Been Courting A Young Lady For 2 Weeks, She Knows I'm Old Fashioned...

[Slated]

no older brothers, sorry

just a naive 25 y/o who's going to get chewed up and spit out.....

[markuk]

This really is a breath of fresh air!! A man who actually wants to wait to see how things progress before making love!!

How romantic, how gentlemanly, how civil!

how wierd!!

[Donz]

Might think your gay mate!!!

Seriously if you want to take things slow, why share a bed with her???

I reckon, I think he did well not to do anything while she was in his bed.

If I was single and I had a girl in my bed who wanted to get rough then I think it would be impossible for me to say no or even try to get some.

[Wolfie]

It would appear we have some members who are not too sure of their gender... maybe if everyone could have a quick look between their legs and anyone with dangly bits can leave now.

Thanks!

[MiG16]

ok heres my opinion...as a thai girl (but with somewhat western influence and exposure...I am ofcourse already more open minded in some ways)

a lot of what Sheryl said are very true of general idea about what could be going on in a woman's mind, especially a thai woman who is trying to please her farang guy...

that leaves open the question of either she has been told similar things by friends who have had farang boyfriends that its the kind of thing the guys expect. However, having said that, I have to say that as a Thai girl (non-bar type, conservative, with old-fashioned thai values. infact using the word old-fashioned isnt even correct, cos it IS still the normal thai values) a thai girl would NOT go back to a guy's place, let alone suggest it. in the case that you made the move, and she really really likes you a lot, then ok I can see how that might be possible......the desire to respond to someone you like taking over childhood upbringing and societal values. but in your case this was the other way around.

so my guess is....you have been dating, she is thinking.....she wants it to move to next step (a bit bold for a thai girl, esp if you say she is as young as she is, and comes quite fresh from upcountry) ....so what this could be is shes wanting some kind of commitment from you? dont forget that for a lot of thai girls sleeping with a guy would mean they expect a sort of steady commitment.....boyfriend material...or more....considering you have slept with her.

I know Im starting to sound confusing, but it is hard to pass opinion on someone I dont know, and do not want to sound too offensive

advice? try date her again. but take it slow. definitely not everyday! THAT is also a show of boyfriend material. for all you know everyone else in the restaurant are already teasing her everyday. I say to ease it off cos just in case you are only exploring wanting to find out more etc, but at the end of it you MIGHT feel you are not wanting a relationship with her....then for her it will be very hard to accept. on the other hand if you saw her like once a week, take her out every now and then....maybe do something more casual with a group of her/your friends on some occasion. but take care when you do that...again the idea is to make others realise you are at the 'good friends' stage, rather than 'dating'.

I know for farang this concept is quite bizarre....but then I guess thats why they invented words and concepts such as cultural differences and the like

good luck

[Patsycat]

Reading "Slated"'s thread on General Topics.

Is the young lady being discussed here the 45 year old you are buying a gift for?

Markuk, my comment was made tongue in cheek. (so to speak...)

[Slated]

NOT!!!! The same person!

[Sheryl]

Good point about expectaions MiG16. Slated, a few formulas to keep in mind with respect to "nice" Thai women:

1) Spending the night alone under the same roof (let alone same bed!) = SEX. You can't have a female guest even if you put her up in a guest room without creating wrong impression, same applies to doubling up while travelling. If absolutely necessary to share accomodation, have another person present.

2) SEX = intention/commitment to marry.

3)Being dropped by a guy who you slept with = ruined reputation, social disgrace.

So no more attempting platonic sleep overs...and be sure the woman had a clear understanding of your intentions if you decide to have the other kind.

Oh and be careful about contraception. I have known it to happen not infrequently in Thailand and other Asian countries that once the woman realizes the guy isn't going to marry her (as she had expected if she slept with him) she intentionally gets pregnant in the belief that THIS will surely work. I once had a coworker attempt suicide when that also didn't work...the guy had offered her child support but no marriage and she just couldn't believe it...

