The poisonous Brother in Law

[Been there done that]

13 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Marriage makes the difference. Living together implies no commitment to the family, while most of us know that the family will be involved if getting married. Marry the girl, marry her family etc.

If someone just living with the girl wants to make large financial commitments to the family it is entirely down to them, but no necessity to do so.

I reckon that being fleeced emotionally hurts alot more than financially. Trust, reciprocity a.o.

[Been there done that]

14 hours ago, oldhippy said:

Empathy is definitely not part of thainess.

 

If there is no emotional attachment, its similar as in our socalled western civilizations. It helps if one can speak the lingo and has a pleasant personality 

[KC 71]

When i leave the country for a few months i generally eat things i cant get
Mainly good beef or suchlike
Absence makes the heart grow fonder !


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[Odysseus123]

On 9/3/2017 at 9:06 PM, Rc2702 said:

BtDT - where did you lose you naivety?

 

Where do you practice this emotional detachment mantra?

 

Begin with  P?

 

I'm sure even the most cynical of beings can accept some responsibility for their mistakes. 

 

The way you blame thai culture and society reminds me of the people who blame everyone but themself or at the very least they then go onto say. "My fault was I was too kind or something like that or too naive"

 

As always your words of wisdom contain nothing of note, I'd love it if you had a complete change of mindset as I'm sure you would too and you found some happiness. 

 

That may seem like a long way away but it always will if you continue to tar a whole nation based on your limited experience.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actually I understand what "Been there done that" is trying to say.

 

Empathy and compassion can be the thin edge of the wedge,not in all cases.by no means,but the mantra "we are poor-help us" can lead-and has-to the financial destruction of the foreigner.

 

In the cases that I have seen in my immediate area no compassion at all was extended by the Thai to the foreigner after they had fleeced him.

 

I honestly doubt that the stepson and step daughter who have done nothing to better themselves for 6 and 4 years respectively have any empathy or compassion for any "farang".

 

Too busy on their mobile phones or staring at the television to entertain any such notions.

Edited September 5, 2017 by Odysseus123

[Ace of Pop]

Clever OP , can easily pop a Thai Bash into the heading.[emoji572]️


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[Been there done that]

7 hours ago, Odysseus123 said:

Actually I understand what "Been there done that" is trying to say.

 

Empathy and compassion can be the thin edge of the wedge,not in all cases.by no means,but the mantra "we are poor-help us" can lead-and has-to the financial destruction of the foreigner.

 

In the cases that I have seen in my immediate area no compassion at all was extended by the Thai to the foreigner after they had fleeced him.

 

I honestly doubt that the stepson and step daughter who have done nothing to better themselves for 6 and 4 years respectively have any empathy or compassion for any "farang".

 

Too busy on their mobile phones or staring at the television to entertain any such notions.

Thank you for understanding my point. When people who stand by idle from immoral acts of others and keep quiet about it to the "wrongdoers", nothing will change and they keep doing it to others. It is thus seen as acceptable behaviour within their social group. This group, called "enablers", are the real people who do the damage. As Thailand is a country where confrontation can lead to big problems (life is cheap), most keep quiet, foreigners included.

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

4 hours ago, Been there done that said:

Thank you for understanding my point. When people who stand by idle from immoral acts of others and keep quiet about it to the "wrongdoers", nothing will change and they keep doing it to others. It is thus seen as acceptable behaviour within their social group. This group, called "enablers", are the real people who do the damage. As Thailand is a country where confrontation can lead to big problems (life is cheap), most keep quiet, foreigners included.

Do you think this is specifically a Thai trait? I ask as I have only been on holiday to other countries in the area.

Of course here the general population have to put up with a lot of crap that could also be attributed to your diagnosis of Thailand's problems. Possibly we need to consider pent up emotions, "Face",  general keeping up with the Somchai's next door and avoiding conflict with the family is just a start. Family obligations are more close to hand and things get shared, including Johnny Farang's bank account.

 

 

 

[Odysseus123]

2 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

Do you think this is specifically a Thai trait? I ask as I have only been on holiday to other countries in the area.

