ballpoint

My mate went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back. Half way through he said, ……."Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand." The tattooist said "For goodness sake, give me a chance mate, I've only just finished his turban!"

Still looking for that 10mm socket...

Good as new...

I’ve got a Polish friend who’s a sound engineer. And a Czech one too.

My Grandad told me that if I ever get into a proper fight, the best thing to do is put a snooker ball inside a sock. Worst advice ever. I could barely walk let alone run away.

I don't think my girlfriend approves of my schizophrenia medication. Every time I take it, she goes away.

Me and the wife were arguing about the size of tits. I'm telling her that it doesn't matter, she says it does. Long story short, I start my new diet tomorrow.

Paddy was pulled over by a Dublin Police Officer, earlier today. The Cop asked, "Do you know why I've pulled you over, sir"..??? "No Officer", Paddy replied. "Well", the Cop said, "This doesn't happen very often, but I've been following you for the last Ten Miles or so"... "And your Driving has been Exemplary..! Correct Road Positioning, Perfect Observation and due regard for other Road Users". "Thanks very much, Officer"... Paddy said. "So do you reckon Sur, It's worth me getting me a Driver's Licence then"