[MiG16]

Oh and be careful about contraception. I have known it to happen not infrequently in Thailand and other Asian countries that once the woman realizes the guy isn't going to marry her (as she had expected if she slept with him) she intentionally gets pregnant in the belief that THIS will surely work. I once had a coworker attempt suicide when that also didn't work...the guy had offered her child support but no marriage and she just couldn't believe it...

yes sheryl. I have heard of cases where the woman got pregnant and even had her child. but the farang guy just totally abandoned her. sad. sad both ways. the woman thinking she can 'keep' a guy by deceiving him...or forcing him into commitment. but still sad for the man to be able to totally refuse any responsibility.

without meaning to be malicious...but a word of caution to slated....as said by me and also sheryl, you will realise that for most thai girls, the scenario just doesnt fit. but ofcourse i can only say use caution, since you are the only one who can observe other details, and maybe there is more to it than what we know from that one incident you described. but based on that everything seemed to have originated from her...starting with the wanting to sleep over (platonic or not), and then later with the kissing etc.

still goodluck anyhow

i really should think of a career as Ms Mig. do you think I would qualify? well dont they say those that cant, teach?

[Chiang Rai,s Crazy Chris]

Slated

Nothing wrong with what you did, but if you want a old fashioned type of girl, i dont think she is

that type. Look upcountry for that.

regards

-nam

The strange thing is, I know most everyone at her work. I've been a regular there for over a month, going almost every other day. She's Isaan, and just moved here a couple months ago. Everyone always said, she isn't a butterfly and that she's a good girl.

I guess maybe I should just scratch it off as experience and be glad I didn't get my heart broken again.

After having lived here over 2 months, I wish I hadn't signed a lease in Bangkok, so I could move up north....

I wish i had five baht for everytime ive heard she just started to work here, She used to be a [EDOK THONG] Funny it sounds like she still is.

[Chiang Rai,s Crazy Chris]

ok heres my opinion...as a thai girl (but with somewhat western influence and exposure...I am ofcourse already more open minded in some ways)

a lot of what Sheryl said are very true of general idea about what could be going on in a woman's mind, especially a thai woman who is trying to please her farang guy...

that leaves open the question of either she has been told similar things by friends who have had farang boyfriends that its the kind of thing the guys expect. However, having said that, I have to say that as a Thai girl (non-bar type, conservative, with old-fashioned thai values. infact using the word old-fashioned isnt even correct, cos it IS still the normal thai values) a thai girl would NOT go back to a guy's place, let alone suggest it. in the case that you made the move, and she really really likes you a lot, then ok I can see how that might be possible......the desire to respond to someone you like taking over childhood upbringing and societal values. but in your case this was the other way around.

so my guess is....you have been dating, she is thinking.....she wants it to move to next step (a bit bold for a thai girl, esp if you say she is as young as she is, and comes quite fresh from upcountry) ....so what this could be is shes wanting some kind of commitment from you? dont forget that for a lot of thai girls sleeping with a guy would mean they expect a sort of steady commitment.....boyfriend material...or more....considering you have slept with her.

I know Im starting to sound confusing, but it is hard to pass opinion on someone I dont know, and do not want to sound too offensive

advice? try date her again. but take it slow. definitely not everyday! THAT is also a show of boyfriend material. for all you know everyone else in the restaurant are already teasing her everyday. I say to ease it off cos just in case you are only exploring wanting to find out more etc, but at the end of it you MIGHT feel you are not wanting a relationship with her....then for her it will be very hard to accept. on the other hand if you saw her like once a week, take her out every now and then....maybe do something more casual with a group of her/your friends on some occasion. but take care when you do that...again the idea is to make others realise you are at the 'good friends' stage, rather than 'dating'.

I know for farang this concept is quite bizarre....but then I guess thats why they invented words and concepts such as cultural differences and the like

good luck

Every thai woman wheather she works at a bar school or any place else will spend the nigt with any man they meet for the right price, Its just there culture, i know that to be a fact many times ive seen it first hand and iam sure iam not the only farang to know this . Who are you trying to fool...Yourself

[Briggsy]

This post has to be a wind-up surely.

[dgoz]

Slated, what area are you talking about. Where exactly did you meet her?

Does she drink or smoke or have ANY body art?

How good is her English?

[Briggsy]

Slated, what area are you talking about. Where exactly did you meet her?

Does she drink or smoke or have ANY body art?

How good is her English?

I know where you're going, dude. I'm thinking along the same lines.

[britmaveric]

Well Cashier - where??? (sorry the cynic now is coming out of me)

BTW wolfie, I'm wearing a skirt today!!!

[Chiang Rai,s Crazy Chris]

Slated, what area are you talking about. Where exactly did you meet her?

Does she drink or smoke or have ANY body art?

How good is her English?

I know where you're going, dude. I'm thinking along the same lines.

She doesnt have buba u.s.m.c. tattooed on left buttock ...naw it couldnt be, could it?

