TGFs nephew stealing?

[HenryB]

On 10/1/2016 at 10:28 AM, Macthehat said:

I already have and this has her in tears ... she has even asked me did I need a holiday alone while she took care of our son , hoping I would feel better ...obviously this is not a solution to anything 

Now I smell a troll 

Sorry But if Real pay the Police to drug test him and have them send him away

For a Rich person solve the problem and help him to Jail

Edited October 2, 2016 by HenryB

[dbrenn]

Set a deadline for him to move out. If he stays move out yourself. Things will only get worse if your wife is unable to control deadbeat family members. 

[rijb]

In the meantime, get a lock box and screw it down tight.

[KarenBravo]

Seems most people here don't realize that the OP's problem has now been resolved.

No further advice needed.......

[NanLaew]

7 hours ago, Macthehat said:

It's her brothers son , and apparently he was much the same .. probably the reason he left home and his son behind for the family to take care of . This is all new to me as I've been asking loads of questions as to why he is here in the first place.  ..... history seemed to be repeating itself ....

The extended Thai family remains a Pandora's Box. I have a brother-in-law that I had never met before that my late father-in-law doted on until shortly before the latter shuffled of his mortal coil. By all accounts this oldest son was the red-headed step-child of the family, nobody had a good word apart from FiL, supposed to be working in Bangkok, procreating like a rabbit and casting off wives and girlfriends as they passed their sell-by dates. Come FiL's cremation time and the son returns. Apparently is (has been) holding down a decent job in Saudi for years and his wife and kids were happy to have him home, albeit for the solemn occasion and righteous wake. Everyone was happy to see him and since he was an expat, he could hold a decent conversation in English that went beyond fighting chooks and the price of fertilizer. However, I am pretty sure that the cremation is the only reason he fronted up and the family was civil but he's probably still persona non grata in the moobahn.

[cyberfarang]

The only way I see it stopping is if he goes or I go.

 

You (the OP) are only there 3 or 6 months of the year that means you have no rights to dictate the terms to your girlfriend as she probably wants her nephew living in the house because most of the time there is not a man around and having him there makes her feel safer. Also you made a baby with her, so not only are you a part time partner but also a part time father, which means for most of the year she is left to cope with bringing up your baby on her own.

 

Does it mean when you say; either he goes or you go, that you`ll stop all support for her? Maybe if she does have a choice between you and her nephew, the nephew is the better option.

[Macthehat]

19 hours ago, The Dark Lord said:

4 hours ago, cyberfarang said:

The only way I see it stopping is if he goes or I go.

 

You (the OP) are only there 3 or 6 months of the year that means you have no rights to dictate the terms to your girlfriend as she probably wants her nephew living in the house because most of the time there is not a man around and having him there makes her feel safer. Also you made a baby with her, so not only are you a part time partner but also a part time father, which means for most of the year she is left to cope with bringing up your baby on her own.

 

Does it mean when you say; either he goes or you go, that you`ll stop all support for her? Maybe if she does have a choice between you and her nephew, the nephew is the better option.

Good point ... and I agree with some of what your saying .. but just because I'm not there everytime surely doesn't mean I have no say who stays in the same home with my son while I work to support . After all we are talking about a drugged up thief who not only doesn't contribute in any way but now feels he is entitled to take money from whoever he wants when he wants . 

Regardless of whatever was to happen I would always support my son financially but if the nephew was given a free hand in the home I would without a doubt leave and would considerably pay a lot less than I am at the moment . After all why should I pay for an adult to lounge about my girlfriends home ... grazing like a cow , just so she feels safe ? As someone posted here before if I wouldn't do it in farrang land why should I put up with it here . Before the nephew started stealing and before I found out he was taking drugs , him staying didn't annoy me too much ... I wasn't completely happy but it was ok as it was supposed to be temporary . Now its a different ball game . My GF accepted I wouldn't be home everytime and was happy to raise our son when I worked away sometimes... after all this is normal in Thai society as well as western society . So to think it's ok and acceptable to have a sponging thief in our home to make her feel safe is something I wouldn't accept  and never will .

 

[Macthehat]

16 hours ago, nottocus said:

Are u sure he is the nephew? Grow some balls and kick him out.

Why would I not be sure who he is ? 

