Marrying a "rich" westerner may not be a "dream come true" - says BBC

[moondoggie]

8 minutes ago, ratcatcher said:

Your post is redolent of bovine excrement. I personally know the person in question and yes, she has been to Pattaya, as a visitor, and most certainly is NOT , nor ever was a BG.

However, you display your ignorance by stating that you cannot turn a BG into a housewife.Thousands have indeed managed that transition and lived comfortable lives to tell the tale.

If she was in Pattaya she worked at a bar or a gogo. Good girls dont go to Pattaya for a holiday. They go somewhere nice like krabi or koh samui....LOL And oh yeah right, You know the person in question. Because its you.

[JAFO]

These threads become far to generalized but so it goes. So many factors as why it may not be a dream come true. Why does it have to be a dream come true anyway? 

 

Isaan always seems to be the point of the majority of all discussions about foreigners and Thai relationships and seems to set the tone for them. Why is that?. Is it because the majority of foreigners head out there and connect with the women there? or is it they met bar girls that lived in Isaan and then convinced the foreigner and he moved to her home? Is it because Isaan girls are more prevalent on Thai Mail order bride or internet dating sites? 

 

I do not necessarily buy the cultural differences stuff. Sure we are different but why does that become an issue? If you are with an educated person who you can communicate with then its all about communication, maturity and compromises. I think many that have wives 20 even 30 years younger have little in common and thus tend to default to "cultural differences" when its going bad when in fact is "generations gap" differences.  Again the maturity level of the vast majority of Thai woman seems to be leap years behind their western counterparts.  Being I work and have worked in large companies here in Thailand for years I always take their current age and subtract 5 to 7 years (Business professional type) and if they are out in the country working as a farm gal and limited school that number is most certainly higher. They simply have no exposure to life and the ability to make heads or tails of basic things.

 

In the end I can see where a poor gal in the country could feel like she did good by luring an older man to the farm to support the family and any children she had from a previous relationship. It is a HUGE plus for her. Will it last, who knows. Many do not. 

 

As I have said numerous times in various threads on the subject, once the "lust" and "I cannot believe this young gal loves me" wears off you better have some substance in your relationship or it is likely going to be a long road. Sadly many men do not take their time when meeting women and end up in a trap that is not so easy to exit and then it isn't such a dream come true.

[moondoggie]

5 minutes ago, JAFO said:

These threads become far to generalized but so it goes. So many factors as why it may not be a dream come true. Why does it have to be a dream come true anyway? 

 

Isaan always seems to be the point of the majority of all discussions about foreigners and Thai relationships and seems to set the tone for them. Why is that?. Is it because the majority of foreigners head out there and connect with the women there? or is it they met bar girls that lived in Isaan and then convinced the foreigner and he moved to her home? Is it because Isaan girls are more prevalent on Thai Mail order bride or internet dating sites? 

 

I do not necessarily buy the cultural differences stuff. Sure we are different but why does that become an issue? If you are with an educated person who you can communicate with then its all about communication, maturity and compromises. I think many that have wives 20 even 30 years younger have little in common and thus tend to default to "cultural differences" when its going bad when in fact is "generations gap" differences.  Again the maturity level of the vast majority of Thai woman seems to be leap years behind their western counterparts.  Being I work and have worked in large companies here in Thailand for years I always take their current age and subtract 5 to 7 years (Business professional type) and if they are out in the country working as a farm gal and limited school that number is most certainly higher. They simply have no exposure to life and the ability to make heads or tails of basic things.

 

In the end I can see where a poor gal in the country could feel like she did good by luring an older man to the farm to support the family and any children she had from a previous relationship. It is a HUGE plus for her. Will it last, who knows. Many do not. 

 

As I have said numerous times in various threads on the subject, once the "lust" and "I cannot believe this young gal loves me" wears off you better have some substance in your relationship or it is likely going to be a long road. Sadly many men do not take their time when meeting women and end up in a trap that is not so easy to exit and then it isn't such a dream come true.

Issan girls tend to be savages

[LannaGuy]

14 hours ago, catman20 said:

you must be very proud of yourself. 

