Questions about getting old in Thailand.... personal things

[transam]

6 minutes ago, pattayadude said:

I believe in family genes but I also believe cancer is preventable.

it starts with believing and then doing all you can to prevent it, fight it all your life like you work 8 hours a day for 50+ years to make a living.

Life isn't easy.

That is rubbish...

[pattayadude]

2 minutes ago, transam said:

That is rubbish...

you don't have to read or react to it..u must really be bored!

[transam]

2 minutes ago, pattayadude said:

you don't have to read or react to it..u must really be bored!

Then don't post rubbish....So you know about cancer prevention and also Trans is bored....

[bazza73]

40 minutes ago, pattayadude said:

I believe in family genes but I also believe cancer is preventable.

it starts with believing and then doing all you can to prevent it, fight it all your life like you work 8 hours a day for 50+ years to make a living.

Life isn't easy.

Cancer is not preventable. If we all could live to 150 years old, we would inevitably die of cancer.

I think you are confusing prevention and risk. Certainly, if you don't smoke, your risk of lung cancer is one-twentieth that of a smoker. However, there are non-smokers who do die of lung cancer. The only sure way to prevent lung cancer is to stop breathing.

Similarly, if you have a family history of bowel cancer, regular colonoscopies can help lower the risk with early detection. They are not infallible, however. One of my friends died of bowel cancer after eight colonoscopies in the space of five years failed to detect it.

It's possible to lower risk levels by becoming a vegetarian, giving up alcohol, and attaining a body mass index of less than 20. But that's living like a monk, which I have no intention of doing.

[DogNo1]

I’m 75 and grouchy too, especially about waiting and miscommunications (I get confused and say the wrong things.)  I like the Buddhist philosophy generally but prefer to watch Eckhart Tolle talk about presence and mindfulness without using much special terminology.  It’s more understandable to me that way.  When I find myself beginning to suffer because of my thoughts, especially regrets, I watch an hour or two of eckharttolletv.  My problems seem so much more bearable when I adjust my attitude.

[pattayadude]

13 hours ago, bazza73 said:

Cancer is not preventable. If we all could live to 150 years old, we would inevitably die of cancer.

I think you are confusing prevention and risk.

believing in something is part of lowering the risk, a percentage of prevention, enables you to build enough will power to stick to a certain lifestyle to keep certain illnesses off.

"I believe" doesn't necessarily mean I know of a cure or a method.

It's not a mystery that we all gonna die of something eventually because our immune system will give up at some point.

My fight is to push that "point" as far as I can.

If you perception on "becoming a vegetarian, giving up alcohol, and attaining a body mass index of less than 20"  is living like a monk , it's your choice, your opinion and I respect it.

[bazza73]

3 hours ago, pattayadude said:

believing in something is part of lowering the risk, a percentage of prevention, enables you to build enough will power to stick to a certain lifestyle to keep certain illnesses off.

"I believe" doesn't necessarily mean I know of a cure or a method.

It's not a mystery that we all gonna die of something eventually because our immune system will give up at some point.

My fight is to push that "point" as far as I can.

If you perception on "becoming a vegetarian, giving up alcohol, and attaining a body mass index of less than 20"  is living like a monk , it's your choice, your opinion and I respect it.

All the willpower in the world will not help if a cancer is caught too late. The friend I spoke of in a previous post - she was one of the strongest-willed persons I've ever known, determined to fight, died anyway.

You appear to have modified your original statement cancer is preventable. Not surprising, as it was not a sensible statement.

There are some forms of cancer such as glioblastomas where medical science does not even know the cause, let alone an effective treatment - median survival rate after 5 years is just 10% of patients.

If your beliefs on prevention extend that far, perhaps you should not be posting on this forum - who knows how much radiation you are absorbing sitting in front of your screen.

To me, It's about quality of life. So if I want to enjoy a juicy steak, have a glass of wine, or be slightly overweight, I'm not going to let the fear of what might never happen inhibit me. I've been here for 74 years, so I've beaten the Biblical odds already. If you are much younger, and trying to extend your lifespan, you are probably going about it the right way; however, there are no guarantees.

