What if your Daughter did it

[nemrut]

Let's make this more interesting...

What if it were middle-aged Thais, Chinese or other Asian men going to US/AUS/EU and picking up young white women while proudly displaying them in public?

Wealthy Arabs do that all the time in London.

Nobody notices or cares.

What if they weren't wealthy but rather like your average middle-aged farang in Thailand and far more numerous...would there still be indifference?

[giddyup]

Let's make this more interesting...

What if it were middle-aged Thais, Chinese or other Asian men going to US/AUS/EU and picking up young white women while proudly displaying them in public?

Wealthy Arabs do that all the time in London.

Nobody notices or cares.

What if they weren't wealthy but rather like your average middle-aged farang in Thailand and far more numerous...would there still be indifference?

What would the women be attracted to if they weren't rich? Your question makes no sense.

[rjcampbe]

The thing I love about the threads like this are that the posts reflect more about the posters than the issue they are posting about.

The first respondent was on the right track that culture does play a big factor in this issue, and to those who asked "what does religion have to do with it", religion is a part of culture and it sets certain norms on behavior about what is and isn't acceptable, even for those who are not strictly followers of that religion.

In the west, with the dominant Christian mythos, it's about "Right and Wrong", "Heaven and Hell", "Thou Shalt and Thou Shalt Not". That affects WHAT we believe and HOW we express it. Usually in the form of a black and white, dogmatic and opinionated belief. Eg. "She is a money grubbing prostitute and he's an old pervert...."

In Thailand, with the dominant Buddhist mythos, things are more flexible. It's more about intention than action. It's more about doing something for the right reasons rather than what you actually did.

So, from a Thai perspective, there are many reasons why a ladies family may fully support her marriage to an older guy... and, yes... money / financial stability is frequently one of those reasons. To carry the OP's argument further... what if the lady married a Thai the same age as she is... and he beat her, mentally abused her, told her she was stupid and worthless, didn't provide for her, was hostile and abusive to her family, cheated on her, didn't work most of the time and spent his time getting drunk with his buddies and carousing in girlie bars till the wee hours of the morning... Not a fictitious character... I'm talking about someone like the 28 year old Thai guy my wife's 27 year old cousin married.... He finally left her recently with a 2 year old boy to take care of and in my opinion she is a lot better off without his worthless ass.

Meanwhile, and I'm not trying to blow my own horn, but I take care of my wife and all of her needs. I help the family when they need it. She is my life and I don't know what I would do without her and can't even think about it. I'm not rich, but I cover our needs and future. I respect her and she me. I don't run around on her and I don't lie to her. We have been together 6 years, married 5, and through some very rough and difficult times, she has always supported me. We are as happy as I can imagine, and happier than I've ever been in my life..

So, which "son-in-law" do you think her family prefers? Do you think they are worried about the fact that our ages are not the same or whether or not I'm a good husband and provider who treats her and her family with respect?

And to put the OP's question in context, if your daughter were in a similar situation, would that affect your opinion?

Whereas, in the US, the fact that there are 20 years between my wife's age and mine is all they see.

Immediately, their own prejudices come out and it's all about her being after the money and me chasing after a younger woman. They don't know, see, or care that she treats me better than anyone I've ever known. She is hard working, diligent, and takes care of everything in our home and is will support me in anything... most of the time before I even think to ask. And not because I force her or she is in some way "subservient" to me.... It's just not like that at all. She takes care of me and I take care of her... Maybe it sounds old fashioned, but it works. Love is a verb...

I also agreed with the poster who said it doesn't matter what you think anyway because you wouldn't be able to change it. I have adult sons (no daughter) and I have never been able to influence them in any way about who they dated or married and I don't think that me complaining about an age difference would have changed their minds any more than my mother would have changed my mind. Further, in one case, I was not a fan of my son's chosen partner and my mentioning that fact affected our relationship for a while... Ultimately, I realized that HE is happy and that is all that matters. Once I accepted that, I have a better relationship with him and his (now) wife.

Lesson learned?

1) Tying to impose your moral views / beliefs on others doesn't work.

2) People should mind their own damn business and keep their noses out of other peoples lives.

3) TVF will never tire of these threads that are just thinly veiled moral judgments about other peoples lives and relationships.

[dao16]

Well, if my daughter went off with a significantly older man, I would not be thrilled about it and it would mostly indicate to me that I failed to educate her enough so she could support herself and not depend on others in her adult life.

If, on the other hand, she did have the options (decent job, stable income) I would like her to and she chose to be with someone older (even significantly older) it wouldn't bother me so much. In the end, if it is her choice not made out of desperation, it is ok....it's her life after all.

[MaeJoMTB]

"Oh yeah, look at me, I'm living the dream. I get to pay a Thai girl 20,000 baht a month to pretend she doesn't want to throw up when I kiss/touch/bang her once a week"

Only once a week?

You need some medical help!

[smotherb]

I'm 61. The thought of a 20 year old girlfriend leaves me weak with exhaustion. Whether here in Thailand or back in the US, I can't imagine what we would have in common to talk about. I can't believe that 20 year old girl could truly be interested in an old fart like me.

