What's the etiquette here (dating a girl - first time doing so in Thailand)?

[gemguy]

Generally the mind set of the women here is such that the man more often than not pays for the date and the expenses involved.

Naturally you will or would meet a percent of the Thai women that will offer to pay or some will insist to pay while some will invite you and let you know they are paying...their treat so to speak.

Of course we are talking about women who can afford to pay rather than a women who does not have much money...which makes up the majority of them.

Meantime, often enough on a date, a woman will include some shopping as you may very well wander around in the malls and the shopping / dining areas ( as they are always buying something for themselves ) and do not expect you to pay for their desires ...BUT...many are assuming you will more or less volunteer to buy them a gift ..so to speak ....and learn just how generous you are while usually it will be something like a pair of shoes for less than 1000 baht or some item of clothing for less than 1000 baht.

If they start asking you to buy things for them that is not such a good thing because many of them are playing the game of: "Learning how much money this guy will spend on me"..... while many of them ( whether you agree with this or not ) basically figure that there has to be some sort of pay back for the female affection and or ( sex) they have provided to you.

So...up to you while you have to be aware of the subtle little hints such as "she likes that so much" ( Chan Chop Muk Muk ) and "that is so pretty" ( Nah Lack Muck ) or "that is the new fashion" while hoping you will volunteer to pay for it.

You will see.

Cheers

Edited February 11, 2016 by gemguy

[Khon Kaen Dave]

I hope that the girl is a true sweetheart and that you have a great time together.I really wish you luck with her,she SOUNDS,perfect.Where in the south is she from.Its unusual that a true maid would kip down with you after such a short time.You say her English is ok,If she was from a southern village,her English would be crap.If you can converse easily,this would suggest that she HAS spent time around Ferang's.

The paying for the meal thing is standard procedure.The fact that she mentioned that she wanted to buy a few thing before the meal,and meet you in a mall suggests that she wants to call the shot's.Also theres this thing about working in a call centre.What sort of call centre is it? The do have agency's for hooker's over here too my friend.How old is she?

How old are you?

Have you told her that you are a newbie here?

There are a few flags popping up here.Especially the getting her purse out thing,did she actually open it?

Wine her and dine her and find out what you can in a quiet way.

I hope i am totally wrong and that you,after only a short time(no pun intended) have found the very thing that some of us long stayers have been searching for,for years.

Good luck.

KKD

Trust only your own judgement and try to ignore the advice of others.

[HooHaa]

i really cant comprehend why people feel the need to ask these kind of questions.

it doesn't matter where you are dating, you do whatever it is that you are comfortable with.

[callaway]

to OP. If she is a girl from the deep south, and not just south of Bangkok, then you will find she will be an honest, self reliant lovely girl. Most of the naysayers are talking about their once Isaan princess. I know because I have both. I have a gorgeous lady from Songkhla and we live in Isaan breeding frogs. She is honest, true (sometimes too much and people do not understand), faithful and so loyal, educated and a beautiful heart. I do see the Isaan princesses all around town and they could not carry the baggage for a good south girl. The south girls are independant and do not look for handouts like Isaan girls. They had money when they were growing up and not poor same as the Isaan girls (of course there are exceptions to this). Good luck in your future endeavours with her. Just a word of warning. The true south families (way south of Phuket) are a strong knit unit and you may find it difficult for the first couple of visits. Dad will watch you with the hard eyes as will her brothers. Once accepted into the fold you will have someone watching your back at all times. Good luck again.

[umbanda]

If you are not a kid anymore...trust your intuition and your feelings about your girl friend....and do what you think is right for yours and her situation.

Asking for advice here or anywhere about women...not a good idea. Thai women is like everyone in the world.....unpredictable....and no men can say that knows about women...any kind, any nationality, or any culture.

If you cannot trust your feelings about this one...just keep looking.

[catman20]

for a start I think you need to wake up, second of all you sound like a young man go home get a real job make some money get a life for yourself and then come back here when you can afford to do so .

[catman20]

to OP. If she is a girl from the deep south, and not just south of Bangkok, then you will find she will be an honest, self reliant lovely girl. Most of the naysayers are talking about their once Isaan princess. I know because I have both. I have a gorgeous lady from Songkhla and we live in Isaan breeding frogs. She is honest, true (sometimes too much and people do not understand), faithful and so loyal, educated and a beautiful heart. I do see the Isaan princesses all around town and they could not carry the baggage for a good south girl. The south girls are independant and do not look for handouts like Isaan girls. They had money when they were growing up and not poor same as the Isaan girls (of course there are exceptions to this). Good luck in your future endeavours with her. Just a word of warning. The true south families (way south of Phuket) are a strong knit unit and you may find it difficult for the first couple of visits. Dad will watch you with the hard eyes as will her brothers. Once accepted into the fold you will have someone watching your back at all times. Good luck again.

[Berkshire]

i really cant comprehend why people feel the need to ask these kind of questions.

it doesn't matter where you are dating, you do whatever it is that you are comfortable with.

Exactly. I think that guys who ask questions like this probably hadn't dated much at home either. So they have little experience with women in general...and it shows. I've been dating Thai women in Thailand for a lot of years and have never thought about coming on an anonymous forum to ask for "etiquette" advice. And what I've found is that every single woman is different. So any advice that our newbie gets will probably not apply to his GF.

[Bangkokbaby]

OP Bangkokbaby, a very good way to learn something about Thai etiquette, is to read the book Thailand Fever, see more at thailandfever.com you can buy it Bookazine and similar bookstores selling foreign language books.

Normally dating a good Thai girl/lady is a long process often she will bring a friend with her on the first few dates and it can take months (or years) before she will sleep with a boyfriend; as she wont like to be labeled easy girl or worn out. However things may change slightly within the younger generation, especially in Bangkok, but may still become very old-fashioned Thai tradition, when it gets serious like engagement and marriage.