Of course here the general population have to put up with a lot of crap that could also be attributed to your diagnosis of Thailand's problems. Possibly we need to consider pent up emotions, "Face",  general keeping up with the Somchai's next door and avoiding conflict with the family is just a start. Family obligations are more close to hand and things get shared, including Johnny Farang's bank account.

 

 

 

Once again I find myself agreeing  with "Been there done that".I find Thailand to be an extraordinarily enclosed system with very little interest in other countries-and that includes their immediate neighbours let alone Europe,the America's and the Antipodes.

 

In the three cases of financial malfeasance that I know of-where extraordinary sums were raised by Thai families out of businesses that the foreigner had funded-ALL blame was then placed on the foreigner for not continuing to support their bizarre cargo cultism.

 

No blame-and certainly no responsibility-was ever attributed to their own financial mismanagement,their drinking,gambling and incessant partying.

 

This self regarding parochialism and insularity is also one of the reasons,I believe,why so few bother to learn English even when the resources are placed at their disposal.They could not be bothered and that included a refusal to even bother to communicate with the foreigner who they were demanding money from in the first place.

 

They all gave each other a free pass for their behaviour,laziness and financial ineptitude.

 

So "been there done that's" message is correct-look after number one first for the odds are that no-one else will be looking after you.

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎9‎/‎4‎/‎2017 at 2:17 AM, totally thaied up said:

This is my second marriage and I got butchered in my first and you do not think I am gun shy?

 

So she may not be different but then who is NOT different in some ways?

 

Some food for thought guys.

The point I keep trying to make is that it isn't necessary to get married to have a Thai partner, or at least just a village wedding.

Marriage is at best a 50/50 proposition, while if not married one has had fun ( hopefully ) and can walk away without getting butchered. If I could go back knowing what I know now, no way would I be signing anything, but we could have been together for the good times at least.

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

I think between the last few posts from Ody, TBL, BtdT and myself, if you boil down what we are all saying you might get close to the essence of what we are up against.

Each experience is a bit different, but the general consensus is not so far apart.

I do agree an official marriage is not a good idea, but essential if you have kids together.

On the business front, I too have some personal knowledge of what happens when the family get involved (which is pretty much unavoidable) and I sympathize with anyone that has had that episode.

I think I told the story in an earlier post of a friend of mine (Aussie) whose wife wanted to open a shoe shop. (My own story is too long but involved the BiL)

If you didn't read it before this is a brief overview:

He paid the deposits, rent in advance, for the shop fit and initial stock. The family were employed as staff.

His wife came back to him at the end of the month having sold almost all the shoes after a "sale" at the end of the month, and asked him for more money.

She expected him to pay the next month's rent and restock the shop again - as all the takings had been spent!

Didn't happen...

 

Cheers,

G

 

 

Edited September 6, 2017 by George FmplesdaCosteedback

[Odysseus123]

3 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

I think between the last few posts from Ody, TBL, BtdT and myself, if you boil down what we are all saying you might get close to the essence of what we are up against.

Each experience is a bit different, but the general consensus is not so far apart.

I do agree an official marriage is not a good idea, but essential if you have kids together.

On the business front, I too have some personal knowledge of what happens when the family get involved (which is pretty much unavoidable) and I sympathize with anyone that has had that episode.

I think I told the story in an earlier post of a friend of mine (Aussie) whose wife wanted to open a shoe shop. (My own story is too long but involved the BiL)

If you didn't read it before this is a brief overview:

He paid the deposits, rent in advance, for the shop fit and initial stock. The family were employed as staff.

His wife came back to him at the end of the month having sold almost all the shoes after a "sale" at the end of the month, and asked him for more money.

She expected him to pay the next month's rent and restock the shop again - as all the takings had been spent!

Didn't happen...

 

Cheers,

G

 

 

Yes George,that is how it is done.

 

Shoes shops,clothing,coffee shops,mom and pop stores and restaurants-to name but a few examples.

 

In my case it was a restaurant which the entire family lived off so there wasn't any profits and,as a consequence,no savings.Thus the demand for five everlasting years was that I continually prop it up accompanied by outbursts of psychotic rage whenever I declined to do so.

 

When I finally stopped the nonsense permanently, the marriage promptly went on the rocks and no member of the family has ever worked a day since.