 

He takes great pride in being a **** and boasts regularly about it but things change over time and she will wake up one day and think why am I with a **** like this?  no pride, no self-esteem just take

[theguyfromanotherforum]

29 minutes ago, JAFO said:

 

 

Isaan always seems to be the point of the majority of all discussions about foreigners and Thai relationships and seems to set the tone for them. Why is that?. 

 

I'll be the first one to say and admit that the reason might be because Isaan girls are pretty hot.

[4MyEgo]

2 hours ago, SABloke said:

You post seems good in theory, but there is one small part that shows you have sacrificed some of your standards:

 

"...no one from the outside will have any say or influence on us or our decisions..."

 

So why did you give the in laws 200 000 Baht?  I have many Thai friends, not a single one has ever actually GIVEN sinsod to  parents (it's shown at the wedding and then the couple takes it back)

Lets just say it equates to 0.01% of my worth, water off a ducks back as we say in Oz.

 

Now as my wife was providing for the parents when I met here, I only saw it the proper thing to do, i.e. having read about Thai's and their culture, suffice to say there is a way around things, and it was my idea and my proposal of the "Sin Sot" to the wife over dinner, i.e. I believe you guys have a similar tradition as we Greek Cypriots do, e.g. a prika, or dowry, and her reply was yes we do, so I baited her and asked how much she thought was a fair "Sin Sot", with her reply being, "up to you", and I then offered her 200,000 baht as the "Sin Sot" for her parents, followed by monthly contribution of 10,000 baht per month which would commence after 18 months living in Oz with me. 

 

She agreed to the terms of my contract, i.e. "Sin Sot" of 200,000 baht, followed by monthly payments of 10,000 baht after 18 months, and then I said to her that there was a further 300,000 baht for her, of which it was for her twin boys education, her twin boys were 3 year at the time, now 13 with the strict proviso that the money would stay in her bank account and only withdrawn with my approval.

 

She lived with me in Oz for almost 9 years until I retired here 2 years ago

 

The "Sin Sot" was also offered in as a lump sum payment, or monthly payments, with her advising that monthly would be good, but her parents more than likely would have it as a lump sum to pay the car off, which they did, and I made the payment to the finance company, suffice to say, the "Sin Sot" in my eyes was a little more than an advance payment of contributions so that her parents didn't lose face, and the 300,000 baht that I provided to my wife as mentioned was for  her twin boys education.

 

To date, she still has all but 200,000 left in the account, i.e. she purchased a land parcel (fire sale) adjoining one of her other land parcels, which of course is for the boys future and she can sell it tomorrow for an extra 50%, and she also paid for the boys "new school" fees for the year.

 

Like I said,"...no one from the outside will have any say or influence on us or our decisions..."

 

My decisions are my decisions, and the decision I made at the time was the right decision, you could say that I tweaked things in my favour if you like, once you do the math. 

 

I see nothing wrong with your friends not paying or contributing any money for a "Sin Sot" or provide monthly payments to the girls parents to live or look after the brides kids, if any, and if she is abroad and the kids are not, that's there decision, but if its going to save her parents face, and make their lives a little more comfortable, then why not, a win/win the way I see it, and the bride is also happy that she hasn't married a cheap Charlie. 

 

Besides couldn't have people in the village calling me a cheap Charlie or could I ?

[theguyfromanotherforum]

4 minutes ago, LannaGuy said:

 

He takes great pride in being a **** and boasts regularly about it but things change over time and she will wake up one day and think why am I with a **** like this?  no pride, no self-esteem just take

 

I guess in your head having self esteem means giving your wife and her family an allowance just so she can love you true. Lol....delusions of grandeur.

 

Anyhooo....last year when we got married her parents built a house for us....using their money and their property with a huge garden that's already making a profit. When her mom saw me last time she shoved the proceeds in my hand, but being the nice guy that I am, I gave everything to my wife.

 

Oh yes....I also get free health insurance thanks to her employer.

 

Cry me a river

[cornishcarlos]

6 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

Lets just say it equates to 0.01% of my worth, water off a ducks back as we say in Oz.

 

Now as my wife was providing for the parents, I only saw it the proper thing to do, i.e. having read about Thai's and their culture, suffice to say there is a way around things, and it was my idea and my proposal of the Sin Sot to the wife over dinner, i.e. I believe you guys have a similar tradition as we Greek Cypriots do, e.g. a dowry and her reply was yes we do, so I baited her and asked how much she thought was a fair "Sin Sot", with her reply being, "up to you", and I then offered her 200,000 baht as the "Sin Sot" for her parents, followed by monthly contribution of 10,000 baht per month which would commence after 18 months living in Oz with me. 