Now a foxy 50 year old....!

I think that all depends upon your interests, knowledge and skills. If you know nothing but your mundane job, the old times, and how things used to be; there may be little that interests her. However, if you have the same interests--or can show her a new interest--and have knowledge and skills to offer her; you may find a lot in common.

It may be something as simple as showing her things she never saw before; taking her places, giving her new experiences, being active and enjoying life; maybe even doing things she enjoys.

[Blackheart]

Many of you talk about the West like you are not westerners.

I see disdain for the west here, an almost deep hatred of Western woman.

It's all becoming clear to me now.

[SoiBiker]

Apparently you're probably just imagining it. Or they deserve it somehow.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/893413-farang-men-who-have-a-problem-with-farang-women-in-thailand/

[chiang mai]

If the OP hasn't already done so he should realize that TVF is stuffed with divorced western men who lost their pants in divorces back home, bitterness towards western women is a feature of life here I'm afraid.

[rogeroc]

I am one of them but i only have reason to be thankful not bitter.For sure divorce and loss of finances in UK was unpleasant but had it not happened i would not be enjoying my retirement time here now.

[Coyoti]

My wife and I know two Thai-Western couples whose age difference is over 35 years. Both couples seem happy after over 20 years of marriage each. Whether or not you are happy in your marriage and respect each other is much more important than your age. This goes for my daughter too, should she choose to be with someone older than her. Interestingly, my Thai wife seems to have more of an issue with the 35 year age difference of our married friends than I do. I'm not Thai.

[eldragon]

Let's make this more interesting...

What if it were middle-aged Thais, Chinese or other Asian men going to US/AUS/EU and picking up young white women while proudly displaying them in public?

Wealthy Arabs do that all the time in London.

Nobody notices or cares.

What if they weren't wealthy but rather like your average middle-aged farang in Thailand and far more numerous...would there still be indifference?

What would the women be attracted to if they weren't rich? Your question makes no sense.

Some girls have issues. There's also citizenship in the western world. And Ive heard a few of em say they like the maturity of older men.

[Blackheart]

It's often said here only young people hit woman etc.

So should I assume the older generation who did such things outgrew it, became kind and loving all of a sudden.

Maturity is mentioned to, I don't see to many people acting in a mature manner, the complete opposite in fact.

Chasing young woman around bars is not mature.

The young and old are behaving the same, so why hate each other.

[MyFriend You]

Living in China, I had a French doctor who gave me the "universal formula" for the optimum woman.

Take the guy's age, divide by 2 and add 7.

Strangely, it seemed to work- until I realized I needed to trade down every few years to keep current.

Odd how numbers work, I'm 66, wife is 40 1/2 of 66=33+7 = 40 never gave it much thought, maybe thats why we've been together 20 years without piece of paper saying we are married.

I lost faith in the Institution of marriage many years ago, it has become a cash cow for too many. I don't need a piece of paper to show we are married.

[MyFriend You]

Living in China, I had a French doctor who gave me the "universal formula" for the optimum woman.

Take the guy's age, divide by 2 and add 7.

Strangely, it seemed to work- until I realized I needed to trade down every few years to keep current.

Duplicate Posting removed - sorry.

[Straight8]

As a Thai father in Thailand the answer is that it's OK.

As a Western father in the West it's sociably unacceptable hence it's not OK.

As a Western father in Thailand it's most probably not acceptable, to the father.

As a Thai father living in the West, it's probably OK, so what does that tell you about the West.

Not sure how you can answer for a Thai father if you yourself are not Thai. A Thai father can be against it, but will most likely relent to the will of his daughter. That would be the same as any western father. Yes, there are cases of young western women with older men (that we hear about). I would guess that the father may harbor private disagreement, but would support his daughter's decision.

To answer the OP, I would prefer my daughter be with a responsible older man than a punk irresponsible younger man. But regardless, it's her choice. I'm assuming the question is about an adult woman and not a teenager.

You don't need to be Thai to see what goes on everywhere (certainly in rural Thailand).

As long as sin sot, or a regular income is received from a relationship I doubt any Thai father would make any judgement.

In fact, in most cases they would encourage and support it.

Go for it honey, skin this **** to within a inch of his miserable life, cause you are the prize here!!!

[impulse]

"Oh yeah, look at me, I'm living the dream. I get to pay a Thai girl 20,000 baht a month to pretend she doesn't want to throw up when I kiss/touch/bang her once a week"

Only once a week?

You need some medical help!

Or a discount.

Or maybe 2 or 3 of them in different sections of the city. Spoiled for choice here in the LOS.

Once a week back home would have been a dream...

But there was PMS for 2 weeks, the curse for that week, then the post MS for a week...

[Ghostnigel]

I would be happy for my daughter to date an older guy, she is 23, and going by the dickheads she dated a couple of years ago, an older guy would be a breath of fresh air....she ended up in 'nick' with one of her last ones.

[AZBill]

If she truly loved him and he her and treated her with respect then why would I have a problem with it? I know how good I am to my younger wife and how much I love her so why would I have a problem with my daughter having what I know my wife has and appreciates? Yes I do have a grown daughter.

