fruittbatt

I wanna answer this one...but seeing the response from many of you out in the country I feel like Ill be rubbing salt to wound

(I live in bangkok....) but ofcourse as many of you said there are other things you wouldnt like about the place, but atleast now I can view this dressing this as a plus to add to the list when faced with frustrations like pollution and traffic jam

and girls....anytime any of you are down in Bangkok and wanna find someone to go shopping with on the weekend...then lemme know. Im not a big shopper myself...but I guess I might make an ok shopping companion...give you views on the fitting/colour etc

thanks MiG16.....some great restaurants and good coffee in Bkk too....I'll pm you next time I'm in town. It would be fun to put faces to avatars and get to meet everyone on this forum one day!

I like younger men (well, difficult to find anyone older than I am), but they must have a brain, sense of humour, manners, and compassion for all things. Too bad the Dalai Lama is, well, you know...Looks are sort of important, but I am more impressed with good grooming. So, add all these attributes, calculate and you end up with...the Dalai Lama. Yikes, please help!

Jet, you could try contacting Mrs. Constance Beasley, erstwhile b.....in the bonnet letter-writer to the Nation & Bangkok Post. Constance seems to have rock-solid opinions about most issues, and is a no-nonsense woman. Funnily enough, I have never heard her mention the subject of "desirable men", but I am sure she would approve of your choice of a man with "manners" and "good grooming". Not sure about the "sense of humour" bit, though. It doesn't seem to be Constance's strongpoint. If you happen to get a reply from Constance, I'd be very interested in her advice about Mr. Perfect.

The casual beach shorts/jeans/skirt and top look is nice and easy to wear, and as NR says, you don't really need more than one or two "dress ups" . The HH charity shop is a great idea BTW! I can appreciate the problems for those who can't buy shoes or clothes to fit because of the limits of Thai sizes. My husband and sister both have the shoe-size problem, and have to go to import shops for (expensive) footwear.

...Here in Chiang Mai, I spend most indoors... in pants and tops: all that I need for studying, reading, writing. I look forward to occasions for dressing up: concerts, special dinners etc. The fashions in Chiang Mai are a bit limited and more expensive than in Bangkok, so I really enjoy a trip south a few times a year to buy clothes, bags, shoes. I love the 3-day shopping buzz of Bangkok, though I would really hate to live there!

When you have your hair cut to look like Japanese cartoon characters.

Hey, that's a great look! Oops!

fruitbatt, while you are there can you pick up A Knight's Tale, and Ten Things I hate about You for me

Im trying to refrain from mentioning real life desirable men

MiG, I came back with "A Beautiful Mind", but Russell Crowe just didn't work at all: maybe it was the role. Thanks for your suggestions!

As a former clothing exporter, whenever I visited Thailand I was always on the lookout to buy affordable fashionable designs in seasonable colours, large enough to fit the average Australian woman.

After living here for two years, I find my tastes have changed completely. These days I often buy slightly embellished Thai designs (not bling or baubles, but the occasional bow, bolero, leggings, even high heels). I have just about lost touch with what the west is wearing. I don't really care, since Thai fashion is exciting and dynamic IMHO.

I am always surprised when I go to expat meetings (rarely) to see men and women dressed as if they were in New York or London or Sydney. Have your fashion tastes changed since you've lived in LOS? Do you wear Thai styles? Do you only shop in Central, Jaspal, Guess, or Robinsons, or are you a Flynow III, Pratunam and Chatuchak fan like me? What is your favorite fashion shop?

you can negotiate broken footpaths in stiletto heels, moving with total nonchalence

you NEVER put your fork in your mouth

you go back to visit your family in Queensland, Australia, and append all your sentences with "Kha" instead of "but"

There are plenty of helpful & practical replies already, so will just add my best wishes for a happy ending. Girlx, it sounds as if your neighbours are reasonable, and you are obviously fair and keen to take responsibility: these are grounds to be optimistic. Best of luck & diplomacy to you!

Yeah, nostalgia ain't what it used to be................

Ladies, I feel like a party pooper, but have to admit that stars and icons have just never done it for me. I never had pin-ups apart from the Beatles (sad, heh!), and that was more about the music & lyrics than about John Lennon's looks.

