Been there done that

15 minutes ago, farq said:

You are 110% correct, mate!  You get back what you put in to the relationship with the wife, family and the village. 

Ohhhh, i have seen and heard that the only thing one gets back is.....PROBLEMS. Of all kind 

9 hours ago, jimcarr65 said:

In my experience, you will never be first. It will always be family, Buddah and you. However, in my case we came to an understanding where I understand the culture and I am aware of the family being important. But the family and I should be on similar ground where I agree to help out when I can, but in no way can I or will I build houses or give support above my means. Sure, I can afford to give a few thousand baht a month for medicine, but we need to be reasonable. 

Reasonable, haha thats a good 1. Reciprocity is mostly an unknown phenomenen in mixed relations here. Know your limits mate.

To study human nature.

It is not a pretty picture 

8 hours ago, billd766 said:

I live in rural Khampaeng Phet with my wife and son.

 

When we were building our bigger house we built a small house for my wife to live in while our house was being built and for her parents when they were ready to leave BKK.

 

My wife had her mother up to stay with us for about 5 years until the MIL died about 2 years ago.

 

Her Dad is in BKK in hospital with dengue fever and Alzheimers and my wife went down to help out yesterday leaving me and our 13 year old son here as he has exams to finish.

 

She has 3 brothers, 2 of whom work full time and the third is a casualty of the drug wars and though he can look after himself he can't look after Dad as well.

 

I am not sure what will happen at the end of term, whether she wants our son to go down or stay here until something happens one way or another. Hopefully her Dad will recover and we can bring him up here to relax and recover.

 

Am I upset about the fact that she has gone to help out her Dad?

 

Not in the slightest.

 

I knew about this long before we were married 17 years ago (and have known each other about 24 years) and I accept it as a normal thing.

 

Unlike the west when parents get old and stuffed into a retirement home and visited once a month, many Thai families support and look after each other. This is why many Thai women leave their children with her parents, find work elsewhere and send money back every month.

 

 

Your last sentence, you still must be very naive at old age. The only result is <deleted> up kids becoming <deleted> up adults who are unable to bond with others later in life.Family always 1st, for right or wrong. The destruction of SELF.

Reading the OP and many comments, the mind truly boggles. Slavery, with compassion ofcourse, is still alive !

3 hours ago, xylophone said:

IMO......That is about the long and the short of it and of course everyone will view this situation differently but it really is down to the individual and the sort of relationship they had with their partner.

 

In my case, I lived with a lovely lady for about five years, along with her young daughter who was about six years old when we met. Like the OP's girlfriend, she was a hard worker around the house and in the small garden as well as when I was renovating the place, was a good cook and took care of me very well.

 

She was working as a junior accountant when we first met, however when that establishment closed, I told her she didn't have to find work and could stay at home and I gave her a living allowance as well as an allowance for looking after the house et cetera.

 

Anyway we did split in the end, not acrimoniously, but we were both sad about it. No point in going into the reasons here because it does not affect this post.

 

A short while later I sold the house and thought about all of the work that she had put into making it a lovely place and also the fact that I had shown her and her daughter a style of life which they probably wouldn't be able to match on their own, so I ended up giving her around 750,000 baht, plus a motorbike and other little lump sums as well as setting her up in a laundry business. She sold that after about a year because it became a little too successful and she couldn't cope with running the business!! (not a good delegator). 

 

I then decided to give her 10,000 baht a month to live on plus some other handouts just about every month which made it around 15,000 baht. Then her daughter (I call her our daughter – – a lovely, caring and smart girl) was accepted for a very good school and I now pay for her accommodation next to the school, as well as all the school fees and I deposit 8000 baht into her bank account every month.

 

I have also paid for dental work and other things and have promised that I will see her through university, should she make it, and she's determined to do so.

 

Friends have said that I have been far too generous, however I really do care about them both and look forward to regular talks on the telephone and catching up for lunch a few Sundays every month, and it makes me feel good that I can do something for these two lovely people whilst I have the ability to do so.

 

There will be those on this thread who consider me to be an idiot/fool, but then again they know nothing of the relationship I had and now have with these two people and how much I enjoy seeing them "prosper" to a certain extent. To see them relatively happy and not have to worry about where the next baht is coming from is a great pleasure to me.

 

So to the OP, do what you can and do what you want to do for your ex g/f because it is no one else's business and if it "does your heart good" then do it.

 

To put a slightly different spin on it, I always remember getting into a discussion with someone about Mother Theresa and about the good work she did, and this person painted a different picture inasmuch as he said, well it was the WIIFM syndrome coming into play (what's in it for me) because she got something out of her work – – satisfaction, pleasure, gratitude from those she helped, recognition and so on.

 

In my case I get a lot out of what I give, so I'm happy about that.

It seems you like to play dad and granddad. You must be a lonely person.

Difference is only....free press, thus freedom of expression by argument. On a civilized way, i might add. Not apparant, nor accepted in animal farm.

4 hours ago, Kwasaki said:

Accident & circumstances usually.

Happens in other countries too.

Somalia !

I see everyday that the thai cultural mindset, not by all, is the elephant in the room. Of what ive heard and seen from fellow foreigners, who have a conflict with a thai, it is indeed best to try hard and live under the radar. But as life is, not always possible. One needs some selfrespect !

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Good grief. It's the farang pub subforum.

You totally misunderstood my comment. Good on ya.

Rented a house for couple months a while ago. Found the house on airbnb and contacted owner directly. All done after without airbnb involved. Saved me money and possible hassle, like you had.

Looking at your style of writing, i do not think it has one iota to do with Thailand.

