Which bars to meet 'decent' girls?

[simon43]

Well here is the final result of my crazy idea to see if a seasoned bar girl would stop working if I asked her too, on the promise of support from me etc if she really did go straight etc.

Since I've been away from BKK for almost 2 weeks now, the general opinion on this board was that I am a completely dumb smuck, and that she will be 'working' as soon as I got on the plane.

So I employed a 'friend' to keep an eye on this girl, to visit her bar and any others in the area, and to try to pick her up if she was found to be working.  This friend has visited the bars on a daily basis.

So the result?  The girl herself has told me in emails and text messages that she has not been working as a bar girl, but has been going to movies, playing pool etc.  And my friend can substantiate this as well!! He has only seen her one time in her bar or any other, and that was very briefly when she came to collect a girlfriend. She showed no interest in any of the guys in the bar.  She was indeed at the movies or playing pool when she said, because she was seen at these venues.

I have to say that I am actually quite surprised!  I thought I wwas taking a very long shot with her, and that she would be on the game within a flash.  But no....at least not yet.

So, maybe we all lost the bet on this one, but it's heartening to see that she is keeping to her word.  Now the only problem is to try to ensure that she continues to keep her word!!

Brian - tough luck mate, no sanook for you!!!

[simon43]

Oh I forgot the poll result...

1) Get a bride

...er not yet..already have one in the UK...need to get shot of her first....can't imagine marrying again...yet!!

2) Get an overdraft

..What's one of them?  I own the bank

3) Get a front row seat

Forget the seat...last time it was on my knees....

4) All of the above

[Thetyim]

Simon,  two weeks is nothing.   The smarter they are the longer it will take.  

What will you do if she needs money for something sensible,

like a sewing machine so she can work  ??

[simon43]

Agree with you!  And yes, if I am going to help her to 'improve' herself then money has to be involved.  I'm sure the longterm solution is much more difficult than 2 weeks!

[Thetyim]

Sorry to pry, but does your regular GF know all about this ??

Or to put it a better way, what would your GF think about this if she knew.

[enchanted]

Simon...just to share some of my sorrowful experiences with you...I know that you are different from me (eg. age in the range of forty-plus, have been in this game for some time, etc..) but from what I have read, what you are doing is pretty much similar to what happened to me...

There's a old Chinese saying..."release a long line so as to catch the big fish". What she is doing now is just this...she has identified a great opportunity to secure someone generous enough to provide her with financial support to upgrade herself...to change her lifestyle for the better. We must consider the fact that in such dire economic times like this, this is definitely a good opportunity from her point of view...

Whether she will be able to convince you in the long run is not the objective at this moment....for this period, she will try to "be a good girl for you" so that she will be able to gain your trust...then when trust has been achieved, demands will follow suit...first will be the small affordable requests such as fees for enrollment into courses, payment for rent and daily allowances since she is not working, some small dosh to send back home, etc...then later as she has noticed that you are giving in to her small requests, the slightly bigger ones will come in the form of moving out to her own apartment so as to concentrate on her studies and getting away from the bad elements currently sharing the same room, her family needing financial help for problems like father/mother mortgaging land to banks for upgrading the house, brother getting into a motorcycle accident, etc...

If she senses a disinclination from you not to give in to these bigger requests, she will threaten to stop her education/efforts to change and go back to the bar. From my own personal experiences, her threats will not be forceful but she will relate them to you as a last resort option due to unforeseen circumstances.

Question:

1) Will you give up all your efforts and money in helping her change so easily, if the reason cited to go back to the bar is due to such problems that are beyond her control?

2) How will you know that these reasons are true and is giving everything up so easy as you will think it is now after establishing a deeper understanding of her, considering your emotional attachments to her by then?

My plight now was not an outcome of a 2 week fling or a rescue attempt with a girl from a massage parlour. I knew her in end Jan this year and went back to be with her while she was working 4 times between Feb to Mar (weekly). Visited her family in end Feb in Chiang Rai. Her contract ended in Apr and we moved to Bangkok to help her start a new life. I stayed with her the whole of Apr and managed to enroll her into a private university and went back to Chiang Rai with her to visit her family for Song Krang. Events that followed drained me financially rapidly becoz she has no income and I was basically the sole breadwinner and provider for everything she and her family needs...it came to a point that my resources were depleted and she has to go back to the massage parlour in order to help her father pay back the debt to the bank.