[ttthailand]

When will people understand, it is about beautiful people and only sometimes money. Someone who is a 10 at the age of 20 will most likely be a 10 at the age of 50. People of all ages will always be attracted to them unless they let themselves go and get out of shape. Ugly and out of shape people will never attract people no matter what they do unless big money is entered into the formula. Age has little to do with it. Unless it is 50 + years.

I would much rather be with an attractive hot sexy smart 50 year old woman than with a fat ugly stupid 25 year old girl. And I am sure my daughter would think same. Yes, I would be happy for her to meet a older 10 and not a ugly stupid 4 young guy.

[Anon999]

As a Thai father in Thailand the answer is that it's OK.

As a Western father in the West it's sociably unacceptable hence it's not OK.

As a Western father in Thailand it's most probably not acceptable, to the father.

As a Thai father living in the West, it's probably OK, so what does that tell you about the West.

As a Westerner living in England until moving to Thailand some years a go I had a Thai wife, until her sad demise, I met there who was 17 years younger than me and my current wife is over 20 years younger. There is no problem for me with a big age difference and I'm sure for many others too.

[BookMan]

It would be up to my daughter

Her life, her choice

[YeahSiam]

Envious of what, pray tell?

Lifestyle, money, you name it. I notice you avoid all the other relative points, I guess when you have no answers you have to. Quite frankly I'm sick of discussing this (or any other) subject with you. You are just so biased and bigoted against retirees that it makes any kind of discussion pointless.

"Oh yeah, look at me, I'm living the dream. I get to pay a Thai girl 20,000 baht a month to pretend she doesn't want to throw up when I kiss/touch/bang her once a week"

"I just know your green with envy"

Another mental midget.

So it wouldn't bother

you in the least if your

young girlfriend was

grossed out by having

sex with you?

[SoiBiker]

Envious of what, pray tell?

Lifestyle, money, you name it. I notice you avoid all the other relative points, I guess when you have no answers you have to. Quite frankly I'm sick of discussing this (or any other) subject with you. You are just so biased and bigoted against retirees that it makes any kind of discussion pointless.

"Oh yeah, look at me, I'm living the dream. I get to pay a Thai girl 20,000 baht a month to pretend she doesn't want to throw up when I kiss/touch/bang her once a week"

"I just know your green with envy"

Another mental midget.

So it wouldn't bother

you in the least if your

young girlfriend was

grossed out by having

sex with you?

I think for some guys, that's just a given.

[Roadman]

As the western dad of a 22 year old thai girl I and her thai mother would not approve, nor accept of her at her current age being with a far older person, nor even more than a few years age difference. And although she has been raised as a western teenager and young adult, she at her own choice probably more to her thai culture loves and wants her family and our opinions in her life. We are a mix of thai and western culture and family values but very much operate more to the thai interdependent family unit meaning the current family unit is considered by all for partners coming into the family unit...simply put if we do not like her choices early on then they are history.

Main reasons for the stance to a partner her own age or very close to right now is she has her whole life in front of her with all the promise and opportunity of a life and family of her own and growing through that younger life process with some one her own age. Plus I believed in her early educational promise and her dreams and have ensured she has been university educated to achieve those dreams and goals. She has just commenced an internship through the corporate company I work for to get her started in the business world. She gets what she wants and I get what I long for one day in the future...grand children in out family homes. Long and short she is educated, will have the opportunity to be the main earner for her and her own family unit so will not have to bow to the same trap that most Asian girls fall in to of only having their looks and sweetness to get by on for partner selection. She has all of that to boot regardless so has the luxury to choose her partners from a position of her strengths, and not having to accept whatever is going from a position of weakness or need for her or future children's survival. But then again she has been raised in a well off middle class western environment so that has given and gives a lot of opportunity and opportunity of choices which she would not have had if she had still been in Thailand.

Would my opinion change in the future? Possibly it might when she is older, and she has had the opportunity to share a family unit and children with someone her own age through the 20's and 30's typical child bearing and raising years. But knowing the values we have installed in her, and what her own tastes are born from our guidance and her experiences and strengths to date I suspect she will always be looking for a partner at her own age, to be with and around for ever and to age equally together.

Also the downer of big age differences generally with the oldest as the male is that generally a wife is left in her older years with many decades on her own. And that is what I really notice in my partner as her biggest fear as we get older that I the person who she has committed to may die long before her and leave her alone. And that is what I see is a very high value in thai women that sadly is not shared by thai men in that traditional thai women will commit fully for life to their partner. And I see and have seen that same trait in our daughter from early on which is why for her we take the stance we take.

Would my opinions be different if I was a poor Isaan rice farm laborer with the same sweetheart beautiful daughter who would not have had the opportunity of education? Probably most definitely. Education and opportunity and the modern western world allow a lot of choice.

[stephenterry]

I hope you're not disappointed, but from the tone of your post you'll control her ultimate choice even if the young guy turns out to be a waster. So, in essence I don't give your post a like. As I'm sure you don't give a toss about mine.

[Gutenberg]

Well, since the question is, what if your daughter did it, I would say, if your daughter do it, with me, all will be good