 

She agreed to the "Sin Sot" of 200,000 baht, and then I said to her that there was a further 300,000 of which was for her twin boys education, her twin boys were 3 year at the time, now 13 with the strict proviso that the money would stay in her bank account and only withdrawn with my approval.

 

She lived with me in Oz for almost 9 years until I retired here 2 years ago

 

The "Sin Sot" was also offered in as a lump sum payment, or monthly payments, with her advising that monthly would be good, but her parents more than likely would have it as a lump sum to pay the car off, which they did, I made the payment to the finance company, suffice to say, the "Sin Sot" in my eyes was a little more than an advance payment of contributions so that her parents didn't lose face, and the 300,000 baht that I provided to my wife as mentioned was for  her twin boys education.

 

To date, she still has all but 200,000 left in the account, i.e. she purchased a land parcel (fire sale) adjoining one of her other land parcels, which of course is for the boys future and she can sell it tomorrow for an extra 50%, and paid for the boys "new school" fees for the year.

 

Like I said,"...no one from the outside will have any say or influence on us or our decisions..."

 

My decisions are my decisions, and the decision I made at the time was the right decision. 

 

I see nothing wrong with your friends not paying or contributing any money for a Sin Sot or provide monthly payments to the girls parents, that's there decision, but if its going to save her parents face, and make their lives a little more comfortable, then why not, a win/win the way I see it, and the bride is also happy that she hasn't married a cheap Charlie. 

 

Besides couldn't have people in the village calling me a cheap Charlie or could I ?

 

If she already had kids, can we presume she was married before ?

If so, then no sin sot would be applicable in Thai culture. No wonder she agreed to whatever you said, it was a bonus :)

[4MyEgo]

Just now, cornishcarlos said:

 

If she already had kids, can we presume she was married before ?

If so, then no sin sot would be applicable in Thai culture. No wonder she agreed to whatever you said, it was a bonus :)

Trust me, the bonus was all mine, she is worth 50 times the amount 555

[JAFO]

13 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

I'll be the first one to say and admit that the reason might be because Isaan girls are pretty hot.

There are beautiful Thai women all over this country. I suspect different reasons. 

[moondoggie]

10 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

I'll be the first one to say and admit that the reason might be because Isaan girls are pretty hot.

Yeah hot headed. Just watch your balls, or a duck will be eating them for breakfast! In Lao.

[GarryP]

23 hours ago, atyclb said:

'although all of them are not the same style hooker in the sense they go to a disco or bar or street and ask st or lt. one could argue many of the online dating girls are worse than hookers because their scheme is relationship/ financial support be it weekly, monthly or as the need arises. and yes they may have some education beyond high school but the game is the same. if it appears you know too much about thailand and or speak the language they are not interested because they cannot manipulate-control you so readily.

That is not correct. Speaking the language acts as a filter. The gold diggers and hookers and other mercenary women suddenly lose all interest when they learn you have been in Thailand for quite a while or speak the language, but the more genuine women still show an interest.  In fact some of them actually prefer someone who can speak Thai (who'd have thought it?). 

[JAFO]

3 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

5 minutes ago, cornishcarlos said:

 

If she already had kids, can we presume she was married before ?

If so, then no sin sot would be applicable in Thai culture. No wonder she agreed to whatever you said, it was a bonus :)

Trust me, the bonus was all mine, she is worth 50 times the amount 555

My wife was never married and had no children and I still never paid a Sinsot. In fact it was never even discussed. Is this another Isaan thing? 

[moondoggie]

10 minutes ago, GarryP said:

That is not correct. Speaking the language acts as a filter. The gold diggers and hookers and other mercenary women suddenly lose all interest when they learn you have been in Thailand for quite a while or speak the language, but the more genuine women still show an interest.  In fact some of them actually prefer someone who can speak Thai (who'd have thought it?). 

No thai woman wants a long time falang.No money in a second falang! If you speek thai forget about it. They all want newbs. The falangs who just fell off the tuk tuk yesterday.

