How much of this is BS? (Thai Marriage Money)

[georgemandm]

On 12/01/2017 at 0:10 AM, JAFO said:

 

 Who's truth George, yours or every ones? There you go again George. Same boring story like almost every post you make.

 

Just because you took a dive and have a "Remote" family doesn't mean we all do. Whats amazing to me is the truth of the matter is you cannot accept that many foreigners here are happy, met a nice woman, they are educated and work whether it be around the house or have a small business or whatever. You simply cannot accept that fact so your truth again is totally yours and yours alone which is why your truth only makes me laugh at you.

 

But you carry on with your diatribe.......

 

 

Yes good happy for you , but the many thing is not true is it , yes some are happy good on them , but more are not happy of what I see and read .

all I say is what i see and hear so I am telling the truth.

am I not .

i have a great thai lady in my life .

i am just saying ,is it not a free forum to say what you like .

like you say you are happy so good on you I am happy for you .

[georgemandm]

On 11/01/2017 at 10:43 PM, Deepinthailand said:

Your version of the truth is not other people's version of the truth. You.posted and I quote " All I leave in Thailand is my Poo" Now suddenly you have family here in Thailand and take care of them. This is the main reason that your post are not belive by many too many contridictions in every post.

We will always have diffrent views on Thai women. But now at least you are at least saying you do respect and trust some.

 

I just say it , as I see ok .

i respect people who respect me and if I think someone is being disrespectful to me I will say so .

and all I leave in thailand is my Poo what is wrong with that .

very true statement.

my partner has a family in thailand yes and I respect them because they respect , I don't trust no one ok .

my partner has been told no free home,land , gold and all the bs that go's with most thai woman.

yes I respect some woman not a lot just look at what go's on in the world now with woman, all about them and most man are left behind now .

 

[dentonian]

5 hours ago, georgemandm said:

I just say it , as I see ok .

i respect people who respect me and if I think someone is being disrespectful to me I will say so .

and all I leave in thailand is my Poo what is wrong with that .

very true statement.

my partner has a family in thailand yes and I respect them because they respect , I don't trust no one ok .

my partner has been told no free home,land , gold and all the bs that go's with most thai woman.

yes I respect some woman not a lot just look at what go's on in the world now with woman, all about them and most man are left behind now .

 

You appear to have a low esteem of women.

 

The recent 'Women's March' was aimed at protecting legislation and policies regarding human rights, women's rights, immigration reform, healthcare reform, the environment, racial equality, freedom of religion, and workers rights.

 

So for now, your partner can continue to do the housework, take care of family, cook, do your washing and ironing and get you another 'cold one' from the fridge, while you continue to live in your 'Mans world'.

[JAFO]

6 hours ago, georgemandm said:

all I say is what i see and hear so I am telling the truth.

am I not .

Actually George I think where it becomes confusing is that you are offering an opinion based on information you have read or heard. In your eyes its the "Truth" as you perceive it as not lying but in the end its an opinion based on what you see and hear.

 

You have an opinion as do I and you have the same freedom on this and any other site to speak it. However the challenge seems to be for you is accepting that "Your Truth" is not everybody's and you struggle to understand that and become extremely defensive

 

There is no argument that people get scammed here. But again it all boils down to that individual and there ability to see it and avoid it. As I have said before and will say again, It completely depends on the company one keeps. Its the same about where one lives, Location is everything.

 

 

[JAFO]

7 hours ago, georgemandm said:

i respect people who respect me and if I think someone is being disrespectful to me I will say so .

George, You do realize that respect is earned and not just given? To earn respect one must behave in a way that you earn it. The saying is, "Treat people the way you want to be treated" 

 

7 hours ago, georgemandm said:

and all I leave in thailand is my Poo what is wrong with that

I guess there is nothing really wrong with what you stated however I think us adults would expect more. It comes across very juvenile so again back to above, if you want respect, you will have to earn it. Comments like the one above do not really help your cause.

[georgemandm]

5 hours ago, dentonian said:

You appear to have a low esteem of women.

 

The recent 'Women's March' was aimed at protecting legislation and policies regarding human rights, women's rights, immigration reform, healthcare reform, the environment, racial equality, freedom of religion, and workers rights.

 

So for now, your partner can continue to do the housework, take care of family, cook, do your washing and ironing and get you another 'cold one' from the fridge, while you continue to live in your 'Mans world'.

