Leave or stay?

[faranglomjay]

Not sure if this is the right forum. But I'll give it a try. So me and my wife have been married for less then 6 months. We have been together around 2 years now but the last month she have been talking to this old man from my country, only for the money she even meet him but what I heard is that they have been friends for almost 5 years but she takes her little cousin with her every time so they most likely don't have sex. But once again I try to believe they don't but I don't really know. I have been with her from 2 months after I meet her she never meet anyone and yes everyday I'm with her even on my visa runs. We even are trying to have kids. Anyway I lost work 1 month ago and I support her family and now when I can't then she did like this meet him... but now I have work back she still meet him he goes back 19th I told her I can't deal with this, should I leave her? Or should I stay? I already have decided to leave her but I love her to much so I can't. What would you do? Just give me real answers..

 

btw she is 22 years old and I'm 23 years old. She is an old butterfly and have worked in a bar. That still doesn't mean she is bad everyone can change. At least she did when I meet her. She quit everything. But now I'm not sure anymore. 

 

Sorry if if it's the wrong section and my bad English. 

 

// faranglomjay

[sirmud63]

you can take the girl out of the bar , but you carnt take bar out of the girl . 

pull the pin mate .

[faranglomjay]

5 minutes ago, sirmud63 said:

you can take the girl out of the bar , but you carnt take bar out of the girl . 

pull the pin mate .

I guess I have to pull the pin. Not something I would like to do but the day have come and soon I will do it I just want some more feedback on it. Even if I already decided. The problem is that I denie everything and I can't do it. I'm just one of them farangs that are stupid. But I don't know were to go. Or what to do... I'm just afraid I have to leave Thailand. And I don't want to.. I love Thailand it's my home. I left everything first time I come here I left my house my work I had everything I just got bored of Scandinavia so I booked 1 way ticket and I had never been in Thailand before but I got stuck here I haven't been back to Scandinavia in 2 years... that's why I'm scared were to go and what to do if I leave this girl...

Edited December 14, 2017 by faranglomjay

[dfdgfdfdgs]

Why don't you go to the old man with her?  If she says you can't, then likely they are not just friends.

 

And why did you get married, what was the point in that?

 

Why are you giving her family money?  Crazy.

Edited December 14, 2017 by dfdgfdfdgs

[faranglomjay]

1 minute ago, dfdgfdfdgs said:

If I understand correctly, you're in a foreign country with no job, so assuming you want to remain here legally, what are you going to do about a visa at 23 years of age?

 

Within a year you'll probably be out of options (if not money) anyway and won't be able to stay here legally, and I think it highly likely that she won't be sitting around waiting for you to come back again.

 

Why don't you go to the old man with her?  If she says you can't, then likely they are not just friends.

I have work permits so that's not an problem my work isn't that important here. But I work legally don't worry and I have work from a week ago. I'm not sure why I can't follow I guess I just gonna go there and tell him about me and see what happens? That might be an option..

[dfdgfdfdgs]

I edited my post after I saw you were married as I guess you could use that as a visa too.

 

You're 23 years old.  Assuming you take care of yourself then you can pull any number of normal Thai girls who you don't have to give any money to and who are a lot less likely to be ****ing other men.

 

I got here when I was 24 and I remember how easy it was.  I never gave anybody any money, if a girl asked for it I just say goodbye and moved onto the next one.

 

You can start to pay for girls' company when you're 50 or 60.  No need to do it at that age.

[Rhys]

LEAVE.... avoid the hassle, and move on ... choke it up to experience....

[faranglomjay]

After I told her I will call him she got mad, I called him and talked like I'm no one. And talked about her. I said I'm her gay friend and asked why they were together he said because he doesn't have an family and she is like an dougter? And that they only talk about life and he even mention my name that she had an bf that he knows about but never meet and asked me as an friend of her if that's true I hang up not sure what to do... 