 

None of the family had the slightest interest in the fact that I had worked hard for 40 years gaining academic and professional qualifications along the way and that it was my hard earned savings which primarily contributed to their lifestyle.

 

I was,just like so many others,their little pot of gold-and nothing more.

[owl sees all]

5 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

His wife came back to him at the end of the month having sold almost all the shoes after a "sale" at the end of the month, and asked him for more money.

She expected him to pay the next month's rent and restock the shop again - as all the takings had been spent!

Yes G . I can concur all right.

 

I paid 10k baht deposit for a small wagon that was going to be used for the BIL's fruit selling business. He, and his wife, lived next to the railway in a tin shed in Udon Thani (UT) with no water or lecky. I thought they could do with a break. I also gave then 10k for them to get started and went with them to stock up first time. For 3k they stocked well up and went off to sell. A week later the BIL was in the village (90k from UT). The wife approached; "Piap needs more money." What happened to the profit from the sales? Did they not replenish stocks? I just couldn't get a straight answer to any question.

 

That was 9 years ago and although they did graduate from the tin shack they are now seperated and he is back with the mother 2 doors away from us. Bloody nightmare!!!

 

As we are all finding; similar tales/stories.

Edited September 7, 2017 by owl sees all

[owl sees all]

2 hours ago, Odysseus123 said:

None of the family had the slightest interest in the fact that I had worked hard for 40 years gaining academic and professional qualifications along the way and that it was my hard earned savings which primarily contributed to their lifestyle.

Ody dude. Bang on the money there.

 

Before Milly came along the wife spent 6 months in UK. I had a business selling wine and that meant a 5 o'clock get up. Loading up from the warehouse at 7 and out delivering before 9. Sometimes I didn't get back home (stayed with eldest daughter) until 8. This was just with the 'rare' Sunday off. The moaning was so bad one day I drove back to where we were staying and dumped her off.

Now this was serious money. I would earn 2-50 pounds per case of wine and I would take out a minimum of 80. One day took out 220!! I would tell her it was for "us".  Wasted words!

 

Sometimes I remind her about those days and just how hard it was. She says she can't remember working so hard. Admittedly she only had to sit next to me and keep me company.

Edited September 7, 2017 by owl sees all

[Odysseus123]

6 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

Yes G . I can concur all right.

 

I paid 10k baht deposit for a small wagon that was going to be used for the BIL's fruit selling business. He, and his wife, lived next to the railway in a tin shed in Udon Thani (UT) with no water or lecky. I thought they could do with a break. I also gave then 10k for them to get started and went with them to stock up first time. For 3k they stocked well up and went off to sell. A week later the BIL was in the village (90k from UT). The wife approached; "Piap needs more money." What happened to the profit from the sales? Did they not replenish stocks? I just couldn't get astraight answer to any question.

 

That was 9 years ago and although they did graduate from the tin shack they are now seperated and he is back with the mother 2 doors away from us. Bloody nightmare!!!

 

As we are all finding; similar tales/stories.

Yep-you never get a straight answer but usually fantasy tales-like painted cows or something.

The step daughter-a so called "university student" but merely an online addict, decided that she wanted a car even tho' she had a perfectly good motor scooter.

 

Only 330,000 baht I was informed.In reply I pointed out-no savings,no job,no work ethic,no future...

 

They went ahead and purchased the vehicle anyway.Now where the heck did they raise the money for that?One  guess and one guess only...

 

The whole thing took on the aspects of a nightmare,a psycho thriller.I am glad that I finally took my future back into my own hands.

[Odysseus123]

Well Gentlemen,

 

As you can see I am just ventilating and trying to piece it all together in my own mind but,as far as I am concerned,it all seems like such a scary fantasy world now and the only thing I miss about it is my little dog.

 

In the meantime it is just medical stuff and linking myself back into a far more complex (computerized) world than the one I left.Pretty much all the systems that I was used to in 2010 have changed and therefore I require new assessments in everything but I will overcome new challenges as they arise,I hope.Other then that it is plenty of rest and relaxation.

 

I wonder how the dark lord is getting along?

[oldhippy]

Similar stories here, fortunately on a smaller scale though.

