ballpoint

An elderly lady goes to the newspaper office to have her recently deceased husband's obituary published. The obituaries editor tells her that it costs $1 per word. The lady says, "Just write, 'Bob Smith died.'" The editor, impressed by her frugality, tells her that there is a six word minimum. "In that case, " she replies, " make it 'Bob Smith died. Motorcycle for sale.'"

I visited my favourite old uncle who I hadn't seen for awhile. We sat on the back porch and poured ourselves a couple of glasses of beer. Uncle gulped down his beer like there's no tomorrow -- one long, unbroken guzzle, didn't even stop for a breath. I asked him - "Geez, why did you drink that beer so darn fast?" He said "I always drink my beer that way, since my accident" Surprised, I ask "Accident? What accident was that?" "That time when someone knocked over my full glass of beer".

What do a dog and a near sighted gynaecologist have in common? A wet nose.

A suicidal guy jumped off a bridge in Paris. He was in Seine.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it probably needs more time in the oven.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now, but there doesn't seem to be much left of him.

I went online to check the value of my car. It asked me if the fuel tank was full or empty.