Admitting defeat

[umbanda]

[thaiduncankk]

The last thing I'd want to do is go back to my old country. When I've had enough of this place, I'm moving on to somewhere new. Fresh adventure, no looking back.

Fair point. However, a lot of people I am talking about probably have no choice.

[rjcampbe]

I don't get it. Why do you have to "admit defeat" ?

When you take a new job you're very happy. You've successfully passed the interview, you're very optimistic with your future in the new company ... Yet a few years later you will leave to get an other job somewhere else. Will you "admit defeat" when you will leave the company. No. Life moves on. So why do you have to admit defeat when your time has come to leave Thailand ?

Leaving a job to move to a better one is progress.

Living here then having to go back because you cannot sustain your lifestyle, is not.

People decide to move on for a variety of reasons... some percentage of those may actually be that "they can't sustain [their] lifestyle". But I know people who have moved from Thailand (either back to their country of origin or on to another country to live as an expat) because they believed that there were better opportunities for them there... or they moved for family reasons, like an aging parent... or for some health reason... or for education reasons for their kids. Some may have just decided that they did not enjoy the situation in Thailand like they once did... due to politics or any other reason.

I think it's a bad assumption to think that just because someone decides to leave Thailand that it is because they have lost everything, can't sustain their lifestyle, and "have been defeated"... It's just nonsense.

[MeHere]

I'm on the verge of admitting the "defeat" you write about, but I don't take it as defeat so much, more of experience and moving on.

At 55 and white, I'm finding it very difficult to find suitable work here anymore.

The last two positions I held proved not to be productive or even remotely enjoyable.

I came here about 6 years for my (at the time) girl, do some consulting for my overseas customers, and to settle here for the rest of my life...

The relationship with my girl at the time broke down within 6 months due to incompatibility, which was great because I met my current lady, very compatible with her head screwed on quite straight (for a woman anyway).

My consulting work slowed and was head-hunted by an overseas company, and ended up taking on the pretty good, but not really for me position. That lasted 3.5 years or so until it was unbearable.

I left the first role while taking on another position with an overseas company wanting to set up office here... unfortunately, the MD fell in love with a massage hooker and needed to push me out so he could justify his time here to his wife and employees back home.

Since then, I've done a bit of consulting work, but not enough to support my lifestyle.

I have one more prospective role here that might or might not come through, so it's up in the air whether I'll get it or not.

If not, we'll go for now and possibly move back here when it's really time to retire on the beach!

Was a very interesting ride, learned a lot; A chapter closes, another one starts... No regrets, no defeat, happy to move on.

[dotpoom]

There are as many different modes of behaviour as there are people, each handling life in their own individual way...I don't think there's anything new in that?

[tancred]

Always remember you an Alien,a walking ATM,a target for exploitation.

[Dan747]

"Admitting defeat"-is your mindset and not part of my vocabulary! I spend six months in Thailand and six months in The United States. My family and I are blessed financially to hub out of Thailand and travel throughout S.E. Asia and while in the U.S. travel in our RV. In any prospect, I have always moved on to what makes me and my family "HAPPY!" Good Luck to You!!

[thaiduncankk]

I don't get it. Why do you have to "admit defeat" ?

When you take a new job you're very happy. You've successfully passed the interview, you're very optimistic with your future in the new company ... Yet a few years later you will leave to get an other job somewhere else. Will you "admit defeat" when you will leave the company. No. Life moves on. So why do you have to admit defeat when your time has come to leave Thailand ?

Leaving a job to move to a better one is progress.

Living here then having to go back because you cannot sustain your lifestyle, is not.

People decide to move on for a variety of reasons... some percentage of those may actually be that "they can't sustain [their] lifestyle". But I know people who have moved from Thailand (either back to their country of origin or on to another country to live as an expat) because they believed that there were better opportunities for them there... or they moved for family reasons, like an aging parent... or for some health reason... or for education reasons for their kids. Some may have just decided that they did not enjoy the situation in Thailand like they once did... due to politics or any other reason.

I think it's a bad assumption to think that just because someone decides to leave Thailand that it is because they have lost everything, can't sustain their lifestyle, and "have been defeated"... It's just nonsense.

I did not assume that everyone leaves for that reason.

If you care to read the post properly, I am talking about those that do leave for that reason, but cannot admit it.

That makes your post.........just nonsense.

[Linden]

Imagine everyday the girl of your dreams

Everyday good weather

Everyday relaxed lifestyle

Everyday people will do anything for you.

Only have to pay all the way same as all over the world the bubble could burst at any time

For sure no money no honey even the partner in this country you have had for 30 years or 30 days daaysor 30 minutes is more likely to drop yo like a hot brick..