[MiG16]

Im guessing the boys will be told party is over soon? and that they need to adjourn to their ermm salon? for cigar or whatever it is they are after

[markr]

Your opinions are fascinating crazy chris! slated is soooo lucky and i'm sure he will contemplate your advice fully before coming to an decision!!!!

[LaReina]

Everyone can speculate as much as they want.

There is only one way to find out what she is thinking/thinks/expects and that is to ask her.

Sit her down and have a heart to heart with her. Then watch the way she acts/reacts to figure out if she is stalling/telling the truth/ shy/confused/ whatever..

Just do not begin a relationship second guessing the person you are trying to get to know.

There is nothing wrong with being old fashioned. I think it shows good home training, manners and an overall respect for women.

[Tywais]

I was just looking for opinions on the situation from women, not guys.

I really don't trust anything a guy would say regarding the situation (nothing personal), but was hoping some of the women here would have insight.

Thanks again

Thats because you just fell off the took took last night ....**edited for offensive content**

You've been warned by two mods to leave this to the ladies. More comments like this and you will find it difficult to post again for a while. Understood yet?

*edited by sbk*

[MiG16]

Your opinions are fascinating crazy chris! slated is soooo lucky and i'm sure he will contemplate your advice fully before coming to an decision!!!!

he DOES admit hes crazy

[Chiang Rai,s Crazy Chris]

I was just looking for opinions on the situation from women, not guys.

I really don't trust anything a guy would say regarding the situation (nothing personal), but was hoping some of the women here would have insight.

Thanks again

Thats because you just fell off the took took last night ....**edited for offensive content*** edited by sbk

You've been warned by two mods to leave this to the ladies. More comments like this and you will find it difficult to post again for a while. Understood yet?

Iam just trying to help this poor guy isnt that what this fourm is for? or is it a open fourm?

[sbk]

I was just looking for opinions on the situation from women, not guys.

I really don't trust anything a guy would say regarding the situation (nothing personal), but was hoping some of the women here would have insight.

Thanks again

Thats because you just fell off the took took last night ....***edited for offensive content*** edited by sbk

You've been warned by two mods to leave this to the ladies. More comments like this and you will find it difficult to post again for a while. Understood yet?

Iam just trying to help this poor guy isnt that what this fourm is for? or is it a open fourm?

CR Chris, with your bad attitude towards Thai women you won't find yourself long for this forum anyway. Since its apparent you can't show respect for Thai women at least try to show some respect for the OP's original intent.

This is the LADIES FORUM and since the OP deliberately posted in here to get the opinions of women, the short answer to your question is "NO"

[rainx]

Slated, I am beginning to wonder what you are doing here in Thailand. You surely don’t sound like the nasty type of foreign men that has been infecting this country. So whatever your reason for being here is, it must be interesting. Would you mind sharing your story?

[helicoptor]

Everyone can speculate as much as they want.

There is only one way to find out what she is thinking/thinks/expects and that is to ask her.

Sit her down and have a heart to heart with her. Then watch the way she acts/reacts to figure out if she is stalling/telling the truth/ shy/confused/ whatever..

Just do not begin a relationship second guessing the person you are trying to get to know.

There is nothing wrong with being old fashioned. I think it shows good home training, manners and an overall respect for women.

I 2nd that, good 4u slated for taking a moral standpoint

[markr]

Unfortunatley bad news travels much faster than good, not all wastern guys go to Los to abuse and belittle thai women, my friends and i certainly dont, however a few bad eggs always stand out and even if the majority of guys that go there were 'good' the bad ones will always cock it up for the rest of us!

fair play slated

mark

Edited November 8, 2006 by markreed

[Nam Kao]

Another thing i have noticed, once you start hitting it the money requests start.

interesting

[My Friend Same]

Another thing i have noticed, once you start hitting it the money requests start.

interesting

Bingo, hit the nail on the head

[pap]

I know your looking for a woman's view here but one thing is universal. If you want to know what people are thinking and you want them to know what you are thinking talk to her. All people are individuals and although many cultural traits are similar amongst groups each person is still an individual within that set of norms.

As a group you can can find cultural commonalities but if you want to know an individual you need to talk to them. Then try to understand the context of what they say within their cultural context. Not easy but nothing in life worthwhile is easy. Now I will shutup and maybe you can get a woman's perspective as you originally desired.

Hopefully more will chime in.

[Archie Bunker]

There have been some very good reponses in this thread indeed. The bottom line here OP is that you are clearly clueless on the culture and this is where you main problem lies.