A sailor on shore leave is taking a stroll along Southampton docks. He hears sobbing and moving closer sees a goodlooking girl standing on the edge of the wharf, staring down at the black water and crying.

"What's wrong?" he asks. She says: "My boyfriend of five years is now going out with my sister. They're getting married next month. I can't stand it. I'm going to kill myself!"

"Oh, you don't want to do that," says the sailor. "Tell you what; my ship sails for New York tomorrow. Why not stow away and start a new life there? Forget all your troubles!" She thinks for a bit, then agrees, and they arrange to meet the following evening, just before the ship is due to set sail.

The next night the sailor sneaks her on board and hides her in a lifeboat. "Just lie quiet," he tells her. "I'll be back with some food later."

True to his word, he's back at 11pm with lots of sandwiches and some soup. He climbs into the lifeboat and they chat for a while and look at the moon. Then he says "My shift starts now. Just stay in the lifeboat and you'll be fine. I'll be back tomorrow night."

Sure enough, at 10pm, he's there with more soup and sandwiches and a half bottle of wine. As before, they eat, chat and look at the moon. She thinks it's so romantic and doesn't mind when he puts his arm around her. Then he says "Oh no. I have to start my shift. I'll see you tomorrow. Just remember to stay in the lifeboat."

The next night he's back again, with more wine. The moon is full and one thing leads to another. They make passionate love for 2 hours, then the sailor checks his watch. "Oh bugger," he says. "I'll see you tomorrow." And off he goes to work.

They settle into a routine, each night drinking wine and making love in the lifeboat.

Then one day the captain orders an inspection of all the lifeboats and she is found. The crew take her to the captain's cabin. "So what are you doing on my ship?" demands the captain.

"Well one of your sailors helped me to stow away so I could get to New York. He's been bringing me food and screwing me every night."

The captain erupts in fits of laughter. "He's been screwing you all right! This is the cross-channel ferry!"

Two bob. Thanks for the effort, but don't give up your day job.

I thought it was pretty good actually ...

...(then again, even a kick in the balls would be good, after all, we've really only had libya's jokes for the past month )