Uncontrollable Thai child

[duanebigsby]

On 10/14/2017 at 8:13 AM, Been there done that said:

He is only sensible. Nothing wrong with that.

I've never wanted children either, but he was suggesting any woman who desired kids was begging for breast cancer and the destruction of their bodies, which is pretty anti female and a little derogatory.

[ChiangMaiLightning2143]

Wrong, read again it is women who have NEVER carried a pregnancy to 20 weeks who may have a higher risk of breast cancer. I could always engage a woman my own age, kids already out the house along with the benefits of chewed up stretched out breasts and belly hanging down with the other bits. Why not take fit gal? Preferably quite sportive like me, maximum age around 36. No mysogyny, personal preference.


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[Kenny202]

Getting very close to the end of my tether. Similar issue the other night girl laying on the sofa. We sitting on the floor. She starts randomly whining. Whats wrong? She wants you to move she cant see the TV....me already sitting on the floor so she can stretch out on the sofa. Didn't say much except tell the mother she was absolutely out of order. Told her give the kid two choices. Move or go to bed. I got the huffs and walked off. I come back. The mother is hugging the kid. The kid is eating grapes and spitting the pips on the floor!

 

The mother is really trying but she has no clue. I was starting to feel like maybe I was too old to tolerate kids but talking to a friend of mines Thai wife today. We had previously been to their home and my girls kid played with the mates. I wasn't around so didn't see what happened.

 

Apparently our little girl was snatching (his) toys off the other boy, crying...trying to get her own way as usual. My friends Thai wife told the little girl she had to share or wait her turn. Apparently my girl then admonished her kid and told her if she didn't stop it my friends wife would hit her hahaha. My friends wife couldn't believe it! And friends wife's mother ....an older school teacher said she had to walk away couldn't believe anyone could be that lax with a kid.

 

She has done the same thing with me of course. Instead of telling the kid no, and the reason why she is doing wrong...she tells the kid if she doesn't stop whatever she is doing I will get angry or I will hit her. So the kid doesn't learn she's doing wrong, only maybe that Im an angry bstd. I've never seen anything like it in my life!

 

I know she will feel bad and possibly feel animosity towards my friends but I am going to tell her what was said. She told me all of her friends said her girls was normal behaviour. I'm guessing anyone that knows her and the little girl are well aware of what the kid is like, but in Thai style wouldn't say anything.

 

Makes me feel better to know it's not only me. I bought her an ice cream the other night. Rubbish on the ground and refused to pick it up and put it in the bin...(1 foot away) and the part of the ice cream she didn't like also on the ground. I know her mother saw it but didn't say anything until I pulled her up. I just simply said last ice cream I ever buy her. Same with some packaging from a toy her mother bought her. ended up in the kids pool. 

 

Funny thing. She told me the other day the kids grandmother (the one who wont take the kid for more than a night or two and then if she only gets paid) said that she hopes I am a better dad than another farang man she knows in her village who doesn't like a Thai kid he's living with. I told my girl it probably wasn't the guys fault. He was simply frustrated with trying to please the kid for no return.

 

Anyway, I told her mum this morning I been trying too hard to make her kid happy. In the future her kid needs to be more concerned if I am happy.

 

A hopeless story I know, and no one can help but the mother. Just venting and relaying my experiences. Not looking for further advice. There is no answer to this unless the mother takes her in hand which I doubt will happen. Shame for the kid really.

 

 

[bazza73]

Sorry, but I don't think the mother is being polite, respectful and caring towards you by tolerating behavior from her child which she must be able to see is upsetting you. In your shoes, I'd be walking out.

[Aditi Sharma]

25 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

Not looking for further advice. There is no answer to this unless the mother takes her in hand which I doubt will happen. Shame for the kid really.

You dont need any advice. Venting is not going to help you. It is not my place to talk about your problems but thanks for your patience. Do you get enough natural non-induced sleep at night? Are you diabetic? Have you got blood pressure? Are you suffering from a chronic skin ailment? Erectile dysfunction? Or something like that, which is going to take a long, long, long time to heal and you just dont have the time nor the patience to deal with it? 

[Kenny202]

Most you mention are treatable but incurable. Long long time or not. What is ur point?

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[bazza73]

4 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

Most you mention are treatable but incurable. Long long time or not. What is ur point?

