The poisonous Brother in Law

[sandrabbit]

13 minutes ago, Kwasaki said:

Well the question wasn't put to you and the person it was has answered and it was 3 brother in-law,  he got himself into that position so up to him to get himself out.

another 1 for the blocked list .........

[Kwasaki]

39 minutes ago, sandrabbit said:

another 1 for the blocked list .........

Don't know who you want to remove please explain.

[Been there done that]

2 hours ago, sandrabbit said:

another 1 for the blocked list .........

Another 1 on this forum who does not like opinions of others. So blocking is the way for the simpleminded ones. You have adapted well in this culture. Kudoooossss

[Rc2702]

Just now, Been there done that said:

Another 1 on this forum who does not like opinions of others. So blocking is the way for the simpleminded ones. You have adapted well in this culture. Kudoooossss

You have attached yourself to this thread and yet we know nothing of what you claim to have done or experienced.

 

Strange that. I'm wondering if your reluctance to contribute actual experiences is down to something?

 

 Not one sniff of a personal example or experience from you from page 1 until now and you wonder why you get ignored.

 

90% of your comments apear the same way a cowardice thug gets a kick in the ribs on his victim once he is downed by other thugs.

 

The recent posts turn a corner and then you go backwards, you do it a lot but still not an inkling of experience to share.

 

Very odd behaviour.

 

 

 

[Jonah Tenner]

8 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

We had discussions before getting married, but looking back, I doubt that she accepted what I said, preferring to believe that she could change me. Not a fault exclusive to Thai women.

Re feelings, she said all the right things while growing apart from me, and the right things continued to be said right till almost the end.

Women marry expecting that the man will change.

Men marry expecting that the woman will not change.

 

Normally both are disappointed.

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

18 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Yes exactly George, this thread has plenty of advice for the newbie to LOS and could almost act as a survival manual for life and love in Thailand.
My story is a little different in that I suffered a similar fate as DL and Ody in a previous marriage but sought solace not in my home country but here in Thailand.
I can sympathise greatly with the tales of woe in this thread as my history ran a very similar course and eventually I had no choice, to regain my sanity, other than flee.
I fully intend not to allow history to repeat itself but we are but fickle beings and the temptations of the flesh are great here !!

Some would say " why buy when you can rent " but that's not my way !, okay I admit renting was okay at first until you find one that will serve you as a keeper !
This last paragraph, for me, is true for both women and accommodation

I do intend to live AND learn, and hopefully I am now wise enough to spot any traps, or to paraphrase " the long con ", and act accordingly.
In any relationship, in any country, there has to be give and take and if one side is a giver and the other side a taker then it surely is a recipe for disaster.
I am not expecting things to go sour as I believe I have enough life experience to keep my relationship alive. I do believe in the " insert any number: year itch " and when complacency sets in it is up to both parties to overcome this and not sit back and let nature take its course.

Communication is the key !!
Talking about your feelings early before it's too late can save the day !!

Anyway, enough of my waffling, that garden won't weed itself !!

Now we understand!

Best wishes.

Cheers G

 

 

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

12 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Thanks for your question.

I worked as an agency nurse at first and then became a full time NHS employee.

As an agency nurse my pay was significantly higher than as an employee, as it should be. The hospital paid the agency fee, not me.

The benefit of working for the NHS was that I got subsidized housing in London, beside the hospital. As an agency nurse I had to live 1 1/2 hours travel away from work. Three hours in a tube train every day was a bummer. Paid holidays was also a sweetener. On balance, with the subsidized housing and being able to work penal hours, it probably worked out slightly less financially, but far better for my lifestyle.

No, I trained elsewhere and came fully qualified to the UK, so my training cost them zero. Now it is university based training, I doubt it is "free", which is why it is hard to get enough British nurses now. The return of employment in the NHS on cost of training is not worth it.

Poaching trained nurses from poor African countries is in itself a scandal, but I doubt the NHS managers care, as long as they can get bodies willing to be underpaid for what they are expected to do.

