talahtnut

On 15/10/2017 at 9:38 AM, owl sees all said:

I picked up a girl in Essex one day. After a few drinks she said "Owl dear, I want you to take me back to yours and make mad passionate love to me."

 

I said OK "but I've got a pet at home that always sleeps on the bed."

 

"Oh I don't mind that" said she.

 

We got home; ripped each others clothes off and leaped onto the bed.

 

"Watch out for sniffy the snake! He follows me everwhere."

 

"A <deleted> snake!! I'm not laying next to a snake." She was adamant.

 

But I nuzzled up to her and soon she was moaning in ecstasy.

 

"Oh Owl, you are so big and strong."

 

"I'm not even ready yet love."

 

"Well, I've changed my mind about your pet."

Buy a bag of chips for an Essex girl, and she is yours.

On 15/10/2017 at 9:17 AM, dick dasterdly said:

To be fair Bazza's comment about Thais being "cleaner" may be partially correct as they're less likely to tolerate pets on the bed?

 

One of those odd things that whilst I'm close to OCD when it comes to washing hands etc. - I've no problem at all with pets on the bed!

I assume they are two legged pets...can I watch?

On 15/10/2017 at 9:29 AM, Thai Ron said:

Female scent isn't specific to nationality and is almost entirely related to personal hygiene.

 

I know Western women who are fastidiously clean and odourless while I've encountered Thai women who could sell their underwear to nerve agent producers.

 

How much are they?

On 15/10/2017 at 9:16 AM, cmsally said:

Never said the guys weren't fat ! Just didn't mention it, as I am sure on this thread none of the guys comes in that category. 

Indeed not. A beergut can not be confused with fat..

On 15/10/2017 at 9:01 AM, owl sees all said:

Aussie kissing is very nice.

 

The Irish position is number 70.  

The Irish numbers only go up to 10.

On 15/10/2017 at 8:46 AM, cmsally said:

63  pages and no conclusions on the matter !!

It is not possible to reach a conclusion so soon..need more time and amusement please.

4 hours ago, Justgrazing said:

Bringing it back into orbit of original post .. what I could never get a bird in Britland to do was sit on the floor to eat .. they always insisted on sitting at the table .. And never did I witness a Western girl do that part standing part balancing act on top of the toilet whilst using the ringpiece revolver mentioned in a few other contributions herein .. Westy girls just sit on the khazi and if there's a bidet available some will try and wash their hands in it afterwards .. 

Right mate, My first meal with my wife..I sat on the floor..she was amazed.

4 hours ago, piersbeckett said:

Not a very well thought out response considering the wording of the topic - 'comprehension needs attention, must try harder'.

I comprehend, you don't understand.  Try thinking more.

6 hours ago, oldhippy said:

The mayonaise issue calls for a compromise.

In the positive Brexit negociations spirit.

 

How about fries should be eaten with mayonaise - but the British can add sugar to it, while Europeans (...) will eat fries with proper mayo?

 

And the Frogs can call it FRENCH fries. But I would expect a counter concession for that of course. Maybe handover French Polynesia to Belgium, after all Jacques Brel is burried there.

 

As for your problem with soixante neuf.

Try a virus scan on google, it may have been infested with a religious virus.

 

Looking forward to do the tamuree on Belgian soil,

oldhippy

 

 

 

I heard a Chinaman say that he 'like eat flies too'.

1 minute ago, piersbeckett said:

Rapport

Rubbish

54 minutes ago, Justgrazing said:

Not the same .. Hengland don't do waffles like Belgium does .. especially the ones dusted with cinnamon and finally ground nutmeg .. 

Cant beat UK delicacies mate

12 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

 

 

 

Nothing new there..Its the same in UK..

5 minutes ago, Justgrazing said:

Is that the same as Timbuktu .?

No, thats Timbuckoff

7 minutes ago, Justgrazing said:

" Like when a Brit and a Aussie meet for the 1st time and insult each other in some unintelligible dialect until they get drunk and then sing Nationalist songs " ..  

 

What Brits would they be as they sub divide into 4 separate tribes and 3 are usually less than happy being referred to as Brits .. And they all sing their own songs unless of course you are referring to Victorian era rousers such as " Land of Hope & Glory " or " Rule Brittannia " which are now only wheeled out for ' Last night at the Proms ' BBC4 15/10 19:00 UK time .. If you want to sing along but don't misunderstand its slapstick nostalgia intended for the older generation to reminisce about long gone days of ration books and the blitz as rampant nationlism .. Even if they sometimes finish with that warchant of a hymn " Jerusalem " .. 

 

The learned TVF member Oldhippy is not a Brit or Aussie nor a " Balkan " .. Here's a clue .. But don't get it wrong for if you do every last gram of weight that constitutes the word Insult (ing) is worthy of application upon you .. 

 

Timbucktoo?

3 minutes ago, bazza73 said:

Time for a visit to the optometrist.

Did you mean optimist?

7 minutes ago, bazza73 said:

Oh, so you've never initiated anything. Although I must say I admire your ability to dabble around the fringes of suspension.

Did somebody mention 'dabbling in suspenders'?

15 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

You have never been to Europe???

Straight from the UK slums to Pataya?

I bet you are a (well informed 555) brexit voter.

 

 

What do you mean 'UK slum'? Just needs windows cleaned.

15 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

I am 1.92 meter tall, and all my body is proportianate.

I'm only kidding you mate.  But I've never heard anyone boast in metric before.

10 minutes ago, bazza73 said:

I don't understand. Why would you want your socks ironed in this Thai climate?

Mind you, my GF does put my socks on for me. Cue the outraged WW supporters.

Because its too hot, and I dont know how to use an iron..Its a womans job.    Whoops, another cue.

1 minute ago, bazza73 said:

You need to extend your range - it's good exercise.

Four and a half inches extended would be a big ask.

24 minutes ago, JLCrab said:

Well the lying on her back part sounds about right -- but don't mind me. I pay for the girlfriend's room in town just so she can hang out with her friends and leave me alone.

You are very sensible, but I dont understand..Who, then irons your socks in the morning?

3 minutes ago, JLCrab said:

... with her fellow astrophysicists?

No, lying on her back, looking at the sky and wondering what the f+++ am I doing.

35 minutes ago, JLCrab said:

So what does she do while you are at the bars?

Astrophysics.

14 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

Your wife is lucky!

 

Nowt wrong wi Yorkshire folk...

44 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

trimmed toenails  Vs house rewiring (inc fittings?)

I know which half of that deal I would take. PS I'm very gentle.

Every morning 6am my wife walks 4 miles to get my newspaper, then irons all the creases out and holds it up at the correct angle for me to read. When I rise, my socks are already ironed longways and neatly folded on the dressing table.

When she has dressed me, she can go about her daily duties, like polishing my bicycle, cleaning the light bulbs, and making sure I have enough money to go to the bars. I could never understand why my English wife refused to perform these essential requirements.