Do you think that you are able to sustain such a relationship, taking into account the personal expenses for travelling to Thailand and providing for both her family and her?

Please do re-consider....it may work, it may ruin...

Chop Dee Khup!

[Thetyim]

A good post there from Enchanted, could not have put it better myself.

The thing that gets me about Thai girls is that they seem to almost have two personalities. One is the cute, beautiful, warm hearted dutiful wife and the other is the cruel, planning heartless bitch.  They can switch from one to the other at will so it is not a mood change. Simon's GF has only shown the former to date.

Would anyone care to expand as to whether this is a trait only applicable to bargirls or all thai girls.

I wanna know if I am wasting my time searching for a decent girl.

[Rinrada]

Back in the Pit...and its cold.

My guess is that a/hs stands for the part of your anatomy that you can only ..........Correct..

To repeat Chaps ..who wants to meet Lei-Lie.24 years of age,non B.G.Nice lady and has shop with sister in Theparak, but please no A/Hs.....

It must me,the hot weather,the cold beers or "sum fing".I have known Lei-Lie for over a year and until I noticed her telephone/driving license or whatever the other day realised that her name is in fact Rei-Rai (not bloody Lay-Lie)

Anyway if this works out I have another 2-3 (wifes mates)educated V.A.Gen.N/BGs who might be interested in meeting up with respectable western GENTLEMEN...but only.

So last train tae....as Billy Connolly used to say.

:cool:

[simon43]

Well - a quick note to say that I do not have a regular GF! That's why I'm looking for a GF right now.  so there is no-one to upset back home (except for my wife and i don't mind upsetting her...)

But certainly a good post from Enchanted. I have to say that I have no intention of falling for this girl.  It's maybe 20 years since I fell for someone and, although I'm still human - I'm a little older and wiser. (I think my interest in women is more carnal now....)

The point about this bar-girl is that she just happened to cross my path in BKK, and I was taken by how cute she was etc.  Now if she wants to play the game and try to milk me for more and more money, then I will be off like a shot.  I had too much of that from my wife in the UK and I'm a little wiser now.  I'll be honest and say that I'm also a lot more selfish nowadays when it comes to relationships! (I want what I want. There is little point for settling for someone over who you have doubts...I don't want any new relationship to go the same way as my marriage back in blighty...)

BTW - is this posting thread one of the longest ever on this forum???

[Thetyim]

OK Simon, you me and maybe a whole lot more on this forum are looking for a good GF.  We are all wise to the game have been stung in the past but are willing to try again.

BUT are we wasting our time.  Is the cultural gap so wide that we will never get mutual understanding.

I  find Thai women very dificult to understand, maybe it is the language problem, maybe the culture gap or maybe they just don't what you to know.

There are a lot of us in this position, thats why this topic is so long and popular.

[Boo]

just to add to my thread from ENCHANTEDS postings about thai girls......

Many of these girls are just trying to earn a living & when you guys come here & spend on Beer & food in one night what they or their families spend in a couple of weeks & sometimes even a month, they, of course see you as a good source of income. I see all the time in Samui, when my Thai husband & I go to the local food centre to eat a 30baht a dish dinner, the  farang guys, with a cute, pretty bar girl on their arm ordering all the expensive shellfish & seafood, beers, sometimes even wine & forking out over 500 baht sometimes even 1,000 baht for 1 meal. These girls probably never eat so good & if they are from the north/east maybe never even eaten some of the foods offered before. SO think before you show off about your cash resorces as most of these girls have learnt from experience that you guys are generous for your holidays but after that the cash quickly dries up. You can't treat them like royalty for a week or two & then expect them to go back to som tum when you leave without them trying to get back some of the good life that you've shown them.

My husband sends approx 1,300 baht per month (more if he can afford it) to his mother in Issan & has told me that that is enough to feed 2 adults & 2 children well for a month. Worth thinking about before you go opening your wallets! ???

[Thetyim]

Boo, we all have some idea of what it really costs to eat back in the village but as a falang you are always asked for some exploded figure.  When you offer 1300 baht a month it is met with cries of laughter and the everlasting remarks about being  stingy.   This  happens even without any displays of wealth, we are naturally expected to be rich.

I live up north, I used to teach English.  Some of the girls would ask for lessons and then offer to 'pay' in the bedroom.

I do not want this type of girl. I want a  thirtyish woman who knows how to conduct herself.  I want a long term relationship not a quick thrill.

[Brian]

Thetyim,

I have a teacher friend up north.

