Mr Jones Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Subject:GCSE Results The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE exam results inSwindon, Wiltshire. They are genuine responses (from 16 year olds)! Geography Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and Nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Sociology Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Biology Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A] Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district inRome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas. English Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Technology Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 my favorite.. Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand itsmeaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soju Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Fantastic! The reason being that the author of the test was even stupider than all the respondents, being he/she obviously doesn't have the slightest clue as to what "Geography" means. Quite hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Fantastic! The reason being that the author of the test was even stupider than all the respondents, being he/she obviously doesn't have the slightest clue as to what "Geography" means. Quite hilarious. how so soju..? In UK "geography" covers more than just maps etc.. It also covers environment studies, those questions are not out of place IMHO I quote " the science or the study of earth and its life; a description of land, sea, air and the distribution of plant and animal life including people and cities" totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soju Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Fantastic! The reason being that the author of the test was even stupider than all the respondents, being he/she obviously doesn't have the slightest clue as to what "Geography" means. Quite hilarious. how so soju..? In UK "geography" covers more than just maps etc.. It also covers environment studies, those questions are not out of place IMHO I quote " the science or the study of earth and its life; a description of land, sea, air and the distribution of plant and animal life including people and cities" totster Well, I guess my bad. I've always seen the term only used in a much more limited meaning, having to do with land, maps, boundaries and what not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robski Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Yeh but Mr J obviously spends his day making this shit up, funny though it is I've heard a lot of them before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemel Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 great one!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayo Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Maybe older folk can better understand why I dropped out of school in the mid nineties, after doing my GCSe's ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suegha Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 I'm so old gcse's didn't exist when I was in school, just good ole' O levels and A levels... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rcalsop Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 I'm so old gcse's didn't exist when I was in school, just good ole' O levels and A levels... I have recently found out the O level and A level courses and exams still are around , my kids curriculum follows the old system and the exams are the so called old O level and A level .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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