Feeling Hard Done By.

[mark henry]

I can not fathom how selfish you are concerning your own daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I have been contemplating what to write concerning this post, and find myself so angry I cant think straight, and would probably be thrown off the website for the amount of expletives I feel should be directed at you.

well why don't you try thinking straight and then you might be able to read the op correctly she is NOT my Daughter i reff er to her as being my wifes Daughter which kinda suggests she's not mine!! She's from my wife's first husband/partner.

Yia Jen!

Marriage=YOUR daughter now. You feel good waking up in the morning, nice and well fed, in your comfy home....knowing your wifes( now Yours) family live in squalor?

For the price of what you drop at the pub on a weekend, or the monthly cost of cigarettes, you are whining? It is no wonder you aren't showered with thanks from your new family....your wife must be so proud of you.

I regularly contribute to my new family,They have never asked for a penny. I have built them a home. I am always treated as a son, because I act as one.

You sound very angry, would you like to talk about it, we are all friends here! Seriousley though i don't agree with you i married her not her Daughter or her family. However, i do accept my responsibilities and accept thats the "culture" and send the money with out fail. Also if truth be known i do feel a small of pride knowing i'm helping her Daughter through college.

As another post suggests it's best to see it as a charity thing.

[ling men]

Hi Mark

I know where you are coming from with regards to the lack of a thank you . I’m sure they do really appreciate the money but saying thank you is just not part of their culture. I’m no expert on Thai culture but I think it might be embarrassing or demeaning for them. Ask yourself why you’re doing it and the answer will not be “cos I want my wife’s mum and dad to proclaim their thanks to me”. Or is it? Haha

Don’t take any notice of pupmuiman , he knows very little about your situation and is bang out of order to make snap judgments about you. I can only presume his anger at your post is due to vague similarities with past experiences or current problems in his own life.

I agree, you marry her, not her family. Her daughter is not yours, she is her Dad’s daughter. You are showing you are a good guy by helping her out financially and a little, tongue in cheek moan about it on a silly internet forum does not change this.

Good luck

[pumpuiman]

I can not fathom how selfish you are concerning your own daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I have been contemplating what to write concerning this post, and find myself so angry I cant think straight, and would probably be thrown off the website for the amount of expletives I feel should be directed at you.

well why don't you try thinking straight and then you might be able to read the op correctly she is NOT my Daughter i reff er to her as being my wifes Daughter which kinda suggests she's not mine!! She's from my wife's first husband/partner.

Yia Jen!

Marriage=YOUR daughter now. You feel good waking up in the morning, nice and well fed, in your comfy home....knowing your wifes( now Yours) family live in squalor?

For the price of what you drop at the pub on a weekend, or the monthly cost of cigarettes, you are whining? It is no wonder you aren't showered with thanks from your new family....your wife must be so proud of you.

I regularly contribute to my new family,They have never asked for a penny. I have built them a home. I am always treated as a son, because I act as one.

You sound very angry, would you like to talk about it, we are all friends here! Seriousley though i don't agree with you i married her not her Daughter or her family. However, i do accept my responsibilities and accept thats the "culture" and send the money with out fail. Also if truth be known i do feel a small of pride knowing i'm helping her Daughter through college.

As another post suggests it's best to see it as a charity thing.

O.K. trying to put my anger aside.........I guess I fail to understand your way of looking at your marriage. I percieve things differently obviously. But may I suggest to you to consider thinking of your new family as your own. Put yourself in your wifes shoes for a moment...and think how it must feel knowing that your parents are struggling. That by societies standards they are thought of as slum dwellers. Would you allow your own father to live this way?

I feel good when I can help. I agree that there are limits to what a husbands responsibilities should be. But from your description of your situation....I think moral responsibilities come in to question. Personally I could not bear to see my wifes family living like this, knowing that I could do something about it at no great personal sacrifice.

I wish there were something I could say to warm your heart. All I can do is tell you how wonderful I feel knowing I have made a difference in someones life, someone who my wife loves with all her heart.

I hope you can one day feel this way too. I am no longer angry......but dissapointed in human nature I guess.

[bannork]

mark henry, in Thailand there is no social security to speak of, families are often extended, cousins,aunts, uncles, grandparents are all essential components; in Thai language they don't say my mum, your sister, etc, the family may encompass several people who are considered as mum.

From your own account your wife's family are poor, you must realise you can't take the wife and discard the daughter, she's your responsibility now you're married to her mum.

