out of sight out of mind" as a valid state of being. What I mean is, I had a remarkably similar experience though through the male's eyes- about a Thai woman. Follow-

I met her and dated in DXB. She was Thai and had never really even spent time in Thailand together. One night I went to the bathroom and took her phone for kicks. As I sat there I scrolled into the phone and it was empty. Weird; I went into the sim. I first noticed her email to me from last week from Sydney. Roughly "Hi babe, how are you doing. Sydney is.... and other stuff. Love you and hope to see you soon,etc." Standard. As I was about to put the phone down I realized this was not exactly the email to me at all. Looking closer I see the heading is addressed to another person and it is signed with a name I did not even know my girlfriend of 2 years had. The entire email was the same except the "Dear...." and "Love ..." at the end.

Besides the dissolving of our relationship there was a point, triggered by curiosity and rage, that I just wanted to... I...- I called the number I got from the phone. It was pretty much as this OP said. A guy answered who spoke pretty good English. When I told him who I was he did not seem remotely disturbed. He explained he had known ______ for years. Yea, he knows who I am. He told me "______ will be with [me] when she is back in Thailand no matter what i think." I thought this was about as F'd up a thing as I had ever heard. He was dead certain of it, and correct. His being ok with it was the total opposite of my position, or anyone I knew.Who is ok with this. A singular event. No; its repeated often here. I have no cultural awareness of this being common where I came from.

I placed a keylogger on the computer I own, and she used. As the relationship wound down those days I learned that he was in BKK slutting around on her. I was younger, more immature, and unseasoned at how to process what was happening to me. _______ and I had been together nearly night and day for years. "I love you" was a common exchange. I sat her down near the end to explain to her that he was cheating on her and whatever fantasy she had about him was untrue, and I gave her proof. She was gently crying as the hours wore on. I was deeply touched by her sadness at how life got her astray. But i was wrong. I looked at her crying and it tore my heart. I wondered at how bad she must feel for hurting me, for screwing our lives up. I wondered how easy it might be to make such mistakes. As i reached out to her, brushed her hair to wipe a tear, and was considering to embrace and forgive her she said "So, you don't think he loves me anymore?"

You have got to be kidding me? There is a cultural pathology regarding this issue. I later realized she was not cheating on me with him she was cheating on him with me. It was an all together dizzying experience.

[nidieunimaitre]

.....they only look human...they have no conscience...no soul..............

...they go through the motions.....

...and it works....because we want to believe.....and we cannot imagine that such monsters exist in the world.....

...sad......shocking and true...and it is epidemic....

...didn't you read all the studies and surveys......80-90% of teachers and students think it is okay to cheat.....

...that applies to lying...to get away with anything as well.....it is rampant.....

....bad is good........and good is stupid.......

If you drop the .................... I might start reading your posts.

[ironbark]

I am amazed a man of your age is so naive. You are a product of your Euro-christian culture which assumes everyone else in the world is or at least should be the same. Well welcome to the real world where cultures are diverse. A world where religions, values, concepts of right and wrong, behavior and attitudes vary enormously. why you expected her to hold your value system is beyond me.

There may be a women out there that is in synch with your values but don't think she or all Thai women are bad because you are the odd one out.

[louse1953]

Our village handyman was bragging that he had shagged every mia falang in the village, except one.

When I told my wife about it and she said "That will be Noi from number 22, she thinks she's so hi-so".

So he's done your missus.

[sead]

Well its just like that.

Yesterday my exgf came to my room. Clearly the new guy she choosed and have been with 1 week dont do his obligations correctly

1 week ago she told me she met a guy and he wanted to take care of her and go samui 4 days. She begged me to take her back. I said maybe we should try. Suddenly she says she needs to think some days. I said if you think im stupid to take you back after you been with another guy then bye. Yesterday she cried 6h. Im not kidding. She say she know how stupid she's been and now want to come back haha. I said you made a choice. Now live with it.

