Marrying a "rich" westerner may not be a "dream come true" - says BBC

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

20 hours ago, owl sees all said:

Possible!! Just have to take your time and get into places where they circulate. Getting involved in certain pastimes/sports would open some doors. Swimming competitions, fencing and ballroom dancing would do it for starters. Have to dress nice (no wellies) have fresh breath (no low khow drinking) and don't take out false teeth in public.

Nice one Owl. Even then getting approval from the family isn't that easy without the status to back it up.

You are right though, being in the right place at the right time does help, but you still need to be fortunate to meet someone with a mutual attraction, even if she is wearing wellies to the ballroom dancing night.

 

[bkk6060]

22 hours ago, owl sees all said:

Possible!! Just have to take your time and get into places where they circulate. Getting involved in certain pastimes/sports would open some doors. Swimming competitions, fencing and ballroom dancing would do it for starters. Have to dress nice (no wellies) have fresh breath (no low khow drinking) and don't take out false teeth in public.

Taking out the false teeth will seal the deal!

[Cereal]

I've been married to my Lao wife for 10 years. Her mom was Thai,from Issan. 

 

There will always be cultural issues. Truly, I will never totally understand all of her ways,nor she mine. 

 

Its a work in progress. But It works. Her life has moved up many steps on the social ladder and mine is a ton happier than when I was with my white wife back in Canada.

[willow wilson]

Never a dull moment in a Thai / Farang household.

 

[MaeJoMTB]

On 9/20/2017 at 12:30 PM, ChrisY1 said:

Not too many rich foreigners come to live in Thailand.....the south of France, Caribbean etc, offer lifestyle.....

 

The concept of rich to a poor Asian farm girl working as a prostitute is probably different to an elderly retired western boomer.

My teenage stepdaughter thinks rich is having a heated shower instead of a cold water bucket and ladle to wash with in the morning.

My wife's family thinks rich is your children being able to attend and finish high school, and not leave full time education at age 12 like they all did.

[free123]

On 9/20/2017 at 3:19 PM, NextStationBangkok said:

 

Do you mean, they stopped for a while?

 

Long ago, there was survey in Issan by Thai TV. Almost every girl(Young, old, including some grand moms) the interviewed wanted to marry Farang and bring good fortunes to their families.

same like everybody want to strike lottery first price...impossible usualy u loose out

[atyclb]

reflections on the fairy tale of marriage . (audio)

 

 

[ravip]

Marrying a "rich" westerner may not be a "dream come true"

 

Rich in money, maybe yes. With everything else?

Would that suffice for a "dream come true" ?

?

[thaibeachlovers]

Definitely NOT a dream come true for many farang men. I can testify to that.

 

Why doesn't the BBC do a documentary why so many British men travel thousands of miles to an alien culture to marry a Thai woman, rather than a native British woman? I have lived in the UK and I know why men would rather marry Thai women, but why is the BBC too shy to investigate that?

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎9‎/‎25‎/‎2017 at 7:18 AM, owl sees all said:

I'm not sue if my wife is different or not. I met her outside a bar in Pattaya. She said she was only visiting her friend. I paid some money to the bar manager because it was for shoes that she owed for.

 

On the way back to the hotel farangs were saying "Hi Nok". She said she knew them 'cause they went to the restaurant where she sometimes worked. 

 

Yes! I had my suspions but she told me Buddha would not like her to lie.

Oh, so you are the guy my GF Nok married! 

[sanemax]

2 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Definitely NOT a dream come true for many farang men. I can testify to that.

Why doesn't the BBC do a documentary why so many British men travel thousands of miles to an alien culture to marry a Thai woman, rather than a native British woman? I have lived in the UK and I know why men would rather marry Thai women, but why is the BBC too shy to investigate that?

Most 20 something British girls would not be interested in a 50 something British man

[thaibeachlovers]

3 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Most 20 something British girls would not be interested in a 50 something British man

Stating the <deleted> obvious. 

Loads of young farang guys in Pattaya, rather than finding girlfriends back home.

 

There are thousands of divorced British women available that would marry a 50 something British man, but the British men don't want them.

 

[sanemax]

9 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Stating the <deleted> obvious. 

Loads of young farang guys in Pattaya, rather than finding girlfriends back home.

 

There are thousands of divorced British women available that would marry a 50 something British man, but the British men don't want them.

 

Come on, you want to tell us why, dont you ?