If you lived in Thailand full time and saw the dynamics of Thai families in action you might understand the way they work.

Move here full time and get a job in an international school, 5,000 baht a month will seem like a pittance then.

[Casanundra]

Now why do I get the feeling that the age old addage of:

"You can give a man a fish and he will feed his family for a day, but give the man the means and teach him how to fish then he can feed his family for the rest of his life..."

Applies here...

There are ways around this whole thing and Ulysses G. (somebody bless him please) may be onto something in that one way to do it is to give your wife a monthly 'housing' allowance and then give her the scope to do what she will with it OR you can send her to University or College and give her the means to get a better job through education OR... Well you get the idea.

At the end of the day, its about what makes you feel good about your own situation here and what works best for everybody. My wife's Mum and Dad are extremely proud and would never ask for a hand out from me and they also would be horrified if I gave something to them direct each month... so I don't and I won't.

What my wife does with her own salary from her own job is entirely up to her and it works well for us and she still manages to come home with bags of goodies for me on a regular basis too because I take care of the wife and she takes care of me by return.

Not once have I been an ATM in the 2 years we have been married and the day my wife can enter my pin number by pressing my nose, tweaking my ears and prodding me in the eye whilst swiping my ass with the ATM card and a 1000 baht bill comes out of my mouth is the day that she will have suceeded in achieving that goal and good luck to her on the day she tries

Edited November 3, 2006 by Casanundra

[Thaddeus]

Ulysses G. (somebody bless him please)

I'll do it.

Bless you Ulysses G...... insightful and honest.

[sbk]

Just curious, what if the situation were reversed and it was your family in need of help and your wife capable of helping? Do you think she would do so gladly or grudgingly as you do?

Just a thought to consider next time you go to the bank.

[Thaddeus]

Now why do I get the feeling that the age old addage of:

"You can give a man a fish and he will feed his family for a day, but give the man the means and teach him how to fish then he can feed his family for the rest of his life..."

Applies here...

Agreed, but this doesn't work all the time.... with my first wife in Udon, the reaction after a few days would have been "sod that, just give me the money to buy some fish" ... that will probably go a long way to explain why the marriage didn't last that long.

If you live near a river full of fish and someone else has to show you how to catch them ... that's bad.... if you live near a river that is capable of sustaining fish but doesn't have any, you may need some help to become fish savvy.... if it isn't capable of sustaining fish, you set up a stall that sells worms to unsuspecting passers by.

Old adages are just that.... adages.

Message to Mark H ..... what you are doing is venerable and honourable, you are helping some people to have a more comfortable lifestyle than they could manage on their own, and as long as it stays within manageable levels, just do it. If or when the family decide that it is easier to just sit around ..... buy them a fish.

[Macx]

Thais aren't good at saying thank you--certainly not to sons and daughters (in-laws included) who are merely fulfilling their filial obligation of taking care of the family.

Maybe if you put yourself in a situation where you need their help, you might find that they will go far, far out of their way to lend a hand (or, in other words, show the gratitude that you've been looking for).

My sympathy for your feelings, though not for your situation.

Beware, it's the sort of things that can fester and ruin your marriage.

[tutsiwarrior]

I haveta agree with those that say to not expect gratitude or thank yous for assistance that you may have given to the wifes family. I have given pretty much all that I have to my wife's family...not much else to do with the dosh otherwise. There has been a perceptible improvement in the families standard of living...they no longer eke out a meager existence as rice farmers, the extra money has allowed them the flexibility to drop that and find other more reliable work in construction instead...nobody ever worries about medical or school expenses. My wife is very resourseful and has used the money that I have given her wisely.

in return (I suppose) when I am at home I am not allowed to lift a finger for anything...the kids and womenfolk take care of any need/whim...I only have to think about something that I want and it appears on the kitchen table the next minute....roast chicken, sliced mangoes and watermelon, steamed shrimp...I feel like the old prospector in Treasure of the Sierra Madre...

displays of gratitude are unusual in Asia...kick back and enjoy what's available instead...

[dereklev]

I can not fathom how selfish you are concerning your own daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I have been contemplating what to write concerning this post, and find myself so angry I cant think straight, and would probably be thrown off the website for the amount of expletives I feel should be directed at you.

well why don't you try thinking straight and then you might be able to read the op correctly she is NOT my Daughter i reff er to her as being my wifes Daughter which kinda suggests she's not mine!! She's from my wife's first husband/partner.

Yia Jen!

Marriage=YOUR daughter now. You feel good waking up in the morning, nice and well fed, in your comfy home....knowing your wifes( now Yours) family live in squalor?