So yes. Somehow in the thaiculture or if its in the buddhist teachings or something else. My exgf and all her friends thinks its normal to have other guys if you are not present.

Any grammatical errors are a gift from me to you.

[Datebayo]

Hoe does it work? the GPS tracking of an motorbike? is there an App for it? I guess there must be sme sort of GPS device installed on the bike first, like in cars. Just never heard of GPS tracking on a motorbike, and wonder how that works.

[wow64]

Gotto watch those girls at Swensen op... Had one make me a Bannana split once.. Then she went back to work.

Sent from my c64

Edited November 28, 2015 by wow64

[sead]

Spot on

How much do you really know of this class of Thai cultural behaviour?

Here's a simple, perhaps oversimplified, but useful example. Not water tight, but illustrative, so don't over focus on the holes, but focus on the core:

"Western thinking" : Truth is more important than a relationship.

1. If you lie to a friend or a lover, then the relationship will suffer, and maybe end due to the lie.

2. The truth is the truth regardless of who the individual is that you are connecting to.

3. There is the truth, and anything other than the truth are lies. Black and white.

"Thai ... erm ... thinking" : The relationship is more important than the truth.

1. The relationship must be maintained, whether by lies (as defined by Western thinking) of truth is not relevant.

2. The truth or "information" depends on who you are connecting to, and it is all a matter of the relationship you have to that person that then defines what the truth is.

3. There are no lies, just different versions of information that is needed according to the relationship.

One example outcome is that if you accuse a Thai (of that approx class, who fits this oversimplified little model) of lying to their face, they only register this as an insult to their perceived relationship status. They wonder why you want to damage the relationship by misinterpreting the "information" in this harmful way. They can easily adjust the information, to keep the relationship, and don't understand why you can't do the same. You can't understand why they can't see the "information" as being a clear bare faced lie.

Digital and analogue. It can work, but needs a super high tech interface to "translate".

So, in your case, and in your thinking, your lady is/was cheating. In her thinking (maybe? I am ONLY proposing a theory here, as I don't know her in the slightest!!) she simply has relationships and conveys "information" to those parties according to keep those relationships - I know; difficult for us Falang to understand, but...you see why?

As I said, this is just a theory for your specific case and specific lady; but the core essence of this is based on a lot of empirical evidence (not just my observation, but also comes from wider reading), and written as a gross generalisation and simplification.

Practical advice:

-For this specific lady, decide to stick with it, or walk away.

-For future ladies, as part of the "getting to know them" phase, see what their views are on the "digital versus analogue" of Western and Thai thinking. If they can describe the differences, with specific examples from their lives, and show a balance view, if they can openly discuss it, this is itself a measure that they can think in the Western way, as well as the Thai way. Then you know you can open a serious chat by saying you want to chat in the Western brain mode, and get deep into your understanding with the lady. Only then do you have a chance to build the "translator tech" between the two very different thinking worlds.

Best of luck!!

TIT, LoS, and all that.

[arjunadawn]

Spot on

How much do you really know of this class of Thai cultural behaviour?

Here's a simple, perhaps oversimplified, but useful example. Not water tight, but illustrative, so don't over focus on the holes, but focus on the core:

"Western thinking" : Truth is more important than a relationship.

1. If you lie to a friend or a lover, then the relationship will suffer, and maybe end due to the lie.

2. The truth is the truth regardless of who the individual is that you are connecting to.

3. There is the truth, and anything other than the truth are lies. Black and white.

"Thai ... erm ... thinking" : The relationship is more important than the truth.

1. The relationship must be maintained, whether by lies (as defined by Western thinking) of truth is not relevant.

2. The truth or "information" depends on who you are connecting to, and it is all a matter of the relationship you have to that person that then defines what the truth is.

