ballpoint

That's what they told me during the audit. They were even looking at interest paid into the offshore account I use to season the money - even though it was well below my taxable threshold it would have been classed as assessable income and therefore requiring a tax return, until I pointed out that tax had already been withheld on it.

Hagar the Viking was about to leave on a rape and pillage tour to the UK when his blind wife Helga says "I hear they have these things called 'sinks' over there, where you wash your dishes. Make sure you bring one back for me!" In the midst of the massacre, Hagar asks a bloke he's bludgeoning "where's your sink?" "What???" says the bloke. "My sink???" Unhappy with this response, Hagar puts him to the sword. After going through a few more victims, with similar replies, time is running out. Worried he'll miss the boat back he reaches an old man. "Where's your sink?" "I don't have one, but I do have a hod". "That'll do. I'm having it". "Did you get my sink?" asks Helga when he gets back. "Sort of" he says as he hands it over to his happy wife. Which just goes to show, a hod's as good as a sink to a blind Norse.

Proof!

Make sure you bring a copy of the compulsory insurance receipt/schedule with you, or they'll probably require you to pay for it again.

Fun fact. For safety, koi fish always travel in four groups; A, B, C and D. If attacked, groups A, B and C will scatter, leaving behind the D koi.