Anyone Looking For Staff?

[girlx]

good posts. mafaso to explain, i find that thais are very honest/direct about things like how they think you look that day or assessments of your personality or surrounding situations, but in other ways they are sweet talkers whose main goal is to keep the person they are with placated, and i don't trust that everything they say is the truth. does that make sense?

solid, i agree that how you present yourself plays a big part in how you are treated, but that is not the only contributor. western media has been very harmful for western females. also there are big cultural differences when it comes to sex, and on top of that there are a lot of girls here short term who just want to have fun on their holiday. so thais put the two together and assume that western women are all up for it, which is difficult when you are not like that, & just want to make friends and live a normal life here long term.

financial security- as i mentioned i have my own, and i would expect a thai man to have his own (at least by thai standards) if i were to choose to be with him long term. definitely though the fact that westerners can expose them to oportunities and a lifestyle they might not otherwise have does contribute to how much thais from the lower end of the economic scale "like" us, and i have no illusions otherwise.

as for jealousy, i never noticed this in other parts of thailand, but the thai men where i live now are jealous to the point of being abusive. some of them actually are physically abusive. there are girls here who stay in their rooms all day for fear that if they go out and have an innocent conversation with someone of the opposite sex they would face the wrath of their boyfriend. they are absolutely miserable. i would never put up with someone telling me who i could or could not hang out with or talk to. they are also told what to wear, how to speak, where they are "allowed" to go, what they are expected to do... etc. the thai girls i have talked to about this seem to think it is normal, but it is not for me!!! my current boyfriend (gig) likes me because i am me, and because we have a good understanding of each other, we have fun together, we are attracted to each other, and probably because i can provide him with some sort of future security. he is not trying to turn me into a thai wife and i don't expect a farang husband either. the only problem i have with him is trying to keep him from moving in with me.

[mafaso]

good posts. mafaso to explain, i find that thais are very honest/direct about things like how they think you look that day or assessments of your personality or surrounding situations, but in other ways they are sweet talkers whose main goal is to keep the person they are with placated, and i don't trust that everything they say is the truth. does that make sense?

solid, i agree that how you present yourself plays a big part in how you are treated, but that is not the only contributor. western media has been very harmful for western females. also there are big cultural differences when it comes to sex, and on top of that there are a lot of girls here short term who just want to have fun on their holiday. so thais put the two together and assume that western women are all up for it, which is difficult when you are not like that, & just want to make friends and live a normal life here long term.

financial security- as i mentioned i have my own, and i would expect a thai man to have his own (at least by thai standards) if i were to choose to be with him long term. definitely though the fact that westerners can expose them to oportunities and a lifestyle they might not otherwise have does contribute to how much thais from the lower end of the economic scale "like" us, and i have no illusions otherwise.

as for jealousy, i never noticed this in other parts of thailand, but the thai men where i live now are jealous to the point of being abusive. some of them actually are physically abusive. there are girls here who stay in their rooms all day for fear that if they go out and have an innocent conversation with someone of the opposite sex they would face the wrath of their boyfriend. they are absolutely miserable. i would never put up with someone telling me who i could or could not hang out with or talk to. they are also told what to wear, how to speak, where they are "allowed" to go, what they are expected to do... etc. the thai girls i have talked to about this seem to think it is normal, but it is not for me!!! my current boyfriend (gig) likes me because i am me, and because we have a good understanding of each other, we have fun together, we are attracted to each other, and probably because i can provide him with some sort of future security. he is not trying to turn me into a thai wife and i don't expect a farang husband either. the only problem i have with him is trying to keep him from moving in with me.

Very well explained. Thank you.

[Boo]

there are girls here who stay in their rooms all day for fear that if they go out and have an innocent conversation with someone of the opposite sex they would face the wrath of their boyfriend. they are absolutely miserable. i would never put up with someone telling me who i could or could not hang out with or talk to. they are also told what to wear, how to speak, where they are "allowed" to go, what they are expected to do...

And for me the fault lies squarly witht hese women or any woman who allow some guy to control them like it. As long as there are women who tolerate this then there will always be men who behave like it. I know it's not a very symaptheic opinion to have (esp for a women) but women are sometimes their own worst enemy.

he is not trying to turn me into a thai wife and i don't expect a farang husband either

This is very important IMO when you are in a mixed marraige (relationship). I never expect my husband to be like farang & understand he has differening opinions on how certain things are done or ideas but he also understands that even though I know there are conflicting opinions sometimes, I am not a thai wife so therefore he has to handle that I wont do like a thai wife. As long as we both remeber this then we are fine.

[sbk]

Interesting girlx, I wonder how many of these guys are local to TNP? Because I do not see this kind of possessive, controlling jealous behavior where I live with either Thai couples or with Farang women with Thai men. Of course, the couples I have known have generally been with stable guys who have something more to offer than what they can get from a woman. I must add that almost all of the successful relationships entail the male partner bringing something to the relationship, none have been financially dependent on their partners

I don't know that many successful Thai man/Farang woman relationships living here simply because once they have kids, after a time, they move back to the woman's home country so the kids can have a shot at a better education than they would ever get here. Perhaps that is another reason why girlx sees so few successful relationships.