Living the dream speaks for itself

Wake up ...

Then theres always ... ..its different for me

She is different

My partner is different

My partners family are different

My neighbours are different....

.

No you are different YOU ARE A DAY DREAMER..

They are all from the different family

No <deleted>***n Different family. Asian

[seancbk]

In my relatively short 7 years here it's starting to have more and more appeal for me and my family to relocate back there.

It wouldn't be defeat in my eyes it would be quite the opposite,I would be returning for the better of myself and my family hoping to give them a better life than we have here,cost of living is rising,class gap is also and to maintain a standard of living here comparative to the UK is quite simply becoming beyond the joke.

I left the land of plenty to come to the land of nothing,no free healthcare,quality education,decent public transport outside of Bangkok it goes on and on.

In some ways I feel very fortunate to have the albeit dwindling safety net of the U.K. and it's benefits,healthcare and comparatively safe enjoyable standard of living that is on offer irrespective of issues with immigration etc.

If on the other hand I'd come here after a bitter divorce,waxed the money from the sale of the house and got fleeced by some bird from the arse end of nowhere I would feel defeated,but it hasn't been that way for me.

Well let's hope you managed to save 65,000gbp (3,250,000bht) in cash.

Because without that your wife won't be going to the UK with you.

And then while you're working there, and she's alone here .......... you'll likely soon be facing fleeced, bitter and divorced.

You don't need anything like that much money.

A friend of mine came from the UK, met a girl, after a year together she got pregnant, they got married and she had the baby in Bangkok, then he took her and the kid back to the UK.

They've been in the UK for several months and are about to go and spend 3 months living in Ireland so the wife and baby can qualify under EU rules for settlement in the UK.

This is a guy with no where near 65,000 GBP.

[Old Croc]

The people that do seem to go back always appear to put on a brave face, in fact, many seem to come on here to post that it was the best decision they made in life, to return home, and then spend hours slagging off Thailand and its people.
It is very rare that I read, or hear, about people admitting they messed up, and were forced to go back because they could no longer survive here. Although these people will call Thailand for everything, once that have departed, they still seem devoted to forums connected to the country.

These people particularly annoy me also.

As do posters with limited comprehension skills who misinterpret the meaning of a thread.

As a young man, I once failed miserably to adapt to life in a {very} foreign country. On returning home, I moved on with life and certainly don't haunt forums to blame everyone, but myself.

I came to retire in Thailand very well researched , well funded and without blinkers on my eyes. There have been setbacks with my health, relationships and money {falling exchange rates}, but I still have a higher standard of living here than I would have back there. The secret being that my money is sourced in the western world and spent here.

I would hate to have to scratch out a living in Thailand and fully understand why many eventually find it impossible.

However, when they spend their days on this forum blaming the place rather than their own actions and choices it becomes irritating and does little for their reputations.

[theoldgit]

Note to those thinking of returning to the UK.

You need 65,000GBP (3,250,000bht) in the bank to take your wife back there.

That's not quite accurate.

A sponsor wishing to take their spouse/partner to the UK needs to provide proof that they have an income of £18,600, more if they're taking children who don't have British citizenship.

If they cannot demonstrate that they meet the income requirements then they can use savings or a combination of savings and income from salaried employment, the £62,500 figure is only required if there is no salaried income or pension.

[lostmebike]

Indeed.

'Welcum t Thailan' ... where even sad, ugly, ol' **ckers get laid!

I've never felt so 'hansum' till I came here.

[SOTIRIOS]

.......'messed up'.....or 'helped along the way'.....

...there are differences....

[Jools]

The last thing I'd want to do is go back to my old country. When I've had enough of this place, I'm moving on to somewhere new. Fresh adventure, no looking back.

Ecuador is the place to be.

I would cheerfully relocate to Ecuador except for the Spanish language requirement. I am not learning a new language at 65. Ecuador most certainly offers quality healthcare with no age limit and no preexisting condition limits. Ecuador is even cheaper than Thailand. There are no draconian punishments for overstay, you simply pay a fine. They don't throw you in jail and make it impossible for you to get out without help. Defamation and LM charges are not possible there. You can pretty much post anything on the internet and there's no "war room" to watch your every online move. Thailand's big selling point is the possibility of getting by here with only English.

[thonglorjimmy]

I'm pretty much with stoneyboy on this, I'm in my ninth year here, it hasn't gone quite to plan but I'm now thinking seriously about relocating back to the UK.

I don't regret any of my time here, there have been some lows, the loss of a property probably being the worst, but I'm on the verge of getting that back, or at least the cash equivalent, have to say it was Westerners who were the worst offenders, but there have also been highs.