 

Wife sells pizza and BBQ in the neighbourhood, revenue isr her money, I pay for the ingredients. Profitable business! When I refused to buy the ingredients any longer, wife said "too little money for too much work". End of business...

 

Wife was once a successful dressmaker, had 20 girls working for her, got bankrupted when family talked  her into being a  guarantor for a bankloan of her older brother. 

That brother wanted to start a "hospitality business" and spent all the money while "prospecting" for "girls" in Issaan. Only in Thailand.

 

Some time ago wife made several nice silk dresses for rich customers, I paid for the silk, never saw that money back.

 

Stepson wanted to sell Thai style coffee from a wagon, needed 20.000 for that, I refused, so he borrowed from family - the business lasted 1 month. Money gone.

 

Wife lended 20.000 to her daughter (from the household money, I did not know), when the money was finished the BF came to ask for more - that is how I found out about it.

Nowadays I give money  for groceries only case by case, no more weekly amount.

 

Of course they call me stingy.

 

 

[steven100]

6 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Well Gentlemen,

 

As you can see I am just ventilating and trying to piece it all together in my own mind but,as far as I am concerned,it all seems like such a scary fantasy world now and the only thing I miss about it is my little dog.

 

In the meantime it is just medical stuff and linking myself back into a far more complex (computerized) world than the one I left.Pretty much all the systems that I was used to in 2010 have changed and therefore I require new assessments in everything but I will overcome new challenges as they arise,I hope.Other then that it is plenty of rest and relaxation.

 

I wonder how the dark lord is getting along?

So Odysseus ...  you got out of that marriage as you mentioned it was on the rocks because you said no more money for the restaurant .. ?

[Odysseus123]

45 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

Similar stories here, fortunately on a smaller scale though.

 

Wife sells pizza and BBQ in the neighbourhood, revenue isr her money, I pay for the ingredients. Profitable business! When I refused to buy the ingredients any longer, wife said "too little money for too much work". End of business...

 

Wife was once a successful dressmaker, had 20 girls working for her, got bankrupted when family talked  her into being a  guarantor for a bankloan of her older brother. 

That brother wanted to start a "hospitality business" and spent all the money while "prospecting" for "girls" in Issaan. Only in Thailand.

 

Some time ago wife made several nice silk dresses for rich customers, I paid for the silk, never saw that money back.

 

Stepson wanted to sell Thai style coffee from a wagon, needed 20.000 for that, I refused, so he borrowed from family - the business lasted 1 month. Money gone.

 

Wife lended 20.000 to her daughter (from the household money, I did not know), when the money was finished the BF came to ask for more - that is how I found out about it.

Nowadays I give money  for groceries only case by case, no more weekly amount.

 

Of course they call me stingy.

 

 

Ha..ha..ha..old Hippy!

 

I did the same thing but my Waterloo came when a mob of angry peasants surrounded my house shouting "To the Bastille!"

To which I roared back..

"I don't care,you can all go and eat cake as far as I am concerned!"

[Rc2702]

This new wave of admissions is top class gents. I see the thread evolving now and more will come out the woodwork with similar tales of woe or hopefully prevent some

 

Some first hand experience to scare the daylights out of folk for sure.

 

By the way TDL is around he was online 8 hours ago so I'm sure he is fine and we will see him soon. 

 

 

Edited September 7, 2017 by Rc2702

[luk AJ]

How can they fleece so many of us? Most of us are old and wise but seem to loose it all for the body of a local gal...
She is the spider and the family the web.


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[oldhippy]

1 hour ago, luk AJ said:

How can they fleece so many of us? Most of us are old and wise but seem to loose it all for the body of a local gal...
She is the spider and the family the web.


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

My gal was 53 when we married (I was 57)...

 

[Odysseus123]

3 hours ago, owl sees all said:

Yes G . I can concur all right.

 

I paid 10k baht deposit for a small wagon that was going to be used for the BIL's fruit selling business. He, and his wife, lived next to the railway in a tin shed in Udon Thani (UT) with no water or lecky. I thought they could do with a break. I also gave then 10k for them to get started and went with them to stock up first time. For 3k they stocked well up and went off to sell. A week later the BIL was in the village (90k from UT). The wife approached; "Piap needs more money." What happened to the profit from the sales? Did they not replenish stocks? I just couldn't get a straight answer to any question.

