fasteddie

Knock, knock
Who's there?

Arthur

Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one

People say I’m condescending. That means i talk down to people.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.

The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself “This changes everything.”

I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes.

Thanks Boycie, I'll watch that later.

A capacity of 380 passengers. On an a330 - pass.

Is that packing them in?

just had a look at Jan prices, over £600, not too budget.

You just need your home country licence and the permit

And a lot of observational skills in the country. Please expect the unexpected like.....

1) Cars/bikes driving the wrong way on the wrong side of the road.

2) no lights on, at night

3) dogs/cows wandering across the road.

4) a red traffic lights doesn't always mean people stop.

5) turn signals only used at the same time as turning (not before).

Stay safe and hope you enjoy your holiday.

6. When someone flashes the headlights it DOESN'T mean that you can go.

First thing I tell anybody from the UK, flashing headlights is exactly opposite to the UK.

Certainly the greatest eye-damaged keeper ever. Who can forget that twisting eel save low down at his post in one of the olden World Cups - was it Mexico?

Yeah Mexico '70 against Pele, the most incredible save ever. He gave up proper football after his accident but played a couple of seasons in America. Greatest two eyed keeper of all time though some say Yashin but they're wrong Lol.

Greatest keeper ever, get well soon Gordon.

Here's something that should offend

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Liquid Paper.

I woke up this morning with a huge correction.

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Redhead matches.

His little face lit up when he tried to walk... unfortunately, I had forgotten to remove the

sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen,

'What do you feel like for dinner my love ...... chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Chicken, please.'

She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!'

Surely he would have woken up with a huge card on.

I completely lost trust and respect for the BBC after their unbelievably false portrayal of the events in Bangkok around 2010. Total morons reporting to the world and not having a clue about what was actually going on. One incredibly ignorant reporter rachel something or other saying "And here we see the redshirts streaming in to Bangkok determined to fight for democracy" ! Give us a break, BBC, these old biddies were going in for thaksins 2,000 Bht per day, nothing else. At least make sure your reporters are aware of reality !

I think you're a bit confused, 2,000baht a day was the yellow traitors going rate.

Sorry, should be a vid but wont upload.

Is it true he gave an interview shortly before his death where he alleged the moon landing was a con filmed by him?

I hate people that take drugs..........................you know, like police and customs.

Passports are indestructible, could stop a bullet one day.

"Government Spokesman Maj-General Sansern Kaewkamnerd said yesterday almost every country had shown support for the government after the Foreign Ministry explained the government was exercising limited power to keep peace and order in the country."

It's quite bizarre how in this day and age a supposedly educated man can somehow think that blatantly lying in the face of voluminous evidence that contradicts the lie will somehow cut it. The Internet, and the almost complete impossibility of shutting down the flow of information has made people like this spokesman a dinosaur. I guess it sums up the junta-from-another-age, although one is aware that they have no inkling of this.

"It's quite bizarre how in this day and age a supposedly educated man can somehow think that blatantly lying in the face of voluminous evidence that contradicts the lie will somehow cut it."

And yet it works for governments worldwide, they're all blatant liars and they don't care who knows it.

Ha Ha, don't get out much them Russians.

5yrs motorcycle couriering in London rain or shine, 6,000 miles a month, 6 months on 6 months in Thailand recovering.

using "fag" to reference a cig must mean you are not an American!!!!!

In America, we have many dangers!!!!

1. walking through Detroit

2. Black Friday

3. McD's 5-minutes before close

4. trying to find Canada on a map in less than 30-minutes

but i get you.......humans you create takes a special bond. you would die for this kid, so that's special.....

i would die for 100 big macs right now!!!! lol

I walked through Detroit, no problem. Mind you, about a week later they had the riots of '67 but my ship had sailed.

Like the world leaders care what some jumped up little despot thinks.

In the US right now & just caught the CBS Evening News.

The television anchor said, in a SERIOUS tone "President Obama said that cutting carbon emissions would be a strike against ISIS".

I was boiling spaghetti noodles in a pot when I heard that. I almost killed myself with boiling water....I almost fell into the pot laughing.

Obama went on to say that the world would end or something by 2050 (not sure on that date - I was laughing too hard), if we didn't hurry up and tax the shit out everything even more.

I CANNOT BELIEVE people fall for this malarkey.

Save the bees! Save the trees!

Save the whales! Save those snails!

Yep, except for the fact global warming is real, it's effects devastating, the consequences for not acting now catastrophic for humans and other life forms, and denying this is just hiding from reality.

Oh please, nobody with an ounce of common sense believes that crap any more, it's the biggest scam in history, bigger even than capitalism.