The Dark Lord

9 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Okay, Darkometrius-a very wise decision.

 

Stick with it tho' otherwise you will get stuck between Scylla and Charybdis.

 

Best of luck.

Damn, I will have to look that up.

2 hours ago, Sydebolle said:

Well, hope the Army will hire native English speakers with a real educational background ...... 

English Lessons in Thailand.mp4

And a work permit......

11 hours ago, whaleboneman said:

Maybe they're planning an invasion?

Ah but we've got an aircraft carrier now.......

10 hours ago, oldhippy said:

In exclusivity for TVForum, a pic of The Dark Lord.

 

 

Thank you Monty Python.

 

I have been outed, quelle horreur!, 

 

Not just outed in my tongue but the multiple tongues of the EU!

 

Jeez you guys, you must have had a cracking education back in the day. 

 

Humphrey plugden - French teacher - would ask me why I did not use Sacre Bleu as quelled horreur is a very dated expression

 

deigo burns - Spanish teacher would pick up his cane and use it liberally on my rear end for not being able to remember a retort in spanish

 

sorry didn't do German but Shiezzer might fit?

 

ex wife - Swedish " teacher" would expect me to come out with Fahn or hellvetta. Knulle me should be saved for the more emotional moments

 

anyway guys I survived another night and another round of hysterical screaming at the door inviting me ( predominantly) to leave the premesis on a permanent basis.

 

so there's the good bit.

 

what I still cannot get my head around is the utter miscarriage of justice. If I had done anything wrong then I accept my punishment / fate but hellfire saying to a hippo sized woman with " a puss like a busted cooch" ( face like a broken settee) "I like your shirt and your hair looks better down than up" hardly represents fornication or the behaviour of a libidinous swine. 

 

With a 17 year proven track record of keeping " little brother" firmly behind the zipper as well on what basis can I therefore be subject to such nasty abuse?

 

in my mind is she trying to oust me to make way for the next sucker? If so good luck to him but I doubt that's the case. Applying logic is never wise when trying to understand a woman's behaviour let alone a rabidlymaniacal psychopath.

 

i don't suppose anyone here reads the DM that you get for free on your iPad? If you did there was a rather pertinent article as to how you can tell if your partner is a psychopath.

 

boy did it tick all the boxes!

 

moving on though, you guys have painted some beautiful pictures of how life should be. Sadly once it was similar to that but no longer.

 

Enjoying the wonder of the sunrise, the chanting if the monks, the peace of the morning mist burning off the rice fields, the power of the thunderstorms cannot be done when you have someone who honestly must be bordering on the insane line nearby spewing their venomous bile and hatred at you for an imagined crime. 

 

At at least I am not getting the bedroom door knocked down with a lump hammer today. What galls the most is it is my lumphamner

 

 

3 hours ago, stereolab said:

My wife has just returned from a cross country run in Phao Yao, whilst away she had a dream that I had a gik. She asked me about this upon her return this morning. Honestly folks, what do you say in reply to this sort of nonsense. Apparently the extended family have been checking to ensure I was sleeping alone at my house, and not spending nights away. 

It's just flocking insanity.. just insanity at its very best.

 

I always thought marriage was based predominantly on trust but if she doesn't trust me then what's left?

 

Love?

 

When you get lump hammers thrown at you, knives shoved at you, childlike screaming at you and your food thrown away? Is that how you make your "loved one" stay? 

 

Just had a mate (uk based) drop me a mail telling me about this corker he was chatting to on line from udon Thani. and how he was coming out to see her, love etc etc

 

What could i say? 

 

 

 

I told him to log on to TVF and read what the guys like us have to put up with

 

Should wise him up a bit. 

3 hours ago, LannaGuy said:

My very VERY best advice is like the London Fire Brigade :

 

"get out and STAY out""

 

It may change, temporarily, but will go back to this again eventually. It might not be easy but cut and run old boy.

Spot on my friend lannadude, 

3 hours ago, Odysseus123 said:

Vicomte Noir-I have some expensive medical procedures coming up and then (hopefully) proceed on to rehabilitation.

