Been there done that

5 minutes ago, Ace of Pop said:

They aint simple , just Nanny State Liberals.?.


Sent from my iPhone using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

Yes, you do not come across as a person of any standing.

As far as the topic title is concerned; You are correct !

14 hours ago, oldhippy said:

Empathy is definitely not part of thainess.

 

If there is no emotional attachment, its similar as in our socalled western civilizations. It helps if one can speak the lingo and has a pleasant personality 

13 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Marriage makes the difference. Living together implies no commitment to the family, while most of us know that the family will be involved if getting married. Marry the girl, marry her family etc.

If someone just living with the girl wants to make large financial commitments to the family it is entirely down to them, but no necessity to do so.

I reckon that being fleeced emotionally hurts alot more than financially. Trust, reciprocity a.o.

9 hours ago, sandrabbit said:

sorry disagree mate, I'm only an 8 year resident and have no trouble with bils or family (as I posted near the start), as you know I'm in Rayong with wife from Surin but there are a lot of empathic born & bred local Thais where we live - they'll take the piss out of you in 2 seconds but if you're in trouble they will be there. They wouldn't be able to buy their own land now because of people like me but they're proud funny people with a wicked sense of humour and are really good friends with my wife. we have no crime to speak of with everyone leaving things on the front, if there was crime I think the locals would sort it very quickly. everyone knows every bodies else business here even though we're close to a high Thai tourist area (on weekends and holidays anyway).

Nice comment, wait though for the moment you come in conflict with a thai. 

5 hours ago, totally thaied up said:

Okay, my MIL is sick. She has diabetes, glaucoma, and kidneys problems, not on the safe side. If I showed you her medication list, you would be surprised even to think she is alive.

 

Yesterday she was in a lot of pain with her eyes. I told the wife I would take her in town to see a private eye doctor. She asked me to go back to bed as I have also been sick. Mum came home several hours later going via the 30 baht system. Then only three weeks back, MIL was having major kidney pain; once again I said we can take her into see a Kidney specialist in town but no, off to the 30 baht system.

 

My wife says she knows her Mum is dying. Told me tonight in fact and said we can do little and has many friends at the local hospital and has told my wife she does not require my help. She has a million baht insurance upon herself upon death and has told me I need not worry about her funeral costs.

 

It is all sorted.

 

My wife currently is insured for health and accident. I pay that, and I am happy to do so. Before I married her, she had her own insurance. She still offered to pay, but I said no. So what happens? Every few months I will see on my bed a present for from her. Might be decent aftershave or something of that ilk. Last time I was looking for an MSI graphics 1050ti card to update my computer. I came home one day to find one installed in my system. Now, this has come from her work money, and I gather, partly from insurance that she now does not pay.

 

So yes, in some cases, marry the girl, marry the family and I have seen it turn into shit. In others cases, it may not be so cut and dried. I paid no sin sod; the family makes enough to feed themselves. They do not want a car as the MIL says she can walk only 3 minutes to the market for her food. My FIL is the same. He is not far off pegging out and also has never asked me for a cent. He goes to the 30 baht hospital when sick, and his range of health problems is worse than his wives. 

 

I have been here for a long time now in Thailand. Seen nasty stuff done and had it in previous times done to me. I am not naive. Like I noted before, this relationship may not last, or it could be gold for me. It is the same with any women but I know, and I have in my younger days experienced the bar scene; you hang around shit long enough, it is going to stick to you. You could also get an educated girl with a shit family, and it is going to stick to you. What I am trying to say in all honesty, everyone is very different, and you cannot box them all in one puddle and tar them with the same brush. And I am saying this of all nationalities. This is my second marriage and I got butchered in my first and you do not think I am gun shy?

 

So she may not be different but then who is NOT different in some ways?

 

Some food for thought guys.

Nice comment and sincerely hope it stays forever, for you, like this. Good to read something positive.

14 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

BtDT - where did you lose you naivety?

 

Where do you practice this emotional detachment mantra?

 

Begin with  P?

 

I'm sure even the most cynical of beings can accept some responsibility for their mistakes. 

 

The way you blame thai culture and society reminds me of the people who blame everyone but themself or at the very least they then go onto say. "My fault was I was too kind or something like that or too naive"

 

As always your words of wisdom contain nothing of note, I'd love it if you had a complete change of mindset as I'm sure you would too and you found some happiness. 

 

That may seem like a long way away but it always will if you continue to tar a whole nation based on your limited experience.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry mate, i have only read what is written on here. Nothing to laugh about, is it ? 

