StreetCowboy

The present will always be a foreign country for those that live in the past.

I’d been lid up poorly with covid mot of the week, but Sunday felt well enough for a gentle ride. I’d agreed to lend my mountain bike to a friend who had just returned to the country, pending the arrival of his container, and I had to to spare, so took a trip round a local park. There was a lacrosse team practicing It is a nice little park, but for all that everyone likes parks, not a lot of people use them

My apologies to those of you who have heard this story before so many times, but like your grandmother’s stories, they’re so much more fun when you can sing along. I was walking up Sukhumvit Road on the even side, and I noticed a “Scottish” pub on my left. I went in and the cigarette smoke was so thick, I thought I’d been tear-gassed. It was brightly lit, with a linoleum floor - just like back home! I bought a pint of Singha, and looked about me. ”Whair’re you go?” ”Hong Kong…” ”Hong Kong? Ah wiz 22 year wi Swire Pacific - d’ye Ken Swire Pacific?” ”Yes - Cathay Pacific airlines and the Coca Cola franchise. Are you retired here now?” ”Aye; afore that Ah wiz in Hong Kong, twenty-two year wi’ Swire Pacific. D’ye ken Swire Pacific?” We did a couple more laps of this while I finished my Singha, and the fact that the pub’s gone now is not the only reason I’ve not been back.

If you’re going to wax, then waxing eloquent is as good a way to wax as any

It’s easier than golf, and the guys in the clubhouse don’t scrutinise your score card the same way

Here’s the route, for 4th December Spitalfields in SS22 is a new addition to the route. We’ll go through the University to Bangsar and Gravy Baby, with a diversion via Lucky Garden Roundabout ending at Gravy Baby - always a generous crowd for the collection From there, along the Never-Ending River of Life to Bukit Bintang in the centre of town and then from there the longest stage to The Social in Desa Park City; Bukit Tunku is a lovely leafy suburb, and we’ll be going there by the gentlest route. There are then hills past the Duta Government Offices, but you’ll be pleased to know that the rat run past the school on the way into DPC has been opened up, so no need to alight. The back road through the village has been closed by construction these last few years, so we’ll be coming down the highway to TTDI - I must remember to go through the toll gates and onto the back road, to avoid the new DASH highway entry lane, which makes the LDP highway really quite fraught. That’ll take us to the newly-named Belland… and finally back to Sid’s On The Hill, where it all started, eight years ago

Pistils at dawn. or at Dawn. I will never view another cinematic duel in the same way again. I will forever think "Should've chosen pistils". Only Monty Python could have filmed such a scene with integrity, and even then I am sceptical whether it would have stood the test of time. Test of thyme.

Resistance is futile; even if you complain, no-one listens, so you might as well not bother. Our brothers and neighbours in the Ukraine have proved both wrong.

We were off to scout the pubs in preparation for Pubcycle 2022; I’d thought about putting a pannier on the shopping bike to keep the handouts flat, but decided that a backpack would suffice. Unfortunately, it seems that last weekend’s patch had not been 100% successful, and the rear tyre was as flat as old scrumpy. Rather than delay the ride, I jumped on the shopping bike. 60 km is far enough on the shopping bike, even allowing for two cider stops en route. So now we have our pubs lined up, I need to review the route, and start drumming up riders and sponsors.

How often has your mugger needed to use his knife in self defence? I don't want to get involved in a gun fight or a knife fight - that's how people get killed.

How happy is Kwela music? You have to laugh, or else you'll cry

That's the sort of talk that gets you into fights. I could kid myself that I could deck anyone I squared up against, but I could not kid myself that more people would jump in on my side than on his. You should not need to come to Thailand to learn that, and you should not need to learn that the hard way. SC

I don't normalise other people's values

He was probably trying to show off his English ability; if he’d wanted to look hard, he’d have not chosen an elderly farang.

You were lucky you did not start a fight. Being assaulted is one thing; getting in a fight is another.

You can’t generalise from your own experience; I am as normal as a fruitbat - a normal one!

You were lucky you were not armed. Don’t take your guns to town.

Keep a ready smile to hand, and don’t be afraid to use it. Simple apologies are better than debate.

Why would anyone attack him in preference to the other two? He’s probably asking for advice in case any of his mates are subject to random attacks, but did not want to let on the company that he keeps. Which brings me to my recommendation for lion attacks - make sure you can run faster than your travelling companions.

The 9th Tour de Damansara is scheduled for 4th December, for those that wish to join. We’ll be visiting the pubs tomorrow to confirm their participation. Then the detailed route planning, poster preparation, sponsorship and riders…

You might have to spend a lot of the winter sleeping indoors, and in the summer, I'd be nervous that the midges would make me short-tempered if I spent too much time galivanting in the gloaming.

Where do you think has better haggis?

We have some of the best haggis in the world

I’d like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not shrieking with terror and horror like his passengers

Ha ha! Job done!