Subject: Terrorist Threats!

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The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent

terrorist threats and have raised their security level from

"Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may

be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even" A Bit Cross."

Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in

1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a

"Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a

"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire

of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that

it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The

only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and

"Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire

that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively

paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened

level of alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and

Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels

remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from

"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching

Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor"

and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual,

and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling

out of Brussels.

Nice one, excellent! No mention of the Irish though? How about states of 'It's all right cos we still have guineess' to 'Oh <deleted>, we've ran out of guiness'. Next heightened states, 'Join AA' and Emigrate!