All your birds stay, but you are arrested for keeping endangered ones.

I wish I could control anything and everything I wanted.

You control everything so well that you become 'scary' and have no friends so die a lonely recluse ....

I wish for one weekend all my players in my fantasy football league team got max points so I had the title won by new year ...

All your players got max points for one weekend, everyone else got a months worth, you still didn't win.

I wish ipstar would just 'work'

Ipstar DOES work, sadly it works Thai hours and has to commute almost two hours each way per day. One day off a month is when you're best mate's in town (you're too busy) and you never get to see/use it/her/him.

I wish Heineken didn't make me fat.

You drink gallons of HK and yet remain slim n trim, but one day you drive so drunk and end up brain dead in the Por Tek Tung foundation.

I wish I could post profanity without getting banned.

You can. However you language becomes so course that you become the target subject in your (fantastic) three word story. the gossip becomes so bad that you become a manic depressent with Tourett's Sydrome, a funny walk and an embarrassing dribble.

I wish I didn't have to go and teach NOW!

You do not in fact go to teach now and take a lovely relaxing day off work, however, you get sacked and never find employment again.

I wish everyone a very merry Xmas

You wish everyone a Merry Christmas - literally every person in the world - it take you 25 years and when you get home, all your family and friends are gone.

I wish I was in Dixie...

Sadly for you, Dixie is under the age of consent and you spend 15 years as some tatttooed fella's bitch!

I wish I was funny.

Nope, can't help you there - that would take a bloody miracle!

I wish I was funny.

Nope, can't help you there - that would take a bloody miracle!

A miracle does happen and someone, somewhere chuckles but they are not laughing at you just at the voices in their head and proceed to shoot you with a sawnoff shotgun ....

I wish I was Hugh Heffner ...

You are Hugh Hefner - you are an 80-year old that's body has been riddled with syphilis.

I wish I was a punk rocker...

You are Hugh Hefner - you are an 80-year old that's body has been riddled with syphilis.

I wish I was a punk rocker...

Merry Xmas Dan Sai .. and yes, you are Sid Vicious which means you are dead and getting rodgered up the bottom by Nancy in hel_l with a flame throwing 'strapon' for eternity ........... (you may well not think this is a corruption ).

I wish I was not going to be extremely hungover on boxing day ...

You are not hungover on Boxing Day, because you signed a pledge never to drink alcohol again!

I wish I was a little bit taller.

All of a sudden you do start to grow taller, but unbeknowns to you, your cartelliage and ligament cant keep up with your instant bone growth and they snap, hurling you into a pile of weak, limp flesh onto the floor.

I wish i had a lot more money.....

You have a lot more money, but it's all stolen. You get 50 years in prison and are regularly bummed in the shower by Mr Big - who's in with the guards.

I wish it could be christmas everyday

Yur wish is my command, Zir. Hey Presto! Tis bloody xmas everyday. For the rest of yer natural life you are doomed to Jingle Bells and Mother-in-Law.

BWHAAAAAAhaHAAAAAA

I wish you lot would shuddup.

Yur wish is my command, Zir. Hey Presto! Tis bloody xmas everyday. For the rest of yer natural life you are doomed to Jingle Bells and Mother-in-Law.

BWHAAAAAAhaHAAAAAA

I wish you lot would shuddup.

We do all shuddup and there is silence, but this is because you have a brain tumour which has severed your hearing nerves and you are deaf ... very rapidly you lose control of all your motor senses and constantly wee and poo yourself before becoming a vegetable ....

I wish whatever I wish for would not get corrupted .....

We do all shuddup, but its not because we've stopped talking, its because you have a chronic ear infection that phesters into a major bag of puss and then turns into a goider like tumor growth on the side of your face and neck. You are doomed for all eternity to be shunned as the hideos goiderman who nobody ever talks to ever again.

I wish i was not dislexic anymore....

I wish i was not dislexic anymore....

Yuor not dyslexic aynmore. Yuo can raed very well.

I wish my wifes Christmas gift had arrived by mail as promised :D

Your wife's Christmas gift arrives by mail as promised, but when she opens it........... she finds that it's from you to your mia noi instead of for her and the same situation with your mia noi and you spend the rest of your life rueing this error.

I wish someone replies sensibly and corruptingly to davidjtayler's request:

I wish whatever I wish for would not get corrupted .....

Your wish does not get corrupted - but you are struck with a mysterious illness that causes you to lose your voice, and are therefore unable to wish anything.

I wish I had the charisma of the Donz...

Your wish does not get corrupted - but you are struck with a mysterious illness that causes you to lose your voice, and are therefore unable to wish anything.

I wish I had the charisma of the Donz...

And it was so, but every time you ventured out on the town, your vivacious demeanor attracted only the same sex, and you were destined only to ever be with your own kind for ever. (why dont u seem upset? )

I wish i could beat my illness and get back to thailand!

You visit the doctor to check out your illness. He confirms you have cancer of the testicles. You go home and get a baseball bat and proceed to pummel and beat your scrotum until everything falls off including the banana. With nothing left, you bite the bullet and return to Thailand for a sex change.

I wish I had a time machine to check out Jesus, the Buddha, Plato, and other famous people.

You DO have a time machine, but it was made in the Land of Smiles, so it doesnt work very well at all and is always late. As a result, you end up at Monday morning all the time and your gay boss is sexually harrassing you!

I wish that dirty girls and mosquitoes excanged each others feelings for me.

I'm still waiting................

You enter your usual bar for a drink, immediatley you have 10 dirty girls flapping around your face, getting in your drink and then they begin to suck your blood. You end up a shrivelled skin on the floor.

I wish that women understood that toilet seat can be left up without it becoming a major issue.

You wish comes true. However, they also start to pee standing up, they spray everywhere and go out drinking too much. Additionally, they shout at sports on tv, fart while people are eating and never wash up, let alone cook. Basically, they become blokes. They shopping does not relent!

I wish I could think of a decent wish!

You wish comes true. However, they also start to pee standing up, they spray everywhere and go out drinking too much. Additionally, they shout at sports on tv, fart while people are eating and never wash up, let alone cook. Basically, they become blokes. They shopping does not relent!

I wish I could think of a decent wish!

You do think of a decent wish in fact its an excellent wish but you have a mysterious brain virus which renders your short term memory viable for only 20 seconds at a time and then you forget everything ... hence you can never remember what your decent wish ever was ......!

I wish I could drink as much alcohol as I liked and it would be healthy for me ....

You can drink all you want and get more healthy every day, unfortunately Health guru and flaming homosexual Richard Simmons finds you irresistible and stalks you relentlessly.

You join forces and revive the "sweatin' to the oldies" cassette series, and lose your life's savings.

I wish I had a personal assistant.

Your wish is granted; she's great big hairy ugly lesbian with bad breath and an attitude.

I wish I had more will power to do some ###### exercise!