 

That was 9 years ago and although they did graduate from the tin shack they are now seperated and he is back with the mother 2 doors away from us. Bloody nightmare!!!

 

As we are all finding; similar tales/stories.

Yes.

"Work ethic" along with "road safety" "personal responsibility" "meaningful education"and "loan repayment" are not terms usually found in the Isaan Thai lexicon.Perhaps they were explained in an addendum somewhere but alas I have yet to find that special edition.

[totally thaied up]

2 hours ago, luk AJ said:

 

How can they fleece so many of us? Most of us are old and wise but seem to loose it all for the body of a local gal...

 

For me, it was not the body of a local girl but the mind she had. I will try to explain. 

 

I spent 40,000 baht setting up my ex-girlfriends business. That was three years ago, and it is booming still today. Even though I get told she is making no money, friends say she clears real good money every month but screams poverty to all. I know 60,000 a month in total profit after expenses are easy. I spent 20 years in a senior position for a major company and I am no dill when it comes to money. It was my idea, she had the talent, and it worked. She employed her sister, and a cousin and business grew under my guidance on how to run a business properly.

 

My ex-was very smart and she drained me of all my knowledge on how to run a business 'farang style'. That part of her excited me and what kept me with her. My family saw what was going on and warned me.

 

She knew I understood how to run successful businesses and how to do the start ups; I am a highly trained web designer as well (not my main profession), and the websites and media marketing brought much business each month. I designed Apps for her to make appointments and many other things.

 

I do not like to talk about this; it is tough, and for personal reasons, I will not dive too deep as it <deleted> hurts. I planned to be with this person till I died. I planned so much. I built a small house, bought a car and looked like a farang does, to the future. Then things changed. Mostly, it was both our faults, but I could not live the way I was living. My family back home was horrified, and I was at risk of losing my family, my inheritance and so much more as they could see what was going on.

 

When I got out I was demanded to pay rent for the business for the next one year; I refused, and she said she would go broke (and today, this company is still running very well). She demanded I keep the websites running. She asked how was she now going to put her family through Unversity? How was she going to buy her brother a car to run a tourist business due to the fact I had taught him good English. How was she going to pay for her father's operation in a few months time? The list went on and on, and it was all based on me and my business knowledge on how to keep things running. She was living off the money I was bringing in (food, rent and good times out) and the cash she made went into the bank to her family. Once she worked out the money was cut off and most of all, my idea pool had vanished, it got nasty. She had many things on the boil that I did not know about from ideas she got from me. Most my friends only saw the main business but never say the many irons in the fire she had going on in the background.

 

I walked an lost everything. In the end, I met someone that I feel I can trust, married, live now a very low-so life with only a motorcycle to my name. I now live Thai style in a Thai Lana house that I have done up to an extent, but my life is nowhere near the level I lived before. My health is feeble and during most of my relationship time, I was helping her out of my sick bed. I would be well for a week and then sick for maybe two weeks. It is still the same today.

 

My wife now has a business doing accounting. I could easily generate this into something huge. She makes good dollars every month but with staff, my contacts and the such, I could grow this into something big. After my last experience and my poor state of health, I do not want to do this. I do not want to get too big for my boots and make the same mistakes. My family has not cut me off at home but I have lost most of the trust now and if affects my life daily due to this matter. I have no real need for money; like I said, I like it but for most of my life it has caused me trouble. As long as I can pay for my health insurance, have food on the table and no stress, I can be very happy.

 

My experience is much different to many here. Just meeting the wrong person, thinking you are really in love and that it seems you are not being taken advantage of is something many of these girls are very skilled at doing.

 

I never got tricked into anything or never had the family do things behind my back, but they did everything in front of me, and that was the trap I fell into as it made sense at the time but totally to their advantage. 

 

I hope this helps someone. I do not like talking about this, I left a lot out, but there is more than one way to skin a sheep.

[thaibeachlovers]

7 hours ago, luk AJ said:

How can they fleece so many of us? Most of us are old and wise but seem to loose it all for the body of a local gal...
She is the spider and the family the web.