For the price of what you drop at the pub on a weekend, or the monthly cost of cigarettes, you are whining? It is no wonder you aren't showered with thanks from your new family....your wife must be so proud of you.

I regularly contribute to my new family,They have never asked for a penny. I have built them a home. I am always treated as a son, because I act as one.

You sound very angry, would you like to talk about it, we are all friends here! Seriousley though i don't agree with you i married her not her Daughter or her family. However, i do accept my responsibilities and accept thats the "culture" and send the money with out fail. Also if truth be known i do feel a small of pride knowing i'm helping her Daughter through college.

As another post suggests it's best to see it as a charity thing.

When you married you must have been aware of her daughter and her family!

They are your daughter and your family now!

You seem to think that your 5000 baht a month goes an awful long way......

Saying thank you is not a Thai trait, but it can be very annoying when they don't say it!

[Thaddeus]

Almost a good post ...... 3 out of 4 ain't bad...... but,

You seem to think that your 5000 baht a month goes an awful long way......

If you were to receive an extra wage packet (just an average one for your country) and you didn't need to feed that person, or clothe that person or take any responsibility for their upkeep in any way shape or form, would you consider that a good deal? ..... I would.

[daleyboy]

OK here is my story, just to show your not alone.

I have been married for 5 years, both living here in the UK, and we used to send money once every few months to the family, but now i have opened a nationwide flex account, given them the card and then i don't get stung for withdrawals abroad.

I don't see it as a charitable donation and i don't see myself as a walking ATM. My wife works full time, i work full time and the money gets put in the pot, and we spend what we need to spend on things and some gets put in the Thai account every week, normally £10-£15, with such a small amount, you don't really notice it going, and its all done online, so no trips out or no real cash involved

I understood this when we got married, it was made clear to me that my wife would still want to help support her family, which i don't have a problem with, my step daughter also still lives in Thailand with the family, so that money helps support her as well. We also sent over a few thousand pounds over the years to do the house up, which has now been done and it has been signed over to my wife, not that i would want to live there BUT they put in an air con room for me, they put a proper sit down toilet for me. Rather than having one big room downstairs, we now have our own room. They also bought me a proper bed because they know i suffer with a bad back, they did this as a thank you for the money we sent over.

At the end of the day, my mum moved in with us and has been living with us for 18 months, and she hasn't paid a penny for rent or bills, and my wife has never complained once, so all is fair.

One final point, when we were on holiday this year, the sister in law came and stayed with us for the month and helped look after our 7 week old baby, i gave her 4k baht as a thank you, as well as her hotel room and all expenses paid for. She was great with the little man, and a complete god send, but don't tell the wife that or i will have to pay her more next time we go

[Heng]

Thais aren't good at saying thank you--certainly not to sons and daughters (in-laws included) who are merely fulfilling their filial obligation of taking care of the family.

displays of gratitude are unusual in Asia...kick back and enjoy what's available instead...

I'd have to disagree with those rather broad generalizations. It depends on whom you deal with. With inlaws in general -certainly for mine and pretty much across the few dozen immediate Thai families that we'd consider 'our family'-.... gratitude -usually for gifts from holidays or whatever is given as 'just visiting' type gifts- is expressed through reciprocated gifts, and yes there are verbal 'thank you's' for all of these exchanges. Fortunately for us, our tradition tends towards food stuffs and other easily consumed items... as dry goods in these types of gift wars could really get out of hand. My wife is from Chonburi... we have a weekly supply of snacks+food+wine+Clinique (all stuff that they could buy in Chonburi anyway, but that's okay) going down to them when I visit and her folks supply use with an endless supply of fresh fruit, crab, and fish (nevermind that we can get it just as fresh in Bangkok and that one of my businesses is actually exporting food fish).

While we don't have any situation where a son or daughter in law has to support the inlaws, in a situation like the OP is facing, a 'thank you' would be perfectly normal and acceptable for anyone with manners. At the very least... they should be sending you gifts (even if of meager value) or preparing or treating you to special meals if they are not saying 'thank you.'

[Nam Kao]

Dont give em a dime

[BKK90210]

It's nearly time again when i must go to my bank and part with around £250. which will wing it's way to my wifes family in Bangkok. I give them 5000 Baht a month and send it every 3 months (keeps the cost of sending it down). The money helps in part to support my wifes Daughter go through college and support the family in general, which is very reasonable and fine i quess.