Why dont you like Western woman ?

[lanista]

Its not just 30% of farangs who have been married to a Thai ( issan) before embarking on a 2nd or even 3rd marriage. Issan and korat girls have sami's everywhere. Most farangs dont check their background.

Farangs end up building houses  ,buying bikes and cars for them without even knowing it.

Girls hang around old farangs because they're the easiest to win over and of course the money is so good.

Just ask her Thai sami  !!

[ravip]

 

[BritManToo]

4 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Why dont you like Western woman ?

I like them just fine, but I can't afford to sleep with them.

My home, child support, alimony and jail time for false accusations is just a price I don't want to pay.

[Shiver]

My two best (farang) friends - one a little younger than me, one a little older, are both exceptions to the typical.  The younger one is married to someone older than him, and they have a very tight relationship, are a team, can communicate and understand each other - almost a text book example of a good relationship, and how they both work together through all their challenges.  The older friend (who is not single but not as happy - kind of would be content solo or in a relationship, no drama either way) says if 'theoretically' he was looking for someone, she would be preferably close to his age. 

While anyone can appreciate a good looking young male/female, there's a different kind of attractiveness that can be found in those who have more life experience.  I think many of us reach a point where flawless looks slide down the list of what is important (and also notice how even very young people buy skin products and feel insecure at a time that they will look back years from now and say "how much would I give to have what I already had and didn't appreciate it at the time").  My own partner is 16 years younger than me, so if I was 20 that would be inconceivable, but if I was 800 then it would be informational dust (I'm 49 btw - not the best candidate in the above sense, but then I'm retired for a few years so always available to her, a good provider, non-butterfly, and generally well tolerated in the community.  For my partner, she's gregarious, very presentable, not a plate smasher, pleasant with my friends who mostly adore her (except by those that she takes exception to - work that one out yourself ? ).  She's mature enough, responsible, keeps me grounded, deals with the details that free me up to be the bread winner, and neither of us are too controlling except when it comes to the point of self damage (eg. If I get on the pop at weekends - she wants me to be happy, not stupid).  I do the same with her and try to show her that 'fish balls' don't come from any fish I've ever seen, try eating food instead of processed soylent green.

So, all I could really say is what everyone else is saying; if you want a life partner then 'skin for sale' bars are not the place to look.  If that's what you do want then it's available, but that's a different project altogether.  Probably better to save up for a holiday and give a girl a nice week to remember with no hooks afterwards.  By that I mean a professional escort rather than someone sent from the village by the family to 'go out and provide for us all'.  I've dodged a few bullets, and took a few too.  Even in the bars there are girls that will do what they have to do with what they've got available to them, but are more than happy to ditch that lifestyle and be a valuable partner - they are the exception, but it's not impossible.  I would suggest in that situation that you don't judge the girl, but pay close attention to her family and friends and see who and what the influencers are.  If you're going to 'take the girl out of the bar', be sure as you possibly can that it's all you're taking, and that applies to family too, which are quite possibly more critical to your happiness than her bar history.

[Shiver]

1 hour ago, ravip said:

 

She certainly makes a good opener.  Just for fun, if you go to youtube and search for "gold diggers" and see men being a-holes with super cars and trying to pick up women who invariably say "I have a boyfriend" then see the car and "my boyfriend...we're not so serious, I'll ride with you" and getting played...its harsh humour, but OMG did I laugh and laugh again, but it's the result of the western stereotype, that the woman above appears to have identified and is mindful of in a cooperative way.

She gets a   +1   from me.

[ravip]

2 minutes ago, Shiver said:

She certainly makes a good opener.  Just for fun, if you go to youtube and search for "gold diggers" and see men being a-holes with super cars and trying to pick up women who invariably say "I have a boyfriend" then see the car and "my boyfriend...we're not so serious, I'll ride with you" and getting played...its harsh humour, but OMG did I laugh and laugh again, but it's the result of the western stereotype, that the woman above appears to have identified and is mindful of in a cooperative way.

She gets a   +1   from me.

Definitely she's got it right. It's just that pride prevents the majority to see and accept the truth! Why do thousands of men in their dotage come looking for partners to Asia? Sometimes the women are their grandchildren's age!

Disgusting it is, but justified by them.

[Kraig62]

Should marry POOR FARANG instead ?