[JAFO]

2 minutes ago, GarryP said:

he gold diggers and hookers and other mercenary woman suddenly lose all interest when they learn you have been in Thailand for quite a while or speak the language, but the more genuine women still show an interest.  In fact some of them actually prefer someone who can speak Thai (who'd have thought it?). 

There is a lot of truth to that post GarryP. But this is another topic altogether. However it all boils down to the company one keeps. 

[amvet]

16 minutes ago, JAFO said:

My wife was never married and had no children and I still never paid a Sinsot. In fact it was never even discussed. Is this another Isaan thing? 

I suspect it may be modern vs traditional thing.

[moondoggie]

33 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

I guess in your head having self esteem means giving your wife and her family an allowance just so she can love you true. Lol....delusions of grandeur.

 

Anyhooo....last year when we got married her parents built a house for us....using their money and their property with a huge garden that's already making a profit. When her mom saw me last time she shoved the proceeds in my hand, but being the nice guy that I am, I gave everything to my wife.

 

Oh yes....I also get free health insurance thanks to her employer.

 

Cry me a river

You dont get free health insurance, From your wifes employer. You my friend are a liar. Nice try though!

[amvet]

3 minutes ago, moondoggie said:

You dont get free health insurance, from yor wifes employer. You my friend are a liar. Nice try though!

If her employer was the government why not?

[moondoggie]

Just now, amvet said:

If her employer was the government why not?

Because he is a old falang!

[amvet]

Just now, moondoggie said:

Because he is a old falang!

What does age have to do with government insurance for spouses?

[theguyfromanotherforum]

4 minutes ago, moondoggie said:

You dont get free health insurance, From your wifes employer. You my friend are a liar. Nice try though!

 

Yes, I absolutely do. And it's not a government employer.

 

Since you seem to have guts to call me a liar, would you like to make a bet?

[xylophone]

26 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

Lets just say it equates to 0.01% of my worth, water off a ducks back as we say in Oz.

 

Now as my wife was providing for the parents when I met here, I only saw it the proper thing to do, i.e. having read about Thai's and their culture, suffice to say there is a way around things, and it was my idea and my proposal of the "Sin Sot" to the wife over dinner, i.e. I believe you guys have a similar tradition as we Greek Cypriots do, e.g. a prika, or dowry, and her reply was yes we do, so I baited her and asked how much she thought was a fair "Sin Sot", with her reply being, "up to you", and I then offered her 200,000 baht as the "Sin Sot" for her parents, followed by monthly contribution of 10,000 baht per month which would commence after 18 months living in Oz with me. 

 

She agreed to the terms of my contract, i.e. "Sin Sot" of 200,000 baht, followed by monthly payments of 10,000 baht after 18 months, and then I said to her that there was a further 300,000 baht for her, of which it was for her twin boys education, her twin boys were 3 year at the time, now 13 with the strict proviso that the money would stay in her bank account and only withdrawn with my approval.

 

She lived with me in Oz for almost 9 years until I retired here 2 years ago

 

The "Sin Sot" was also offered in as a lump sum payment, or monthly payments, with her advising that monthly would be good, but her parents more than likely would have it as a lump sum to pay the car off, which they did, and I made the payment to the finance company, suffice to say, the "Sin Sot" in my eyes was a little more than an advance payment of contributions so that her parents didn't lose face, and the 300,000 baht that I provided to my wife as mentioned was for  her twin boys education.

 

To date, she still has all but 200,000 left in the account, i.e. she purchased a land parcel (fire sale) adjoining one of her other land parcels, which of course is for the boys future and she can sell it tomorrow for an extra 50%, and she also paid for the boys "new school" fees for the year.

 

Like I said,"...no one from the outside will have any say or influence on us or our decisions..."

 

My decisions are my decisions, and the decision I made at the time was the right decision, you could say that I tweaked things in my favour if you like, once you do the math. 

 

I see nothing wrong with your friends not paying or contributing any money for a "Sin Sot" or provide monthly payments to the girls parents to live or look after the brides kids, if any, and if she is abroad and the kids are not, that's there decision, but if its going to save her parents face, and make their lives a little more comfortable, then why not, a win/win the way I see it, and the bride is also happy that she hasn't married a cheap Charlie. 

 

Besides couldn't have people in the village calling me a cheap Charlie or could I ?