.....However i feel considerable pain when i must part with this money! ....not sure why, i'm in no way i high earner so it is quite a lot of money for me.

Then don’t do it !...if you feel the pain in parting with YOUR money. If you don’t have much, there are only 3 logical solutions…..Choose one…..

1) Don’t give them any - they will not be happy w/you, can you accept this consequence?

2) Continue to give as before- now you’re miserable yourself!.....or

3) Reduce the amount to the level you feel comfortable parting with it – this will show her family that you’re not the ATM and you do work for a living. They too have to find something to do in supplementing the missing income from you and can’t expect easy ride all their life via you!

To make it worse i have never had one thankyou from any of them in the three years i'v been married,

Don’t give out anything voluntary then... if you're expecting to get a “thank you” back. Like someone said…see it as a charity thing, thing that makes you feel good when you did it.

i know it's not part of their culture but it is mine!

ABSOLUTELY “not true”!

Thai people are just not very good in one-on-one verbal thank you. But Thai culture is very big in appreciation, thank you, and award for good deeds done, etc. Infact they even have many awards up to the 6th place!, and often they even have many ceremonial events or days just to say “thank you” and showing “appreciation”. Like Heng said, for thai culture it can come in diff types and forms in showing appreciations and saying “thank you”.

Just to name a few….

- Most typical form is….cooking a big meal for you @home when you show up, and if you see seafood on the menu, you know that this is a very special meal, not a typical everyday meal.

- or when you want to eat anything, especially fruits, they will go out of their way and buy them for you

- Another form is….they will wash your dishes for you after meal

- or when you stayed over – they will wash your clothes for you, etc

In conclusion

You just have to truly know and understand the thai culture in order to appreciated it fully.

[Eastender]

I think my wife has learnt from me that a thank you is very much appreciated. Worth mentioning to your wife ( and asking her to pass on to her family) if you haven't already.

As mentioned earlier, the Nationwide Flex account is a VERY cheap way of sending money overseas. open an account, post the ATM card to her family. Bank never questions money going in UK, coming out in Thailand.

[macb]

WEll if it helps Mark I will add my bit as well:

First I think you are doing good sending money and as mentioned it is your family as well, and your financial input will make an impression with the family.

My wife and I live in Thailand about 100 metres from the family we buy there food and pay there electric . In the in-laws house there is mama papa tweo nieces and a grandfather and we support them, but I have laid down ground rules, as my wife has a lot of sisters and two brothers all working away, I have said they should help as well not just leave it to us.

My wife is given money as she needs it and I give mama 1000/2000bht per month considering we buy all there food.

I have stopped financing the growth of mother in laws rice as this is a money losing excercise for me I have said the brothers and sisters need to help, plus the wife and I have our own land now.

Dont be frightened to disscuss things with your wife.

hope this helps

[phibunmike]

Mark,

I think many of us feel a little hurt by this lack of apparent gratitude, even though we do get thanks in other ways.

Our solution was very simple: my wife explained to her parents that it is part of farang culture to say "thank you" when someone gives you something, just as it is part of Thai culture to wai. They accepted this and now whenever I give them something they say the English words "thank you". They don't speak any other English at all, and by using the English words I don't think it breaks the Thai culture of older people not having to say thankyou to younger people or daughters.

So now I give something, they say "thank you", and everyone feels good

Cheers,

Mike

[kmart]

Mark,

I think many of us feel a little hurt by this lack of apparent gratitude, even though we do get thanks in other ways.

I've gotten used to it already. The locals always seem to have a wonderful sense of entitlement to things they havn't earned / don't deserve anyway.

[macb]

Mark,

I think many of us feel a little hurt by this lack of apparent gratitude, even though we do get thanks in other ways.

Our solution was very simple: my wife explained to her parents that it is part of farang culture to say "thank you" when someone gives you something, just as it is part of Thai culture to wai. They accepted this and now whenever I give them something they say the English words "thank you". They don't speak any other English at all, and by using the English words I don't think it breaks the Thai culture of older people not having to say thankyou to younger people or daughters.

So now I give something, they say "thank you", and everyone feels good

Cheers,

Mike

I agree my wife has also explained to the family and the extended family that a please and thank you goes a long way.

But the Kmer culture I think is a lot more brazened than the Thai culture so to speak, thats my opinion from living in a village where everyone speaks Khmer all the time and a lot of the kids just do as they please, becuase they are not disciplined. But I got used to it now I am still Happy

[Heng]

I don't think it breaks the Thai culture of older people not having to say thankyou to younger people or daughters.

