Marriage

[a2396]

I hsve seen lots of posts on this subject I'm not TROLLING but can any of you ladies please tell me why anybody male/female would want to live/marry with someone they met 2 months ago

lez aged 62 going on 40, honest i'm not trolling

This is a very good question. In my experience here, this is a scenario presented to Farangs, because the family wants a quick marriage, because they want quick money. A Thai boy with small money would not get "railroaded" so fast.

[a2396]

Frosty reaction was probably because they suspect you of not intending to marry her; thus, from their point of view, by accompanying her to their village you are harming her and their reputation -- and limiting her future prospects.

Yes, there is much to object to in these norms but it's important to remember that no one person creates them, and people do have to live in their society. You really can't blame a family for wanting their daughter to have a "good" reputation since it may well determine her future.

The person all this is hardest one is the young woman. Please be sure that you are honest and clear with her as to your intentions, as she may have to pay a very large price for your relationship. If you are unlikely to marry her, be sure she knows this beyong a doubt.

It is not unusual in Thailand for a Thai girl to get involved with a farang fully expecting he will marry her, only to find out it's not the case and be left with not only a broken heart but a shattered reputation and little prospect of marraige to a Thai. Which is exactly why Thai families often disapprove of farang BFs. Unfortuanate but true.

It happens the same way from where I come from. In fact, it was somewhat a sore/annoyance to some expats working in my home country to date a local girl as they would be stared at.

One connotation is that a local girl going out with a Westerner would be seen as if they are whores for allowing themselves be a comfort woman to a Farang man who, later, once their work contract finishes, would just leave while the woman is left and grappled with the tag as a "Westerner's leftover" where she has hard time looking for a local husband.

In many cases, these women has no other obtion but have to find another Farang man to live with her and, hopefully, marry her.

In a region where in some parts where virginity is still "respected", a woman who keeps it until marriage is highly regarded although that notion is slowly dying nor does it an issue among the more educated and liberal. Why do you think a virgin girl is sold to the highest bidder in the flesh trade? A man still takes pride in deflowering a girl!

So the saying goes : a man wants to be a woman's first, a woman wants to a man's last.

That’s more or less what my Thai female friends tell me, and I totally get it. I also heard that in Laos, an Asian woman in the company of a white man receives nasty remarks and stares in public. I think Asian women’s effort to avoid white men in order to maintain good reputation is not motivated by racism on their part. They know Western men are as kind (or unkind) as local men. They just figure dating a foreigner is more trouble than it is worth; if a woman dates a guy without the intention to get married, she is seen as a slut or a whore; if she intends to marry a guy, who happens to be from the West, she is seen as a gold digger.

And I agree with kindgal that urban women (and probably urban men as well) in Thailand are waiting longer to get married. The way I see it, if you can work and be financially independent, you can afford not to marry a jerk.

If the couple already had sex, typically the woman will expect that the boyfriend marry her. This weakens her position. It is therefore unadvisable for Thai women to have sex or physical intimacy before marriage. Ask a conservative Thai guy and he will tell you he won’t marry a girl he has slept with… while he himself screws around. Unfair, of course, and we continue to hear about domestic “kitchen knife” incidents. *shudder*

For me, I would never marry a woman I did not have sex with first. I want to see what they are like and don't want to get stuck with a "cold fish" that I have to deal with later. This no sex before marriage nonsense seems to be changing in LOS fortunately. However, there is quite a lot of variability in what is kosher & what isn't. I find the under 25 ages to be much more liberated and western in their ideas. It also makes a lot of difference as to how subservient the woman may be to her family & parents. It also matters weather or not the Farang is "visable" in her home town or village. If she is living in another city, the local gossip mongers back home have no ammunition to blast her with. I know one 20 yr old, suposedly never married, who prefers I NOT visit her home village, which is about 10 km from our main city. But, she has no problem going arm & arm with me in public in the main city. Other women I know, will not touch me in public, ever.

[bina]

maybe its your deoderant

[davidjtayler]

Maybe leprosy ....

[a2396]

maybe its your deoderant

Ha, ha, ha very funny. Of course, some I know will not touch me in private either. But, that's another topic and I know it's not my deodorant. Maybe I am just so handsome & charming, they just don't know how to respond.