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

Easy. Most men are so desperate for the warm caress of a good looking woman that we move to Thailand and fall for one that will provide it, because we so want to believe that there is a woman that really will love us and never say no. Looking back, the warning signs were almost always there, but we willfully ignored them. Says much about the women back home that we didn't try there again.

 

Thai women know that a little honey will get the money.

Basic psychology.

[thaibeachlovers]

4 hours ago, totally thaied up said:

 

I never got tricked into anything or never had the family do things behind my back, but they did everything in front of me, and that was the trap I fell into as it made sense at the time but totally to their advantage. 

 

I hope this helps someone. I do not like talking about this, I left a lot out, but there is more than one way to skin a sheep.

Thanks for sharing. We all feel for you, I'm sure.

 

It's the not being tricked that hurts the most. If we were tricked we could say it wasn't our fault, but we can't. No body forced me to hand over lots of cash, so that I am now unable to live here till I die, which was my dream. I gave it ( mostly ) willingly and without being asked because I thought I was building our future together, when I was only building hers. The last amount I gave her she did ask for, but I gave it because she promised to give it back, and I feared if I didn't it would make things worse. Of course I never got it back and things did get worse anyway. If I wanted to get angry, I could rant about how ungrateful she was and how unlucky I was etc etc. However, that won't change an iota of my life.

 

I guess I was told the truth way back when I joined up- "life is shit and then you die". Just took me a very long time to understand how true that saying is.

[Odysseus123]

"It's not being tricked that hurts the most..."

 

Amen to that, brother.Never a truer word has been written on this topic.

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

12 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Says much about the women back home that we didn't try there again.

I think this is also one of the most important and poignant statements we have had too!

 

As the subject is the BiL we are concentrated on our relations with the Thai women and their families.

The lads doing the monitoring have let us digress quite a bit on this thread, but I guess many on here will have had a reason to come to Thailand other than work, maybe a bad divorce, health or something.

The last 15-20 posts have been another insight into the deviousness we have all encountered here and very interesting situations brought to light from some contributors that were a bit less open to start with...

If you weren't tricked, but were led down the garden path knowingly,  it has still been done intentionally and in a regular court it would likely be seen as fraudulent extortion, as you have still been conned!

Me too, but I can say I have been conned less here than I was in the UK.

That for me is one reason I stay.

Considering all my friends and acquaintances in Thailand over the years, it does however seem there are more disasters than successes, although one or two successes have been pretty impressive.

 

Life is a roll of the dice far too often.  (Anyone read The Dice Man by Luke Rhienhart?)

 

Good reading today,

Thanks to all.

G

Edited September 7, 2017 by George FmplesdaCosteedback

[Odysseus123]

17 hours ago, totally thaied up said:

For me, it was not the body of a local girl but the mind she had. I will try to explain. 

 

I spent 40,000 baht setting up my ex-girlfriends business. That was three years ago, and it is booming still today. Even though I get told she is making no money, friends say she clears real good money every month but screams poverty to all. I know 60,000 a month in total profit after expenses are easy. I spent 20 years in a senior position for a major company and I am no dill when it comes to money. It was my idea, she had the talent, and it worked. She employed her sister, and a cousin and business grew under my guidance on how to run a business properly.

 

My ex-was very smart and she drained me of all my knowledge on how to run a business 'farang style'. That part of her excited me and what kept me with her. My family saw what was going on and warned me.

 

She knew I understood how to run successful businesses and how to do the start ups; I am a highly trained web designer as well (not my main profession), and the websites and media marketing brought much business each month. I designed Apps for her to make appointments and many other things.

 

I do not like to talk about this; it is tough, and for personal reasons, I will not dive too deep as it <deleted> hurts. I planned to be with this person till I died. I planned so much. I built a small house, bought a car and looked like a farang does, to the future. Then things changed. Mostly, it was both our faults, but I could not live the way I was living. My family back home was horrified, and I was at risk of losing my family, my inheritance and so much more as they could see what was going on.