Thai adults can most certainly say thank you to younger people, sons and daughters included. There are many who do not, sure... but that hardly makes it a cultural norm.

[phibunmike]

I don't think it breaks the Thai culture of older people not having to say thankyou to younger people or daughters.

Thai adults can most certainly say thank you to younger people, sons and daughters included. There are many who do not, sure... but that hardly makes it a cultural norm.

I wasn't aware of that, thanks for the clarification Maybe it is more of an Isaan thing ? Or just isolated examples I have encountered...

[a2396]

I can not fathom how selfish you are concerning your own daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I have been contemplating what to write concerning this post, and find myself so angry I cant think straight, and would probably be thrown off the website for the amount of expletives I feel should be directed at you.

well why don't you try thinking straight and then you might be able to read the op correctly she is NOT my Daughter i reff er to her as being my wifes Daughter which kinda suggests she's not mine!! She's from my wife's first husband/partner.

Yia Jen!

Marriage=YOUR daughter now. You feel good waking up in the morning, nice and well fed, in your comfy home....knowing your wifes( now Yours) family live in squalor?

For the price of what you drop at the pub on a weekend, or the monthly cost of cigarettes, you are whining? It is no wonder you aren't showered with thanks from your new family....your wife must be so proud of you.

I regularly contribute to my new family,They have never asked for a penny. I have built them a home. I am always treated as a son, because I act as one.

5000 bht a month for ciggaretts?? You must be a heavy smoker. Building them a house?? You arfe fortunate you have such available funds for squander. 5000 is perhaps reasonable money, depending on the OPs financial situation. This is more than many average Thais make & he should get a thank you for it.

[mark henry]

I can not fathom how selfish you are concerning your own daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I have been contemplating what to write concerning this post, and find myself so angry I cant think straight, and would probably be thrown off the website for the amount of expletives I feel should be directed at you.

well why don't you try thinking straight and then you might be able to read the op correctly she is NOT my Daughter i reff er to her as being my wifes Daughter which kinda suggests she's not mine!! She's from my wife's first husband/partner.

Yia Jen!

Marriage=YOUR daughter now. You feel good waking up in the morning, nice and well fed, in your comfy home....knowing your wifes( now Yours) family live in squalor?

For the price of what you drop at the pub on a weekend, or the monthly cost of cigarettes, you are whining? It is no wonder you aren't showered with thanks from your new family....your wife must be so proud of you.

I regularly contribute to my new family,They have never asked for a penny. I have built them a home. I am always treated as a son, because I act as one.

You sound very angry, would you like to talk about it, we are all friends here! Seriousley though i don't agree with you i married her not her Daughter or her family. However, i do accept my responsibilities and accept thats the "culture" and send the money with out fail. Also if truth be known i do feel a small of pride knowing i'm helping her Daughter through college.

As another post suggests it's best to see it as a charity thing.

O.K. trying to put my anger aside.........I guess I fail to understand your way of looking at your marriage. I percieve things differently obviously. But may I suggest to you to consider thinking of your new family as your own. Put yourself in your wifes shoes for a moment...and think how it must feel knowing that your parents are struggling. That by societies standards they are thought of as slum dwellers. Would you allow your own father to live this way?

I feel good when I can help. I agree that there are limits to what a husbands responsibilities should be. But from your description of your situation....I think moral responsibilities come in to question. Personally I could not bear to see my wifes family living like this, knowing that I could do something about it at no great personal sacrifice.

I wish there were something I could say to warm your heart. All I can do is tell you how wonderful I feel knowing I have made a difference in someones life, someone who my wife loves with all her heart.

I hope you can one day feel this way too. I am no longer angry......but dissapointed in human nature I guess.

I think your wife is very lucky indeed you sound like a good man. I'v enjoyed reading your posts and take on board what you've said.

Don't be too dissapointed in human nature there is good in every one. After-all bad deeds/thoughts don't make us smile!

[mark henry]

Hi Mark

I know where you are coming from with regards to the lack of a thank you . I’m sure they do really appreciate the money but saying thank you is just not part of their culture. I’m no expert on Thai culture but I think it might be embarrassing or demeaning for them. Ask yourself why you’re doing it and the answer will not be “cos I want my wife’s mum and dad to proclaim their thanks to me”. Or is it? Haha

Don’t take any notice of pupmuiman , he knows very little about your situation and is bang out of order to make snap judgments about you. I can only presume his anger at your post is due to vague similarities with past experiences or current problems in his own life.