But lack of affordable healthcare is a concern, I cannot get cover following a heart attack, the traffic is a major issue, so we're going to try the UK later this year.

I don't see it as admitting defeat, as I don't regret much here, but it's time for a new page in my book of life, and we've not ruled out returning here at some time in the future.

[TheKnave]

A thought provoking topic for once, some of us TVFs won't be sleeping too well tonight.

I've managed to hang in here legally for sixteen years, God knows how. In 2014 I went back to the UK for a year as I just had enough of teaching English.

Presently I'm in partnership with a friend exporting canned goods but things can change in the blink of an eye so I've already decided I'd rather give another country a go rather than return to the UK defeated again.

I won't teach English here again, that was decided in 2014 so there's not much else work wise in this country for me if I fail.

I was not trying to be controversial, it could happen to me one day.

My point was, if I did have to return for good due to any unfortunate, unforeseen circumstances, I would hopefully hold my hand up and admit I could not sustain it. I would obviously, probably have regrets about having to return, and if it were to happen, it would also be most likely that it was self inflicted.

I would rather post about the good times I enjoyed, rather than slag the place off to convince myself that going back is the better option, which, for me, it most certainly would not be.

The entire premise is pathetic.

Unfortunately, it's part of the whole 'farang in Thailand' syndrome, a contest, or series of contests, existing in delusional insecurity.

So many people constantly worry about: Who's been here longer? Who speaks Thai better. Who has the more hi-so wife or gf? Who can best feign indifference to being ripped off for a few baht? Who is more Thai?

It's a disease borne of the insecurity of not really belonging. It's a pathological self-judgement projected on to everyone around you.

It is boring.

Do people plan poorly? Yes. So what? Live and learn. I wouldn't trade the time I spent in Thailand for anything, certainly not for someone else's idea of success. I would have a LOT more money if I never packed my stuff and moved there, but I would also be an entirely different person.

It must be exhausting to go through life as if in an arcade game, constantly bobbing and weaving, measuring your progress against some arbitrary standard, walking a tightrope...

I guess you still have to answer to your inner daddy, but guess what - most healthy people made peace with him a long time ago.

Until you off yourself, there is no defeat. If you do decide that Thailand (or other farangs, or ?) has defeated you, please get some help so you don't cross that line.

Until then, enjoy.

[Songlaw]

The last thing I'd want to do is go back to my old country. When I've had enough of this place, I'm moving on to somewhere new. Fresh adventure, no looking back.

"You can never go home," Soi Biker. Yours is the only real option left. Face it. If you can go back, you never really left. I'll either be slightly to your rear, or blazing a trail for you, SB.

[lostmebike]

Does anyone have any sympathy for the droves that come here, believing they are 'hansum', getting fleeced for everything they own, then having to return with their tail between their legs?

As some posters have said, their are many different reasons for moving on. Returning to own country or leaving for another out of boredom or the breakdown of one's happiness isn't necessarily failure, is it?

I wouldn't class choosing another option as 'failure'. If you have options, you haven't yet hit rock-bottom.

[Songlaw]

I don't get it. Why do you have to "admit defeat" ?

When you take a new job you're very happy. You've successfully passed the interview, you're very optimistic with your future in the new company ... Yet a few years later you will leave to get an other job somewhere else. Will you "admit defeat" when you will leave the company. No. Life moves on. So why do you have to admit defeat when your time has come to leave Thailand ?

To admit defeat in a land where the only victory is marginal, at best, is fairly pointless. As is the belief that anything, be it marriage, fortune, or health can or should last forever. He/She who adapts to an ever shifting reality, wins. Period.

[duckmandon]

Do you mean we caused the defeat or that the Thai way of life defeated a normal human being. Moving to a country, 3rd world country, is difficult & sometimes people look at things through rose coloured glasses. I just moved back to Australia with my family, not defeated by Thailand, but seeking another opportunity in life which I cannot accomplish in Thailand. Moving countries is a huge embargo & it takes time to adjust. Takes time to get a feeling for the country & if you don't like what you see then you move on.

[slipperylobster]

That is why the military uses the term "Strategic Retrograde" instead of "Retreat"

[DaveinAsia]

The last thing I'd want to do is go back to my old country. When I've had enough of this place, I'm moving on to somewhere new. Fresh adventure, no looking back.

Ecuador is the place to be.

Or Vietnam, Costa Rica, Uruguay, etc, etc

[stander]

I moved here in 83, worked rotation 4/4, so spend at least 6 months a year in Thailand, then in 87 I was assigned permanently to our Bangkok office.

The friends and acquaintances in met in the 80’s are mostly still here, but quite a few of the ones I came to know from the mid to late 90's have moved on, for various reason.

