ballpoint

Chinese takeaway: 14 quid. Petrol to pick it up: 2 quid. Getting home and finding that they've forgotten one of your containers; riceless.

I went to the barbers and asked to have my hair cut like Tom Cruise. So he put a big cushion on the chair.

I've just started work as a human chess piece. The money's good, I'm on knights this week.

I took my clarinet back to the music shop, "I don't know what it is, " I said, "I can only seem to be able to play one tune on it, Perfect Day, nothing else seems right or in tune. " "Let's have a look, " said the assistant as he dismantled my clarinet, "ha, there's the problem, looks like it was fitted with a Lou Reed. "

As usual, requirements vary with office. In Buriram I just hand my passport to the front desk and get called over by an officer to pick it up with the new 90 day paper stapled in the back within a minute or two. No documents or questions asked. The office is on my way back home from town, usually I'm the only one in there in the afternoon, and I've gotten to know the officers through multiple visits (though some may see this as a negative in the more unfriendly offices, I see it as a positive. I usually have a laugh and a chat about rugby with one in particular, who was very helpful when I had an issue with the Revenue Department. I wonder if he would have been if he only saw me once a year?)

It's aimed at the beggars who normally sit on it.

(Other messages removed for brevity). "You point your finger at me one more time and the only uncertainty you'll have is whether it'll be a window or a plane crash".

This kid gets it...