But maybe you see poisonous as something positive 

1 hour ago, faraday said:

I almost feel sorry for people like you, when they only seem to have had bad experiences here.

Perhaps your attitude bears some culpability?

Observation mate and listening to what thais tell me. Nothing more.

On 8/31/2017 at 10:51 AM, Csaw said:

Could you please elaborate as to why it is not a "suitable topic for the Isaan forum" when i am specifically asking about people from the Isaan region?

Silence 

Correct. Thailand is a country with a 4th world mentality where empathy, compassion and honesty a.o are not present.

If not for the women 

3 hours ago, Odysseus123 said:

I think that those women who ask about foreigners have been married before and therefore their marriageability in Thai society is quite low..or they have remained single long past their Thai marriage due date.

 

This poses a whole series of conundrums for them-problems that might be solved by stepping outside the usual cultural norms and expectations.

 

However,once having snagged their catch (if they do, which is not very likely) the tendency is then to step back into those cultural expectations so a great deal of cognitive dissonance is then created especially as I tend to agree with you that the Thai display a massive amount of cultural xenophobia in the first place.

 

So..to put it in a nutshell...

Step outside of the usual social/cultural norms to marry.

Step straight back into them when it is convenient to do so.

Your last sentence, dont live in the village thus, surrounded by family.

Dont marry too 

4 hours ago, totally thaied up said:

I thought deeply about this.

 

Before we got married, we sat down over a period of months, and we had good talks. Most say do not show all your eggs to them, but when you do not have many eggs to start with, my wife whom is an educated person saw what she was walking into with me, and it was not much better than say a  small Thai business person with average earnings.

 

She could pull no BS, and most likely, it was not in her best interests to even marry me. The only thing I did was do some work on her house and compared to what I was spending before going out all the time as a single man and playing the field; I am now saving money. The money I have spent on her house to make it farang livable was just six months of money spent me being single. I have well paid it back now in just not paying rent on a Condo!

 

Can this relationship work?

 

Lord only knows. She does know I come from a wealthy family but knows that it is so tied up in law and Trusts and the such, she can and will never have any form of say in it. Upon my families death, I will have to deal with it all but like I stated in another post a long time ago, I do not want to even think about that as money has only caused me trouble. 

 

You still can walk away. Nothing holds you. Just got to be prepared to lose. I have done it before; it hurts, but then, my life now is certainly much better. The only big stick I have in my shed is I have nothing to give or lose. I know the reason my wife stays and why she says she loves me. It is deeply personal and goes back to a motorcycle accident she had at 17.

 

I know farangs married village style, and the family still stuffs them over. I feel it is more they have us on the hook and like one poster above said, it is like a vampire knowing NOT to suck you dry. It is a perfected art form. I know one guy now whose family sent the girl (village married) back to him a few months ago from Issan (after a fight) and she hates the guy but is just following orders from the Mother. The Mother said she was no use at home to them gambling and playing cards all night with her friends, so put her on the bus and that was it.

 

So yep, can still not be married, but village married and have the above BS as well. Yes, you can just walk from it but I have seen so many not take that step, and that is what this thread is about. I could be back here in a year stating I am going back home and my wife was a leech. Who is to say anything as we cannot tell the future but I am sure a few reading this thread may see what is ahead of them and maybe able to forfeit a sad ending.

Just stay detached emotionally. 

2 hours ago, oldhippy said:

Obviously, to marry a prostitute who is extra schooled in the art of deceit does not improve the odds of a successful mariage...

I did not marry a bar girl, and yet experience the same problems - albeit on a much lower scale than other posters.

 

Part of the problem are the unrealistic expectations of our Thai wives who think we are soooooooooo rich. Even if they understand that we are not so rich, they will not be able to convince their family of this / they will not try to convince them, as face is involved.

And of course farang expectations of romantic eternal love are just as irrealistic.

 

Furtermore, Thais usually have no savings (other than land) and no social security system, so when they genuinely need money (accident, funeral, bussines) they will expect money from the "rich" farang. They will resent us if we "don't take care" of them.

 

Add to that, no planning for the future, the paternalist culture, face, lack of education, a religion based on monks, the concept of "getting lucky", that few Thais raise above.

 

I do not think that most Thais have bad intentions.

It is all rather a big cultural misunderstanding + snowball effect.

But the results are the same.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cultural misunderstanding, yeah right, make even allowances for bad/evil behaviour under that guise. Thais damn well know the difference between good and bad. 

10 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

I am happy for you LukAJ.