I agree, you marry her, not her family. Her daughter is not yours, she is her Dad’s daughter. You are showing you are a good guy by helping her out financially and a little, tongue in cheek moan about it on a silly internet forum does not change this.

Good luck

Thanks Ling men, i'v not had too many positive/supportive comments. Your right of course it is a bit of a tongue in cheek post, i was/am interested in other folks views thats all! As for Pupmuiman maybe he's young and a bit idealistic who knows but i value his comments never-the-less as i do everyones.

Thanks again.

[mark henry]

Almost a good post ...... 3 out of 4 ain't bad...... but,

You seem to think that your 5000 baht a month goes an awful long way......

If you were to receive an extra wage packet (just an average one for your country) and you didn't need to feed that person, or clothe that person or take any responsibility for their upkeep in any way shape or form, would you consider that a good deal? ..... I would.

This is a really good point, this is how i feel...and of course compounded by the fact i don't get that ellusive Thankyou!!

[mark henry]

Thais aren't good at saying thank you--certainly not to sons and daughters (in-laws included) who are merely fulfilling their filial obligation of taking care of the family.

displays of gratitude are unusual in Asia...kick back and enjoy what's available instead...

I'd have to disagree with those rather broad generalizations. It depends on whom you deal with. With inlaws in general -certainly for mine and pretty much across the few dozen immediate Thai families that we'd consider 'our family'-.... gratitude -usually for gifts from holidays or whatever is given as 'just visiting' type gifts- is expressed through reciprocated gifts, and yes there are verbal 'thank you's' for all of these exchanges. Fortunately for us, our tradition tends towards food stuffs and other easily consumed items... as dry goods in these types of gift wars could really get out of hand. My wife is from Chonburi... we have a weekly supply of snacks+food+wine+Clinique (all stuff that they could buy in Chonburi anyway, but that's okay) going down to them when I visit and her folks supply use with an endless supply of fresh fruit, crab, and fish (nevermind that we can get it just as fresh in Bangkok and that one of my businesses is actually exporting food fish).

While we don't have any situation where a son or daughter in law has to support the inlaws, in a situation like the OP is facing, a 'thank you' would be perfectly normal and acceptable for anyone with manners. At the very least... they should be sending you gifts (even if of meager value) or preparing or treating you to special meals if they are not saying 'thank you.'

Thanks for that. I remember last year Leks Mum cooked a meal for us, one i particularly liked. I had to pay for the ingrediants!!

[mark henry]

I can not fathom how selfish you are concerning your own daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I have been contemplating what to write concerning this post, and find myself so angry I cant think straight, and would probably be thrown off the website for the amount of expletives I feel should be directed at you.

well why don't you try thinking straight and then you might be able to read the op correctly she is NOT my Daughter i reff er to her as being my wifes Daughter which kinda suggests she's not mine!! She's from my wife's first husband/partner.

Yia Jen!

Marriage=YOUR daughter now. You feel good waking up in the morning, nice and well fed, in your comfy home....knowing your wifes( now Yours) family live in squalor?

For the price of what you drop at the pub on a weekend, or the monthly cost of cigarettes, you are whining? It is no wonder you aren't showered with thanks from your new family....your wife must be so proud of you.

I regularly contribute to my new family,They have never asked for a penny. I have built them a home. I am always treated as a son, because I act as one.

5000 bht a month for ciggaretts?? You must be a heavy smoker. Building them a house?? You arfe fortunate you have such available funds for squander. 5000 is perhaps reasonable money, depending on the OPs financial situation. This is more than many average Thais make & he should get a thank you for it.

Thanks i agree. Just to say the 5000 i give is what my wife gave to the family when she was working in BKK.

[smartecosse]

Don't know where to start on this one!!!!

5000 baht is about the minimum you could send and have an impact. Don't expect a thankyou, but look for signs of respect when you go to Thailand. They will respect you for taking care of the family.

eh???

5000 baht is more than a considerable number of thai peoples monthly wage so how is that amount the "minimum" that will have an impact? if your monthly wage is 3000 or 6000 even then 5k is a BIG impact. especially as it arrives by the farang ATM machine and requires no work or your part except walking to the western union or bank

You seem to think that your 5000 baht a month goes an awful long way......

Saying thank you is not a Thai trait, but it can be very annoying when they don't say it!

you guys really seem to think that 5k is nothing. its not even a night out on the piss to a european but its a fcking lot to someone with next to nothing on less than 1000 a week.