5 Years In Los And Still Don't Understand . .

[Prudent_rabbit]

I think what you don't understand is how rich you are compared to these people.

You to them is like the Shinawatra family to you.

You probably get more a year than they do collectively(the whole family) in a lifetime.

If Thaksin came to visit my family and someone stole of him - it would almost seem right as he is ridiculously rich.

Surely this attitude smacks of "well no point in studying and working hard, just sit on your arse, and when the gulf between you and a rich farang is enough, go and steal from them, its OK because they are stinking rich" .

Ive also worked out the gulf between me and Bill Gates is huge, he earns more, in one day than I will in a lifetime, is it OK if I steal off him?

[Jet Gorgon]

Really, shouldn't it be the American visitor who has lost face here? He shows up with travellers checks, which strongly implies that there may be some untrustworthy Thais about. Pretty rude if you ask me. He should be made to compensate someone too. Family meeting time.

Touchee loochee, lannarebirth.

[terry57]

Oops!

My wife has just ask to borrow the compensation money from me!!!

What's the politeness answer that I can give?

Simon

your in between a rock and a hard place mate, as she's your wife and things like this can cause lots of problems especially when she knows you can afford it.

say no and see what happenns.

glad its you and not me.

[Mid]

[wasabi]

Oops!

My wife has just ask to borrow the compensation money from me!!!

What's the politeness answer that I can give?

Simon

your in between a rock and a hard place mate, as she's your wife and things like this can cause lots of problems especially when she knows you can afford it.

say no and see what happenns.

glad its you and not me.

I know TIT but the idea of compensation is to repay someone for damages you caused. Not pay them for damage they created themselves. I guess the logic is if the farang hadn't brought all those tempting travelers cheques non of this would have ever happen. Looks like Simon being part of the farang camp gets to be the one who pays even though he bears no relation or responsibility to any of the parties involved. If it were me I'd get a divorce and take the loss. Unless you want a lifetime of this nonsense.

[bendix]

[

Ive also worked out the gulf between me and Bill Gates is huge, he earns more, in one day than I will in a lifetime, is it OK if I steal off him?

If you're buying your software at Pantip Plaza, you probably already are stealing from him.

And that's just the point. While her intentions were not good, there is not much harm done is there. She's learnt her lesson. Have a heart.

I'd hazard a guess and say that all of us have stolen at one time or another, even if it's in the form of buying a 100 baht DVD on Sukhumvit Road.

Where, morally, is the difference (apart from the fact that we have much more education than the girl does, and probably don't need to steal because we could afford to pay full price)?

Edited January 17, 2007 by bendix

[terry57]

i think if it was an adult it would be heaps worse but because the girl was only sixteen we should cut her some slack.

young people sometimes make very bad decisions and thats why in the western world they are dealt lightly with by the courts.

in aussie she would get a good behaviour bond and thats it.

if we go hard on young people there would be thousands in the jails.

im not being soft on this girl but being a bit leanient as she did not kill some one.

[Bananaman]

Oops!

My wife has just ask to borrow the compensation money from me!!!

What's the politeness answer that I can give?

Simon

Stick to your guns Simon, yeah all hel_l might break loose between you and the missus but there is a firm principle at stake here and I personally would feel that in allowing myself to be compromised on this issue, would leave me vulnerable to further compromisations. If you just swallow it and cough up in order to keep the peace, what happens when the next principle of yours is brought into question? This situation sucks and your refusal to fund this payout to the thief would seem to be the only action that might cause the family to question the legitimacy of their handling of the situation.

[bendix]

i think if it was an adult it would be heaps worse but because the girl was only sixteen we should cut her some slack.

young people sometimes make very bad decisions and thats why in the western world they are dealt lightly with by the courts.

in aussie she would get a good behaviour bond and thats it.

if we go hard on young people there would be thousands in the jails.

im not being soft on this girl but being a bit leanient as she did not kill some one.

Couldn't agree more.

[lannarebirth]

[

Ive also worked out the gulf between me and Bill Gates is huge, he earns more, in one day than I will in a lifetime, is it OK if I steal off him?

If you're buying your software at Pantip Plaza, you probably already are stealing from him.

And that's just the point. While her intentions were not good, there is not much harm done is there. She's learnt her lesson. Have a heart.

I'd hazard a guess and say that all of us have stolen at one time or another, even if it's in the form of buying a 100 baht DVD on Sukhumvit Road.

Where, morally, is the difference (apart from the fact that we have much more education than the girl does, and probably don't need to steal because we could afford to pay full price)?

I don't think anyone wants to hang this girl out. We've all made mistakes and know how to forgive. I think the sticking point for myself and others is the fact that she will be compensated for her criminality, and the OP, who didn't do anything to anyone, is being asked to foot the bill.