No you are wrong man have the same rights as women.

you have no idea what my partner and I do in our home so why would you get on here and talk  rubbish about us .

did I run you down no .

my mans world how  childish is that  comment .

 Grow up .

[wildewillie89]

On 1/9/2017 at 2:23 PM, JAFO said:

 

^ Absolutely !!! Stay away from internet dating sites altogether. Come and meet a gal just being out and about. I agree with Panda and a GREAT majority on dating sites are trolling for a big sucker fish.  Don't be one.

 

Date a women like you would in your home country but keep in mind that you have to be careful how you joke around. Something you consider a joke in your home country may not be a joke here at all. I have stepped in it a few times over my years here.

 

 

 

Maybe recently (I wouldn't know), but i made some great friends on that site (all highly educated - Mahidol, Chula etc), and i met my wife from there also. She is also highly educated and now is a government official. Of course, you will get your nutters, but from memory there were a lot of good ones also, some I and my wife are still close friends with...I think it is more what you make of it, if you're looking for fun, you will find a lot of fun, but also the nutters. Usually you can find what you're looking for if you look hard enough, which is the same anywhere. Also just have your 'bullshit glasses' on. 

Girls out and about (unless meet through work, friends of friends etc), usually place themselves at Western spots on a regular basis, which usually means they have slept with half of the world. Yes, many girls on Internet sites do the same, especially phone apps these days. Which, there is of course nothing wrong with, but it is all personal preference. From what I found from the internet, there were two types, the ones who meet a lot of guys, and the ones who live at home, don't get a chance to travel much and will spend months talking to you before even the discussion of meeting comes up. Also, girls who will tell their families about you (which, seems uncommon in Thai). Then the family will ring the best friend who obviously has formed a friendship with you also (to check if you're any good or not) etc etc. 

In reference to the OP, Sin Sord is all relative to many factors. Education, family status, job, children or relationships etc. However, if the girl is of any substance to fight it and her family is they will find ways to bypass Sin Sord (as it is one of the major reasons that stops Thai/foreigner relationships from continuing). The reason for doing this is culture versus culture lol. Cultures can be opposite so naturally some compromise needs to be agreed on. The easiest way to do it (without losing face if the family is too worried about that) is marry in a church (whether you're religious or not) in the morning, have the reception at night. Let the guests form own opinions about the rest. 

[georgemandm]

6 hours ago, JAFO said:

Actually George I think where it becomes confusing is that you are offering an opinion based on information you have read or heard. In your eyes its the "Truth" as you perceive it as not lying but in the end its an opinion based on what you see and hear.

 

You have an opinion as do I and you have the same freedom on this and any other site to speak it. However the challenge seems to be for you is accepting that "Your Truth" is not everybody's and you struggle to understand that and become extremely defensive

 

There is no argument that people get scammed here. But again it all boils down to that individual and there ability to see it and avoid it. As I have said before and will say again, It completely depends on the company one keeps. Its the same about where one lives, Location is everything.

 

 

Ok your opinion good.

but my  opinion is very  different to yours so let's just leave it at that .

[ChrisPee]

On 11.1.2017 at 0:04 AM, aircooledflat4 said:

 

I'm still yet to see any Thai person starving, no matter how much they cry poor.

Pal, obviously you haven't seen 'too much' yet. There are lot of families who are starving in Thailand. I've seen and I will see more of them. Unfortunately. But this was off topic. I'm sorry.

[ChrisPee]

On 11.1.2017 at 5:07 AM, JAFO said:

 

Absolutely.  Most of the big financial mistakes are made when the delta between foreigner and wife to be is large.  If truly a poor farm girl meets a well to do foreigner it is likely that the sin sot would not be returned because they perceive the foreigner does not need it couple that with the foreigner who understands little about what he is getting himself into.  

 

On the other hand if you meet a middle or upper class Thai gal who works and comes from a decent family the Sin Sot will be returned as I have witnessed numerous times.  I have also witnessed the gold were gifts from the groom to bride and bride to groom and shared later after the ceremony.

 

I have enjoyed witnessing the process. My wife and I married in the US and exchanged rings and some gold that she and I purchased.  I asked about a ceremony back in Thailand and she said it is not necessary.  Family knows we married in the US. I did however offer a small amount of gold to my FIL which he accepted but then said please sell it when I pass away and use it for us.  So in the end I will get it back but the jesture and respect were honored.