That said, I see her critique of local men to be one sided, she only sees the bad side and either doesn't know or doesn't see the good side. Sure, there are lots of lazy, selfish men here, but then of course, our own countries also have their own fair share of this kind. But, there are also lots of hardworking men leading their lives with their wives and kids that either get ignored or lumped in with the losers.

The qualities I found in my husband are his own, and yes, some of it is cultural but a large part is his own innate decency. Unlike what some posters may think, I didn't come looking for a relationship, nor did I get rejected by a farang man. It just happened, as the good relationships often do. The more desperate you are, the more likely you are to get used by someone who sees your desperation.

Perhaps we should change the title of the thread and let girlx's poor friend fend for himself

[solid]

girlx

I agree that media play HUGE role in western woman image.

I am afraid that you really live in a place where people still keep their old values. Really old. I won't try to change these values (even if i tried, i couldn't) since this kind of place might lose its charm (that's the whole reason why people travel: to go somewhere different from where they are from). My point is in Thailand, there are modern men who respect women. Most of them live in big cities. Well, not exactly. Also many men in far areas don't abuse their wives. But now look like you are happy with your man. I hope both of you will go very far. It sounds like he's still young, so don't let Thai value spoil him. You know what I mean.

there are girls here who stay in their rooms all day for fear that if they go out and have an innocent conversation with someone of the opposite sex they would face the wrath of their boyfriend. they are absolutely miserable. i would never put up with someone telling me who i could or could not hang out with or talk to. they are also told what to wear, how to speak, where they are "allowed" to go, what they are expected to do...

And for me the fault lies squarly witht hese women or any woman who allow some guy to control them like it. As long as there are women who tolerate this then there will always be men who behave like it. I know it's not a very symaptheic opinion to have (esp for a women) but women are sometimes their own worst enemy.

This is exactly why I find western women irresistible: always fight for the right thing with firm hands.

Edited January 4, 2007 by solid

[t.s]

i have a thai friend, 23, who is moving to koh phangan. he speaks excellent english and his experience is as a bartender/waiter in busy resorts. thought i would see if anyone needs someone like him for the upcoming high season- he is looking to stay in the 7000b/mo. range.

sunset cove in koh phan gan is gagging for staff.

had chaoprao

seriously.

ts

[girlx]

thanks t.s., I will pass on that info.

Interesting girlx, I wonder how many of these guys are local to TNP?

all of them. well two are imports from the north, but they have been here their whole lives. they are well off guys who have been king of the beach their whole lives, and have no interest in leaving because of that. i am as amazed as you are, i have never noticed this behavior anywhere else in thailand, but the guys here, as solid says, are very stuck in very old traditional thai ways. they should not be dating foreign girls. my little boyfriend is from krabi, and has none of this controlling behavior. i totally agree with you boo-

for me the fault lies squarly with these women or any woman who allow some guy to control them like it.

i feel like these girls need to get a backbone, they disgust me almost as much as their men. unfortunately i can't do much to help them either as i choose to live here and it would only backfire on me. they have to help themselves. i can't imagine letting myself wallow in a horrible situation like that though. i want to scream at them to wake up!!!! they are supposed to be on holiday anyway!

oh, just want to add sbk, i do know a couple of nice thai guys here in good relationships, with thai women (though the relationships seem to be good because the thai women turn a blind eye to their philandering for the most part). it's the thai men going out with farangs that have problems. also the couplings here between a thai woman and a farang man all seem to be very solid!

Edited January 5, 2007 by girlx

[sbk]

thanks t.s., I will pass on that info.

Interesting girlx, I wonder how many of these guys are local to TNP?

all of them. well two are imports from the north, but they have been here their whole lives.

Thats kind of what I thought. TNP people have a certain reputation amongst the rest of the islanders, shall we say.

oh, just want to add sbk, i do know a couple of nice thai guys here in good relationships, with thai women (though the relationships seem to be good because the thai women turn a blind eye to their philandering for the most part). it's the thai men going out with farangs that have problems. also the couplings here between a thai woman and a farang man all seem to be very solid!

My husband and I have discussed this previously, he said there are quite a few of his cousins who do not cheat on their wives, so while it is widespread, it is certainly not all men. And as for the Thai woman/Farang man relationships, well, lets just say that quite a few aren't as solid as they may appear.

[mafaso]

What is TNP?

[sbk]

What is TNP?

Thong Nai Pan, the north side of the island that was, up until the last 10 years quite isolated from the rest of the island.

[girlx]

you know SBK, i don't think it is a Thong Nai Pan thing, I think it has to do with guys in a certain age group on this island (namely 25-35 or so). they were brought up with the strict traditional morals from their families but yet most of them have been working as beach boys with party tourists at the same time since they were young. there is a conflict of values there, and they are confused as to which apply to them. they are brought up to believe around this age they should be marrying a thai wife and starting a business, yet they still are young enough to have farang girls throwing themselves at them and being involved with drug parties. there are several boys in Ban Tai who also have similar problems with their girlfriends, and don't even get me started on Had Rin... however it seems to be a strictly Koh Phangan thing... outside of the island i have never seen this element of trying to fit farang women into an antiquated mold of a thai wife happening with thai men/farang girl relationships.

that said, you are right, Thong Nai Pan is rather notorious on the island for being a land of outlaws. however i live here and they are for the most part nice people, at least on the surface, which applies to most of Thailand.