[simon43]

If I refuse to pay up, you then get the ludicrous situation of my wife's family losing face because they have agreed to pay 30,000 baht and then are not able to show the money........

Jeez, maybe I should become a monk . .

Simon

[terry57]

Oops!

My wife has just ask to borrow the compensation money from me!!!

What's the politeness answer that I can give?

Simon

your in between a rock and a hard place mate, as she's your wife and things like this can cause lots of problems especially when she knows you can afford it.

say no and see what happenns.

glad its you and not me.

I know TIT but the idea of compensation is to repay someone for damages you caused. Not pay them for damage they created themselves. I guess the logic is if the farang hadn't brought all those tempting travelers cheques non of this would have ever happen. Looks like Simon being part of the farang camp gets to be the one who pays even though he bears no relation or responsibility to any of the parties involved. If it were me I'd get a divorce and take the loss. Unless you want a lifetime of this nonsense.

well mate, i agree with you entirely and this is the things us farangs must deal with in los if you marry.

it makes no sense at all to us but the thais look upon things very differently and this is where the big problems start.

im a firm believer that if you want to play the marrage game in los you must be prepared to play under thai rules.

to not do so will dam you with a life of misery and you will end up insane.

easy way is to not get married and then you dictate your own rules.

very easy.

[bendix]

I think the sticking point for myself and others is the fact that she will be compensated for her criminality, and the OP, who didn't do anything to anyone, is being asked to foot the bill.

On the first point, yes I agree it's counter-intuitive to our western way of thinking. Perhaps the real villains of the piece are the wife's family who maybe came up with the idea because they knew the OP would be tapped up for the compensation . . . .

On the second point, the entire situation can be remedied by the OP by just refusing to pay.

No financial loss to him. No compensation to the girl.

Simple, innit?

[lannarebirth]

If I refuse to pay up, you then get the ludicrous situation of my wife's family losing face because they have agreed to pay 30,000 baht and then are not able to show the money........

Jeez, maybe I should become a monk . .

Simon

Let them lose face. You save your money and they will think twice before offering others your money in the future.

[wasabi]

Oops!

My wife has just ask to borrow the compensation money from me!!!

What's the politeness answer that I can give?

Simon

your in between a rock and a hard place mate, as she's your wife and things like this can cause lots of problems especially when she knows you can afford it.

say no and see what happenns.

glad its you and not me.

I know TIT but the idea of compensation is to repay someone for damages you caused. Not pay them for damage they created themselves. I guess the logic is if the farang hadn't brought all those tempting travelers cheques non of this would have ever happen. Looks like Simon being part of the farang camp gets to be the one who pays even though he bears no relation or responsibility to any of the parties involved. If it were me I'd get a divorce and take the loss. Unless you want a lifetime of this nonsense.

well mate, i agree with you entirely and this is the things us farangs must deal with in los if you marry.

it makes no sense at all to us but the thais look upon things very differently and this is where the big problems start.

im a firm believer that if you want to play the marrage game in los you must be prepared to play under thai rules.

to not do so will dam you with a life of misery and you will end up insane.

easy way is to not get married and then you dictate your own rules.

very easy.

I'm not saying I don't have compassion for the girl who stole or that she is an evil person. My belief is she should not be rewarded in anyway. Turning the other cheek is one thing, lining a thieves pockets is another. What's happening here is a complex interweaving of cultures, the idea of face and the concept farangs should always pay makes it an easy fix in your relatives minds.

The suggestion for divorce was too harsh though I wasn't joking about the fact this is probably just the beginning of such foolishness and frustration. I was married to a Thai women and little Thai logic detours like this was a key inspiration in our separation. I still deeply love Thailand and Thai people but I never want to be in a position where I'm financially responsible or burdened to someone who thinks the farang foots all bills again. I've gotten very good at saying no for the more outrageous claims like this (I don't worry about chump change like being overcharged for Som Tam) and have dealt with many tantrums as a result, but being unhitched I always have the option to walk away.

Edited January 17, 2007 by wasabi

[bkkmadness]

If I refuse to pay up, you then get the ludicrous situation of my wife's family losing face because they have agreed to pay 30,000 baht and then are not able to show the money........

Jeez, maybe I should become a monk . .

Simon

The family makes promises to make payments to people with your cash without your prior knowledge? Bit of an ongoing robbery it seems.

Either give them an ATM card or don't pay the money and let them lose face. Maybe they'll learn a lesson from it.

To be honest I'd be worrying exactly where the compensation money is going, all seems a little odd to me.

[terry57]

If I refuse to pay up, you then get the ludicrous situation of my wife's family losing face because they have agreed to pay 30,000 baht and then are not able to show the money........

Jeez, maybe I should become a monk . .