And yes I always had balls so never needed to grow any just to toss a drug addict  on the street . The house is not mine so better the whole family see it wasn't just me who wanted him to go. That's way seemed the better option ... now he's gone everyone's happy except the nephew . Problem solved  

[cyberfarang]

4 hours ago, Macthehat said:

 

You cannot cut down the financial support you give to your girlfriend because she is the main carer for your baby. How can she take care of baby if not able to buy her food and pay the bills.

 

You bunged her a baby and now you`re stuck with the responsibility, it is your duty as the father to ensure both mother and baby are supported. If you have objections to who your GF has in the home, then I suggest you become a proper full time partner and there for the upbringing of your child.

 

Next time why not consider using contraception if you do not intend being totally committed to the relationship. 

[jacko45k]

You are of course seen as low on the pecking order. The fact that it is not your house, and you have a young child with the obvious responsibilities makes this difficult.

 

He needs a firm hand, confront him with the fact you know he is stealing, and stop leaving your wallet lying around.

 

I am also concerned he shows you what sounds like zero respect.  You are apparently a bit of a lodger there yourself though.... stop making it so comfortable and easy for him. Perhaps he will move on. Be less of a doormat.

 

When my wife's nephew visits he is quite respectful of me, then again I have her support, I own the house and his ass would be out if he was not.

Edited October 3, 2016 by jacko45k

[jgold]

"" I feel this is not normal for a 21 yr old to be staying rent free food free All Free with his aunt... ""

 

You are forgetting you are also a guest there. How about you putting some money together and buying your own place for you and your new family. After all it looks worse a grown up men to be living in the gf's aunts house than a 21 yr old doesn't it????

[SOUTHERNSTAR]

I would recommend you do the following.

 

Tell your wife that in your country everyone help out in the household (which she will agree with because that's how it should be here also). As the guy is staying with you and have become part of the household he needs to do certain chores (like working in the garden, washing vehicles etc). If he does the chores you will feel better as he doesn't stay for free anymore, if he doesn't you are starting to build a strong case for him to be kicked out. As for the money disappearing, buy a small safe and keep your money inside the safe. When he is cut off from free money and free accommodation he will move on.

[aussiandrew]

Secure your personal possessions and make a lot noise while its trying to sleep during the day. Specially on the weekends when hes been partying all night. Lock up your beer and your filthy sticks. Stop being so convenient for this you know what....

[kennypowers]

You have a newborn in the house. Get this thief and his drug habit out of the way immediately. There is a saying: "Give him an inch and he'll take a mile". You have already given way more than an inch. Take action before he destroys your relationship, GF's home, and perhaps harms your child. Not trying to scare you here, but the terrible things you read in the news here aren't fiction. 

[Ireland32]

On 10/1/2016 at 8:58 AM, YeahSiam said:

It's unlikely she'll choose you over her nephew (quite rightly so - blood is thicker etc)

You could try getting him into a rehab program but, if that fails, you should cut your losses and move on.

Next time, choose a woman without dysfunctional family in the background and without kids from previous relationships

98% have kids at 16,17, hard to find 

[bark]

On 1/10/2559 at 9:03 AM, geronimo said:

That's bit hard on the guy.

Plus there is a baby involved, between the two of them.

[Bangkok Barry]

This highlights, doesn't it, that the fantasy of Thai families being close is exactly that - a fantasy. The layabout's mother and father split, he had to fend for himself (no family support and probably none now either which is what the OP is seeking), and now he is stealing from family. She has a kid already with no father in sight - extremely common in Thailand.

We had a similar situation in my family. A useless individual who would mope around, rarely communicating with anyone. He would sometimes come into my house from his village nearby, not talk to us, just sit around and take (steal) snacks without asking, and then leave. I eventually told my wife I didn't want him in the house anymore and she banned him. A few days later, while I was away, 'someone' entered the house at night and stole money and two phones from her bag, right from beside her bed while she was sleeping. 

 

There was no sign of a break-in, and we guessed he had borrowed a key from a family member who was allowed to come and go. Now we get to what might be useful to the OP - the family dealt with it in the Thai way. No police were involved, even though my brother-in-law is a policeman in the same village, but he was sent off to join the army. He came back a year or so later a changed person. At least, he is more polite to people now.

So suggest the army. If that is rejected, then you have to put up or leave.