Oh, there are lots of companies who are willing to rent the gold for the weddings. Keeping up appearances. T.I.T. indeed.

 

[i claudius]

I have not read all the posts ,but will reply to the question , when i married my wife there was never any question of sin sod , no one asked , 

[007cableguy]

I don't bother commenting on sin sot as it's in Thai culture ! ,I just mention in my culture the marriage costs are picked up by the wife's family which normally dulls the conversation!


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[JIMHILL]

During my on & off stays in Thailand over the past ten years, I have attended two Thai weddings, one Thai-Thai ( SinSot 20,000 ) and one Thai-Australian ( SinSot 150,000 ). On both occasions, this money was returned to the parents/groom/bride/married couple.   The cash that was collected from the guests at the ceremony was used to contribute to the wedding party.  SinSot has a lot to do with face and bravado but also recirculation of money.  Anyways, the value of SinSot is negotiable; face-to-face,  between families, along with how it is dispersed, well in advance of the wedding.  In my experience, the issue of SinSot is not as sinister as many westerners perceive

[transam]

3 hours ago, i claudius said:

I have not read all the posts ,but will reply to the question , when i married my wife there was never any question of sin sod , no one asked , 

Nor mine as she had been married before...........

[theguyfromanotherforum]

During my on & off stays in Thailand over the past ten years, I have attended two Thai weddings, one Thai-Thai ( SinSot 20,000 ) and one Thai-Australian ( SinSot 150,000 ). On both occasions, this money was returned to the parents/groom/bride/married couple.   The cash that was collected from the guests at the ceremony was used to contribute to the wedding party.  SinSot has a lot to do with face and bravado but also recirculation of money.  Anyways, the value of SinSot is negotiable; face-to-face,  between families, along with how it is dispersed, well in advance of the wedding.  In my experience, the issue of SinSot is not as sinister as many westerners perceive

Yes, it's supposed to be returned and no big deal. However, some that married bargirls will try convince others that you should accept Thai culture and give everything to your new mil.

Personally, my wife's mom asked for half million and it was to be returned. I didn't feel like exchanging my dollars so my wife put her money and rounded it up to a million. I asked her why she put more, but got no clear answer. Then someone told me it's to make her look better.

All for show. And the wedding was massive.

I must be quite a catch.

[wildewillie89]

We also must remember that it is who you are marrying as to whether Sin Sord will be a major factor. The woman who lives across the road from me has been married 4 times now so her Sin Sord was only 40,000 baht the last time. If you're marrying girls from bars then the Sin Sord will be nothing to little also. However, if you're marrying middle to upper class, highly educated, successful career, never been married/doesn't have children...then don't be surprised if the Sin Sord is at a minimum of a million baht. However, like previously said, many families accept that it is not a part of our culture so do not request it. Whereas some people I have met have expected their 'farang' husband to pay for everything since the wife was a child (education, health etc). All depends on how reasonable and money hungry the family is I guess.

[i claudius]

On 3/7/2017 at 2:34 PM, transam said:

Nor mine as she had been married before...........

We were married in the UK and its not usual to put sinsod on the table at the registry office ,lol

[TonyClifton]

Save time.  Stay in your country, wire the money to your girlfriend, have a fight on the phone, and you can save the flight money and all the time spent traveling.  

 

Or, keep your money, and spend it on the hookers that advertise in the phone booths of London.

[transam]

1 minute ago, TonyClifton said:

Save time.  Stay in your country, wire the money to your girlfriend, have a fight on the phone, and you can save the flight money and all the time spent traveling.  

 

Or, keep your money, and spend it on the hookers that advertise in the phone booths of London.

Thanks for letting us know your findings....

[SiamBeast]

Here's my take on this.

 

First of all, ask yourself, "does the bride have the right to request sin sot?". This is pretty straightforward:

- If the girl has children, the sin sot is ZERO. End of story. Zero. Niet. Nada. You shouldn't even marry her in the first place. But if you decide to take the cuckold path, the sin sot is ZERO.

- If the girl has been married before, the sin sot is generally not expected, since she got it at her first marriage. You can SHOW (not pay) the sin sot as a good will gesture if you want.

- A girl who is not a virgin will see her sin sot considerably lowered. If she's hi-so, she might get away with it, but if she works at 7-eleven and isn't a virgin, no sin sot for the missus.