Simon

can you not strike a deal with the family where you pay the money and the family pay you back over a few years.

its only 30,000 baht, they pay a bit each week, problem solved and you get massive face for saving the day.

could be well worth it mate and look apon it as an investment in your future with your family.

also your wife would be well happy with you for being a very understanding farang.

id hate to pay the money but i think that i would do it if i looked upon it this way.

think about it mate as it could be very beneficial to you.

[Jet Gorgon]

[

Ive also worked out the gulf between me and Bill Gates is huge, he earns more, in one day than I will in a lifetime, is it OK if I steal off him?

If you're buying your software at Pantip Plaza, you probably already are stealing from him.

And that's just the point. While her intentions were not good, there is not much harm done is there. She's learnt her lesson. Have a heart.

I'd hazard a guess and say that all of us have stolen at one time or another, even if it's in the form of buying a 100 baht DVD on Sukhumvit Road.

Where, morally, is the difference (apart from the fact that we have much more education than the girl does, and probably don't need to steal because we could afford to pay full price)?

Bendix, could you maybe go and fix the UN, the Iraq war, Sudan and Burma travesties, and be on high alert help for anything crazy that happens on earth? For sure, honestly, the world needs your acumen.

[bendix]

Bendix, could you maybe go and fix the UN, the Iraq war, Sudan and Burma travesties, and be on high alert help for anything crazy that happens on earth? For sure, honestly, the world needs your acumen.

Sarcasm may be the lowest form of wit, but it's surely the funniest

[In the Rai!]

Give them nothing Simon. All you are doing by giving them compensation is condolling the act of robbery.

It doesnt make sense.

[lannarebirth]

I think those people who would claim this is an Asian remedy versus a Western remedy miss the point. Any behavior which is rewarded will result in more of that type of behavior. That is a universal truism.

Edited January 17, 2007 by lannarebirth

[COBBER]

Nothing personal here towards the OP but this story just typifies the Esarn, all Farang are cash cows, Money trees, filthy rich and ripe for the picking mentality.

If the sister offered compensation . Let her pay it or loose face. In some ways in principle this thinking that it's ok ,the farang will just pay is just as bad as the initial theft.

[backflip]

Simon,

You, your wife, and the rest of us know that the money you provide will be considered a gift, not a loan, and it's your loss. You're a big boy, you're married to part of the problem, and it's yours to handle.

[Neeranam]

Oops!

My wife has just ask to borrow the compensation money from me!!!

What's the politeness answer that I can give?

Simon

Unbelievable. Will you ever understand?

[markuk]

If I refuse to pay up, you then get the ludicrous situation of my wife's family losing face because they have agreed to pay 30,000 baht and then are not able to show the money........

Jeez, maybe I should become a monk . .

Simon

Simon has it increased by 10k today or have you started a "what if" thread?

[TRIPxCORE]

Oops!

My wife has just ask to borrow the compensation money from me!!!

What's the politeness answer that I can give?

Simon

Stick to your guns Simon, yeah all hel_l might break loose between you and the missus but there is a firm principle at stake here and I personally would feel that in allowing myself to be compromised on this issue, would leave me vulnerable to further compromisations. If you just swallow it and cough up in order to keep the peace, what happens when the next principle of yours is brought into question? This situation sucks and your refusal to fund this payout to the thief would seem to be the only action that might cause the family to question the legitimacy of their handling of the situation.

Good answer. I would say, "Let me think about it for a second...............no."

I would not give in on this one either. The Thai family had no business promising money to someone they didn't have in the first place. Assuming that you were going to pay it makes them look like a bunch of asses.

On a related note, my wife wanted me to give her money so she could buy land in Issan. She already owes money to her sister for land that she had previously bought and then more land came up for sale that she wanted to buy again. As I know dry, arid Issan land to be a very bad investment, I told her I would not give her the money. It caused many battles and to this day she resents the fact that I won't give it to her but sometimes you just have to stand your ground.

[TRIPxCORE]

This topic peaked my interest enough to ask my wife about it. From the facts that were given, my wife said it sounds like what the family is doing is promising the young girl the dowry should would have received had she married the young man. Even in circumstances such as these, if you promise to marry someone and you call it off, you still have to pay the dowry to the lady. Even if she stole something. The only way out of paying the dowry is if the lady herself wants to abort the marriage.

[simon43]

Yep, I meant 20k, not 30k. The other 10k is the 1 baht of gold. Happily, I have no gold rings that can be prised off my fingers

Simon

[TizMe]

Not only does the 16 year old need to learn a lesson by not being compensated for being a thief.

Your Mrs' family need to learn a lesson that they cannot just write cheques and expect you to cash them.

[terry57]

theres another way to look at it.

you strike a deal to pay the money as long as it is payed back.

if they dont agree to pay back the money you dont cough with the money.

once they agree to pay you the money you are never again obliged to give them money until the debt is repayed.

you could look apon it as a 30,000 baht insurance policy against your wifes family.

fairly cheap insurance mate and you can make this situation work for you.