BTW, I'm a bladder cancer survivor first diagnosed in 2005.

 

Edited October 31, 2017 by bazza73

[soalbundy]

On 10/30/2017 at 1:44 PM, pattayadude said:

I believe in family genes but I also believe cancer is preventable.

it starts with believing and then doing all you can to prevent it, fight it all your life like you work 8 hours a day for 50+ years to make a living.

Life isn't easy.

I read a  few weeks ago that scientists now regard cancer prevention as a matter of luck. One can push ones luck too far with life choices but even then some will fall and some stand tall. Live long enough and everyone will get cancer or Alzheimer's. Signs of cancer have been found even on the bones of prehistoric people and they weren't as long lived as us. 

[F4UCorsair]

On 10/2/2017 at 10:04 PM, thaikahuna said:

I'm 65, married to my wife for 5 years and been together for 8 years. I am also a PTSD patient, so a good nights sleep is almost unheard of for me. My problem is getting up 2-3 times a night to go pee. Getting older is not easy and adapting to the rapidly changing environment we live in makes things that much harder. I think growing old, becoming less healthy and dying (possibly alone) in a foreign country is a concern for many. Evaluate your situation, rely on the advice and counsel of some trusted friends and do what is best for you.

 

Regarding the peeing problem, see a doctor and ask for Tamsulosin, a prostate shrinking drug, one each night, and you will reduce that to once, if that.

 

I don't see a problem with dying alone.  What can anybody else do to ease the passage?  I am less concerned about being lonely as I get older, whereas it was once a concern.   There is also that feeling of resignation coming over me as I age, knowing that the inevitable is closer by the day, not a welcome thought, but one over which I have no control, hence the resignation, and I think that resignation is a natural progression/process, as we see friends falling off the perch.

 

I don't know if there is anything after this life,  and I suspect it's no more than oblivion, but if there is, it will have to be something special to beat being alive.

[MarcIssan]

Yes I agree that  cancer, any of the 'itis' diseases,  heart diseases of all kinds and many if not most of the health conditions are the result of diet.  We should be vegetarians but we eat meat.  Red meat when introduced into developing  cultures causes those otherwise healthy cultures to become wrought with "Western" diseases.  How did it get that name?  Because Western diets are meat and potatoes and very little veggies.  You tube has movies like "Food Matters", "Sick and Tired and almost dead", "Knives over Forks" and more.

 

Just because your family before you died of heart disease, and your family before them and so on, that doesn't make this destiny a certainty for you if you eat right.  We eat what our parents taught us to eat all down the line.  One should be curious enough to look for alternatives other than the pills common medicine prescribes to mask the symptoms.  A proper diet goes to the core of the problem.  Eliminate all red meat for a start and you will eliminate a ton of chemicals used in the processing of it.  Look at a video on hamburger meat processing and I doubt you will ever eat it again!

[MarcIssan]

I studied obesity for 2+ years just to gain more understanding of the disease. 

 

Obesity runs in families...why? Because Mom teaches kids how much of what kind of food to eat every time they sit for a meal.  Carb addiction is hard to break. There is a definite cycle to it.  Break the cycle and obesity goes away.

 

Obesity causes diabetes.  So when a family learns poor eating habits, they pass it on to kids on and on and on and you could say diabetes runs in families. True but obesity caused diabetes not the other way around.  Stop the obesity in a family and you likely will stop diabetes. 

 

Adipose tissue (fat) increases the bio-signaling of Leptin and Ghrelin and many more.  Grelin says "Feed me" and Leptin says "I'm full".  Leptin receptors burn out much like the insulin receptors.  The result of leptin receptor failure is that our body is hungry all the time because it has nothing to shut off the hunger pangs caused by Ghrelin and we get fat from over-feeding.  When insulin receptors burn out, we have no means to initiate the flush of blood sugar thus we need pills and shots to bring that into balance.  Pills and shots cannot totally duplicate our body's own mechanism but they help to live a better life that we could without them.  But diabetes cuts on average 12 years off of expected longevity.

