Niece drinking 'tabs' with coca-cola

[simon43]

what about a contraceptive implant ?

that would keep the girl from getting pregnant

Really, that is not my responsibility at all. I can advise/suggest but the girl and her parents need to make these decisions.

...and it is not beyond the bounds of possiblity that you could have accusations placed against you.

Absolutely, that is also a real concern of mine. I do have a 'card up my sleeve' in that I have had a vasectomy and cannot be accused of getting the girl pregnant. But there is a whole load of sh*t that could happen or mud slung at me and - quite frankly - I don't need these problems - I'm happily living in Thailand for years and the last thing I want to deal with is an unruly, bipolar teenage girl

Sometimes, it is better just to say 'your problem, you deal with it' and walk away

[manarak]

what about a contraceptive implant ?

that would keep the girl from getting pregnant

Really, that is not my responsibility at all. I can advise/suggest but the girl and her parents need to make these decisions.

...and it is not beyond the bounds of possiblity that you could have accusations placed against you.

Absolutely, that is also a real concern of mine. I do have a 'card up my sleeve' in that I have had a vasectomy and cannot be accused of getting the girl pregnant. But there is a whole load of sh*t that could happen or mud slung at me and - quite frankly - I don't need these problems - I'm happily living in Thailand for years and the last thing I want to deal with is an unruly, bipolar teenage girl

Sometimes, it is better just to say 'your problem, you deal with it' and walk away

well, you have to make a choice between helping and not helping.

your posts in this thread don't make it very clear in which direction you wanted to go. is it clear now?

[BKKdreaming]

I wish you the best of luck with no good options,

[simon43]

A quick update. The niece was sent with her other 'guilty' school friends to an army re-education camp for a few days in NST.

She came back yesterday physically shattered, limping with aching limbs from forced route marches LoL. She promised never ever to touch drugs again

I don't believe her, but a little hard exercise has maybe knocked a little sense into her head.

She and her sister are now having a 3rd try at living in my house and abiding by my rules. I'll see how this goes - I'm not wanting to give up on helping her

[harrry]

I hope things work out. Probably needed a few more months of camp to make sure. Kids are worth it but here you have to worry about your position too and rumours can send someone out of the country very quickly. I know you are totaly honourable and known for it but just think of yourself a little with this too and cover your back a bit. It does not take much for her to start something if you get strict on her.

Edited March 13, 2016 by harrry

[chopin2]

Have you found out what the pills really where yet?

[NickJ]

Well cant fault you for going the extra mile Simon. Good luck with everything. I have seen very very cases here where it turns out well......but you have been here along time so you know this.....

[Johnniey]

Kick her out.tough love it is called.

You sound too nice a guy that this type of girl our her family will abuse.

Have you ever thought of going to a CODA meeting?

[tonray]

Lay down the law. Teens need boundaries and you must be the guy. If you want to get involved there is no half in...it's all in or all out. Daily belongings inspection in and out of house. Any contraband is grounds for immediate expulsion from living arrangement. Curfew....to school /work and then home. No other options. Friends can visit her at home with supervision. This will NOT prevent her from using drugs but will make her life more difficult...and then she must choose a life of love and care and guidance or a life with parents who care little and eventual ruin. Reward her for good behavior with more privileges (movies, eating out, etc). but under no circumstances let her control her life as she is unfit to do so.

If she chooses the former your guidance will win her over, if she chooses the latter nothing you could have done is going to prevent that and she will either sink or swim on her own. Tough to watch but you gave her the option and you should not feel guilty because you cannot control destiny.

[harrry]

Lay down the law. Teens need boundaries and you must be the guy. If you want to get involved there is no half in...it's all in or all out. Daily belongings inspection in and out of house. Any contraband is grounds for immediate expulsion from living arrangement. Curfew....to school /work and then home. No other options. Friends can visit her at home with supervision. This will NOT prevent her from using drugs but will make her life more difficult...and then she must choose a life of love and care and guidance or a life with parents who care little and eventual ruin. Reward her for good behavior with more privileges (movies, eating out, etc). but under no circumstances let her control her life as she is unfit to do so.

If she chooses the former your guidance will win her over, if she chooses the latter nothing you could have done is going to prevent that and she will either sink or swim on her own. Tough to watch but you gave her the option and you should not feel guilty because you cannot control destiny.

At least here you have some hope of getting away with that.

In Australia you would instantly have a Social Worker at your door saying you were infringing the young person's rights and you would have to change or face court.

Something like this can give you a little time and increase the possibility they survice relatively unscathed till they are mature enough to take the right way.

[simon43]

...and rumours can send someone out of the country very quickly

Yes, I'm aware of that possible scenario, which is why the house has CCTV cameras recording all the time, (which the girl is fully aware of)..Any rumours of that type can be quickly disproven.

[tonray]

Lay down the law. Teens need boundaries and you must be the guy. If you want to get involved there is no half in...it's all in or all out. Daily belongings inspection in and out of house. Any contraband is grounds for immediate expulsion from living arrangement. Curfew....to school /work and then home. No other options. Friends can visit her at home with supervision. This will NOT prevent her from using drugs but will make her life more difficult...and then she must choose a life of love and care and guidance or a life with parents who care little and eventual ruin. Reward her for good behavior with more privileges (movies, eating out, etc). but under no circumstances let her control her life as she is unfit to do so.

If she chooses the former your guidance will win her over, if she chooses the latter nothing you could have done is going to prevent that and she will either sink or swim on her own. Tough to watch but you gave her the option and you should not feel guilty because you cannot control destiny.

