Boater

A man passed out on the beach in Miami for four hours, and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.

He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed

continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?

The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs..

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! '

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.'

I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind ?'

She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ' Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'

'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake .... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

.

.

.

Naked.

there are fights every night...mai pen rai

from what i read, the european guy is probably a big Tea Money payer to the local BIB........

it sounds like sunbelt, so if it is from them , ask them the name , they will ask you to sign an agreement, but at least you will find out...

I just come back from 5 days there, and to be honest lamai was dead!!!, even the famous NaNa bar is shut!, 3 years ago this place was racking in 40 - 50 K a night, but now... nothing

hmm , this was posted before, but with an american and a french......

sorry just looked up my spelling i guess i'm gonna have all the english full stops are in the wrong place gang on to me

hi

just to let you know, you are able to edit your posts

As even us native english make a few mistakes, but just edit them

A man, an ostrich & a cat walk into a bar and.....

The bartender says, "What would you like Sir?"

The man says, "I'll have a pint of beer."

He looks at the ostrich and says, "What will you have?" "I'll have a pint of beer" says the ostrich. He looks at the cat, "What will you have?" "Half a pint of beer - but I'm not paying."

"That will be £12.65" says the bartender. So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £12.65.

The next day after work the man goes into the same bar. "What'll it be today?" says the bartender.

"Double whisky on the rocks" says the man.

He looks at the ostrich and says, "What will you have?" ,"I'll join him in a double whisky" says the ostrich.

He looks at the cat, "What will you have?"

"Half a pint of beer-but I'm not paying" says the cat. "That will be £21.95" says the bartender. So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £21.95.

The next day after work the man goes into the same bar.

"Excuse me" the bartender, says, "I was just wondering why, no matter what the price, you always have the exact change in your pocket?"

"Well" says the man, "when my grandmother died she left me everything in her house and inside there was a lamp.

So I rubbed it and out popped a genie. It granted me three wishes. So I asked that every time I wanted to buy something I would have the exact change in my pocket".

"That's brilliant" says the bartender. "You'll never ever run out of money.

What else did you ask for?"

The man sighs and says, "A bird with long legs and a tight pussy!!"

if i was transferring that amount, i would wait a max of 4 weeks.... thus to see what is happenng with the exchange rates in the last week..

use ww.orbitz.com , they are the cheapest, you can normally find a return for around 800 USD/ 400 pounds, but the cheapest flights are from london

Normally i would recommend Oasis Air, they used to do return flights for 180 POUND!!!, but sadly they went bust last month

Any driving licence center will do it (for a fee!)

hmm the tea money again , anyone know of the fee?

but i recall seeing this on America's dumbest criminals?

Jeez Angel..........................Half of your jokes are brilliant, and half like this one terrible...there's no in-between.

I will second that

better to live in chewang or bangrak area, many places for rent in your budget

will keep a look out in samui and phuket, but have you filed an official missing person report?

Hi

I have a 5 year driving licence here, look pretty fake those....

They have just brought out new licences, that acutally look good and real, also they are in english!, does anyone now where i can renew my old 5 year licence to get the new version?

Thanks

to many Suicide's in thailand, is there a support group anywhere here for UK and US people? and also not forget the other countries ... as most of the time is it a cry for help, but as an expat here there seems to be no help?, IE with the UK, if you are sick or suicidele, the govermet will help you , but overseas they do not

once a week, for one days work should be about 300 THB

I was in the car at 12.14pm @ Lamai, the sky was clear blue, and the temp was 42oc, dropped to 38 at 3 oclock.

But then the waether was different in chaweng?

After retiring, I went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry but I seemed to have left my wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later."

The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I told my wife about my experience at the social security office.

this joke is c$%p, no punchline or anything

unfortunatly, i have never meet or ever seen howard, the way the picture looked with him escorting the Dubai Man, with some sort of identification around his neck... I just put two and two together ...,

unfortunatly, i have never meet or ever seen howard, the way the picture looked with him escorting the Dubai Man, with some sort of identification around his neck... I just put two and two together ...,

This is very disturbing indeed!, shows one of the scary realitys of Thailand, and yet another case of Police stupidty...

hmmm, so what about your toothbrush?, as i always use bottled water to clean my teeth, but use the tap water to clean the brush off!, if the water does that to your skin, what about your insides!

If it's not illegal in Thailand, what can be done?

very true... unfortunalty, the Thai Society do not have the same values as western Society IE riding with your 1 year old baby on the motorbike!

Any economic wizz kids out there can give the real lowdown?