[BEVUP]

An amazing story

* Been here 2 yrs (21 ) living of what at that age

* Decided to get married & get work permit (or you may have had before ) Would love to know what your degree is 

* Known man for 5 yrs ( must have started work at the bars when 17 ) 

* How old is her little niece

* Mentioned you were BF - Well that says enough

[faranglomjay]

20 minutes ago, BEVUP said:

An amazing story

* Been here 2 yrs (21 ) living of what at that age

* Decided to get married & get work permit (or you may have had before ) Would love to know what your degree is 

* Known man for 5 yrs ( must have started work at the bars when 17 ) 

* How old is her little niece

* Mentioned you were BF - Well that says enough

I started to work around at 16 years old. I had work permit before I meet her. Her niece is 4 years old. Well mentioned me might be enough but still I think they <deleted>... he's like 67 years old....

 

edit: she started at 17 years old yes..

 

 

should I pack my stuff today and just leave? I only have 2000b but get more money tomorrow from work. I really don't want to waste it on her or her family if I gonna leave anyway....

Edited December 14, 2017 by faranglomjay

[Kadilo]

Sounds dodgy pal. He's paying her money to sit and keep him company?
I would like to say it's all innocent but just by going she is disrespecting you and it's clear it's all about the money. No surprise I guess.


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[1FinickyOne]

Sorry for your pain, but life can be that way... imagining her infidelity is as painful as it being true. 

 

I know this will sound cold at your age, but life gets complicated at times and you have a long road ahead of you. There will most assuredly be others, for you, for her, for most... 

 

If you can detach a bit, the distance will help with the pain. 

 

If you want to be proactive - try this - make friends with your older fellow countryman - at his age he probably has some good advice to offer you...

 

best of luck to you... 

[faranglomjay]

I think I have decided, tonight before she goes to sleep I will start to pack my stuff and tell her the truth, if she wants to keep me stop contact with him or else I just walk outside and grab a taxi. I hope I can do it it's so hard for me to even think like this. Feels like I want to puke "oak"

[cyberfarang]

11 hours ago, faranglomjay said:

I think I have decided, tonight before she goes to sleep I will start to pack my stuff and tell her the truth, if she wants to keep me stop contact with him or else I just walk outside and grab a taxi. I hope I can do it it's so hard for me to even think like this. Feels like I want to puke "oak"

Are you sure the niece is her niece and not her daughter? 

 

You have no money, she wants money, so the old guy sugar grandpa will always be on the scene as long as he keeps paying for her company and she probably has more old guys on the go, or if not, she soon will. She may even have a Thai hanger on boyfriend to fulfill her other needs.

 

If this is real and you`re not a troll and decide to stay, you`ll be backing a loser pal because these types of women can never change. Better hope she`s not already pregnant, well, at least not with your baby, a baby born with two deadbeat parents.

Edited December 15, 2017 by cyberfarang

[stevkob]

14 hours ago, faranglomjay said:

been married for less then 6 months.

 

You married her!!!??

 

14 hours ago, faranglomjay said:

she have been talking to this old man from my country, only for the money

 

<deleted>!!!??

 

14 hours ago, faranglomjay said:

she takes her little cousin with her every time so they most likely don't have sex

 

more like she takes her daughter who's asleep while she bangs said old man

 

14 hours ago, faranglomjay said:

We even are trying to have kids

 

Good case for chemical castration

 

14 hours ago, faranglomjay said:

I lost work 1 month ago and I support her family and now when I can't then she did like this meet him

 

She sounds like a keeper

 

14 hours ago, faranglomjay said:

have worked in a bar.

 

Definitely a keeper, just what we all dream about.... an ex bar girl with a 4yo daughter who shags an old man for money while married to you. Even the Thai soapies would struggle to come up with a plot like this.

Troll Post!!!!!

 

[cyberfarang]

6 minutes ago, stevkob said:

 

You married her!!!??

 

 

<deleted>!!!??