 

So when Grehlin says feed me, we turn to foods that make the hunger go away fast...like carbs.  Carbs turn to usable energy fast...they are high on the glycemic index but the effect doesn't last  very long and we turn to carbs again and again. 

 

Carbs cause insulin activation to balance the blood sugar but not directly.  The insulin signal is caught by a receptor which starts a chain reaction cascade of a bunch of chemicals designed to balance blood sugar and when the receptor gets bombarded hour after hour, day after day, year after year...it just gets tired and stops working.  Now you have diabetes. 

 

Along with insulin receptor failure, you also get Leptin receptor failure and now you are really <deleted>.  You eat constantly, cannot diet or control calorie intake, you eat carbs for instant relief, carbs turn to sugar, your body's insulin mechanism no longer works, you gain weight, the added weight strains your heart and other organs, the fat tissue squeezes and blocks blood vessels and impairs circulation, your toes turn black because of it and need amputation, on and on it goes.  All because of diet not heredity.

 

Many diseases have a similar progression.  Look up the diseases DIRECTLY linked to inflammation.  Red meat causes inflammation in the gut.  Chemicals in our food and dairy causes inflammation too ...many things do.  Untreated illnesses cause inflammation...obesity does in a huge way.

 

Smoking causes heart disease mainly because it impairs your immune system.  Talk to a heart surgeon and ask if there is a pattern among smokers leading to heart disease, heart attacks, and death.  The ones I know say definitely YES.  So if a son smokes like his father did, and his father smoked because his grandfather did you might say heart disease runs in the family.  But I say smoking ran in the family and they all ended up with the same disease...a known progression for those who smoke.

 

So who have I upset now?  Remember I am just the messenger trying to contribute to those who read this.

[Naam]

2 hours ago, MarcIssan said:

So who have I upset now?

you just made me yawn 

Edited November 3, 2017 by Naam

[yooper]

I know from personal experience how strong carb addiction is,  particularly with the sugar that is poisoning the children of today. Sugar is as addictive as most narcotics. I also know how much better food tastes once you have kicked the sugar/salt/carb/'enriched' food habits. Finding that I was 'pre-diabetic' years ago was my wake up call to some serious diet changes. My blood sugar returned to normal after a year or two... I don't totally avoid red meat but it is a very minor part and only freshly ground when I indulge. 

[Chip Allen]

I'm 67 and I've always been a bit of a prick, so not much has changed. I'm still functioning sexually with my 45 year old girlfriend (often to her amusement). She seems to think I must be a novelty, but I'm just a horny old goat. Three times a week would suit me just fine. I have aches and pains and my sleep patterns have been disturbed since I was young, so I can't blame them on being a geezer. My chronic back pain is alleviated by Tramadol and I managed to get in a lot of walking with my GF. She seems anxious about losing me, though

 I can't understand why. She would benefit from my demise. Could it be that she actually cares??? 

 

Edited November 3, 2017 by Chip Allen
Huh??

[Chip Allen]

11 minutes ago, Chip Allen said:

I'm 67 and I've always been a bit of a prick, so not much has changed. I'm still functioning sexually with my 45 year old girlfriend (often to her amusement). She seems to think I must be a novelty, but I'm just a horny old goat. Three times a week would suit me just fine. I have aches and pains and my sleep patterns have been disturbed since I was young, so I can't blame them on being a geezer. My chronic back pain is alleviated by Tramadol and I managed to get in a lot of walking with my GF. She seems anxious about losing me, though

 I can't understand why. She would benefit from my demise. Could it be that she actually cares??? 

 

 

[sinbin]

8 hours ago, MarcIssan said:

Red meat causes inflammation in the gut. 

20+ years ago, and some today still do, think diet contributes to stomach ulcers.   

[how241]

Very nice....Whatever you're doing is working well for you...

 

[boomerexpat]

I would caution the op against taking the advice of some that getting older and depression are a natural state. Happiness studies tend to show that happiness drops in your 30s and starts to rise in your 50s with over 70 being a happy time (assuming no major illness I imagine).

