English Rules!

[Martin]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English

will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,

which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that

English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-

year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this

will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up

konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the

troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like

fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be

expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have

always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the

languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing

"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords

kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu

understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted

in ze forst plas.

[Robski]

BLINDING! had me laughing out loud, nice one.