I've always been a sucker for a real-life handsome guy (lean, tall, with big clear eyes, good bone structure, lots of hair), but only if he had intelligence and personal strength of character to match the good looks. On reflection, going for the real thing probably involved me in a lot more angst and drama than admiring celluloid heroes! I think I get it now. I'm off to the DVD shop

IMO it makes sense to speak in terms of class, race, religion, or gender when conducting comparative research that might benefit a particular group.

Using class or gender in order to discriminate against a person is to buy into a divisive "us" and "them" worldview, a conflict mentality. I think we all do this because we've been taught to think and speak in terms of opposites rather than seeing difference as complementary, as "two faces of the same coin".

Jamman, you use "class" as a knife to cut the world into acceptable and unacceptable people (those who don't meet your criteria of initiative or "classiness"). Why is it that we human beings cannot simply accept that everyone is unique and valuable as a fellow inhabitant of the planet regardless of their achievements/failures/strengths/weaknesses/race/gender/class etc?

fruittbatt:

> When they said "we are missionaries' I told them I was mighty sorry to hear that, since this is a Buddhist country.

Oh--THIS IS A BUDDHIST COUNTRY because . . . it IS. Why MUST that be, why must it be FOREVER, and what's SO MUCH BETTER about that, exactly?

fruittbatt:

> the morality of exporting institutional religion with a view to imposing it on a disadvantaged population which has its own philosophical/religious tradition

You mean, because philosophical/religions traditions imported from Khmer, Indian, Chinese, and other cultures are already being imposed on the disadvantaged population, it's immoral to propose others? How so?

sixpack, the Kingdom of Thailand does allow many religions to practise conversion openly. There is considerable freedom for Thais to choose religious affiliation in this country, which is brilliant.

The issue here is about the presumption of Judao-Christianity that its beliefs are superior, and that it has a divine right or duty to convert non-christians. When this missionary fervor is coupled with pressure or bribery in the form of material or social aid to disadvantaged minorities in exchange for conversion, we are not talking any longer about "freedom of choice" but rather about coercion and colonisation.

Would you like me to introduce you to thousands of Thai Christians who freely chose that path because of Thailand's freedom of religion, and not at the behest of some foreign missionary?

You're still spouting the outdated (by about 40 years) views of sociologists who held to the "noble savage" argument regarding "the white man's religion" vs. "disadvantaged population" societies. (I liked your euphemism).

You need to do your homework; meet a few missionaries, and a few Thai Christians. You would change your outdated worldview quite radically.

In Chiang Mai, toptuan, it is impossible NOT to meet missionaries. They are ubiquitous...from songtaews to markets to eating spots to shopping centres, the town positively bulges with muscular and not so muscular christians. I have had pleasant and less than pleasant conversations with several missionaries in the last 2 years.

I take your point that many urban middle-class Thais elect to become christian or to send their kids to christian schools. As you said, they do have a choice, and are not pressured by missionaries to convert.

However, the "disadvantaged" to whom I referred are hilltribe people and poor villagers, who are certainly disadvantaged economically, socially, politically. When these people are pressured into accepting christianity in return for material or social assistance, this is blatant christian colonisation still happening in the 21st century.

I've (infrequently) been accused of being a male chauvinist by women who, on all accounts, are hung up on identifying themselves as gender warriors.

The problem is people generalizing from too few data points... they classify you based on some analogy that says a lot about their own world view. Resentment is so much easier to shoulder when it can be conveniently placed on "them" versus "us".

You have outlined the process of "othering": ie stereotyping & projecting problems onto others in order to make self or group look good in comparison. However, you fell into that very trap by referring to women who dislike your views as "hung up on identifying themselves as gender warrriors". Resentment is indeed very easy if you choose to stereotype the "other" in this way!

I agree with your analysis of "othering" as far as it goes, but the really toxic part of the process is the power of those who stereotype to marginalise and ostracise the "other". In regard to women's history religions, the medical profession, courts of law, lending institutions, mass media have "othered" women. This process led to social acceptance of the "inferiority" of women, by men and women alike. Boo's story of her grandmother's struggle for independence and integrity in a hostile society shows just how powerful the discourse of women's dependence and "place" really was. Thanks, Boo.