I like your post because you have been perfectly upfront about everything in it and you seem to have gone into your relationship with eyes wide open, which is great.

 

You decided to give your wife and her family some financial support and it's not as if you were "held to ransom" to do it, you decided to do so of your own bat.

 

It matters not what other people think about sin sot or the like or that you may have been too generous, because you have decided to do what you have done with some thought and by the looks of things you have reaped the benefits – good on you.

 

I notice many posts about guys "marrying hookers or ex-bar girls".........so what? The majority of these girls do what they do because of necessity and once you realise that they are sacrificing themselves for the good of their children and relatives, then perhaps it doesn't seem so bad.

 

I had the good fortune to be able to help out a very good mate of mine here who had a great bar which was always full of attractive girls, some who had been with him for a while, and others fairly new and I got to know them, and believe it or not there were some lovely girls in amongst them, great personalities and most could speak some English and they were not the "gold digging" type as so often portrayed here. Sure there are some out there, and you will find the same sort of women just about every country – – witness the posts by some farangs who have been taken to the cleaners by their non-Thai wives overseas.

 

Although we mostly always hear the horror stories here, there have been some great posts about the relationships with Thai girls, whether or not they were bar girls or whatever and sure, as the heading says, "marrying a rich Western may not be a dream come true" means that the Thai folk find difficulty in these relationships as well.

 

If you go into a relationship with your eyes wide open and understand that there will have to be compromise, and also very importantly, understand that if you are substantially older than the girl/woman then it's unlikely that she has fallen, truly, madly, deeply in love with you, but could like and respect you for the security and future that you offer her and her family, then once you know that, the rest should be plain sailing.

 

[Thai Ron]

18 hours ago, moondoggie said:

My friend from england just married a 15 yr old girl from Burma. But he had parental consent. And they are very happy together.

 

18 hours ago, moondoggie said:

I think at that age she would be easy to control. I could form her personality the way I want. And would know she had no kids, or diseases. all the way around a win win situation!

The level of depravity among the expatriate community in this country knows no depths.

 

Why would you need to "control" another human being?

[JAFO]

11 minutes ago, amvet said:

I suspect it may be modern vs traditional thing.

Likely so. My wife is not from Isaan.  She is older and mature. I would guess that she has adapted to the new modern ways  

[Thai Ron]

6 hours ago, pattayadgw said:

Chris who said quote... 'Not too many rich foreigners come to live in Thailand.....the south of France, Caribbean etc, offer lifestyle.....' obviously hasn't been here for very long.   I personally know many multi millionaire farangs who live here... and i mean many!!  

All with outstanding warrants, no doubt

[KiChakayan]

On 9/20/2017 at 11:06 AM, al007 said:

Yes I live in Issan, have thai wife 9yrs best thing that ever happened to me, we give her parents a small but meaningful amount of support, and they respect our privacy, I also happily provide for two stepsons

Very much like my situation. With one exception: I refuse to provide support to my wife's nephew. He's from a useless Russian dad, who killed himself , in the dumbest manner possible. I expect his mum and (Russian) grandma to take care. 

[theguyfromanotherforum]

11 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

Yes, I absolutely do. And it's not a government employer.

 

Since you seem to have guts to call me a liar, would you like to make a bet?

 

Crickets....

[JAFO]

2 minutes ago, JAFO said:

19 minutes ago, amvet said:

I suspect it may be modern vs traditional thing.

Likely so. My wife is not from Isaan.  She is older and mature. I would guess that she has adapted to the new modern ways  

I would like to add, that my FIL lives with us. We built a beautiful home and we take care of him (Her Mom passed away some years back). I willingly offered to have him live with us as he is such a good man and leaves us completely alone. He does his thing around the house and land and I do mine. We talk and joke but usually about my wife always trying to herd us together to eat food or something one of us needs to do. LOL!

[Ron19]

A flame post has been removed.

 

7) You will respect fellow members and post in a civil manner. No personal attacks, hateful or insulting towards other members, (flaming) Stalking of members on either the forum or via PM will not be allowed.

[GarryP]

26 minutes ago, moondoggie said:

You dont get free health insurance, From your wifes employer. You my friend are a liar. Nice try though!

My wife gets free health insurance from my employer. In the private sector, people in the higher level positions such as management often get coverage for their spouses and children.