Towards the end of last school year he was in his classroom alone one day about 20 minutes after school had finished.

Anyway, there was a knock on the door, in came one of his most beautiful, if not concientious female students.

She quickly glanged around the room to make sure that they were alone, then came close to her teacher and dropped down onto her knees just inches in front of him.

She flicked the hair from infront of her face and quietly wisperred that she would do anything to ensure that she passed her course.

He then bent down and whisperred into her ear...."even study?"  :laugh:

[Thetyim]

Brian, I am not quite sure how to take your last post.

Let me assure you that it happened to me more than once and that when I spoke to another falang here he said it happened to him as well. Neither of us accepted.

A waitress here earns 22 baht an hour.

[Brian]

Thetyim, my last post was just a joke that I heard recently. I just thought that if fitted in. Sorry if I confused the issue.

:ghostface:

But now I know that it really does happen, I also now know why so many farangs come to Thailand to work as teachers for next to no "monetary" pay.

[simon43]

I'm sure the cultural difference is very wide, and clearly there can be language problems.  But I'm a romantic sort of guy and I do beleive that 'love' (however you define that), can overcome such barriers.

Besides, we tend to hear more about the bad in people than the good. For every money-grabbing Thai girl, there are probably just as many honest girls who are looking for a longterm BF or husband.

By the way, when I met the parents of my last Thai GF (they lived in southern Thailand), I understand the value of 'western money'.  I earned much more in a single day than they earned in a whole year, yet they were doing ok and not starving...

I'm over in BKK this weekend, so I'll no doubt do some postings from the LOS

[wolf5370]

Besides, we tend to hear more about the bad in people than the good. For every money-grabbing Thai girl, there are probably just as many honest girls who are looking for a longterm BF or husband.

Of course there are, but a bar is probably not the best place to find them.

[Boo]

Sorry THETYIM if I confused the issue, the only point I was trying to make was that we, as farang, male & female, have to spend money in moderation here in LOS.  As it's been pointed out, we have the ability to earn more in a month than most thai's earn in a year & when we come here & splash out on fancy food & drinks all night, we will be expected to cough up at every opportunity, especially if you are spending it on a girl whose only means of income is on her back.(sorry forthe crudity). What I was trying to say was that if you show some restraint & try not to show off, as often happens between a farang guy with a cute Thai girl, they might realise that you are not a complete push over & a walking ATM & if they still persist in calling you Kin Yao (stingy) then they probably aren't the right girl for you in the first place.

As a farang girl living here for the past 5 years I have taken great pains in weeding out the spoungers from the real friends but even sometimes I am expected to cough up whiskey & ciggies for a whole table when new people are out in my group & luckly for me, my Thai freinds set the record straight but it has taken a long time for even them to realise that I'm not an endless pot of money. I think finding a real & decent partner in LOS is possible but only if you use your brains & admit to yourself when you are being taken for a fool, I myself was single for nearly 3 & half years before meeting my H/band & trust me, Thai men can be just as bad, if not worse than some Thai bar girls!!!!

[mrvietnam2001]

Hmmmm, having lived in both Thailand and Vietnam I'll have to direct you to http://www.loveofasiavietnam.com

If you go to the "our story" section, you'll see my wife and I. We are now in the US having gone thru the K-1 fiasco. Am looking for a web person to help make the site better BTW and frankly, and interested in going BACK to SE Asia not being exactly overjoyed being back on the rowing machine here in the States after a 2+ year adventure.......

How can you like it here after being there???

Doomed!

[WISteve]

I would like to add my experiences recently to correct a couple inaccurate statements actually.  I was in BKK for three weeks end of April and the first week of May and got fairly cozy with a dancer at Hollywood Strip in NEP. Got to know her friends, some from the bar and a couple non-pros.  I was there at the bar early to barfine the lady on payday, May 3rd. the envelopes I saw all read between 5,900 and 11,000 baht for the month of April.  This doesn't include the fees charged to the customer by the girls of course, so the dancers in the better places aren't exactly doing bad compared to the beer bar wages mentioned previously in this thread.

 BTW, she'll never see a baht of my money in the mail but is still e-mailing me daily.  Momma didn't raise no fool.....

[Tom]

Decent girls aren't to be found in a bar, guys!!! Forget the bar girls; get an Isaan girl from the Isaan province.

[klongmaster]

Well, I've just trawled my way through this entire thread and was surprised to see that noone offered any locations!!