At least here you have some hope of getting away with that.

In Australia you would instantly have a Social Worker at your door saying you were infringing the young person's rights and you would have to change or face court.

Something like this can give you a little time and increase the possibility they survice relatively unscathed till they are mature enough to take the right way.

Except that he has no legal responsibility for caring for these girls...if in Australia or Thailand then send them home to their parents and send a note to the authorities to check that mess out too. I already was involved in a similar situation here in BKK...again it was a niece (of GF) who was lying and scamming the whole family...who bought every excuse....I told her the kid was a liar straight out, was sleeping with 40 year old guys and had more new electronics than Bill Gates even though she never earned a cent on her own. Since they refused to believe me about the kid. I refused to help...when there is no backing from family it is a lost cause. The kid knew I was the only one that saw her games and she was terrified of that...you need to step up and lay down the law...for their and your sake.

[HooHaa]

To people saying that it's oxycodone, there's pretty much no way that's true. Oxycodone isn't available in Thailand in general. Maybe specifically at some hospitals, but absolutely not common or even commonly prescribed. I've read that it's just not available at all at many hospitals too, so I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't available at all period. I've also read on here that even at somewhere like Bumrungrad someone with a prescription for it was told that it wasn't available and instead was given the option of the less effective morphine tablets.

OP, sleeping pills can mean a lot of different things. Do you happen to know exactly what the substance is that they're drinking? Also, the fact that they're mixing with coca-cola is pretty much irrelevant and just a placebo if anything. The actual drug itself is what would be causing any sort of effect. At best coca-cola has a small amount of caffeine, so other than that it would add absolutely nothing.

this is so typical of thaivisa, I have remarked upon a number of individuals of late who give authoritative advice when, in fact, they haven't the slightest idea what they are talking about.

something along the lines of generic xanax is far more likely, though i cant imagine what kind of mischief they would get up to on that.

whatever happened to just smoking a joint?

[simon43]

A quick update, which demonstrates how 'sly' my niece is

She and her younger sister stopped staying at my house of their own accord after I remonstrated with them (again!) for coming back at 2am, staying for 10 minutes to freshen up, and then heading out again into the night. I didn't throw them out (again!), but they don't really want to sleep at my house if they cannot use it as a 'hotel'.

But here is the 'sly' (and actually rather funny) part:

I was chatting with the mother of one of my niece's girlfriends. Mother says "I and all the other mums of teenage girls want to thank you Simon for looking after our daughters'

Me: 'Er, what do u mean?'

Her: 'Well, previously, I was always concerned when my 14 year old daughter stayed out late in the evening, and I certainly wouldn't let her stay out all night. But it is good to know that she is sleeping safe and sound with your niece and all the other girls at your house' !!!

Apparently, my sly niece told all her GFs to lie to their Mums and tell them that they were all staying/sleeping at Simon's house, (cos everyone knows me in this area and I'm considered a 'safe' sort of guy).

So, I had to tell this mum that neither her daughter, nor any other girls were sleeping at my house, and they were all out in the woods at night with the local teen boys.....

So I don't expect my nieces or any of their teen GFs will be happy to speak with me in the future

[rhodie]

You tried. They know you are a soft touch. You have no chance.

Hard I know, but walk away for your own good.

[simon43]

Hard I know, but walk away for your own good.

Actually not hard at all. They are not my family and the level of respect (or should I say 'disrespect) that the nieces show me is on a par with the other members of ex #2 and her family. I was only trying to offer an alternative (and more productive) for these nieces, but they are not interested.

[simon43]

Thought I'd provide an update about the status of my 2 nieces, whom I haven't seen since for almost 2 years, (I moved away from Phuket).

I chatted recently with them on Facebook. Their parents have effectively abandoned them and they live with other girlfriends in some sort of squat. Neither go to school. When we chatted, they pestered me to send them money to buy beer and lao, and offered to send me nude photos if I sent them money....

What can I say? 2 young lives totally gone off the rails, primarily because their parents couldn't be bothered...

[Kaalle]

I dont understand why this hasn't been said but you seem to have shown these girls more love, care and attention than most thai parents show even their own children. I think its very commendable.
I see these teen gangs all over the island on evenings and late nights, completely unhinged and the conclusion I derive from this is that there are scores of thai parents just mai pen lai'ing it. They are just as irresponsible and impulsive as their children it seems.


Sent from my MI 5 using Tapatalk

[simon43]

The nieces sent me a photo of their current 'home' - they built it themselves by the side of the road.  It is a bamboo 'hut'. ... (Similar to the bamboo hut that they used to live in about 5-6 years ago in Phuket when their aunt (my ex-wife), refused to let them stay at the hotel she owned...).

 

From my location in Myanmar, I've been trying this week to improve their situation.  I don't like throwing money to solve the problem because a) I don't have a lot of spare cash and b) being teenagers, the nieces may well misuse the money!

 

Anyway, I have managed to get both girls back into some form of weekend homeschooling (they cannot attend the government school because they apparently need the agreement/signatures of their useless parents, which is not forthcoming).

 

Yesterday, they went and bought school uniforms with money that I sent directly to the bank account of the school clothes shop owner ?

 

Frankly, it p*sses me off to see the little (nothing) that my ex and her family do to help these girls.  Yes, they are teens and currently 'gone wild'.  But I've known these kids since the day they were born, and with some parental/guardian guidance, they could be back on track.

 

Sorry, ranting here, and trying to figure out a realistic way of getting them back on track ?