Edited October 3, 2016 by Bangkok Barry

[williamgeorgeallen]

is it your house or hers? you need to let your girl choose between you and him. i was in a similar situation in oz. girlfriends son was stealing out of my wallet. she was obviously going to choose her son so i moved out.

[red roger]

On 01/10/2016 at 10:07 AM, Macthehat said:

 

I didn't move in to save a few bucks ...Im  here because I actually want to be with my new born and my GF.  I just can't get my head around this p**ck stealing from someone who has been more than good to him and all his family.  And for them to do nothing apart from talk to him and him to do the same again is frustrating to say the least ... 

 

Quite agree. As for the poster inferring that you're "retarded " to live there.  Well, the milk of human kindness rarely visits him/her. 

[Tracyb]

On 10/1/2016 at 10:07 AM, Macthehat said:

 

I didn't move in to save a few bucks ...Im  here because I actually want to be with my new born and my GF.  I just can't get my head around this p**ck stealing from someone who has been more than good to him and all his family.  And for them to do nothing apart from talk to him and him to do the same again is frustrating to say the least ... 

 

Chalk up to his use of drugs.  He has no respect for himself...  How can he respect you?

 

[soc]

25 minutes ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

is it your house or hers? you need to let your girl choose between you and him. i was in a similar situation in oz. girlfriends son was stealing out of my wallet. she was obviously going to choose her son so i moved out.

Been there, done that.

[csabo]

My house my rules.

rule 1: no stealing

sentence: immediate banishment

Next question?

[nongsangcity]

On 1/10/2559 at 10:07 AM, Macthehat said:

 

I didn't move in to save a few bucks ...Im  here because I actually want to be with my new born and my GF.  I just can't get my head around this p**ck stealing from someone who has been more than good to him and all his family.  And for them to do nothing apart from talk to him and him to do the same again is frustrating to say the least ... 

 

charge him for every cigg and drink he has....he will soon get the picture...if he wont pay take the cigg off him and throw it  away same with any drink take it off him and throw it away in front of him....they will walk all over you....they dont care about anything and not you...put your foot down....its the only way...i had my wifes brother doing the same....coming to the house pushing past me not saying hello etc....going to the fridge and taking my beer.....it only happened once......i got my baseball bat out i asked him for 50 baht for the drink he took from my fridge...he didnt have 50 baht...i drank the beer in front of him i did a couple of swings of the baseball bat in the garden no where near him....he got the message...not seen him for 8 years now....

[Macthehat]

4 hours ago, jgold said:

"" I feel this is not normal for a 21 yr old to be staying rent free food free All Free with his aunt... ""

 

You are forgetting you are also a guest there. How about you putting some money together and buying your own place for you and your new family. After all it looks worse a grown up men to be living in the gf's aunts house than a 21 yr old doesn't it????

I think your a bit confused or maybe reading a different story ...I am not forgetting I'm a guest ..partner Yes..guest not  I am not staying with my GFs aunt ... I have paid for numerous upgrades and renovations and all the bills ... I pay all . Does this make me a guest ? Not sure what your wife/ girlfriend thinks of you but I would like to think mine thought more of me than a guest . Thanks for your concern but please read all I wrote before giving me your masterplan . 

[TheFishman1]

Run Forrest Run Bro life to short for this BS. Next

[rollrunna]

You must feel impotent...damage was done when he wasnt confronted over the first cash issue/yabba etc...  If family loyalty applies let other family members feel it and allow your child and relationship survive.....  But of course you are the Atm...  

[YeahSiam]

6 hours ago, Ireland32 said:

98% have kids at 16,17, hard to find 

 

Got data to back that up?

[Happy Grumpy]

Be fair.

 

If he wants to live there he needs to be employed full-time, and pay a monthly salary to you to go towards shopping etc.

 

 

[Mojomor]

Tell him you guys are moving out on a particular day, and do so. No discussion!  If he says where. just say somewhere else

[tomyumchai]

On Saturday, October 01, 2016 at 3:50 AM, KarenBravo said:

Sorry, you handed your leash to your wife a long time ago.

There is nothing you can do about this except move out.

Your wife is the only one that can settle this problem...........and she won't.

If the op doesnt take this as fact then you might as well just give him money every day to avoid being robbed. I lock everything away, remove vital parts from my vehicles and take every legal document with me when i go back home, i can feel the resentment growing and my days with my gf are probably numbered because the family cant take the piss out of me.