 

I am going to leave any thoughts about my long term future to a later date and in an environment more conducive to rational decision making-if you know what I mean.

 

Take care.

Dear Odysseus, wishing you full success in your medical treatment and a swift and full recovery. 

 

Might even see you on the plane!

 

thanks for the good wishes, it means a lot. 

 

Or or should I say merci beaucoup mon ami

 

took me a while to work out my title "En Francais!"

4 hours ago, transam said:

You just stay calm, just revolve in your own bubble and ignore everything else, don't smile. don't give angry looks, just crack on as if nothing is bothering you.....Keep that up and see what happens.... 

I did and on hearing her leave this afternoon I snuck downstairs for some nosebag and water. 

 

Found most of it in the the rubbish bin. 

 

Man, the craziness has really got a hold this time but in all thainess there is no way she will lose face by backing down. 

 

As as my father used to say to me " you make your bed, you lie on it!"

3 hours ago, transam said:

 

Trans my old mate, you are improving in leaps and bounds!

 

Just now, transam said:

 

...it's not improving Trans! But I am smiling though

 

I am also a very very bad man coz for the first time in a while I laughed myself into a coughing fit. Yes, good job nobody was hurt but the funniest bit for me was the filmer pissing himself. I cannot recall hearing an indig laughing so naturally and deeply in my five years here. Forget the canned crapola on tv ( television) this was a real bone shaker of a laugh. 

On 7/4/2017 at 2:15 PM, sanemax said:

Literally : My GF was always trying to pick a fight, to cause an argument , I did try to refrain from getting into an argument , the more I avoided an argument, the harder she would try to start one .

   I noticed the sheer joy on her face, when I finally snapped and began shouting too

On a quiet  moment , I asked her why she tries to pick a fight , she thought about it and replied "I'm just like a movie star , its like Im in the movies"

Oh man that is just an utter mind<deleted>

Just now, transam said:

I know of a Thai bird in the UK that whacked her b/f over the head with a meat cleaver...He was hospitalised but lucky, she got a suspended prison sentence.................Not deported because she has a UK passport via her now divorced husband...

Flocking maniacs mate.

 

i am reluctant to go downstairs to get something to eat ( two days now) because of "the crazy".

 

i will not belt her, though perhaps I should, as I am much bigger than her but , and this is really strange, when she gets me so fired up I advance on her she seems to want to be belted.

 

i repeat I have and never will lay a hand on her as I do not believe in it but damn man... 

6 minutes ago, transam said:

My ex UK wife was going through the menopause thing...In my case I could do nothing about it, absolutely nothing....We were two peas in a pod for over 20 years that went tits up  in a very short time to one pea and a ..............Take too long to post but she went from a gentle thing to being threatened imprisonment from a Judge...Me, my family, her family could not believe what happened to her......Past history now, but l witnessed it...

Hi trans, I was reluctant to post it but mine called Plod and accused me of beating her ( never laid a hand) this was the day after me being released from hospital from a heart job. 

 

Plod ( uk Plod) were totally sympathetic to her even suggesting she went to stay with friends for a while ( at my cost) the friends refused to accept her so me in my stupid and sympathetic way seeing as nobody liked her any more, kept her at home. Result? I got to pay her fine for wasting plods time on scurrilous call outs. 

 

You know now I don't think it registered with her at all. 

 

It it worries me that she might try that crapola again here but with vastly different results. 

 

 

17 minutes ago, MaiChai said:

If you dont want a trashed car, make sure its not driven when you are not incountry. Making noises about it being "my car" and making sure no one else drives it. Most Thai men would not let someone else drive their car... Then you can disconnect the battery, remove important fuses, hide the fusebox reference, take the blue reg book with you, etc when you are out of country, to ensure its not driven/sold/used as a loan guarantee. Its your money so dictate the terms and dont let them walk over you. I built a garage so it can be locked away when i am not there...

Oh maichai, if only I had known you three years ago.........

Hi mate, why not cross the road ( carefully) from Toyota ( I presume you are talking about the one next to Tesco near the Sima Thani hotel) to the Toyota second hand motors used but guaranteed by Toyota. 