In case you are wondering why I chose to work for a poor wage, it was better than the pittance I was being paid in home country, and more holidays than home country, so I had longer each year in LOS.

Very interesting comment.

Thanks for clearing up the agency pay structure, but as a cost to the NHS you have to include the fees not just your higher wage.

(I would thing some others doing the same job for less might have been resentful don't you think?)

Also the "perks" you got as an NHS employee also come from government funds paid for by the tax payer.

 

So, you were trained in your home country, but came to work in the UK for more money, holidays etc. You can hardly blame others for doing the same from elsewhere.

 

I agree the "University" qualifications now needed and the cost of fees implemented by New Labour in the England in 1998 has resulted in a serious decline in the number of people wanting to be nurses in the UK. It was a mistake, among many others Tony Bliar and "no more boom and bust" Brown that sent the UK to war and almost bankrupted the country.

 

I have no problem with the many thousands of dedicated medical professional workers. But the funding has to be sorted out.

I said before I could go on and on, but I hope you get my drift.

 

George.

 

 

 

 

[The Dark Lord]

Just read the last few pages from you guys, being a little pissed right now cannot post sensible but you guys are just <deleted> awesome. 

 

Really you are and and I love you all ( platonically) will try to post sober over the weekend

 

[Odysseus123]

6 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

Just read the last few pages from you guys, being a little pissed right now cannot post sensible but you guys are just <deleted> awesome. 

 

Really you are and and I love you all ( platonically) will try to post sober over the weekend

 

Hi vicomte Noir-there sure has been an excellent series of posts of late, Rhodie and Luk AJ stepping to the fore and adding their contributions.Take care and remember "Mderation in all things".

 

Steady as she goes..

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

14 hours ago, oldhippy said:

In Thailand many relations fail NOT because of wrong choice of partners, but because of family. (not only BiL)

You may want to read post #1.

And the follow up posts.

 

 

 

S#1t happens wherever you are. I had an American girlfriend in the UK, but her family just drove me crazy. That caused the split.

I had got away from my own family problems, and getting into a worse situation was not in my plan for a happy life.

She was a lovely girl in all ways, but I have no regrets.

 

 

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

12 hours ago, rhodie said:

I can relate to this as I am in a similar situation, but I have only been here 6 months and known her for 4 years visiting 3 months a year. Will not get married I hope, but may consent to a temple ceremony with no commitment for show if still here in a few years. She has 2 sisters but no BIL thankfully. Younger sister is a teacher and a gem that supports older sister who's Thai husband died a few years ago. Parents are OK, but poor rice farmers, but have land. Older sister has already had parents sell 2 lots. She really is a piece of work. Want me to buy them back. Not a hope in hell. I have built a modest house that I did for the enjoyment. Did not cost much and I will improve VERY slowly although it is 3br 2 bath so not shabby. Could have got a lease on it, but I try to follow the Only Invest What You are Happy to lose mantra. Quite happy to walk if too much pressure applied.

 

I just keep telling the same story. I only have a set amount I draw every month and I am not rich. If you tell them you have money, then they will want to tell the family and it is game on. But living in Bangkok 600 kms away has its advantages.

 

Having seen so many guys get burned over the years helps. It is almost ingrained into them and they just expect that is the way. And as pointed out in this thread, it is not only foreigners. The younger sister HAS to look after the older one and her 2 children because she can.

I am not harsh and I do give plenty, but only out of the monthly pot. And I will keep reading this thread just to keep me on my toes. 

 

Good post. Stick to your plan!

[oldhippy]

13 hours ago, rhodie said:

I can relate to this as I am in a similar situation, but I have only been here 6 months and known her for 4 years visiting 3 months a year. Will not get married I hope, but may consent to a temple ceremony with no commitment for show if still here in a few years. She has 2 sisters but no BIL thankfully. Younger sister is a teacher and a gem that supports older sister who's Thai husband died a few years ago. Parents are OK, but poor rice farmers, but have land. Older sister has already had parents sell 2 lots. She really is a piece of work. Want me to buy them back. Not a hope in hell. I have built a modest house that I did for the enjoyment. Did not cost much and I will improve VERY slowly although it is 3br 2 bath so not shabby. Could have got a lease on it, but I try to follow the Only Invest What You are Happy to lose mantra. Quite happy to walk if too much pressure applied.