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He/she has appointed himself/herself as your diagnostician, probably in partnership with Dr. Google.

Edited October 19, 2017 by bazza73
gender equality

[richard_smith237]

Wow... You are really in a tough spot...  I 'imagine' it is almost impossible to take on the role of loving parent and primary care giver with hands tied behind your back as yours are. 

 

This has to be incredibly draining so much so that you are ultimately being pushed to the 'edge' whereby you snap, ultimatums are issued and everyone looses out. 

 

This poor Child's mother is incredibly damaging to her upbringing and it's quite apparent that you are experiencing and incredible degree of difficulty witnessing this. 

 

The real issue here - Children are adaptable and learn, the Mother isn't and won't. I can understand anyone who'd walk away from this situation, for their benefit and that of a younger child. 

 

--------

 

Anecdote: My Son (4 in December) refused to tidy his toys up last week. He was threatened with having his toys removed. He didn't seem to care so I boxed any toy on the floor and placed it in the spare room. My son was quite upset. I explained to my Wife that we are going to have a very tough week battling it out about tidying up after playing with Toys. 

However, the following evening, come bed time I asked my Son to Tidy up - he did so without complaint although it took a while as he forgot he was supposed to be tidying up, became distracted and continued playing !!!... We helped him a little.. The following afternoon we gave him all his toys back (which I had boxed up)...  He's been excellent all week at tidying up for himself - Ultimately it took just one night !

 

The reason - We only ever make threats we are prepared to carry out and carry them out if necessary. 

The other reason - My Wife and I put forwards (or attempt to) a united front where discipline is concerned. I explain to my Wife that if she thinks I am being too tough, there is usually a far bigger picture I've considered... i.e. not being allowed to stand on furniture - which transfers to not being allowed to stand on furniture at friends houses - which also transfers to not being allowed to stand up on the seats on planes and in restaurants etc.... 

 

I am extremely happy with how well behaved, playful, cheeky and confident our son is - He's a little boy so he's going to be mischievous, but there is a line...  I find that Thai's will comment to my Wife about how strict I am yet moments later they comment on how well behaved my Son is - It astonishes me that these same people don't realize that the two (firmness & discipline) are so closely related as if I am unnecessarily strict, but he is somehow magically polite and well behaved !!!

 

-------------

 

Consistency Consistency Consistency - if this can't be achieved in the Childs life, with Discipline and Care I can't see how any improvements can be made.

 

If you are unable to take a controlling roll and find yourself judged for your best efforts to apply reasonable discipline I would consider it time to seriously address your situation and walk away more for the benefit of your other child than anyone else. 

 

 

 

 

[Kenny202]

She has no problem with me taking a controlling role, however might be a different story if I really put it to the test ie smacked her. The problem is if I am doing this and mum is inconsistent it just doesn't work. 

[Been there done that]

And so the story will continue. Hope her mum is good in the sack !

[Jennyau]

Im sorry......but why in the world would you sit on the floor and let the child lay on the lounge in the first place?  You've just given in right there. 

[Kenny202]

Im sorry......but why in the world would you sit on the floor and let the child lay on the lounge in the first place?  You've just given in right there. 

My young son was in our bedroom asleep. If the gf daughter goes in there also to sleep, she goes out of her way to wake him up. Usually she starts screaming she's scared of a ghost and wants to come out.

 

I'm trying to be accommodating ....up to a point. So yes happy to sit on the floor and let her sleep. Moving out of her way so she can see TV I won't do

 

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[Aditi Sharma]

23 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Most you mention are treatable but incurable. Long long time or not. What is ur point?

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Kenny202, we have to rule out absolutely that the problem does not lie in you. 

[Aditi Sharma]

23 hours ago, bazza73 said:

He/she has appointed himself/herself as your diagnostician, probably in partnership with Dr. Google.

555, I dont absolutely rely on Dr Google for the answers in my research, after all it's only a search engine. And in Kenny's case, I cant just copy and paste his story into Google and get all the answers, can I? Nor is it humanly possible to find a match for him where there has been a successful diagnosis and the issue/issues resolved after following a line of therapy or treatment. I deal with cases on a daily basis as a counsellor. I might not be as good as I want to be. But I keep trying. 