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-darkness/201112/happiness-in-old-age-why-are-those-over-70s-so-happy

 

Thinking of your future is natural and, done right, healthy. But I've found that using Buddhist and Stoic philosophy to live in the present and not depend on outside things to make me happy has dramatically helped me be happy more often than not. I am 64 and sometimes go into a funk when I start worrying about my old old age (75+) but then I pull myself back to the present then set aside some time to plan for the future rather than worrying about it.

 

Everyone has his own situation to deal with and what works for one might not work for another but I've found the hard way that living in the moment, enjoying the small things in life, exercising (weights, aerobics and stretching), meditation and working on my finances/investments (so that I'll stay financially sound) combine to making this one of the happiest times of my life even though I spend more time alone than what I would like and my libido is lower than I expected at this age.

 

Good luck.

[bazza73]

15 hours ago, Chip Allen said:

I'm 67 and I've always been a bit of a prick, so not much has changed. I'm still functioning sexually with my 45 year old girlfriend (often to her amusement). She seems to think I must be a novelty, but I'm just a horny old goat. Three times a week would suit me just fine. I have aches and pains and my sleep patterns have been disturbed since I was young, so I can't blame them on being a geezer. My chronic back pain is alleviated by Tramadol and I managed to get in a lot of walking with my GF. She seems anxious about losing me, though

 I can't understand why. She would benefit from my demise. Could it be that she actually cares??? 

 

Bear in mind Thais live in the present. The benefit of your demise is in the future, and the support you provide currently is something predictable and ongoing.

I get the same from my GF. She cannot cope with any discussion of what happens when I die. She just wants me to live forever. I get showered with affection every day.

Perhaps you should just lie back and enjoy it.

[al007]

A large number of posts, and across the board I interpret quite a lot of unhappiness and discomfort

 

I believe life is what we make of it

 

I have had more than my fair share of Sh*t in like but in return I have always managed to remain content and happy, and on the other side had many many rewards

 

Currently on wife no 4 (10 yrs and so far so good)

 

Today I have never been happier, at 72 I hope I have at least another good ten yrs

 

I am currently in Bangkok recovering from eleven hours on the operating table for colorectal cancer

 

Many times in my life I have had to make changes, and yet again, my eating pattern has to be modified due to my colostomy bag, something that three weeks ago terrified me. I am becoming accustomed to it and accepting it

 

Acceptance is the key to so much

 

Many things can distract and upset me, like the driving, but I have to accept it as I cannot change it

 

I spent 19 years in AA and learnt a lot, not one drink in all those years, today I drink generally under control but a lovely care taking wife keeps me out of many troubles (I returned to drinking 10 yrs ago)

 

I love the serenity prayer

God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I can not change, and courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference

 

I may not have got it totally correct but the jist is there, it is a great help living in this jungle here

 

Am I happy yes very, would I change my life no

 

I am a very grateful happy  and contented man

 

God Bless

 

PS

I suffered getting up to pee in the night and upsetting my sleep pattern, I wrote about here on TV, many said I worry too much, however I did research, and went to India for Holep surgery

 

I was applying courage to change the things I can

 

Well I was so lucky, when having surgery and follow up tests two different cancers were found colorectal and prostate

 

I say I was lucky because they were in relatively early stages and hopefully can be treated

 

I no longer have to pee in the night, but now sometimes have to empty the colostomy bag as it also fills with gas, but pee no ! !! !!!

[yooper]

20 minutes ago, al007 said:

I spent 19 years in AA and learnt a lot, not one drink in all those years, today I drink generally under control but a lovely care taking wife keeps me out of many troubles (I returned to drinking 10 yrs ago)

 

Best wishes for as many years as you can bear.  If I were in your condition here in the Great White North I might just decide to move along rather than cope with the very long winter climate. I'll be 72 my next birthday and have few symptoms of old age aside from reduced strength, stamina and libido, all blood work was fine at last checkup. I thank God daily for good health and ask His mercy for those less fortunate. 

