You are talking about the past. Who cares if you want to be a monk or not. That sounds like a supremacist mindset.
If you became a monk now you would be living as close to socialism as is possible in today's world. You would be practising what you preach.
Then I would take you seriously. .But you don't. You whinge on about how you try your best. Your best is grandstanding and virtue signalling.
For you ...society needs to change before you do...to enforce your moral code.
DD