 

Edited October 20, 2017 by Aditi Sharma
edit

[Kenny202]

Kenny202, we have to rule out absolutely that the problem does not lie in you. 

Haha. Well now you mention it I haven't been sleeping well. Erectile dysfunction definitely not. Little Kenny is up before me of a morning :-)

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[Aditi Sharma]

15 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

Haha. Well now you mention it I haven't been sleeping well. Erectile dysfunction definitely not. Little Kenny is up before me of a morning :-)

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Good. Have you seen a doctor about sleep? On a personal note, I was able to quit my pills only after I got back to India after saying goodbye to a painful relationship of 4 years. 

Edited October 20, 2017 by Aditi Sharma
edit

[Aditi Sharma]

Just find the thing you love doing, the thing that you were born to do, it can even be painting. Get organised. Let the child take care of itself, so to speak. Get my point? 

[MaeJoMTB]

15 minutes ago, Aditi Sharma said:

Good. Have you seen a doctor about sleep? On a personal note, I was able to quit my pills only after I got back to India after saying goodbye to a painful relationship of 4 years. 

Normal people don't take pills.

[Aditi Sharma]

4 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Normal people don't take pills.

Yeah.

[Gandtee]

I don't think slapping is the answer to this problem. I would suggest depriving her of her iphone or any other devices she gets pleasure from and send her to her room until she promises to behave herself properly. Not the child. I mean the wife.

[Kenny202]

16 hours ago, Gandtee said:

I don't think slapping is the answer to this problem. I would suggest depriving her of her iphone or any other devices she gets pleasure from and send her to her room until she promises to behave herself properly. Not the child. I mean the wife.

Hahahaha

[Kenny202]

She had a chat to her sister, who is also living with a farang guy and kids overseas. She came back with a revelation. Her sister told her the child is selfish. She had her answer and was satisfied.

 

I said of course she is selfish, all kids are born selfish. It's up to us to teach them not to be selfish. So that sort of threw a spanner into the works and now she's mulling that over haha.

 

Really I don't know if I have the patience to house train another Thai bird, let alone her kid. I think I'm just getting too old to deal with all of their idiosyncrasies. The endless talking around in circles...never getting a straight answer to anything. Their inability to think anything through more than 2 steps or more than 2 days into the future. The constant swimming pool in the bathroom. What is the go with that? Ok the shower area is wet but why does the tiled toilet area have to be constantly inundated. Nearly go A$$ up every time I go in the bathroom. And having a shower is like being in a humid sauna room. I come out sweating more than when I went in.

Is it because they wash their feet with the bum gun or? I saw her daughter stand up over the tiles and spray her butt after a crap, on the tiled floor. Do the adults do this too? Or sweeping all of the dirt out of the house onto the door mat, only to be walked into the house again. I've been with several highly educated Thai ladies and they're all pretty much the same. They are not the cleanest or tidiest of people either just quietly. Personally very tidy and clean, but their surrounds not so much. 

 

As far as a like it or lump it attitude goes, that's not my style and in any case long term that doesn't work unless you are paying the girl a sizeable incentive (Mae Joe :-) ) so she stays and puts up with your sht. I'll support a girl living with me day to day wise (rent etc) but I don't support families or give allowances. I do all of my own cooking and cleaning which only confuses them as well. 

 

I think in a way they are like pack animals and probably better off living with a Thai bloke. The Thai guys know how to treat them and the women seem to be comfortable in that space. Everyone happy

 

 

[aircooledflat4]

2 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

I've been with several highly educated Thai ladies and they're all pretty much the same.

Highly educated? That’s meaningless here as you should know. Widely educated is preferable.

 

Unless they’re well travelled, experienced a bit of the real world, they won’t get it, and never will.. And until you modify your selection criteria with this in mind, you’re bound to make the same poor choices again and again... as you’ve come to discover on several occasions now as you say.

Edited October 21, 2017 by aircooledflat4

[Aditi Sharma]

3 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

She had a chat to her sister, who is also living with a farang guy and kids overseas. She came back with a revelation. Her sister told her the child is selfish. She had her answer and was satisfied.

 

I said of course she is selfish, all kids are born selfish. It's up to us to teach them not to be selfish. So that sort of threw a spanner into the works and now she's mulling that over haha.