Historically, however, the churches have been in the service of imperialism and (neo American)colonialism, and it is this arrogant presumption of the superiority of the Judeo Christian tradition that I find utterly distasteful.

Your Judeo-Christian bias is showing through quite glaringly. Are you unaware of the heavy service Buddhism paid to the Thai/Burmese/Lao conflicts over the last three centuries here in Asia? Religion was used just as much as a club in these instances, as any Christian crusade in the Holy Land ever was.

I'm just asking you to be a little more objective in your historical perspectives.

Red herring, toptuan!

We are not discussing which religion/philosophy is "better" but rather the morality of exporting institutional religion with a view to imposing it on a disadvantaged population which has its own philosophical/religious tradition.

There are some christians in Thailand who I admire: those who do not so much proselytise, but do active social work ...eg Father Joe Maier. Peace Blondie has made the distinction between "Bible bashers" and social activists with religious affiliations very clear.

Historically, however, the churches have been in the service of imperialism and (neo American)colonialism, and it is this arrogant presumption of the superiority of the Judeo Christian tradition that I find utterly distasteful.

I was approached by some enthusiastic pimply christian american kids two weeks ago at Tha Pae market in Chiang Mai. They announced their mission cheerfully and loudly as if they were the elect of God already, and needed to remind us heathen expats of the not-so "good news". When they said "we are missionaries' I told them I was mighty sorry to hear that, since this is a Buddhist country. They reacted as if they had been slapped, but at least they stopped singing out of tune...briefly.

The marriage certificate is surely the property of both partners, not just YOUR property. I find your claim that your wife has STOLEN or hidden joint property to be very strange indeed.

You obviously fear that your wife intends to leave you and to take your child back to Thailand. Have you considered the child's best interests, here?

I am not at all sure that anyone on this forum can presume to advise you as we know so little about your situation. All you have told us is about your possessive attitude, your unhappy marriage, and your wife's depression. Perhaps these events are related?

Agree, FB, except that I would say that grieveances (be they justified or otherwise) over a divorce settlement or custody outcome hardly justifies bigotry or stereotyping of all women.

I have a number of close male friends who are bitter over their divorces, and in many cases I agree with them that they were wrongly treated or unfairly served. But none of them generalize from this onto the 50% of the world who are female. And let's remember that unfair divorce settlements or custody rulings can and do affect either sex -- and also that there are always 3 sides to a story: the sides of the 2 opponents and then the actual truth, which usually lies somewhere in between.

As for all those taking the " lighten up" approach: thanks for reminding me of another common tactic used to denigrate legitimate women's concerns!

Sheryl, I agree wholeheartedly that a man who has had a bad deal has no right and no cause to lash out at women indiscriminately. I think my sentences were a bit long in last post, so my meaning may have been misunderstood. What I was trying to say is that men who have grievances may respond negatively to a woman poster who makes stereotypical assumptions about "men" generally. I can empathise with the sense of injustice that these guys may feel.

i hope I did not sound like an apologist for the men's movement! On re-reading my last post I can see that it would be easy to form this opinion. I also appreciate that the reason courts have swung towards favoring women and children in divorce settlements is that in the dark past it was mainly women who got unequal, unjust deals and lives of financial hardship from court decisions.

And to women who dismiss the past and present oppression of women in almost all societies, all I can say is read some history, read some sociology, read everything you can about the struggles of women in every country....and then come back to this forum.........

As I see it, the OP has misled others into reading his post by his banner, which is largely irrelevant to the offensive sexism of his remarks about women. Pathetic try!

Thanks NR for opening this most interesting topic, and to Sheryl for a comprehensive history of the women's movement in the 60s and 70s.

Like Meme, I'm proud to be considered a feminist in terms of standing up for women's rights where structured inequality based on gender exists.

One reason that feminism as a mode of analysis has been discredited in the last two decades is because a minority of white, western, middle class women (and men) is obviously far more equal than the vast majority of other women and men in the world. The world simply cannot be carved down the middle in terms of gender regardless of ethnicity, social position, educational opportunity, age, wealth etc etc etc.