 

I just keep telling the same story. I only have a set amount I draw every month and I am not rich. If you tell them you have money, then they will want to tell the family and it is game on. But living in Bangkok 600 kms away has its advantages.

 

Having seen so many guys get burned over the years helps. It is almost ingrained into them and they just expect that is the way. And as pointed out in this thread, it is not only foreigners. The younger sister HAS to look after the older one and her 2 children because she can.

I am not harsh and I do give plenty, but only out of the monthly pot. And I will keep reading this thread just to keep me on my toes. 

 

Good plan!

- Having a monkee wedding rather than an amphur one - many Thais do the same.

- Telling them that you don't mind spending your monthly income, but that's all you have.

- Building / improving the house little by little.

 

Family living far away is of course a good thing, I hope for you there will not be a family member relocating to "El Dorado", as happened to me.

 

And there is always the possibility of a real emergency, like an accident or sickness in the family, all eyes will be on you then... and how to refuse help? I have no idea what I would do - well there was the funeral that I paid for....

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

 

 

[Odysseus123]

Andrew,

You wrote "Communication is the key!"

 

Whilst I do not disagree with that statement, subjectively I find myself agreeing with Thaibeachlovers and that if there was a key I just could not find the right lock.

 

Whatever "communication" was all about it certainly did not extend to an honest financial accounting on anything nor did it make me privy to financial decisions made within the family.I believe that I did not get anywhere near the truth from day 1 to D (departure)Day.

 

I certainly could not opine on the behaviour of the offspring or on any other hangers on that came my way.

 

My perceived role was merely to supply money (smiles,wais) or, if that was refused, escalating abuse.

 

Actually I ended up preferring the abuse to the smiles and wai's because it was more honest than the manipulative superficiality being exhibited by the latter behavior.

 

I simply thought that they stank at relationships on any other level than a monetary one and never communicated honestly with anyone if they thought that they could get away with it.

[Odysseus123]

Here is,in its own way, a sad little memory..

 

Three men (2 European and one antipodean) take their Thai wives out to an expensive restaurant..

During the course of the evening the subject turns to cancer and all three men speak movingly about the deaths of their first wives due to that fell disease.Meanwhile at the other end of the quite small table the Thai wives,all of whom could speak English,did nothing more then take happy snaps of the food and send them off on their omnipresent mobile phones-communication....what a farce.

 

Sanook..sanook..sabai..sabai.

[thaibeachlovers]

10 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

Very interesting comment.

Thanks for clearing up the agency pay structure, but as a cost to the NHS you have to include the fees not just your higher wage.

(I would thing some others doing the same job for less might have been resentful don't you think?)

Also the "perks" you got as an NHS employee also come from government funds paid for by the tax payer.

 

So, you were trained in your home country, but came to work in the UK for more money, holidays etc. You can hardly blame others for doing the same from elsewhere.

 

I agree the "University" qualifications now needed and the cost of fees implemented by New Labour in the England in 1998 has resulted in a serious decline in the number of people wanting to be nurses in the UK. It was a mistake, among many others Tony Bliar and "no more boom and bust" Brown that sent the UK to war and almost bankrupted the country.

 

I have no problem with the many thousands of dedicated medical professional workers. But the funding has to be sorted out.

I said before I could go on and on, but I hope you get my drift.

 

George.

 

 

 

 

Couple of responses. They had to have agency nurses because they paid full time staff so poorly and treated them so badly that it was impossible to staff the wards, so their own fault they had to use higher paid agency nurses. They benefited by not having to pay sick leave or holidays.

The ones doing the job for less understood that and were grateful for the help. I never had any resentment for that towards me or felt it to agency nurses when I was full time.