 

Really I don't know if I have the patience to house train another Thai bird, let alone her kid. I think I'm just getting too old to deal with all of their idiosyncrasies. The endless talking around in circles...never getting a straight answer to anything. Their inability to think anything through more than 2 steps or more than 2 days into the future. The constant swimming pool in the bathroom. What is the go with that? Ok the shower area is wet but why does the tiled toilet area have to be constantly inundated. Nearly go A$$ up every time I go in the bathroom. And having a shower is like being in a humid sauna room. I come out sweating more than when I went in.

Is it because they wash their feet with the bum gun or? I saw her daughter stand up over the tiles and spray her butt after a crap, on the tiled floor. Do the adults do this too? Or sweeping all of the dirt out of the house onto the door mat, only to be walked into the house again. I've been with several highly educated Thai ladies and they're all pretty much the same. They are not the cleanest or tidiest of people either just quietly. Personally very tidy and clean, but their surrounds not so much. 

 

As far as a like it or lump it attitude goes, that's not my style and in any case long term that doesn't work unless you are paying the girl a sizeable incentive (Mae Joe :-) ) so she stays and puts up with your sht. I'll support a girl living with me day to day wise (rent etc) but I don't support families or give allowances. I do all of my own cooking and cleaning which only confuses them as well. 

 

I think in a way they are like pack animals and probably better off living with a Thai bloke. The Thai guys know how to treat them and the women seem to be comfortable in that space. Everyone happy

 

 

 

I hope you have written all of the above in good humour, thanks much. I do understand your situation. How are you coping? Do you get suicidal thoughts? Have you got a gun --- If you do, you need help.

 

 

 

[Gandtee]

4 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

She had a chat to her sister, who is also living with a farang guy and kids overseas. She came back with a revelation. Her sister told her the child is selfish. She had her answer and was satisfied.

 

I said of course she is selfish, all kids are born selfish. It's up to us to teach them not to be selfish. So that sort of threw a spanner into the works and now she's mulling that over haha.

 

Really I don't know if I have the patience to house train another Thai bird, let alone her kid. I think I'm just getting too old to deal with all of their idiosyncrasies. The endless talking around in circles...never getting a straight answer to anything. Their inability to think anything through more than 2 steps or more than 2 days into the future. The constant swimming pool in the bathroom. What is the go with that? Ok the shower area is wet but why does the tiled toilet area have to be constantly inundated. Nearly go A$$ up every time I go in the bathroom. And having a shower is like being in a humid sauna room. I come out sweating more than when I went in.

Is it because they wash their feet with the bum gun or? I saw her daughter stand up over the tiles and spray her butt after a crap, on the tiled floor. Do the adults do this too? Or sweeping all of the dirt out of the house onto the door mat, only to be walked into the house again. I've been with several highly educated Thai ladies and they're all pretty much the same. They are not the cleanest or tidiest of people either just quietly. Personally very tidy and clean, but their surrounds not so much. 

 

As far as a like it or lump it attitude goes, that's not my style and in any case long term that doesn't work unless you are paying the girl a sizeable incentive (Mae Joe :-) ) so she stays and puts up with your sht. I'll support a girl living with me day to day wise (rent etc) but I don't support families or give allowances. I do all of my own cooking and cleaning which only confuses them as well. 

 

I think in a way they are like pack animals and probably better off living with a Thai bloke. The Thai guys know how to treat them and the women seem to be comfortable in that space. Everyone happy

 

 

It would seem you have a Thailand problem. As the old saying goes, 'If you can't handle the heat get out of the kitchen,'

Edited October 21, 2017 by Gandtee
spelling mistake

[Kenny202]

It would seem you have a Thailand problem. As the old saying goes, 'If you can't handle the heat get out of the kitchen,'

No I like living here. There's a ton of stuff irritates the crap out of me but I deal with it. I'm just tossing up whether it's worth the trouble of having a relationship or just have a casual gf now and then

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[Aditi Sharma]

1 hour ago, Kenny202 said:

No I like living here. There's a ton of stuff irritates the crap out of me but I deal with it. I'm just tossing up whether it's worth the trouble of having a relationship or just have a casual gf now and then

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This to good to know, wish you all luck!

[Been there done that]

6 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

No I like living here. There's a ton of stuff irritates the crap out of me but I deal with it. I'm just tossing up whether it's worth the trouble of having a relationship or just have a casual gf now and then

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