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13 minutes ago, RocketDog said:

Great story link if one can read Thai.

I can't.

"See Translation" is a handy button on Farcebook.

( Chalk Lam Bay) is a simple habit. Put electric wire into the sea. The dog's owner who went to help was electrocuted, but it's okay... Supposedly, if the owner of a foreigner dog dies as well. What will happen next? Just imagine for fun. It must be a big news for sure. At that time, there were foreigners playing with water around. I saw a lot of incidents... Please take care of those involved...

Whenever possible during the pandemic, my identities ranged from Winston Smith, Winston Churchill, and the ubiquitous M. Mouse (Mr.). I was always amazed at the number of Disney characters frequented Cemtral Festival.  One day there seemed to be a conspiracy - about a dozen members of the former 3rd Reich were on the list.

However in this instance, I suggest you use your name exactly as it appears on your Kasikorn bank statement and passbook.

Once heard a bloke order two Chang beers in "Thai". 

Bargirl 1 says to Bargirl 2 "What he say? Send elephant where?"

An amusing thread.

I humbly suggest that being unable (or unwilling) to successfully adapt to ones' environment can be a major detriment to happiness and ultimately, ones' survival.

A typical example is driving in Thailand, but applies equally to virtually every criticism in this thread - adapt and overcome. 

I love driving in Thailand, bike or car. Quite simply, discard everything you learned about driving in the West, and adapt - you ain't in Kansas. I hesitate to say "drive like a Thai", but at least learn the way they drive and drive accordingly yourself.  You'll be much happier, and safer.

Everything else - noise, immigration rules, land ownership, Thai language etcetera, ad nauseum, you just have to follow Darwin's theory, adapt and overcome your environment, or go the way of the Dodo bird. 

Many things will remain a mystery. Such as why does a rudimentary English speaking Thai girl understand English spoken in broad Welsh, Scots, or Irish......and I don't.

As for getting upset when meeting obnoxious ex-pats from all corners of the world, do what I do - take an instant dislike to everybody you meet, it saves an awful lot of time.

Looking forward to seeing a few BIB's cruising towards Soi 9 on the confiscated Hardleys. It will make a pleasant change from seeing them on their sister's pink Scoopy. 

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Their submarine base at Sattahip is currently vacant.

They desperately need to have one of the parking bays occupied to justify the construction of the base, and the ongoing graft expenses of the sans submarine, Submarine Squadron of the Royal Thai Navy.

It requires a lot of staff and a huge budget to do absolutely nothing except write a quarterly press release saying there are no further developments.  Jeez, if they were gifted a free submarine, serious panic would ensue.

OP, you've received very little practical advice, so here's my two bob's worth.

Take mosquito spray and Imodium,  you'll need them both.

Be prepared to wear under-sized Thai flip-flops because some mugger will nick off with your size elevens. 

Take some earplugs - Thai insects have been recorded at 100+ decibels at night on the farm.

Before you sleep, peel back the sheets and evacuate all the insects by thrashing the bed with a towel.

Practice your squats for at least a week before you go.  It would be unfortunate if you have to use the Asian porcelain urgently and you haven't trained for the event.

Also practice showering with a small saucepan and a bucket of water.  You will learn instantly how to make your shampoo bottle last 10 times longer.

If you smoke, don't leave your packet unattended - it will soon be empty.  And at every available opportunity, nick a smoke from one of the "brothers". They will then avoid being in your vicinity - this is a good thing.

When she asks if you can take the family to MK, understand that the 6 people you think the family consists of will suddenly morph into a cast of dozens. You may even be asked to pay for the diesel for Uncle Somchai and his offspring to travel the 30 kilometres from his village to attend the function.

When she asks to go to MK for the 2nd time, flick her 300 baht and recommend a family BBQ, thus saving you at least 14,700 baht.

Be very concerned if she asks you to go to Tesco.  You will end up buying 3 trolleys of merchandise, including enough clothing to outfit the entire family. And the stop at Svenson's will knock you back at least a grand and a half.

I could go on, but in all honesty,I think the experience will do you good.  I learned a lot. 

EDIT: On reconsideration, the need to identify your girlfriend and yourself with F and M and being a millennial (what are your pronouns?) suggest you may be too fragile to withstand the experience.  There are no safe spaces in Isan.

Maybe I'm wrong, but in our post-modernist society there is now no objective truth, only social constructs.

It will remain like this until we are all huddling hungrily around a fire in the dark, each of us with an equitable sized pile of rubble.