There is a minority of male posters on TV who are stuck in a pre-feminist age and who blame their unsuccessful history of relationships with women on women's "liberation". These dinosaurs will always knock women with intelligent views because they feel so totally threatened by the ways in which the world around them has changed.

Other male posters have real grievances about divorce and property settlement and custody issues. Courts of law, in their zeal to affirm the rights of women and children, have often left ex-husbands in a lonely, depressed, and extremely bad financial situation. Sometimes these vulnerable men will also lash out at women posters who make unjust general assumptions based on gendered stereotypes (eg.....men have greater financial power/ farang men marry Thai wives because they are losers and can't get western women etc. etc).

For those of us women who are strong enough to say exactly what we think, and who are fortunate enough to be here, to be independent and financially secure, perhaps we can afford to ignore the jibes of the intransigent dinosaurs, or expose their crap for what it is. We could focus on the majority of posters who are actually interested in civilised exchanges of views, and show support to those who are the recipients of unequal treatment and discrimination.

Thanks Cathy for explaining the chemical reaction, and to you and Ivan both a big "thanks" for your conditioning tips.

I'll follow the conditioning regime you suggested.

Ivan, I live in Chiang Mai & don't know the Bangkok hairdressing scene well, but have not yet seen any farang stylists working at well-known salons (prohibited because of taking jobs away from Thais???). There would seem to be plenty of scope plenty of scope for style-consultants all over Thailand, though! Best with your search...fruittbatt

I have been blessed with a shocking thick mop of semi-curly hair in this lifetime. As an impatient and busy person who can't be bothered with hours of hair-brushing, I have usually worn my hair short for convenience. In Thailand I have found it very difficult to find any hairdresser who can do excellent colour and a sympathetic style-cut. There have been some laughable disasters, including chemical haircuts.

After two years of fiascos, I hit on the modish idea of a perm, which would allow me to grow my hair, comb it through a few times a day, and look as great as possible for a middle-aged woman. For two months I was the proud owner of bouncy auburn tresses...until yesterday. I'd had the colour re-done a week ago, and the boss-hairdresser at a salon popular with farang ladies, advised that I could now go ahead with having the perm re-done.

When the wraps and rollers were off, nearly all the colour had leached from my hair, and it was dead straight and horribly dry. I suspect the hairdresser may have used straightening lotion instead of perming solution....

The Thai hairdresser was as crestfallen (pun intended) as I was, but had no explanation. He re-colored my hair free of charge & today I had it cut and intensively conditioned with a "vitamin".

Has anyone had a similar experience or do you know anything about hair chemistry and what may have gone wrong?...would like to avoid a similar occurrence in future.

It is actually quite unhelpful to distinguish between "innocent, unwilling victims" and "experienced, willing sex-workers" where sex-trafficking is concerned. It is true that many women who have worked in the sex-trade in Thailand are keen to travel to another country which offers the prospect of a far greater income, and a new life.

Almost inevitably, when ANY women agree to go to the host country, they are NOT made aware of the full conditions of their contract before they leave home. They are often recruited by people they trust: women they may have worked with, or boyfriends....These people are in fact traffickers with no scruples about forcing the women into conditions of virtual slavery until their highly inflated "bonds" and costs are repaid with interest.

The financial pressure induces trafficked women to service far more customers per day than their "free" co-workers. They are also more likely to be forced to have unprotected sex, to be "imprisoned" in quarters provided by the trafficker, to be physically abused, to be threatened with the immigration authorities, deportation etc.

Eventually, those who are psychologically tough, may pay off their bonds and work on their own account....but usually as illegal immigrants who can be delivered to the authorities at any time.

I order & receive books from Amazon.com regularly in Chiang Mai, and strongly recommend their services.

If you are buying academic texts, many o/s university bookshops are extremely efficient in despatching orders via DHL. I have ordered online from an Australian university bookshop and had the books in hand within 3-4 days.

Please pm me if you want further details/recommendations.

Have you tried wedging tissue between the rattling parts?

Or calling in a technician at your own expense to see whether something needs to be tightened up?

Or ensuring that the filters are clean, snug, and not loose?