 

Now if your girl "qualifies", you have to consider the following factors:

- Education

- Income

- Beauty

- Past relationships

- Parents' social status

- Etc.

 

A low-class girl's family shouldn't request more than 100,000 baht.

A middle class girl's family (example: office worker) should request around 500,000 baht.

As for upper class / hi-so, there's no real limit, it all depends.

 

Note that in most circumstances, the family (if they are honest, which I hope they are) will return the sin sot after the wedding ceremony is over. While you have all the right to try to pay as little as you can get away with, the groom is generally expected to pay for the wedding ceremony - don't be a cheap charlie, it's not really expensive.

 

Just food for thought, even if you pay a very high sin sot and don't get it back, your girl won't cook better, "do her homework" better, clean better, and complain less. She'll be the same girl but you'll be poorer. So try to negotiate as much as possible, and if you have no problem trusting the parents, you can request to show the money at the ceremony to avoid loss of face, but get it back in private after.

[473geo]

If you carry the ability to negotiate an agreement, that is acceptable, and, fills the requirements of all, you are off to a good start.

 

My wife was happy with my contribution, which as with others would assist in paying for the party my wife and family did a small 'family' wedding (In fact x2!  one Thai wedding and one more celebration when we signed the papers at the Amphur where my family flew in.) My wife, her friends and relatives did the catering. All very rural Thai 'in house' so to speak.

 

My mother in law kindly donated a premium piece of land for the house we subsequently built

 

Just lucky I guess

 

 

 

[bazza73]

First,don't get married. It's that simple.There are plenty of women out there who are content to be your gik/mia noi/ palaya as long as the cash keeps flowing. In some cases, even 2000 - 3000 baht per month is enough to keep them happy. Mind you, they won't be oil paintings at that level.

Second, Sin Sod is an old tradition which applies to mint condition girls who have had no other relationships. Paying Sin Sod for someone who has children, been married or has been a bar girl is laughable.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

First,don't get married. It's that simple.There are plenty of women out there who are content to be your gik/mia noi/ palaya as long as the cash keeps flowing. In some cases, even 2000 - 3000 baht per month is enough to keep them happy. Mind you, they won't be oil paintings at that level.
Second, Sin Sod is an old tradition which applies to mint condition girls who have had no other relationships. Paying Sin Sod for someone who has children, been married or has been a bar girl is laughable.

What is so bad about marriage?

[wildewillie89]

On 3/11/2017 at 1:46 AM, 473geo said:

If you carry the ability to negotiate an agreement, that is acceptable, and, fills the requirements of all, you are off to a good start.

 

My wife was happy with my contribution, which as with others would assist in paying for the party my wife and family did a small 'family' wedding (In fact x2!  one Thai wedding and one more celebration when we signed the papers at the Amphur where my family flew in.) My wife, her friends and relatives did the catering. All very rural Thai 'in house' so to speak.

 

My mother in law kindly donated a premium piece of land for the house we subsequently built

 

Just lucky I guess

 

 

 

I don't think it is a matter of luck...I think it is pretty standard to be given land for the house/business/farm or all of them and have the family contribute to the wedding (however small or big). My family paid 100% for the village celebration. Gave us two cars (which they pay for each month), motorbikes, lent us money to start a business, gave just under 2 rai for our house, and another 10 rai I think it is if we ever want to farm anything. We shared the bigger hotel ceremony and I covered the donation for the Church ceremony (although I am not religious, just a good way of not doing Sin Sord - which was expected by society (not her family) due to her status). Many young Thai couples I know are doing the same. They share it all. Culture I think, today, is used as an excuse to get something a lot of the time now if even many Thai people no longer follow it. All negotiation was for me was that I have no money, I do not believe in Sin Sord, and you want your daughter to stay in Thai due to her career...so you're going to have to help me out a lot to move there lol. 

All of this is easily achieved generally if you don't marry a bar girl, money hungry family or a girl living in extreme poverty. Middle to upper class families living in third world countries obviously have a lot more and therefore can offer a lot more. That isn't having a dish at lower class families, but it seems more often than not people come here to use and abuse those people, rather than come for the right reasons (then find themselves in what they think is a 'unfair' situation, which they brought upon themselves). 

[THssii]

They never asked me, maybe because she didnt have parents, but I know my my wife village where is this psychopathic girl who have new husband every year getting the money and then divorce and then getting new omr.