 

While thoughts of moving to Thailand energize me, I do feel some anxiety about the eventual need for healthcare but stories such as yours help me dismiss the worry and trust my future to whatever outcome may eventually come. The numbers I've been seeing here on TVF indicate we will quite well off on our soc. security income such that our savings could provide self-insurance for most anything I'd care to survive. 

 

Your story that most intrigues me is that after 19yrs in AA you have been able to resume drinking for such a long time.  I understand addiction quite well and am curious if you believe you were truly alcoholic (addiction) or were suffering extreme dependency from which you eventually weaned yourself.  Either way your outlook is amazing and surely will help others to carry on in spite of any obstacles.

 

I did have to giggle a bit reading "generally under control".  My total dislike of hangovers is what keeps the lid on for me.... usually.

[al007]

4 minutes ago, yooper said:

Your story that most intrigues me is that after 19yrs in AA you have been able to resume drinking for such a long time.  I understand addiction quite well and am curious if you believe you were truly alcoholic (addiction) or were suffering extreme dependency from which you eventually weaned yourself.  Either way your outlook is amazing and surely will help others to carry on in spite of any obstacles.

 

I did have to giggle a bit reading "generally under control".  My total dislike of hangovers is what keeps the lid on for me.... usually.

I found Alcohol when I was 17, along with sex and racing fast sail boats at a national level

I used as a rocket fuel, I drank every day for the next 28 yrs, did the normal rubbish, drunk driving, but only got caught twice, second time my employer gave me a chauffeur, I was exceptionally good at my job, had a few skirmishes with police and jails but always negotiated my way out, one time even in front of a jury

 

Alcohol was the prime cause of my first divorce

 

Alcoholism is firmly in the family tree

 

I always used to described myself as a practising functioning alcoholic with a very high rock bottom, when I first went to AA I was exceedingly well dressed in designer suit and driving a brand new Mercedes Sports car

 

I used Alcohol to take risks I was uncomfortable with, however my judgement was sound , and i made serious money

 

David Stafford  now decd, an alcohol councillor, wrote about my family on a two page spread  without naming us,  in the SunDay times about 30 yrs ago

 

Was/ am I an alcoholic or just alcoholic dependent, when does one cross that line?

 

In my heavy drinking days I worked in the City of London, some days by 10.00am we were in clubs on champagne, most days I drank 7/8 pints of beer, or 2/3 bottles of wine at lunch time, then topped up at night with Malt Whisky

 

My life today is very different, I buy Sangsom by the case, and try to take a half bottle to restaurants in the evening, take a bottle and I will drink 3/4, take a half and I stop, or my wife who always drives home makes me stop

 

I think 19 yrs off alcohol allowed my body and liver to recover, and when I stopped it was pretty bad shape

 

I also retired at 50, and travelled the world on my own 60 ft trawler yacht

 

It is very ironic today I have two different lots of cancer, If alcohol were my problem or killing me I would understand

 

Incidentally my family is exceedingly dysfunctional, I am 72 and have no need today to hide things today

 

Some recovering alcoholics get very touchy when I say I have been back out doing more research, I side step them

 

 

[yooper]

49 minutes ago, al007 said:

I found Alcohol when I was 17, along with sex and racing fast sail boats at a national level

I used as a rocket fuel, I drank every day for the next 28 yrs, did the normal rubbish, drunk driving, but only got caught twice, second time my employer gave me a chauffeur, I was exceptionally good at my job, had a few skirmishes with police and jails but always negotiated my way out, one time even in front of a jury

 

Alcohol was the prime cause of my first divorce

 

Alcoholism is firmly in the family tree

 

I always used to described myself as a practising functioning alcoholic with a very high rock bottom, when I first went to AA I was exceedingly well dressed in designer suit and driving a brand new Mercedes Sports car

 

I used Alcohol to take risks I was uncomfortable with, however my judgement was sound , and i made serious money

 

David Stafford  now decd, an alcohol councillor, wrote about my family on a two page spread  without naming us,  in the SunDay times about 30 yrs ago

 

Was/ am I an alcoholic or just alcoholic dependent, when does one cross that line?