 

When I got out I was demanded to pay rent for the business for the next one year; I refused, and she said she would go broke (and today, this company is still running very well). She demanded I keep the websites running. She asked how was she now going to put her family through Unversity? How was she going to buy her brother a car to run a tourist business due to the fact I had taught him good English. How was she going to pay for her father's operation in a few months time? The list went on and on, and it was all based on me and my business knowledge on how to keep things running. She was living off the money I was bringing in (food, rent and good times out) and the cash she made went into the bank to her family. Once she worked out the money was cut off and most of all, my idea pool had vanished, it got nasty. She had many things on the boil that I did not know about from ideas she got from me. Most my friends only saw the main business but never say the many irons in the fire she had going on in the background.

 

I walked an lost everything. In the end, I met someone that I feel I can trust, married, live now a very low-so life with only a motorcycle to my name. I now live Thai style in a Thai Lana house that I have done up to an extent, but my life is nowhere near the level I lived before. My health is feeble and during most of my relationship time, I was helping her out of my sick bed. I would be well for a week and then sick for maybe two weeks. It is still the same today.

 

My wife now has a business doing accounting. I could easily generate this into something huge. She makes good dollars every month but with staff, my contacts and the such, I could grow this into something big. After my last experience and my poor state of health, I do not want to do this. I do not want to get too big for my boots and make the same mistakes. My family has not cut me off at home but I have lost most of the trust now and if affects my life daily due to this matter. I have no real need for money; like I said, I like it but for most of my life it has caused me trouble. As long as I can pay for my health insurance, have food on the table and no stress, I can be very happy.

 

My experience is much different to many here. Just meeting the wrong person, thinking you are really in love and that it seems you are not being taken advantage of is something many of these girls are very skilled at doing.

 

I never got tricked into anything or never had the family do things behind my back, but they did everything in front of me, and that was the trap I fell into as it made sense at the time but totally to their advantage. 

 

I hope this helps someone. I do not like talking about this, I left a lot out, but there is more than one way to skin a sheep.

Each story will be a different one but there is something in common about your experience that may resonate with the rest of us.

 

As you say you voluntarily put your money,your skills and hard won financial experience at the disposal of another person in pursuit of a dream of equal partnership and a successful future.

 

Unfortunately this was not reciprocated leading to financial and emotional turmoil.I think that this,as many stories on this thread have indicated,is a common experience by which I mean that the lack of emotional and financial giving in return-or even acknowledgement and respect for that giving-can lead to a very dark place.

 

All the very best for the future.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎9‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 6:05 AM, Odysseus123 said:

Each story will be a different one but there is something in common about your experience that may resonate with the rest of us.

 

As you say you voluntarily put your money,your skills and hard won financial experience at the disposal of another person in pursuit of a dream of equal partnership and a successful future.

 

Unfortunately this was not reciprocated leading to financial and emotional turmoil.I think that this,as many stories on this thread have indicated,is a common experience by which I mean that the lack of emotional and financial giving in return-or even acknowledgement and respect for that giving-can lead to a very dark place.

 

All the very best for the future.

During the last 3 years I was living with my wife the thing that upset me the most was the utter lack of gratitude from her and the family. After I rewired the village house at my own expense ( it was an electrical death trap ) I mentioned to my wife that her sister never said thank you. The reply- "no one asked you to".

Later they built a ground floor extension for the MIL as she was unable to climb stairs, and they ASKED me to wire it up. After I did so, they never said thank you.

Sometimes I believe in Karma, as after I finished wiring it up, they wanted an outside light wired up without a circuit breaker, so it could be used even if the mains was off. I refused, so when I was away they got the village "electrician" in to do it and he did not understand wiring, so when he finished and they turned the light on the entire wiring circuit melted ( no breaker, 5555555 ) as he had wired up a direct short to earth.

I spent two years tidying up the SIL house and outside, plumbing in mains water and such like, built a security fence after we got burgled etc etc etc. Not a single word of appreciation.

That was before the fix went in to get rid of me too. After that it became hostile as well as indifferent.

[Odysseus123]

Thaibeachlovers.

 

"Not a single word of appreciation..."

 

I saved the itinerant uncle's life and there was not a single thank you in return.In fact they seemed to take it as a slight against  the appallingly bad local hospital which was  doing its best to kill him off.

 

Of course I was on my way out as well...