I've been here in Bkk for 7 yrs and my job is about training for the airlines - airhostesses mainly. Every day I'm surrounded by young, uni graduated, pretty girls, but never mix business with pleasure.

My favourite places are the beer gardens like WTC or SCB. Always go alone, sit down and buy a beer and enjoy the music and the scenery. The waiter/ress will bring you a quiet stream of carefully folded notes which will have someones name and mobile number on it. Just ring the number and have a look around at who answers.

I've met some nice ladies this way. They never go home with you that night, but you have made the first contact and the rest can take its natural course. One of the problems of living in Bkk is that you can forget the art of dating, if you spend all your time in the bar paying for girls.

[dplast]

[My favourite places are the beer gardens like WTC or SCB.

QUOTE]  You probably one of these classy looking young duds - well I got a few miles but I would very happy with a drip of cell phone numbersAlright.  So I am ta bit new at the Bkk night life - what and where is this.     Thanks - I'll check back      Doug

[D80]

Well, I've already suggested that if you want to meet Thai ladies who are not bar girls, you could go to places where they hang out such as RCA, pubs and clubs outside the bar scene.  

Apart from that you could find some volunteer work or sign up for some sort of activity groups/classes and meet people this way.  Then you'll meet people from a variety of background and not just people who work in the sex industry.

I can't really see why that is so difficult.  As I've said before there are loads of women here who wouldn't rule out dating someone from different cultural background from them and are not just out to get the farangs and drain them of their money.  All you have to do is make an effort to carry on with the dating ritual.  The relationships will not likely to move as quickly as that with a bar girl (some very strictly traditional Thai women may not even let you hold their hands in the first few dates).  But if a genuine relationship is what you want then I've already suggested what you can do.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Get her to become a Catholic and seek forgiveness for her sins pay her money every month to keep her off the game

and, voila....all is well.              

[Rinrada]

Not a bad tip. As an Ex Altar boy I used to take the opportunity when first in Bangers to do my rounds of 12 oclock mass on Sunday mornings.Needless to say with my very youthfull appearance(o dear) and Catholic up bringing one is immediately accepted at any of the local "Pape"churches.

As a "Knight" even more so but cant give away two many secrets.And the big bonus is that almost all of the top strata of Thai-Chinese society are..... guess what religion?and their very attractive,well educated,english speaking,usually very well heeled daughters are like all good catholic girls the world over are looking for good catholic boys,and mummy and daddy will approve.

Go to pieces and multiply.. :cool:

[Brian]

Get her to become a Catholic

All the way

That's the way they go

Every day

And none of their mamas ever seem to know

Hip-Hip-Hooray

For all the class they show

There's nothing like a Catholic Girl

At the CYO

When they learn to blow...

Frank Zappa.

:cool:

[Martin]

"Help us falangs meet our soulmates"......

Some years ago I was told that if you were looking for a soulmate, you should, on arrival at Bangkok International, transfer straight to the Domestic Terminal And fly UP Country.

Then, at any Isaan or Northern city avoid the bars like the plague (lest your visitations get on the grapevine). Get guidance from farangs working in that city; going into any school that offers English and asking about any possibility of learning Thai was reckoned to be a good introductory move.

My mentor reckoned that there were plenty of young, and not-quite-so young, decent ladies who were averse to Thai men, but wary of 'sex-tourist' farangs. So establish yourself as a 'decent' farang first. And take advantage/caution from the old,old adage "Birds of a feather flock together".

Obviously his advice was only useful to men who could spare the time to take a fairly extended stay, and were patient enough to make haste slowly.

In my own case, I already had my Thai soulmate before I came to Thailand, so his words were only of academic interest to me.

I remember, too, that he had a very jaundiced view of Bangkok and the holiday resorts  "just boils on an otherwise healthy body" was his observation of them vis-a-vis the rest of Thailand.

[Rinrada]

Turn the question around ..where would thai women go to meet respectable western men?

[D80]

heheh the comments on Catholics make me smile actually.  I was sent to a Catholic school from the age of 5 and didn't emerge again until I was around 14.  Still, I'm not a Catholic but learnt a great deal about the way things work there.  The staff did try to convert me at every opportunity.  I guess my soul just can't be saved!

That school was so darn strict I couldn't believe how I survived looking back now.  It was an all girl school as well.  What a shock to the system after I left to go to a co-ed!

Anyway, sorry to wander off the thread a bit.