 

Youll get a much much better deal. 

 

I share your hurt hurt on the vios, my *uc*.ng step son stole our "family runaround" and mortgaged it up to the hilt after I bought it cash. 

Just now, transam said:

Menopause...?

Yup, you know that hormone induced psychosis that turns a lamb into a rabid wolf...

 

but it still does does not excuse my dreadful spelling. 

 

I throw myself at your feet feet begging for forgiveness oh trans the great 

 

And I probably deserve the butt kick too.

 

5 hours ago, whatawonderfulday said:

Why are you prejudiced by stating "fat".  You don't know if he has a health problem so he is unable to reduce his body weight.

Good defence, I must remember that on my next hospital visit!

1 hour ago, owl sees all said:

I agree. And I also think the Thais say things that they think they want you to hear. The fact that it's a load of b------s doesn't seem that important. 

 

When I first came to Thailand it would upset me when I found out that people (including wife) were simply lying. A few years on - and a whole lot wiser - I now try to read between the lines and I sometimes get to the truth from deciphering the non-truths. Not always easy but better than believing the lie in the first place!!

Ah wise old owl, you have that unique and rarely found gift of understanding, even partially, the working of a woman's mind ( I am not being misogynistic it is that we think very differently) 

 

when you combine that to the cultural differences between foreigner from the west with set with set of values 1 and indigenous local with set of values Z you must be some sort of psychiatrist or deffo a genius unless of course ( and no offence intended) you have got it totally wrong and Mrs Owl has given up.......

1 hour ago, madusa said:

Hello Dark Lord, much obliged for your good comment.

Telling lies is second nature to the Thais, no, no,  I am not Thai bashing here. Just wait, I am going to explain this. It is not part of their culture nevertheless it is so common practice that the Thais apparently do it without really giving it much thought, this is bad but the Thais don't perceive it as anything bad so they carry on doing it.

In society where you come from telling lie is bad not acceptable, we will see how a society  perception and tolerant of lie differ from nation to nation.  A group of British geologists & scientists went to Iran in early 1960s under Iran-British government agreement to study the water table(underground water) They drove their Land Rover(British made tough vehicle) into the countryside and got lost. They asked the villagers for direction. They were told if you go straight ahead and then turn left you will find it. They didn't find it . And again villagers elsewhere told them lies about which direction they should go when they asked for direction. They began to feel that everyone in Iran was telling lies. Not a nice feeling for them.

Later they found out that in Iran(especially in the countryside) it was considered bad manner and shameful to say, "sorry I don't know how you could get there, I can't help you". so they will say something, something even if it is a lie. This overwhelming desire not to appear bad manner in front of visitors(in particular overseas visitors) they tell you a lie. So in the Iranian society to appear good manner take priority over everything else including a lie.

The Thais tell lies to save face, to feel good that they say something nice and to get away from any guilt feeling even if it is for a moment. Jesus, they do it all the time and it has become second nature to them. It has become second nature to the Iranians in one aspect.

May be this explanation helps a bit. 

Dear Madusa old chum, you have produced yet another totally enlightening post giving me food for thought. I love your posts, so unbiased, informative and well written. Sincerest thanks.

 

if I may ask one question though; how would it be viewed if we were to deliberately lie to a thai? Would they be offended as in "do as I say not as I do" or would it be another day another dollar ( I don't care) reaction?

 

of course I realise it is likely to differ from person to person as well as social standing but .........

2 hours ago, Odysseus123 said:

Yes,I am going home in two weeks.

 

This has become another rich source of confabulations as my wife is continually "advised" on sundry matters by her 742 facebook/line Thai friends.

 

They are all "experts" in the field of visa and such..so every morning I am presented with a different plan usually from the latest Thai person she talks to...

 

Foreigners (me) just do not cut the mustard on such mundane matters as plane fares,visas..etc.

 

Nevertheless..I have my parachute strapped on,have hooked up  and  am standing in the door.

Good luck on your travels my friend. Coming back anytime soon?