The tax payer has been getting a great deal for decades, regardless of any "perks" nurses might have got. I don't remember getting any state perks anyway. The only ones we got were paid for by the consultants.

It it were a predominantly male occupation the state would have to pay the same as for higher paid workers like policemen and firemen. It doesn't because women won't strike and will work for less than they are worth. In my hospital even when told they would be demoted ( meaning eventually less money ) en mass, they wouldn't strike, preferring to be martyrs.

 

I only left my home country because the wages were so abysmally low that there was no future in it. Most nurses were married and subsidized by their husbands.  Back when I started there were hardly any male nurses. It wasn't a male occupation because it just didn't pay enough.

Having spent so much time and effort and loss of income, I didn't want to give it away and do something else, so I went where I would get more income for my skills. Why would anyone with integrity allow themselves to be so shamefully exploited by the state?

I wasn't subsidized by the state for my training. I worked on the wards for student wages for 3 years.

BTW, if I had known the real story, I'd have gone to the UK to do my training, as it was still in hospital then. There is so much more opportunity to do other than ward work there. Back home, I was stuck in a ward, as we had to wait for someone to retire before getting a position in theatre or ICU.

 

I did mention the extra holidays, but I didn't even know that till I started working for the NHS, so it wasn't the reason.

I don't blame anyone from a third world country going to the UK to get better wages, but the shame of it is that if the UK paid what nurses were worth, they wouldn't have to take nurses from 3rd world countries, with a completely different culture.

 

If the cost is too high, they could solve that tomorrow. Go back to enrolled nurses and in hospital training. The move to university training and all registered nurses has been a disaster, that no one outside nursing would know about.

[Andrew Dwyer]

Andrew,
You wrote "Communication is the key!"
 
Whilst I do not disagree with that statement, subjectively I find myself agreeing with Thaibeachlovers and that if there was a key I just could not find the right lock.
 
Whatever "communication" was all about it certainly did not extend to an honest financial accounting on anything nor did it make me privy to financial decisions made within the family.I believe that I did not get anywhere near the truth from day 1 to D (departure)Day.
 
I certainly could not opine on the behaviour of the offspring or on any other hangers on that came my way.
 
My perceived role was merely to supply money (smiles,wais) or, if that was refused, escalating abuse.
 
Actually I ended up preferring the abuse to the smiles and wai's because it was more honest than the manipulative superficiality being exhibited by the latter behavior.
 
I simply thought that they stank at relationships on any other level than a monetary one and never communicated honestly with anyone if they thought that they could get away with it.

Yep Ody you are correct , maybe I should have said " honest communication is the key ", as clearly if you are communicating but lying then it's probably worse than not communicating at all.

My ex was a master at communication, unfortunately most of it simply wasn't the truth.
It came as quite a surprise to her when I finally gave in and told her it was over , I think after many years of conning me she truly believed the tales she would invent.
Even to this day she tells me some great "porkies", she can't break the habit.
She will start the conversation, on WhatsApp, by feigning concern over my fathers health but then it steers in the direction of how some relative of hers is struggling etc, I quickly make my excuses and leave the conversation ........................... anyway that's another tale !!

[Been there done that]

21 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

You have attached yourself to this thread and yet we know nothing of what you claim to have done or experienced.

 

Strange that. I'm wondering if your reluctance to contribute actual experiences is down to something?

 

 Not one sniff of a personal example or experience from you from page 1 until now and you wonder why you get ignored.

 

90% of your comments apear the same way a cowardice thug gets a kick in the ribs on his victim once he is downed by other thugs.

 

The recent posts turn a corner and then you go backwards, you do it a lot but still not an inkling of experience to share.

 

Very odd behaviour.

 

 

 

Strange that you do not comment on the reasons why i think that blocking someone is rather infantile. If i would block the people who post comments not to my liking, there would be practically nothing to read.

 

Furthermore, is there a rule which states that my experiences should be shambolic in order for me to post on here ?

 

I only symphatize with posters who are, according to me, sincere and consistent in writing about their woes/predicaments. Simply blaming the thais without stating about their own mistakes made, simply does not do it for me.