3. There are no lies, just different versions of information that is needed according to the relationship.

One example outcome is that if you accuse a Thai (of that approx class, who fits this oversimplified little model) of lying to their face, they only register this as an insult to their perceived relationship status. They wonder why you want to damage the relationship by misinterpreting the "information" in this harmful way. They can easily adjust the information, to keep the relationship, and don't understand why you can't do the same. You can't understand why they can't see the "information" as being a clear bare faced lie.

Digital and analogue. It can work, but needs a super high tech interface to "translate".

So, in your case, and in your thinking, your lady is/was cheating. In her thinking (maybe? I am ONLY proposing a theory here, as I don't know her in the slightest!!) she simply has relationships and conveys "information" to those parties according to keep those relationships - I know; difficult for us Falang to understand, but...you see why?

As I said, this is just a theory for your specific case and specific lady; but the core essence of this is based on a lot of empirical evidence (not just my observation, but also comes from wider reading), and written as a gross generalisation and simplification.

Practical advice:

-For this specific lady, decide to stick with it, or walk away.

-For future ladies, as part of the "getting to know them" phase, see what their views are on the "digital versus analogue" of Western and Thai thinking. If they can describe the differences, with specific examples from their lives, and show a balance view, if they can openly discuss it, this is itself a measure that they can think in the Western way, as well as the Thai way. Then you know you can open a serious chat by saying you want to chat in the Western brain mode, and get deep into your understanding with the lady. Only then do you have a chance to build the "translator tech" between the two very different thinking worlds.

Best of luck!!

TIT, LoS, and all that.

I miss BlindMagician Post, thank you for re-posting. A thoughtful response for certain.

[ThaiWai]

Could you repost with single spacing? I'll come back and have an gander then. I have single stroke scrolling policy.

[petedk]

Thinking of buying a 400,000 Baht ring and cutting losses at 4.5 million baht for a girl who works at Swensons is a bit much. What a lucky girl.

I know a Thai lady who is a billionaire and she was quite impressed that her boyfriend paid 300,000 for some earrings for her.

If the OP is genuine then he must have paid a lot more if he says he cut losses at 4.5 million.

I guess I am one of the lucky ones that has married a Thai girl who has far more money than I'll ever own. Basically we share nearly all expenses, although she owns and has paid 100% of the property we have..

[chickenslegs]

Our village handyman was bragging that he had shagged every mia falang in the village, except one.

When I told my wife about it and she said "That will be Noi from number 22, she thinks she's so hi-so".

So he's done your missus.

He always uses the tradesman's entrance (round the back), so I don't think that counts.

[TuskegeeBen]

[aronp1]

A girl from Swensens? Seriously?

How about next time you find a woman close to your own age?

Do you really think younger generation has anything in common with you?

Can you blame a younger woman wanting to live her life?

And to answer your question.... no this is not Thailand's "unspoken law". What a bunch of.....

My girlfriend has a lot of friends and there are only a few instances of infidelity. Certainly no one ever said it is "normal" LOL

Absolutely right. This person had a bad upbringing and very disrespectful to Thai culture.

[LPCustom69]

Thank you all for your reply good or bad.

I am 35 year old and my ex partner is 31 in February.

I see it happen to a lot of the younger guys. Although I feel sorry for them when they get crushed, what the hell do they expect? The women feel that they have nothing to offer long term.

Just kick back and don't get too serious.

[GOLDBUGGY]

Working Overseas for many years I have seen stories like yours, which you could include mine, many times. It goes with the job! I never met a guy working Overseas for as many years as I have and hasn't been Divorced at least one. Well one guy, but he worked Overseas when he didn't need the money to get away from his wife. The record I know of was 6 times from one of the nicest guys you would ever want to meet. I never could understand that one.

The truth is, you can't be there and hold a relationship for too long here. It just doesn't work out. You might get by for a year or even two, but that is about the maximum limit. I don't know how it sees to work for the Filipinos Guys and how they do it. Maybe family to watch over her, or being an Asian Wife with a strong Catholic Religion. Not sure! But it does seem to work for them and none of us.