11 hours ago, smotherb said:

Yeah, that's the ticket; use lies and distortions to convince your child.

No morals either. Sad !

1 hour ago, Odysseus123 said:

George,

 

"Thai culture/religion is a minefield!"

 

Yes-it most certainly is.

 

But..you are right and I am overthinking the issue except that,even tho' I have physically escaped that environment,I am now experiencing the inevitable blowback with issues that may take months to resolve.

 

I found/find that dealing with irrational,demanding,self serving people corroded my soul,made me neglect my health and placed me in a position that took huge amounts of energy to escape from.

 

I still maintain my position that many aspects of the place was a moral and ethical morass-and this certainly seemed to influence the behaviour of more than just a few expatriates that I met there as well,They were comfortable with it and I was not.

 

You know.I saw a number of people being fleeced within a inch of their bank account's life-no other expat ever said anything...just another one crashing and burning..and even if you did say something you inevitably drew flak yourself.

 

Such is life.

Says more about them then about you.

Remember, you live for yourself, not for how others perceive you.

Just make sure that the mirror never cracks when you look into it.

59 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

Tart, having read some of your previous replies I really feel sorry for you, you have nothing good or constructive to add to this discussion. Why would I make up some BS story like that, it's really of no significance to me, they asked, I Lent notice the emphasise on the word lent OK.

 

There are plenty of people on here who have lost far more than 200k Thai Baht, in fact some people have lost millions, so if I wanted to "make up" a story I think it would have been for considerably more than that, lets face it nobody likes to be usurped in the made up stories category. 

 

It's people like you that drag these threads down, if you bothered to read some of the posts in this thread from early on you may get educated as to the whys and wherefores of life here and the many schemes dreamt up by Thai girls and their devious families, so do yourself and me a favour, don't reply to this go back to the rock that you clambered from under and <deleted>. Moron.

Just read your signature, you must be out of wine 

53 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

Why would I have a problem? It's your money to do whatever you wish.

I was replying because you are telling people to be "careful out there " after saying you lent 200,000 baht 3 years ago and have only 50,000 returned.

Enjoy your fruit.


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Yes, one can wonder if he made up the story or that he just is living in a fantasyworld.

Give them a kiss in public.

15 hours ago, owl sees all said:

I think so too.

 

My wife is fearful of anyone wearing what looks a uniform. That could be a doctor, a nurse. bank teller, government worker or even a girl behind the local mobile shop.

 

Only yesterday at Frienship bridge as I was reluctently handing over my 500Bhat for 8 hours excess stay. "Tell him why we never came yesterday." The reason we were one day late was because she was sick. "She wouldn't say." I wasn't expecting anything other than the fine but I just wanted her to say something in my defence.

 

 

Mate of mine told me about his own missus, mother too of his kids; when i have problems with a thai, my wife stands behind me. Choices !

You must lead a boring life.

15 minutes ago, nanglong218 said:

While my wife and I await the dry season to allow delivery and concrete vehicles to access our farm we are living in the much improved existing buildings (1st world  wash and toilet facilities). The converted garage/workshop we temporarily inhabit has a new Colorbond steel roof but no insulation.  

Who cares.

50 minutes ago, Raybangkok said:

Agreed but why move to Thailand if you don't like the heat? It never fails to amaze me that people choose to move here then complain about the weather the culture or the way life is here because it's not like where they have come from. 

Pussy, that gets boring after a while 

1 minute ago, oldhippy said:

About the lack of gratitude, the never a thank you.

 

I used to follow the buddhist subforum, as I once was interested in buddhism.

The things you read there.....!

 

Thai monks can not say thank you when you give them alms. It is against "buddhism"!

It would make the alm giver want to give for the "thank you", and therefore he would not give from his heart.

(And giving to a "big monk" sends more ripples in your karma than giving to a minor monk).

This was posted by a Poster that I can not name (lm = lese moderateur).

 

If monks do not say thank you, then what can you expect from regular Thais?

 

 

 

 

 

 

The cultural system in Thailand is based on a false sense of entitlement too. Keeps the ignoramuses in check.

9 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

LOL. It's easy to live in LOS as long as one isn't so conceited as to think that one's opinions matter a whit, and keeps one's mouth shut when one is inclined to publicly deride anything to do with LOS.

Mouth shut and in the configuration of a smile is generally accepted to be the ticket to a quiet life.

No one takes kindly to some upstart foreigner slagging off one's country, wherever.

Slagging off !! It truly seems that you are a person i was referring about. I would say that you need to open your eyes by looking in the mirror instead off posting stupid comments. It seems you stand for "nothing".If you do not understand my previous comment, you better keep quiet. But maybe you just like posting toooo much. 

On 9/5/2017 at 11:52 PM, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

Do you think this is specifically a Thai trait? I ask as I have only been on holiday to other countries in the area.

Of course here the general population have to put up with a lot of crap that could also be attributed to your diagnosis of Thailand's problems. Possibly we need to consider pent up emotions, "Face",  general keeping up with the Somchai's next door and avoiding conflict with the family is just a start. Family obligations are more close to hand and things get shared, including Johnny Farang's bank account.

 

 

 

No, it is not specifical a thai trait. As indicated in my comment, the spineless foreigners with a little sense of ethics/morals easily adapt to this behaviour. FEAR ! This is what the cultural system in this country is built on. 

Anyone with an open, thinking and critical mind can come to that conclusion.

11 minutes ago, Ace of Pop said:

Totally detested by Liberalls , Lefties, PC Folk n proud to be a Redneck.?Enjoyin being free in Thailand


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But not from yourself. You sound like an angry man !