 

We are a nation of people which is just and honest, i saw a thai woman speaking on tv. No need to say more about the awareness of thais related to self.

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

9 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I don't blame anyone from a third world country going to the UK to get better wages, but the shame of it is that if the UK paid what nurses were worth, they wouldn't have to take nurses from 3rd world countries, with a completely different culture.

 

If the cost is too high, they could solve that tomorrow. Go back to enrolled nurses and in hospital training. The move to university training and all registered nurses has been a disaster, that no one outside nursing would know about.

Again, all interesting stuff, and I've heard much of this said by my friends working in the NHS.

Trouble is it all boils down to bad management and the funding system. I quoted your last two paragraphs as they really are the crux of the failure of the NHS.

Without a complete shake up, which cannot happen as it is political dynamite, all they can do is throw more and more money into the fire.

It is good work for overseas workers though (like yourself), and I expect the supply will not diminish, but they still need qualifications/visas as required of course.

 

We are a long way off topic now though.

All the best, G

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

8 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

Again, all interesting stuff, and I've heard much of this said by my friends working in the NHS.

Trouble is it all boils down to bad management and the funding system. I quoted your last two paragraphs as they really are the crux of the failure of the NHS.

Without a complete shake up, which cannot happen as it is political dynamite, all they can do is throw more and more money into the fire.

It is good work for overseas workers though (like yourself), and I expect the supply will not diminish, but they still need qualifications/visas as required of course.

 

We are a long way off topic now though.

All the best, G

 

 

Gordon Brown threw 6 billion quid into it, and it made no difference. The management, IMO, are the problem, as in my experience they never ventured into the workplace, had no idea of the reality, and probably didn't care as long as they were all right, Jack. Certainly, the manager of the hospital I worked at for 10 years was invisible and incompetent.

The politicians would rightly be too scared to make the requisite changes, so IMO it is going to be unsustainable and will collapse for financial reasons.

The hospital I worked at was blatantly angling to become more private than public, and the management would no doubt in my mind want to go fully private, so they could become very rich. The consultants already are, as they have their private patients.

[Been there done that]

5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Gordon Brown threw 6 billion quid into it, and it made no difference. The management, IMO, are the problem, as in my experience they never ventured into the workplace, had no idea of the reality, and probably didn't care as long as they were all right, Jack. Certainly, the manager of the hospital I worked at for 10 years was invisible and incompetent.

The politicians would rightly be too scared to make the requisite changes, so IMO it is going to be unsustainable and will collapse for financial reasons.

The hospital I worked at was blatantly angling to become more private than public, and the management would no doubt in my mind want to go fully private, so they could become very rich. The consultants already are, as they have their private patients.

As long as their is an inbalance between humanity and capitalism these problems will never go away. 

 

Lack of sustainable vision from the political top, the power of insurance companies and sticking to the core basics of the duties by all staff in hospitals will keep this shambles in place. 

 

Time to go back to basics.

[roo860]

My 3 brothers in law are very nice.

Sent from my SM-G920F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[sandrabbit]

20 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

All the best, G

I just remembered something I meant to mention to you from a long way back on this thread, you said you were a Hawkwind fan, my location is

 

 

If I previously posted this apologies, getting older gets in the way  ..........

 

 

[Rc2702]

4 hours ago, roo860 said:

My 3 brothers in law are very nice.

Sent from my SM-G920F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

Mines a pain in the assss but you know something he is not a Druggy or an alcoholic and at 37 on his road of failure I think that is actually pretty good going in some ways but I still think he should give up on the idea of being his own boss and be a worker. Guys litrually waiting to take over a farm but his indecisive father is unsure if he can let go of this to his big ideas, no action son.

[Odysseus123]

Just checking in..

 

My medical treatment is progressing well  and they appear to have stabilised the heart,which is good.

 

They have also fast tracked the replacement and fitting of a new prosthesis which should improve my mobility and freedom to get about.