Working Overseas gives a lot of benefits. Usually an airplane ticket paid for to anywhere you want to go, and a thick wallet, which allows a person like this to meet a lot of different girls. Overseas work also is a very lonely job, working long hours every day without any female companionship, so you are twice as hungry for this when leave comes around, and also more vulnerable.

But oddly enough most women are the same and they don't like to be left alone for long. Who ever said that; "When the cat is away the Mouse does play", probably worked Overseas. Most guys I knew where faithful to there wives. Who had time to cheat on them anyway? But not uncommon in this profession to come home to an empty condo, with the wife and kids and furniture gone. Sometimes with a note! Sometimes not!

I don't know the best solution. Maybe being married to an Asian Woman is better, but as you found out it doesn't always work either. Staying Single as long as you work Overseas is probably best, but also hard to do. Sooner or later you will get tired of the Bar Scene even if you find a Favorite Bar Girl who you like to spend all your free time with. But as long as you have to pay her everyday, which is cheaper in the long run, it isn't really a meaningful relationship. Fun! But without substance!

[Nowisee]

Easy come, easy go. Some are just emotionless and are out for fun, pleasure and freebies and cheat on the guy, break his heart. Some are truly hard core that start off being loyal, caring and loving... then they get cheated on. After a while everyone is cheating.

[Supaluke]

From my expeience with the oposite sex not matter if ther are white, yellow or brown.

There are two types of women

1. The bare foot pregnant type, that just wants you to take care of her and have a happy family life with you
2. The type that is going to stick you for every cent you have and every other man she can, just because you stuck your pecker in her

<snip>

No shades of grey?

Seems a very black and white perspective, and, in my experience, Thailand usually not that easily categorised.

[micmichd]

From my expeience with the oposite sex not matter if ther are white, yellow or brown.

There are two types of women

• The bare foot pregnant type, that just wants you to take care of her and have a happy family life with you
• The type that is going to stick you for every cent you have and every other man she can, just because you stuck your pecker in her

<snip>

No shades of grey?

Seems a very black and white perspective, and, in my experience, Thailand usually not that easily categorised.

Most women might be wanderers between these poles.

[Wiked]

Sorry about your troubles. It happens in every country. best to keep your money to yourself and your intincts honed. I have 40 year old Thai girlfriend. she doesnt really have male friends, doesnt drink. her last birthday party was 5 girlfriends at her flat drinking soft drink and eating. she doesnt ask for money and i dont give her any. well, i did help her out a little when she lost some work due to a shortage, but she back to same hours now and has worked same job for 10 years.been with her 2 years but i still have my radar up. i would do with any girl anywhere.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

The one rule is don't give money. I learned this as a kid watching some of my family try to be generous and in never worked out well. In my opinion the more money you give the less respect you get. This has nothing to do with Thailand and Thai women. I have never given money to any of my girlfriends in Canada and can proudly say that I continue this tradition in Thailand. As I mentioned before it is paying quite well for me. Sure.... I'm not having beautiful women throwing themselves at me, but I am keeping my sanity which will count for more later on.

Don't give money. You are not being respected.

[micmichd]

The one rule is don't give money. I learned this as a kid watching some of my family try to be generous and in never worked out well. In my opinion the more money you give the less respect you get. This has nothing to do with Thailand and Thai women. I have never given money to any of my girlfriends in Canada and can proudly say that I continue this tradition in Thailand. As I mentioned before it is paying quite well for me. Sure.... I'm not having beautiful women throwing themselves at me, but I am keeping my sanity which will count for more later on.

Don't give money. You are not being respected.

Not so easy if your girlfriend has a child to feed.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

You have 2 options. Don't get a woman with a child or if you feel like a white knight help the child directly.

[mankondang]

Enjoyed reading your novel. Didn't like the sad ending though.