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Shiver said:

My own partner is 16 years younger than me, so if I was 20 that would be inconceivable, but if I was 800 then it would be informational dust (I'm 49 btw - not the best candidate in the above sense, but then I'm retired for a few years so always available to her, a good provider, non-butterfly, and generally well tolerated in the community.

When I see this sort of post, I always ask myself two questions, why does she want you? why was she alone in her mid 30s?

The answers are nearly always, laziness combined with desperation to support her children, and no Thai man would endure her madness and financial demands.

(You didn't tell us how many of her kids you are putting through private schooling)

 

[bkk6060]

17 minutes ago, ravip said:

Definitely she's got it right. It's just that pride prevents the majority to see and accept the truth! Why do thousands of men in their dotage come looking for partners to Asia? Sometimes the women are their grandchildren's age!

Disgusting it is, but justified by them.

You like a jealous female...

[Shiver]

6 minutes ago, ravip said:

Definitely she's got it right. It's just that pride prevents the majority to see and accept the truth! Why do thousands of men in their dotage come looking for partners to Asia? Sometimes the women are their grandchildren's age!

Disgusting it is, but justified by them.

I know nobody will believe me, but the truth is I didn't come here looking for a relationship, and for sure not because of being a failure back home.  I came here because I wasn't happy in my career, even if it looked awesome to my peer group (and the lack of full spectrum daylight which was starting to affect my happiness also), to the point that I felt pushed to pack up a laptop (bought from Aldi no less!), throw in a toothbrush, two pairs of socks, duds and the clothes I was standing in, with a little less than GBP 5K and travel to some far away continent I only knew as Asia, and had one UK friend here to meet me at the airport and was my handler for the first couple of weeks before letting me loose about town.

There's a book could be written about that if everyone didn't already know the same old story, but inevitably women were a part of that, and I met my current match, who despite some unticked boxes due to communication and different indoctrination, is the best I've ever known, and am entirely content to stick with her through thick and thin on both our future issues whatever may come, and never ever feel like I've "settled" or compromised at all.

I have my Thai bashing days (as I presume they do about foreighners), frustrations with the scheme of things, let downs, abuse of trust from friends who should know better, chancers, thieves, "people who drink my wine..." kind of issues...but still, I feel like I'm a lucky man.  I hope we can all feel that way.

[watcharacters]

On 9/20/2017 at 1:02 PM, Borzandy said:

never seen a woman with an Adam's apple like this one.....

 

I almost wonder if the poor woman has a tumor.

 

[Shiver]

14 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

When I see this sort of post, I always ask myself two questions, why does she want you? why was she alone in her mid 30s?

The answers are nearly always, laziness combined with desperation to support her children, and no Thai man would endure her madness and financial demands.

(You didn't tell us how many of her kids you are putting through private schooling)

 

 

Let me count the ways...

Security (financial and emotional), Lazy she is not, desperate...no not that either, she's got all the gifts already - new car, no debts (courtesy me), no kids (though she would prefer that route, but that's a whole 'nother story and medical details that would be inappropriate on a public forum), valuable business (courtesy me), friends and family, social life, house in progress (under her own steam financially, but with western know how - since I'm not going to pay time/teach/reside in a single skinned concrete echo chamber abomination, but a quality homestead). She doesn't need me at all by that measurement.  I created it that way on purpose so that I could learn her values (does she want me or just my financial ability?).  There's an old saying "the perfect eagle has landed on your shoulder.  If it stays then you never lost, if it flies away it was never yours to begin with".  She was 24 when I met her, gainfully employed, and no, not in the obvious farang assumption of employment).  Her short stint with a Thai BF 4 years prior to this was on Meth, slept around (her father did that too so she has an automatic aversion to that kind of person since he took 6 lead poisonings for his antics and therein lies yet another story...).

Madness? no more so than oestrogen does to any other person.  Financial demands, not any more (and they weren't even demands anyhow).  She has her own business and contributes to her friends, family, even me.  She doesn't spend a lot on herself.  She gets her kicks out of giving and helping, but has little tolerance for idiocy, even with me.

So you can have a pop at me (or her) all you want.  Opinions don't offend me.  If you know a better way then I'm always open to new ideas, or even old and trusted ones.

 

 

[smutcakes]

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Definitely NOT a dream come true for many farang men. I can testify to that.

 

Why doesn't the BBC do a documentary why so many British men travel thousands of miles to an alien culture to marry a Thai woman, rather than a native British woman? I have lived in the UK and I know why men would rather marry Thai women, but why is the BBC too shy to investigate that?

