Admitting defeat

[thaiduncankk]

I know a lot of people come here with high expectations to 'live the dream'.

Everyone has different circumstances, whether it be wise investments, inheritance money, state pension, or any other means.

It looks like the majority manage to survive over here, whatever their budget, they survive without being forced back to their country of origin to start afresh.

The people that do seem to go back always appear to put on a brave face, in fact, many seem to come on here to post that it was the best decision they made in life, to return home, and then spend hours slagging off Thailand and its people.

It is very rare that I read, or hear, about people admitting they messed up, and were forced to go back because they could no longer survive here. Although these people will call Thailand for everything, once that have departed, they still seem devoted to forums connected to the country.

I would like to think if it ever happens to me, I will have the honesty to admit defeat and admit it was mostly my own fault I didn't manage to continue living here.

[onetime]

Tell your story walkin'.

[sipi]

Life is a challenge, no matter where you are. Some survive, some don't. Admitting defeat or failure isn't such a bad thing. Re-group and start again.

[TuskegeeBen]

Tell your story walkin'.

Considering the tone of your reply, apparently the "shoes" of the Op's topic point, fit most appropriately to your feet, eh?

Edited January 27, 2016 by TuskegeeBen

[TuskegeeBen]

A well written and excellent topic point of view. Thank you.

[SoiBiker]

The last thing I'd want to do is go back to my old country. When I've had enough of this place, I'm moving on to somewhere new. Fresh adventure, no looking back.

[JohnnyJazz]

I don't get it. Why do you have to "admit defeat" ?

When you take a new job you're very happy. You've successfully passed the interview, you're very optimistic with your future in the new company ... Yet a few years later you will leave to get an other job somewhere else. Will you "admit defeat" when you will leave the company. No. Life moves on. So why do you have to admit defeat when your time has come to leave Thailand ?

[thaiduncankk]

I don't get it. Why do you have to "admit defeat" ?

When you take a new job you're very happy. You've successfully passed the interview, you're very optimistic with your future in the new company ... Yet a few years later you will leave to get an other job somewhere else. Will you "admit defeat" when you will leave the company. No. Life moves on. So why do you have to admit defeat when your time has come to leave Thailand ?

Leaving a job to move to a better one is progress.

Living here then having to go back because you cannot sustain your lifestyle, is not.

[MaeJoMTB]

I just came here to 'meet' girls a lot younger and more attractive than me.

Hardly 'high expectations'.......as a newly divorced 52 year old.

But what I got exceeded my wildest dreams ............ Best 8 years of my life!

Who would have thunk it?

As for 'sustaining my life', who cares, it was a great 8 years, don't need any more.

As for admitting defeat,

At age 60, I'm not up to 'meeting' the girls all that much now.

Maybe I'll move on, but it won't be defeat, it'll be getting old that did it.

Edited January 27, 2016 by MaeJoMTB

[swissie]

I have lost count of the many "bombastic" entrances of Farangs I have met (all with long-term plans concerning Thailand.) After a couple of years some ask on TVF " I need a good lawyer". Meaning: "Game over in Thailand". Leaving Thailand is not considered a "defeat".

But the penniless return to the home country is where the word "defeat" takes on a new dimension. Especially if the "Exit to Thailand" has been orchestrated as a major event among friends & relatives with jingles and bells..

Upon returning: =Total "Defeat" in the home country! Friends & Relatives will have a hard time to remember his name. Why do Farangs knowingly go on "overstay"? What could be the reason? Eh?

Cheers.

[stoneyboy]

I don't get it. Why do you have to "admit defeat" ?

When you take a new job you're very happy. You've successfully passed the interview, you're very optimistic with your future in the new company ... Yet a few years later you will leave to get an other job somewhere else. Will you "admit defeat" when you will leave the company. No. Life moves on. So why do you have to admit defeat when your time has come to leave Thailand ?

Leaving a job to move to a better one is progress.

Living here then having to go back because you cannot sustain your lifestyle, is not.

Much of that depends on individual circumstance though,I have been here since the age of 29 and have family,house,car and all the other material things money can buy.

What i don't have is recourse to free health care,free quality education for my children,road safety,adequate public services,equality and a whole host of other things including democracy and free speech.

I left the UK a single man with no intention of returning,settling here as I was disillusioned with the situation back there and the usual gripes,climate cost of living etc.