[bwpage3]

These kinds of posts always bring out the Thai women bashing, something is wrong with them, greedy, why get married, blah, blah, blah

 

However, it is pretty much a fact that the foreign men never look in a mirror and realize they are no prize either; old, out of shape, scraping by on a pension

 

So both sides can be at blame trying to play the same game.

 

The decent, hard working, respectable men whose marriages thrive through the years, are successful because they understand the role of being a husband and father. Then respect their Thai wives regardless of if she came from Isaan or the palace.

 

If you come to Thailand thinking you are all that and Miss Thailand is going to love you forever because you have 5 baht in your pockets, then it doesn't take but a fool to understand why these people get divorced and ripped off.

 

Hats off the numerous foreign husbands that have made it work for 20 years and continue to make it work.

 

If you are in the other category? Well it takes 2 to tango and if you were outsmarted and burned by a Thai lady, maybe, just maybe you aren't smart enough to know the difference between a good woman and a bad woman.

 

Who is to blame then? You because of being so stupid or her because she was smart enough to take you for a ride?

 

Money doesn't buy everything folks, and even if you think you and your money are all that, if you are not a good person, you will get burned in the end.

 

Once again, hats off the many wonderful men that treat their Thai wives with respect, raise their kids and honor their commitments.

 

It is possible, and if you are bitter about Thai women? Take a look in the mirror. You are probably not a nice person and deserve what you get.

 

Comments about paying for women and not get married is exactly why you are in Thailand.

 

You cannot get a woman the normal way, you have to pay for them. Thailand affords those with 5 bahts taking advantage of those that have nothing.

 

However, if they only way you can get a woman is to pay for it, evidence that you are truly not worth salt to anyone.

 

There are male losers all over the world. Many move to the third world as paying for sex becomes the only way they can ever get close to a real woman.

 

2 completely different classes of men. The good husbands being in the minority

 

 

 

 

 

[THssii]

Thats strange. I never had any kind of bad relationships like many people here seems to have. Yes before I met my wife there was this one girl who was mentally sick she didn't let me go to other cities because she wanted to be with me and always asked "where I was where I go, dob't go come to me", last day we were together was when she came to my hotel I told I want to go to park to sit alone, she wanted to go also I told maybe later I need to think things first, then she started go crazy scratched herself, cried, did all crazy thing, I had to hold her in place to she wouldn't kill herself. I wouldn't call her my girlfriend even that we had sex together (she was prostitute), , she just didn't go away when I had enough of her, she clinged to me like some bug that sucks you're blood, it was warst Thailand trip ever, she demanded that I will be with her all the time, I couldn't go anywhere without her, when I went to Pattaya, she took taxi to there on night and came to my hotel then cried why I didn't tell that I was going away and said that she will stay with me now there, I told I want to be alone, then she went back to Bangkok, she demanded that I pay her taxi bill. Well... I was weak then, I never should let her control me, but now I have good wife, but never had anykind of problems like guys tell here, we are just normal happy couple.

[ericthai]

6 hours ago, THssii said:

Thats strange. I never had any kind of bad relationships like many people here seems to have. Yes before I met my wife there was this one girl who was mentally sick she didn't let me go to other cities because she wanted to be with me and always asked "where I was where I go, dob't go come to me", last day we were together was when she came to my hotel I told I want to go to park to sit alone, she wanted to go also I told maybe later I need to think things first, then she started go crazy scratched herself, cried, did all crazy thing, I had to hold her in place to she wouldn't kill herself. I wouldn't call her my girlfriend even that we had sex together (she was prostitute), , she just didn't go away when I had enough of her, she clinged to me like some bug that sucks you're blood, it was warst Thailand trip ever, she demanded that I will be with her all the time, I couldn't go anywhere without her, when I went to Pattaya, she took taxi to there on night and came to my hotel then cried why I didn't tell that I was going away and said that she will stay with me now there, I told I want to be alone, then she went back to Bangkok, she demanded that I pay her taxi bill. Well... I was weak then, I never should let her control me, but now I have good wife, but never had anykind of problems like guys tell here, we are just normal happy couple.

Thailand has women of all types. Before I was married I was single and living in Thailand for 10 years, so met my fair share of crazy, want to get married, gold digger, etc just like anywhere else in the world you need to wait until you know you found the right one for you.