They do it because they want sex with younger nubile lovelies, the equivalent of which in their own culture would not batter an eyelid at them. In many cases the men are probably destined for a life of loneliness and in many cases could not get their leg over anything in their home country if their life depended on it. Luckily for them for large portions of Thai society who are extremely poor, lying back for a few minutes and pretending they enjoy something can be a way to make life for them and their families a little bit easier. But hell, i am sure most of them don't find it enjoyable, but they take one for the team.

 

I hope you are not implying that the average expat has made a lifestyle choice in that they could have many western ladies, they just simply found them ugly so decided to come to Thailand! Talk about deluding yourself!

[bkk6060]

1 hour ago, smutcakes said:

 Luckily for them for large portions of Thai society who are extremely poor, lying back for a few minutes and pretending they enjoy something can be a way to make life for them and their families a little bit easier. But hell, i am sure most of them don't find it enjoyable, but they take one for the team.

 

I hope you are not implying that the average expat has made a lifestyle choice in that they could have many western ladies, they just simply found them ugly so decided to come to Thailand! Talk about deluding yourself!

Sounds like you have made some poor choices.

Just the opposite experience for me with Thai ladies, much better then western woman in many many ways.

[xylophone]

1 hour ago, smutcakes said:

They do it because they want sex with younger nubile lovelies, the equivalent of which in their own culture would not batter an eyelid at them. In many cases the men are probably destined for a life of loneliness and in many cases could not get their leg over anything in their home country if their life depended on it. Luckily for them for large portions of Thai society who are extremely poor, lying back for a few minutes and pretending they enjoy something can be a way to make life for them and their families a little bit easier. But hell, i am sure most of them don't find it enjoyable, but they take one for the team.

 

I hope you are not implying that the average expat has made a lifestyle choice in that they could have many western ladies, they just simply found them ugly so decided to come to Thailand! Talk about deluding yourself!

They do it because they want sex with younger nubile lovelies...……….and why not indeed!

 

the equivalent of which in their own culture would not batter an eyelid at them...…...true, that's why they come here; logical.

 

In many cases the men are probably destined for a life of loneliness...…….or being happy alone AND having a choice.

 

 and in many cases could not get their leg over anything in their home country if their life depended on it...……...probably could but don't like old, overweight wrinklies or desperates with baggage.

 

But hell, i am sure most of them don't find it enjoyable, but they take one for the team...…….but then some do, and anyway, nothing like a team player!

 

I hope you are not implying that the average expat has made a lifestyle choice in that they could have many western ladies, they just simply found them ugly so decided to come to Thailand...…...Ahh, now you're on to it, but for the western ladies, see two paras above.

 

I have  always said that provided the older guy knows that the younger woman is only/mainly after security, a future and a good life and it is not that LURV word, then all will be fine; a sort of contract if you wish.

 

It all falls down when the farang forgets this and gives his wealth away, trying to buy that LURV then...……...realisation dawns!

[Shiver]

Like in many parts of the world, it's often seen that the man the women fantasize about or keep as their regular bit of fun, is not the same specification as one they want to marry. (Chippendale & Accountant?).  I'm guessing that if they want hot and security in the same package it's not going to happen, as she may well be insecure that her piece of male fashion accessory will be at risk of drifting into the arms of another.

 

The western less hot male bringing resources but also having an eye for all the candy also wouldn't really work for her either.  You can map out the territory and decide which combo suits you best, as can they of course. 

 

Things are probably a lot more negotiable than expected *if* you start as you mean to go on.  Making big promises, under delivering and talking BS isn't going to help anyone, but if you state what is and isn't negotiable for you at the outset, then nobody has a complaint.  I don't have experience of this since I don't play around, and wouldn't 'keep' a woman that did either, but I'm sure there are lots of people on this forum who have an understanding with their woman about what can be expected from each party, and what is tolerable (for example: "I know you have a high sex drive and I find it a chore, so I'm okay with you going out on Fridays and I'll even drop you off and collect you the next day, but please don't bring home any problems of any kind" (a Vegas relationship).

[BritManToo]

20 hours ago, smutcakes said:

But hell, i am sure most of them don't find it enjoyable, but they take one for the team.

Who would care if they enjoyed it or not?

Do I care if my butcher enjoys cutting my pork steaks for me?

 

Of course not, he's just another service provider.

Their enjoyment has no connection to my enjoyment.