In my relatively short 7 years here it's starting to have more and more appeal for me and my family to relocate back there.

It wouldn't be defeat in my eyes it would be quite the opposite,I would be returning for the better of myself and my family hoping to give them a better life than we have here,cost of living is rising,class gap is also and to maintain a standard of living here comparative to the UK is quite simply becoming beyond the joke.

I left the land of plenty to come to the land of nothing,no free healthcare,quality education,decent public transport outside of Bangkok it goes on and on.

In some ways I feel very fortunate to have the albeit dwindling safety net of the U.K. and it's benefits,healthcare and comparatively safe enjoyable standard of living that is on offer irrespective of issues with immigration etc.

If on the other hand I'd come here after a bitter divorce,waxed the money from the sale of the house and got fleeced by some bird from the arse end of nowhere I would feel defeated,but it hasn't been that way for me.

[MaeJoMTB]

In my relatively short 7 years here it's starting to have more and more appeal for me and my family to relocate back there.

It wouldn't be defeat in my eyes it would be quite the opposite,I would be returning for the better of myself and my family hoping to give them a better life than we have here,cost of living is rising,class gap is also and to maintain a standard of living here comparative to the UK is quite simply becoming beyond the joke.

I left the land of plenty to come to the land of nothing,no free healthcare,quality education,decent public transport outside of Bangkok it goes on and on.

In some ways I feel very fortunate to have the albeit dwindling safety net of the U.K. and it's benefits,healthcare and comparatively safe enjoyable standard of living that is on offer irrespective of issues with immigration etc.

If on the other hand I'd come here after a bitter divorce,waxed the money from the sale of the house and got fleeced by some bird from the arse end of nowhere I would feel defeated,but it hasn't been that way for me.

Well let's hope you managed to save 65,000gbp (3,250,000bht) in cash.

Because without that your wife won't be going to the UK with you.

And then while you're working there, and she's alone here .......... you'll likely soon be facing fleeced, bitter and divorced.

[ukrules]

Why do Farangs knowingly go on "overstay"? What could be the reason? Eh?

According to the recent immigration cartoon it's because of all the money they make

Edited January 27, 2016 by ukrules

[Don Mega]

Came here for work.

Been here 10+ years working the same job.

Job folds I'll take the severance and go willing home.

No defeat.

[schondie]

A thought provoking topic for once, some of us TVFs won't be sleeping too well tonight.

I've managed to hang in here legally for sixteen years, God knows how. In 2014 I went back to the UK for a year as I just had enough of teaching English.

Presently I'm in partnership with a friend exporting canned goods but things can change in the blink of an eye so I've already decided I'd rather give another country a go rather than return to the UK defeated again.

I won't teach English here again, that was decided in 2014 so there's not much else work wise in this country for me if I fail.

[thaiduncankk]

A thought provoking topic for once, some of us TVFs won't be sleeping too well tonight.

I've managed to hang in here legally for sixteen years, God knows how. In 2014 I went back to the UK for a year as I just had enough of teaching English.

Presently I'm in partnership with a friend exporting canned goods but things can change in the blink of an eye so I've already decided I'd rather give another country a go rather than return to the UK defeated again.

I won't teach English here again, that was decided in 2014 so there's not much else work wise in this country for me if I fail.

I was not trying to be controversial, it could happen to me one day.

My point was, if I did have to return for good due to any unfortunate, unforeseen circumstances, I would hopefully hold my hand up and admit I could not sustain it. I would obviously, probably have regrets about having to return, and if it were to happen, it would also be most likely that it was self inflicted.

I would rather post about the good times I enjoyed, rather than slag the place off to convince myself that going back is the better option, which, for me, it most certainly would not be.

[AdamRich]

As long as I can still get a 1000 baht long time then the dream is alive and well.

[malcoml]

I must become of those people who come on the website and complain.

I think much of what the OP says is wrong. I lived in Pattaya for five years and I saw many people leave for many reasons. The most common would be due to ill health and a job offer/transfer.

I get the feeling the OP feels that everyone on the planet would be living there permanently if they could afford it.

Truth is in my own situation I made the decision to leave as in truth I became both bored and frustrated with the place. I keep a connection to the place as I have a Thai wife and although I would never live there again I do enjoy taking a short holiday every year or so.

In regards to people leaving as they can not afford it I find that to be well down on the list on reasons people leave as those who really want to be there usually find a way. Plenty of farang in thailand working for 20k a month survival money.