You found a gem.

 

And as you say "" the ability to break-up whenever we want is probably what is holding us together"" - a good suggestion to others: don't get officially married, do only the monk thing (or nothing at all).

For those over 40, having children (again) is also not a good idea. Neither is investing all your money in Thailand.

 

To most farangs freedom - emotionally and financially - is a basic need.

It is an essential part of our culture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your last 2 sentences, you are incorrect about the "emotional" part. I wager that nearly all who got burnt, they were not in check of their emotions. This applies too for many who claim to be in a happy relationship. No way out. Have seen and heard it from many foreigners but later they said, when due to several incidents, should have left way earlier.

For me i need to stay strong to stick at play, pay, optional, as i go. Soulmates are extremely difficult to "find" overhere.

13 minutes ago, lovelomsak said:

Gen Prawit now says there is no evidence Yingluck left the country.

  I would like to take this opportunity to say I TOLD YOU SO.

  

He is a liar then. I saw her yesterday in singapore.

4 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

Pay no attention to this guy. I doubt he can actually read 3 pages of anything let alone understand some of the real life experiences. I have read his drivel too. He called a teacher a loser for simply being honest, he condemns whole countries as unsafe should he have an infraction in them and seriously if he had read the whole 66 pages of different perspectives and all he can muster is those few words I'd be placing him next to the word troll in a dictionary. 

Before or after yours ?

Never join a forum. Its full of wannabees and hypocrites.

The pretenders.

5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Gordon Brown threw 6 billion quid into it, and it made no difference. The management, IMO, are the problem, as in my experience they never ventured into the workplace, had no idea of the reality, and probably didn't care as long as they were all right, Jack. Certainly, the manager of the hospital I worked at for 10 years was invisible and incompetent.

The politicians would rightly be too scared to make the requisite changes, so IMO it is going to be unsustainable and will collapse for financial reasons.

The hospital I worked at was blatantly angling to become more private than public, and the management would no doubt in my mind want to go fully private, so they could become very rich. The consultants already are, as they have their private patients.

As long as their is an inbalance between humanity and capitalism these problems will never go away. 

Lack of sustainable vision from the political top, the power of insurance companies and sticking to the core basics of the duties by all staff in hospitals will keep this shambles in place. 

Time to go back to basics.

21 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

You have attached yourself to this thread and yet we know nothing of what you claim to have done or experienced.

 

Strange that. I'm wondering if your reluctance to contribute actual experiences is down to something?

 

 Not one sniff of a personal example or experience from you from page 1 until now and you wonder why you get ignored.

 

90% of your comments apear the same way a cowardice thug gets a kick in the ribs on his victim once he is downed by other thugs.

 

The recent posts turn a corner and then you go backwards, you do it a lot but still not an inkling of experience to share.

 

Very odd behaviour.

 

 

 

Strange that you do not comment on the reasons why i think that blocking someone is rather infantile. If i would block the people who post comments not to my liking, there would be practically nothing to read.

Furthermore, is there a rule which states that my experiences should be shambolic in order for me to post on here ?

I only symphatize with posters who are, according to me, sincere and consistent in writing about their woes/predicaments. Simply blaming the thais without stating about their own mistakes made, simply does not do it for me.

We are a nation of people which is just and honest, i saw a thai woman speaking on tv. No need to say more about the awareness of thais related to self.

2 hours ago, sandrabbit said:

another 1 for the blocked list .........

Another 1 on this forum who does not like opinions of others. So blocking is the way for the simpleminded ones. You have adapted well in this culture. Kudoooossss

20 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

Get to an AA meeting quick you dim wit. Your the one with the most problems here I suspect. I continue to furnish your bitter remarks where most put you on ignore. It's those few remarks you say that make me certain your that nut job from the family forum. What's his name? Yh you know who you are as do I Ben. Lol absolute fruitcake.

Ohh, now i am somebody else. Seek help before your paranoia damages the ones around you.

Stay clean.

To add, people, as you wrote, who put me on ignore are most likely afraid of the truth they do not want to read. So there is hope for you. Time will tell but first, stay clean !

24 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

Thank you for the sympathy.

But I do hope that when you say I seem to be one of the few sincere ones here you are not refering to this thread! Lots of sincere posters here! You may want to choose your words more carefully.

Why I stay with my wife? Good memories, hope, and because I am 66 and too tired too start over. It is this or nothing - but yes it might well end as nothing.

 

 

Only you know which situation is/will be more tiresome, to stay in which you know or start anew. 

Take care.