 

In my heavy drinking days I worked in the City of London, some days by 10.00am we were in clubs on champagne, most days I drank 7/8 pints of beer, or 2/3 bottles of wine at lunch time, then topped up at night with Malt Whisky

 

My life today is very different, I buy Sangsom by the case, and try to take a half bottle to restaurants in the evening, take a bottle and I will drink 3/4, take a half and I stop, or my wife who always drives home makes me stop

 

I think 19 yrs off alcohol allowed my body and liver to recover, and when I stopped it was pretty bad shape

 

I also retired at 50, and travelled the world on my own 60 ft trawler yacht

 

It is very ironic today I have two different lots of cancer, If alcohol were my problem or killing me I would understand

 

Incidentally my family is exceedingly dysfunctional, I am 72 and have no need today to hide things today

 

Some recovering alcoholics get very touchy when I say I have been back out doing more research, I side step them

 

 

Your escapades sound similar to those of my father, who was so narcissistic that he left myself and one of my 5 sisters out of his will since we would not let out lives be controlled by him. My remaining sisters suffer the dysfunctional effects of his control, they are all younger than me, I escaped most of his abuse by leaving home at 17 and getting drafted into the army.  He was also a very heavy drinker until he died of cancer at age 83, a few years ago. By then he had dementia and had squandered away most of his money on a trophy wife with a small brain, making bad loans to 'friends', buying stuff he could never use...etc. He didn't have much left aside from the house that was sold after his death with proceeds divided among the sisters. Fortunately he had divorced the wife so she could draw disability and free housing nearby for a mental condition, she didn't get any cash from the house but he did leave her with a annuity. Although she kept her free subsidized apartment she still lived with him as his trophy and she'd use the apartment as a safe room.  I believe she ended up in deep sh*t with the welfare folks.

 

 fwiw it doesn't sound to me like you are/were an alcoholic in the absolute sense. Drinking every day is something I did for many years too, including the hair of the dog many mornings, learned that from Dad I suppose.  Fresh out of Bartender College after my first army tour, I tended bar at the longest bar in Long Beach in the very early '70's, drinking with the sailors was part of the job description. I eventually got arrested but avoided punishment by re-joining the Army, which eventually led me to Bangkok in '73 and to my wonderful wife of 43yrs.  One of the more telling traits of an alcoholic is that they hide their drinking and deny drinking to boot, as if they were ashamed, typical of an addict of any substance. I never hid anything and it doesn't sound like you did either. 

 

 

 

[MaeJoMTB]

21 minutes ago, yooper said:

Your escapades sound similar to those of my father, who was so narcissistic that he left myself and one of my 5 sisters out of his will since we would not let out lives be controlled by him.

Expectation of inheritance ............ nasty.

I loved my parents because they were my parents, not wealthy, but we did OK.

How they spent their money, up to them, I expected nothing, I made my own way in life.

[MaeJoMTB]

"A lot of the respected members on this forum are in their 60s and 70s and thus I would like to know how many hours per night on average do you get?"

 

62, not respected, sleep 8-10 hours a night. Cycling 30Km, or hiking for 2-3 hours in the mountains makes sure I sleep well every night.

Libido, still banging away 3-4 times a week, which is a bit down from the 2-3 times a day when I first arrived age 52.

 

Not sure if the libido change was from scarcity in the first 30 years of my UK adult life, or the excess in the last 10 years in Thailand and PI. May be old age but it's hard to say.

Edited November 6, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[bazza73]

13 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

"A lot of the respected members on this forum are in their 60s and 70s and thus I would like to know how many hours per night on average do you get?"

 

62, not respected, sleep 8-10 hours a night. Cycling 30Km, or hiking for 2-3 hours in the mountains makes sure I sleep well every night.

Libido, still banging away 3-4 times a week, which is a bit down from the 2-3 times a day when I first arrived age 52.

 

Not sure if the libido change was from scarcity in the first 30 years of my UK adult life, or the excess in the last 10 years in Thailand and PI. May be old age but it's hard to say.