I think the guys from the 80's, the pre-internet years, knew they had to just get on with things, sort out visa’s, learn the language, sort out accommodation, transport, health cover, all the things that we know find so easy via the internet…………and most importantly there were no forums where you could come on and vent your frustrations, so you just got on with it.

[puukao]

laugh, and the world laughs with you

cry, and you cry alone

i didn't make that up...

i couldn't care less if someone failed, make billions, went home crying......no need to dwell on a failure.....insulting LOS all day makes it clear....i have fun with both....

oh, you love it? (Hmmm, i bet they are lying....why brag?)
oh, you went home crying? (hahaahhahhahahha)

it's only not funny when it's obviously not funny.....usually it is pretty funny.

5555555

[TheKnave]

I must become of those people who come on the website and complain.

I think much of what the OP says is wrong. I lived in Pattaya for five years and I saw many people leave for many reasons. The most common would be due to ill health and a job offer/transfer.

I get the feeling the OP feels that everyone on the planet would be living there permanently if they could afford it.

Truth is in my own situation I made the decision to leave as in truth I became both bored and frustrated with the place. I keep a connection to the place as I have a Thai wife and although I would never live there again I do enjoy taking a short holiday every year or so.

In regards to people leaving as they can not afford it I find that to be well down on the list on reasons people leave as those who really want to be there usually find a way. Plenty of farang in thailand working for 20k a month survival money.

I'm guessing the OP is a recent arrival and will have a change of feeling after a number of years.

You are so wrong with your assumption.

I first visited Thailand in 1991, and have lived here for nearly 11 years.

Since I arrived here, I will admit, things are not quite as good as the early, honeymoon period. Are things better in my home country than when I left ? From what I read, and I am told by my good friends there, certainly not, a lot worse than my chosen destination.

As for people working for 20k a month survival money, they are hardly living the dream, more than likely surviving ,and living a slightly better lifestyle in a far better climate.

We read about so many tragic incidents on here of people, allegedly, committing suicide. I believe that most of these cases can be attributed to the fact that, for whatever reason, some people cannot face the reality of life once their dream of living over here is coming to an end.

Pure projection.

You have no way of knowing anyone's motivation but your own. Better check it out.

[Songlaw]

I must become of those people who come on the website and complain.

I think much of what the OP says is wrong. I lived in Pattaya for five years and I saw many people leave for many reasons. The most common would be due to ill health and a job offer/transfer.

I get the feeling the OP feels that everyone on the planet would be living there permanently if they could afford it.

Truth is in my own situation I made the decision to leave as in truth I became both bored and frustrated with the place. I keep a connection to the place as I have a Thai wife and although I would never live there again I do enjoy taking a short holiday every year or so.

In regards to people leaving as they can not afford it I find that to be well down on the list on reasons people leave as those who really want to be there usually find a way. Plenty of farang in thailand working for 20k a month survival money.

I'm guessing the OP is a recent arrival and will have a change of feeling after a number of years.

You are so wrong with your assumption.

I first visited Thailand in 1991, and have lived here for nearly 11 years.

Since I arrived here, I will admit, things are not quite as good as the early, honeymoon period. Are things better in my home country than when I left ? From what I read, and I am told by my good friends there, certainly not, a lot worse than my chosen destination.

As for people working for 20k a month survival money, they are hardly living the dream, more than likely surviving ,and living a slightly better lifestyle in a far better climate.

We read about so many tragic incidents on here of people, allegedly, committing suicide. I believe that most of these cases can be attributed to the fact that, for whatever reason, some people cannot face the reality of life once their dream of living over here is coming to an end.

Do you suppose that there might be more than one dream running concurrently here? Why is it not possible to live a dream on 20K? Wouldn't it depend on the nature of the dream? And can't dreams be adjusted? Some of us have wanted to be here all our lives. And we did not make a number of inane assumptions about how it would be once we arrived. And for the most part, we are, each in our own ways, fine. Perhaps not thrilled, but not necessarily moribund with disappointment either. This is Southeast Asia. I for one, am just glad to be here. And my life would be considered by many as far from pleasant, a great majority of the time. But it flat out doesn't matter. I am here.

[chickenslegs]

I am "living the dream" and I won't be going back any time soon.

[subterminalvelocity]

Very many didn't ever find success before defeat in Thailand.

This country doesn't bring the best of white man.

[slipperylobster]

The last thing I'd want to do is go back to my old country. When I've had enough of this place, I'm moving on to somewhere new. Fresh adventure, no looking back.

Ecuador is the place to be.

Or Vietnam, Costa Rica, Uruguay, etc, etc

Which girls like old guys?