I'm guessing the OP is a recent arrival and will have a change of feeling after a number of years.

[catman20]

its called losing face

[does]

Considering your comment, you apparently think the question posed is important and requires a serious answer.

Tell your story walkin'.

Considering the tone of your reply, apparently the "shoes" of the Op's topic point, fit most appropriately to your feet, eh?

[ajarnmarc]

As long as I can still get a 1000 baht long time then the dream is alive and well.

Who would of thought, that after keeping the price the same for over a decade,

the birds would of gotten more mature in age, and plumper in size for the same price

As the old saying goes...you get what you pay for.

It certainly isn't like it used to be;

where you'd go to bed with an 8 and wake up with an 8.

Now you go to bed with what you thought was an 8,

only to dreadfully wake up with an indescribable number.

Result; you have to sneak out the back,

in hopes that no one finds out what your 1,000 got you

Leaving many men to think...it's time to move on,

as Thailand has lost it's appeal.

Fortunately for some, we marry the 8's that crossed our path,

and weren't for hire,

as they're more likely to stay an 8 beyond the time where it matters anymore.

The land that's always evolving into something,

we just can't always figure out what that is.

I guess that's what makes Thailand so appealing for us...

trying to figure it all out?

[does]

Exactly!

I don't get it. Why do you have to "admit defeat" ?

When you take a new job you're very happy. You've successfully passed the interview, you're very optimistic with your future in the new company ... Yet a few years later you will leave to get an other job somewhere else. Will you "admit defeat" when you will leave the company. No. Life moves on. So why do you have to admit defeat when your time has come to leave Thailand ?

[MaeJoMTB]

Fortunately for some, we marry the 8's that crossed our path,

I've always found the 8s (and over) to be a bit disappointing.

[AdamRich]

As long as I can still get a 1000 baht long time then the dream is alive and well.

Who would of thought, that after keeping the price the same for over a decade,

the birds would of gotten more mature in age, and plumper in size for the same price

As the old saying goes...you get what you pay for.

It certainly isn't like it used to be;

where you'd go to bed with an 8 and wake up with an 8.

Now you go to bed with what you thought was an 8,

only to dreadfully wake up with an indescribable number.

Result; you have to sneak out the back,

in hopes that no one finds out what your 1,000 got you

Leaving many men to think...it's time to move on,

as Thailand has lost it's appeal.

Fortunately for some, we marry the 8's that crossed our path,

and weren't for hire,

as they're more likely to stay an 8 beyond the time where it matters anymore.

LOL. I'm only 43 and go to the discos and can speak Thai, so 1000 baht is still getting me a bit of quality, not to mention all the normal women who are not on the game. I also have friends in their 60s who have no problem finding quality women during the day who will stay all night for 1500 baht. So all is not lost. To me the key is once they see you are not a tourist it all falls into place nicely.

[Suradit69]

I don't get it. Why do you have to "admit defeat" ?

When you take a new job you're very happy. You've successfully passed the interview, you're very optimistic with your future in the new company ... Yet a few years later you will leave to get an other job somewhere else. Will you "admit defeat" when you will leave the company. No. Life moves on. So why do you have to admit defeat when your time has come to leave Thailand ?

'Why do you have to "admit defeat" ?'

Possibly "accept responsibility" for what went wrong would be a better term if you feel settling in Thailand was a mistake rather than putting the blame on Thailand.

If you stayed here for awhile and decided Thailand wasn't for you and then chose to return home or move on without carrying on about how Thailand is so bad, then there was no real defeat. It would just be a realization that things weren't all that you expected.

Thailand is what it is. For many people, living here is great or at least pleasant. If you are unhappy here that's OK. Go home or move somewhere else having learned something about yourself in the process so that you make better choices in future. No need to launch an attack on Thailand because you were disappointed or to accuse people who do enjoy living here of being delusional.

Once again, for some people admitting anything they did was a mistake would amount to a loss of face. So rather than admitting they could ever make a mistake they have to launch a campaign to demonize someone/something else and make excuses for why things didn't work out.

A lot of the rants on Thai Visa draw responses along the line of "if you don't like it here, leave." That response usually enrages the one ranting. Basically they expect Thailand to change to suit them no matter how unrealistic that may be. It's a bit like wearing a pair of shoes that are too tight and refusing to take them off because it's the shoes that are at fault. There are plenty of people who would find those shoes to be quite comfortable.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Suradit69

[thaiduncankk]

I must become of those people who come on the website and complain.