You'll slow down when you hit the seventies, but don't worry about it. About twice a week, with the occasional orgy when we get it on two days in a row. Exercise is golf three times a week, plus swimming. Alcohol restricted to the weekends. As I've said before, I wish I'd known about Thailand much earlier in my life.

I seem to get a lot more dreams than when I was younger. Not nightmares. It reminds me of the Bible quotation, I think it was in Isaiah: " Your young men will have visions, and your old men will dream dreams".

[al007]

50 minutes ago, yooper said:

  One of the more telling traits of an alcoholic is that they hide their drinking and deny drinking to boot, as if they were ashamed, typical of an addict of any substance. I never hid anything and it doesn't sound like you did either. 

 

 

 

Today to me it does not matter whether or I was an alcoholic or not

 

Before my period of not drinking I was branded as an Alcoholic,  by many many people, I used to spread my drinking around so no one knew the true extent of my drinking and of course I deneighed it a disease of denial

 

To day when I admit or say I was an alcoholic, many say not true

 

Can not win but does also not matter

 

I never hid drinks; opening bought what I wanted, never ran out had many expensive malts and for heavy sessions drank the cheaper brands

 

Thank you for your observations

 

[al007]

1 hour ago, yooper said:

By then he had dementia and had squandered away most of his money on a trophy wife with a small brain, making bad loans to 'friends', buying stuff he could never use...etc. He didn't have much left aside from the house that was sold after his death

Surely how your father spent HIS  money was HIS business, he seems a kindly man to have made bad loans/gifts to friends, I admire people like that

 

Overall he appears to have managed HIS money well, he did not run out, he did not ask his children to support him financially; I am on wife no 4, thirty yrs younger than me, and she will get my money not my children, who say she has looked after me so well for the last ten years, she deserves it and are aware of what I am doing

 

Funny how we all see the same thing in such different ways

[yooper]

1 hour ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Expectation of inheritance ............ nasty.

I loved my parents because they were my parents, not wealthy, but we did OK.

How they spent their money, up to them, I expected nothing, I made my own way in life.

Congratulations. Ditto with me and my youngest sister who saw thru the smoke and mirrors. She is now a therapist helping others from nasty childhoods.  Inheritance was the carrot dangled before them all their lives, the incentive to kiss the ring and sing praises, never argue. 

 

[yooper]

58 minutes ago, al007 said:

Surely how your father spent HIS  money was HIS business, he seems a kindly man to have made bad loans/gifts to friends, I admire people like that

 

Overall he appears to have managed HIS money well, he did not run out, he did not ask his children to support him financially; I am on wife no 4, thirty yrs younger than me, and she will get my money not my children, who say she has looked after me so well for the last ten years, she deserves it and are aware of what I am doing

 

Funny how we all see the same thing in such different ways

Not funny at all, as you have no way of seeing the same things as I am. Kindliness had nothing to do with the loans, it was all about narcissism. Where did you see gifts mentioned? Anything he ever gave had strings attached.   Lucky you if you had no such parent.  The loans were to gain admiration and collect interest, note that I put "friends" in quotes ... he had to purchase friends for the long term.  As far as managing money, he would overdraw his bank accounts so severely that he had to put liens on his property to stop the overdraft bleeding. Yet he still told the sisters about his huge non-existent wealth and plans for them.  He was furious when anybody disagreed with anything he said, especially family.  Admire him if you will, but you don't have the 'overall' facts. I feel sorry for him and respect some of the accomplishments he made as a gifted gunsmith and hunter and that's about it.

 

I was estranged from him for over 20 years although we lived close by, because of his racism that I had never fully realized until I brought my Thai wife home in '79 from my time in the army (12yrs).  I built a cabin on his acreage and we lived there while I went to school, she had to spend long days alone with my infant son where neither he or the wife would so much as ask if there was anything she needed while I was away.  They never interacted with our 3 kids from birth thru college graduation.  My wife still has very deep emotional scars and it is such a joy now to see her getting ready for a move back to Thailand. We feel young again.