 

 

more like she takes her daughter who's asleep while she bangs said old man

 

 

Good case for chemical castration

 

 

She sounds like a keeper

 

 

Definitely a keeper, just what we all dream about.... an ex bar girl with a 4yo daughter who shags an old man for money while married to you. Even the Thai soapies would struggle to come up with a plot like this.

Troll Post!!!!!

 

Troll post - I second that.

[mjnaus]

Damn son, you're too young to be dealing with shit like this. Pack your stuff and move onto greener pastures.... Go and try to find yourself a nice girl who's not a hooker; you're kinda setting yourself up for failure here. Anyhow, wish you all the best.

[steven100]

What an amazing life you've lived   !

23 yrs old and all this has happened.

Wasn't that the name of a song ?    ' Should I stay or should I go  '  

[dotpoom]

" She quit everything. But now I'm not sure anymore."

  Earlier you said    "but the last month she have been talking to this old man from my country, only for the money"

That's confusing...... I never believe I should give anybody advice on matters as serious as this....but if it were I....I would have to stand back and look at the "reality" of the situation.....even if it's very hurtful....before you have children.

[OmarZaid]

Move on young man .... learn and move on

[catman20]

14 hours ago, Rhys said:

LEAVE.... avoid the hassle, and move on ... choke it up to experience....

agree  chalk it up i think your looking for.   door mat springs to mind.

Edited December 15, 2017 by catman20

[BEVUP]

13 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

Troll post - I second that.

+ 1 Again 

As I laid out my reasons before, how do you get a work permit here before 21 yrs of age & having worked from 16 yrs of age in homeland (obviuosly no degree ) so that would rule out a lot of positions

I also notice that alot of these stories are in english with a bit of bad english thrown in

[samsensam]

plus ca change...

 

[cms22]

Hello. I can't see that there is a major problem here. If you believe she likes being with you and you like being with her, let it slide. Don't get too serious and let it go for a while, see what happens. My wife was a former bar girl (happily married now in Bangkok 13 years) but when I first met her she had men she used to know try to make contact and talk with her. My wife (although this happened when she was my girlfriend) even got money from one Australian guy she used to know - but importantly she told me about it. If you like being with her let it slide for a bit.  Remember, she is telling you this stuff. She is telling you that the guy is giving her money. She's not covering it up. For a Thai that honesty bit is important.

[csabo]

Is crawling back inside your mom and starting over an option because you are batting zero this life. 

[Emster23]

" she takes her little cousin with her every time so they most likely don't have sex "

Never believe that will stop her... just to impress you. A Thai lady friend dragged my gf at the time along so her boyfriend wouldn't think she was shagging. My gf was too polite to refuse under pressure. Spent the hour or so on the balcony while the "faithful" one was inside going at it

[stephehr]

leave

 

[hgma]

SURELY....if you use your common sense and relate the situation as if it happend in your country of origin, would you have any other choice,     other then pull the pin?

[Kadilo]

29 minutes ago, csabo said:

Is crawling back inside your mom and starting over an option because you are batting zero this life. 

Charming. Just what he needs. There is honesty and then there is outright nasty. 

[GOLDBUGGY]

12 hours ago, faranglomjay said:

I think I have decided, tonight before she goes to sleep I will start to pack my stuff and tell her the truth, if she wants to keep me stop contact with him or else I just walk outside and grab a taxi. I hope I can do it it's so hard for me to even think like this. Feels like I want to puke "oak"

I think you are stuck too much into her past and not enough into your future together. You are jumping to all kinds of conclusions with very little evidence of any wrong doing. In fact you have no evidence at all. Yet willing to give up a marriage, and a girl you want, based on what? Who she was before? That you already knew about and yet you still got married to her? 

 

I don't think you are mature enough to even get married now, so maybe walking away now is the wisest to do and before you have children. There are plenty of other girls in Thailand which will help you get over your wife. Your mistake wasn't so much marrying a Bar Girl. You mistake was getting married.