I think much of what the OP says is wrong. I lived in Pattaya for five years and I saw many people leave for many reasons. The most common would be due to ill health and a job offer/transfer.

I get the feeling the OP feels that everyone on the planet would be living there permanently if they could afford it.

Truth is in my own situation I made the decision to leave as in truth I became both bored and frustrated with the place. I keep a connection to the place as I have a Thai wife and although I would never live there again I do enjoy taking a short holiday every year or so.

In regards to people leaving as they can not afford it I find that to be well down on the list on reasons people leave as those who really want to be there usually find a way. Plenty of farang in thailand working for 20k a month survival money.

I'm guessing the OP is a recent arrival and will have a change of feeling after a number of years.

You are so wrong with your assumption.

I first visited Thailand in 1991, and have lived here for nearly 11 years.

Since I arrived here, I will admit, things are not quite as good as the early, honeymoon period. Are things better in my home country than when I left ? From what I read, and I am told by my good friends there, certainly not, a lot worse than my chosen destination.

As for people working for 20k a month survival money, they are hardly living the dream, more than likely surviving ,and living a slightly better lifestyle in a far better climate.

We read about so many tragic incidents on here of people, allegedly, committing suicide. I believe that most of these cases can be attributed to the fact that, for whatever reason, some people cannot face the reality of life once their dream of living over here is coming to an end.

[richard_smith237]

Much of that depends on individual circumstance though,I have been here since the age of 29 and have family,house,car and all the other material things money can buy.

What i don't have is recourse to free health care,free quality education for my children,road safety,adequate public services,equality and a whole host of other things including democracy and free speech.

I left the UK a single man with no intention of returning,settling here as I was disillusioned with the situation back there and the usual gripes,climate cost of living etc.

In my relatively short 7 years here it's starting to have more and more appeal for me and my family to relocate back there.

It wouldn't be defeat in my eyes it would be quite the opposite,I would be returning for the better of myself and my family hoping to give them a better life than we have here,cost of living is rising,class gap is also and to maintain a standard of living here comparative to the UK is quite simply becoming beyond the joke.

I left the land of plenty to come to the land of nothing,no free healthcare,quality education,decent public transport outside of Bangkok it goes on and on.

In some ways I feel very fortunate to have the albeit dwindling safety net of the U.K. and it's benefits,healthcare and comparatively safe enjoyable standard of living that is on offer irrespective of issues with immigration etc.

If on the other hand I'd come here after a bitter divorce,waxed the money from the sale of the house and got fleeced by some bird from the arse end of nowhere I would feel defeated,but it hasn't been that way for me.

This pretty much mirror's my thoughts.

At 22 years old I was brought over here by my Company. I was a Single man, enjoyed life here for many years and still do, however, now at 41 years old I am married and have a Child... my perspectives have dramatically changed.

Life here in Thailand is more expensive for me than it would be in the UK (Health Care for my Family and I, International School Fees, More Expensive Cars - which I can readily afford, however, I sometimes wonder if its worth it).

If I were to move back to the UK it would be for the benefit of my son - to spend more time with his UK family, to take part in more community events, rugby, football, schools etc... I see my nephews having a wild time in a lovely part of the UK where I grew up.

If were to move back to the UK, I doubt I'd consider it defeat, rather it would be with disappointment that Thailand could no longer offer what I expect particularly with regards to safety for my Son - In this respect, simply try and walk down a pavement with a pushchair and you will see what I mean, within meters I am either passed by motorbikes or am forced onto the road avoid obstacles and navigate moving traffic...

[khunano]

The last thing I'd want to do is go back to my old country. When I've had enough of this place, I'm moving on to somewhere new. Fresh adventure, no looking back.

Ecuador is the place to be.

internationalliving.com said?!?

[MaeJoMTB]

Note to those thinking of returning to the UK.
You need 65,000GBP (3,250,000bht) in the bank to take your wife back there.
UK schools are assigned according to where you live, and some of them are dreadful pits of drugs and gang violence.
Community events are largely a thing of the past,<deleted>

Things have changed in the last 10-20 years.
It ain't like it was when you were at school.

Edited January 28, 2016 by CharlieH
inflammatory edited out.

[umbanda]