Its custom that Thai men pay even she may show that she wish to share and its custom the man gives the lady gifts, especially after sleeping together. In general, Thai ladies like old-fashioned gallant gentlemen.

Over the years Ive been living in Thailand, Ive learned that Thai men often gives more to the ladies than Westerners and what I thought was ripping off us stupid foreigners, is just a part of the tradition. When a man become serious boy friend considered engaged or even husband, after sleeping together he will deposit his whole monthly salary with the lady, who then will hand him small allowances; and if its a good girl that may be even before the couple has slept together.

Dating a Thai means bending for traditions, and hopefully the girl will also adjust a little for your Western traditions. Especially the money-side in a relationship is difficult, as we Western men dont like to pay, and the Thai girl and her family expects the opposite; but try to compare with our weird Western tradition, where the brides father/family pays a dowry, and also pays the wedding party.

Therefore the book I quoted is a good investment, as its written in both English and Thai, so your date or girlfriend can read together with you; and it covers both Thai traditions and Western, so your Thai friend better can understand your farang-way-of-thinking.

Wish you good luck...

Many thanks for your suggestion and insight. I'll give the book a read very soon.

[Roomuck]

So what happened? Did she want you to pay for her clothes?

[williamgeorgeallen]

1,000 bht on the bedside table in the morning.

Don't go shopping with her.

That his an absolutely disgraceful suggestion. If you do this you would be treating her like a "bar girl", which she is not. MaeJoMTB - may be it is time that you realise that not all thai girls are "bar girls". Possibly it is you who looks and meets such girls, but the majority of Thai females are just girls like everywhere else!

one of the things i find most funny in thailand after living here for almost a decade is the girls trying not to look like prostitutes (some free lancers out right denying it) while trying to fleece every western male for everything they can get. end result in many cases is western men forking out alot of money to a girl while denying she is a hooker.

[Cypress Hill]

Do what you think is right. Most of these girls don't have a lot of money. A couple cheap pieces of clothing will mean a lot to her and go a long way for you.

Drivel

She had clothes on when she met him, didn't she?

[slipperylobster]

20 percent down payment....and the rest in the morning.

[AZBill]

She wants you to pay - believe me! No etiquette about it. If she wants to meet you in a mall then she's already got it all planned out. But if you like her why not buy a few things for her and make you both happy! You'd do it for a girl you liked in your own country I suspect.

[callaway]

to OP. If she is a girl from the deep south, and not just south of Bangkok, then you will find she will be an honest, self reliant lovely girl. Most of the naysayers are talking about their once Isaan princess. I know because I have both. I have a gorgeous lady from Songkhla and we live in Isaan breeding frogs. She is honest, true (sometimes too much and people do not understand), faithful and so loyal, educated and a beautiful heart. I do see the Isaan princesses all around town and they could not carry the baggage for a good south girl. The south girls are independant and do not look for handouts like Isaan girls. They had money when they were growing up and not poor same as the Isaan girls (of course there are exceptions to this). Good luck in your future endeavours with her. Just a word of warning. The true south families (way south of Phuket) are a strong knit unit and you may find it difficult for the first couple of visits. Dad will watch you with the hard eyes as will her brothers. Once accepted into the fold you will have someone watching your back at all times. Good luck again.

Whats so funny? You never met a decent south girl from your your reserved bar stool in Pattaya?

[phuketandsee]

to OP. If she is a girl from the deep south, and not just south of Bangkok, then you will find she will be an honest, self reliant lovely girl. Most of the naysayers are talking about their once Isaan princess. I know because I have both. I have a gorgeous lady from Songkhla and we live in Isaan breeding frogs. She is honest, true (sometimes too much and people do not understand), faithful and so loyal, educated and a beautiful heart. I do see the Isaan princesses all around town and they could not carry the baggage for a good south girl. The south girls are independant and do not look for handouts like Isaan girls. They had money when they were growing up and not poor same as the Isaan girls (of course there are exceptions to this). Good luck in your future endeavours with her. Just a word of warning. The true south families (way south of Phuket) are a strong knit unit and you may find it difficult for the first couple of visits. Dad will watch you with the hard eyes as will her brothers. Once accepted into the fold you will have someone watching your back at all times. Good luck again.

What over-generalized BS. How can you possibly characterize ALL women from a particular region like this?

So, according to your classification system, please tell me what my gf from Phattalung is like.

[elgenon]

If she already bedded you and she wants to meet you at the mall, those are 2 signs she expects the clothes to be paid for. Her offer to pay for the food was show. BTW Does a "good" Thai girl hit the mattress that quickly?

Her English speaking ability, or lack there of, is not indicative. Sometimes they just don't care to learn. Too much work. IMHO How much Thai have you learned?

Edited February 12, 2016 by elgenon

[farcanell]

If she already bedded you and she wants to meet you at the mall, those are 2 signs she expects the clothes to be paid for. Her offer to pay for the food was show. BTW Does a "good" Thai girl hit the mattress that quickly?

Her English speaking ability, or lack there of, is not indicative. Sometimes they just don't care to learn. Too much work. IMHO How much Thai have you learned?

I love that term... "Already bedded you".... Gives it a medieval tone, an' all

[wow64]

OP got to the shops and buy what ever she wants if she swollows.. Its a thai custom.

If she likes it in the rusty bullet hole... Find the closest farm and buy a water buffalo... Its a thai way to say your water buffalo is sick or recently died.

Sent from my c64

Edited February 12, 2016 by wow64

[BaldPlumber]

English teachers - the ambassadors of the west.

God help us all.