 

Full credit to the staff of the New South Wales public health system who were basically confronted by an errant,peripatatic, citizen who said "I am feeling awfully unwell.." and then collapsed on the floor in front of them

[rhodie]

6 hours ago, Odysseus123 said:

Just checking in..

 

My medical treatment is progressing well  and they appear to have stabilised the heart,which is good.

 

They have also fast tracked the replacement and fitting of a new prosthesis which should improve my mobility and freedom to get about.

 

Full credit to the staff of the New South Wales public health system who were basically confronted by an errant,peripatatic, citizen who said "I am feeling awfully unwell.." and then collapsed on the floor in front of them

Good to hear Ody. Glad you are making progress. Maybe there could be a comeback! 

[Odysseus123]

2 hours ago, rhodie said:

Good to hear Ody. Glad you are making progress. Maybe there could be a comeback! 

Well...one thing's for sure Rhodie-my travelling days are over.

 

I commenced to roam this awesome planet at the age of 19 and am now gonna live on the memories,thanks very much!

 

The last 9 months have been very,very, scary.

 

A note to you all-please get adequate health insurance or if they price you out head for home whilst you are still capable of getting on a plane.

 

All those with gold ingots stashed under their beds can ignore this advice 

[rhodie]

1 minute ago, Odysseus123 said:

Well...one thing's for sure Rhodie-my travelling days are over.

 

I commenced to roam this awesome planet at the age of 19 and am now gonna live on the memories,thanks very much!

 

The last 9 months have been very,very, scary.

 

A note to you all-please get adequate health insurance or if they price you out head for home whilst you are still capable of getting on a plane.

 

All those with gold ingots stashed under their beds can ignore this advice 

Ody, there was a time when the way you were talking it seemed touch and go whether you would make it back in one piece. Just glad that things seem to be improving for you. I am sure that they can't get worse.

 

You can just keep reminiscing over a cold VB or 2. 

[Odysseus123]

1 minute ago, rhodie said:

Ody, there was a time when the way you were talking it seemed touch and go whether you would make it back in one piece. Just glad that things seem to be improving for you. I am sure that they can't get worse.

 

You can just keep reminiscing over a cold VB or 2. 

Very true Rhodie-make mine a Tooheys "new" thanks!

 

Hmmm..the heart disease is still there but the climate is immeasurably more user friendly for cardiac conditions and I don't have to worry about when I will be "blind sided" next on the domestic drama front.That gives most things a triple A rating at the moment-including sausage rolls,of all things!

 

One day at a time.

[thaibeachlovers]

56 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Very true Rhodie-make mine a Tooheys "new" thanks!

 

Hmmm..the heart disease is still there but the climate is immeasurably more user friendly for cardiac conditions and I don't have to worry about when I will be "blind sided" next on the domestic drama front.That gives most things a triple A rating at the moment-including sausage rolls,of all things!

 

One day at a time.

Wish you hadn't mentioned sausage rolls- can't find them here, along with tomato relish, powdered tomato soup or tinned spaghetti, all things I miss. Seems strange though, as they sell powdered mushroom soup and baked beans in tins in Big C.

 

Anyway, good to know that things are getting better, if slowly. Appreciate the NHS while it's still there, and don't forget to say thank you to any staff that help you. It's much appreciated by them.

[Odysseus123]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Wish you hadn't mentioned sausage rolls- can't find them here, along with tomato relish, powdered tomato soup or tinned spaghetti, all things I miss. Seems strange though, as they sell powdered mushroom soup and baked beans in tins in Big C.

 

Anyway, good to know that things are getting better, if slowly. Appreciate the NHS while it's still there, and don't forget to say thank you to any staff that help you. It's much appreciated by them.

Yes,there is a "Bakers Delight" very close to the hospital which poses some interesting moral conundrums to those of us with poor tickers..

 

Meat pies,Cornish pasties,sausage rolls,custard tarts..but to get to the counter you have to climb over all the comatose diabetics..Never mind,extreme ruthlessness is called for..

 

I am certainly very thankful for what the health service-all staff-have done for me and have told them so both verbally and on their written survey.A great bunch.